Inviting people to stuff....my pet peeves....

[ckay87]

So I like to get out there and do stuff. With different people - girlfriends, couples, extended family, DH, kids, whatever. Here are my 2 biggest pet peeves with regards to responses to invitations:

1. Do not act like YOU are doing me a favor by attending. Certainly I will enjoy your company if you chose to come, but mark my words....if you don't want to be there, I do not want you there. When people respond to an invitation with "oh, I don't know, it's so difficult, but I will try to come, I really will, let me see if I can move mountains, I'm sorry, don't be mad at me, etc, etc" I always think "gee wiz, I think I'll survive even if you don't show up"

2. This one makes me insane. If I invite you to something weeks, maybe even months in advance don't reply with "oh that's too far out for me to make plans" because I'm just smarter than that. Planning something that far in advance is the perfect time to make plans because your calendar is actually open. So just go ahead and say "I'll come as long as nothing better comes up in the meantime" because that is exactly what you mean. Every single time.

That's all. Am I the only one irked by this stuff?

 

[krcit]

I'm with you. I have an ex family member who used to be all "oh yea, sounds great. Can't wait!!" when you asked her to do something and then she would turn around and tell someone else how much she didn't want to go. grow up!!! If you don't want to go somewhere then just decline. I can take it!!

 

[stsomewhere]

My sister does this.

 

[tlbwriter]

2. This one makes me insane. If I invite you to something weeks, maybe even months in advance don't reply with "oh that's too far out for me to make plans" because I'm just smarter than that. Planning something that far in advance is the perfect time to make plans because your calendar is actually open. So just go ahead and say "I'll come as long as nothing better comes up in the meantime" because that is exactly what you mean. Every single time.

Well, I guess this one CAN be legitimate when people have irregular work schedules. Or other things can come up too - we recently had to reschedule a get-together with friends because one of DD's extracurricular activities announced an event for the same night. But yeah, a lot of the time it does sound like "I'm going to see if something better comes up."

 

[design_mom]

Ugh. Those things are annoying.

I am a planner and my DH's family is not. I often get "it's too early to plan" from them -- and sometimes it's the same day! If you call in the morning to ask them to do something in the evening, they'll need to get back to you later in the afternoon.

I do understand this one:

I have an ex family member who used to be all "oh yea, sounds great. Can't wait!!" when you asked her to do something and then she would turn around and tell someone else how much she didn't want to go.

I like doing things, but somehow breaking out of my routine stresses me out. I will enjoy the event once I'm there but I don't look forward to going, if you know what I mean. For instance, I'm going to a hockey game with my cousin next Monday.

I like my cousin. I like hockey games. I was thrilled when she invited me. I know I'll have fun when we're there but, right now, I don't want to go. I keep thinking about my full day of work, and I'll be missing DD's dance class (DH will take her, so no big deal, but...) and I've got a ton of stuff to do, etc. Once I go, I'll be fine.. but *right now* I don't want to go. I would feel terrible if that ever got back to my cousin though.

 

[AKL_Megs]

That IS rude, the whole, "It's too soon for me to make plans," garbage. I'd say, "Okay," and hope and pray that nothing "better" came along for them.

You know I just HAVE to add that the only thing that bothers me is when I invite people over, and they actually use my decorative towels!

 

[tlbwriter]

You know I just HAVE to add that the only thing that bothers me is when I invite people over, and they actually use my decorative towels!

And I hate it when I go to someone's house and the ONLY option is a decorative towel!

 

[LiberalPrincess]

And I hate it when I go to someone's house and the ONLY option is a decorative towel!

And how is a visitor supposed to know the difference? Unless there is a sign saying "decorative towels", I am at a loss!

 

[Kat77]

And how is a visitor supposed to know the difference? Unless there is a sign saying "decorative towels", I am at a loss!

The decorative ones are usually intriquately folded displays. If something has stiching or fringe assume it is part of the decor and look for something plain to use.

 

[WDSearcher]

The decorative ones are usually intriquately folded displays. If something has stiching or fringe assume it is part of the decor and look for something plain to use.

Sorry, but if you put the towels in the bathroom, I'm going to use them. You don't want to get them dirty, take them away when you have guests and put usable towels there. I hate having to decide if I'm "allowed" to use the towel that's there!

 

[lovemygoofy]

So I like to get out there and do stuff. With different people - girlfriends, couples, extended family, DH, kids, whatever. Here are my 2 biggest pet peeves with regards to responses to invitations:

1. Do not act like YOU are doing me a favor by attending. Certainly I will enjoy your company if you chose to come, but mark my words....if you don't want to be there, I do not want you there. When people respond to an invitation with "oh, I don't know, it's so difficult, but I will try to come, I really will, let me see if I can move mountains, I'm sorry, don't be mad at me, etc, etc" I always think "gee wiz, I think I'll survive even if you don't show up"

2. This one makes me insane. If I invite you to something weeks, maybe even months in advance don't reply with "oh that's too far out for me to make plans" because I'm just smarter than that. Planning something that far in advance is the perfect time to make plans because your calendar is actually open. So just go ahead and say "I'll come as long as nothing better comes up in the meantime" because that is exactly what you mean. Every single time.

That's all. Am I the only one irked by this stuff?

I'm very guilty of #2. I tell everyone it is very tentative that I can make something until you've seen me and we did whatever it was. I can make plans for everyday of the week and I would guess that maybe 50% I can keep 3 of the plans. My day changes every hour sometimes.

I try hard to rearrange my calendar for special plans, especially when I've bought tickets for something but between my schedule and my husband's it takes a miracle for us to do something special. Tickets went on sale for Bon Jovi in Feb. I would LOVE to go but I didn't even think about buying the tickets because that far out, I wouldn't even know if either one of us would be in this country sad as that is.

 

[Kat77]

Um ok. I was answering the question, not really a peave for me. I use the nice hand towel if it is the only option but for bathing I'd personally want something more substantial than the decor offers and ask my host where they keep the bath towels .

 

[DebD4T]

I do understand this one:


I like doing things, but somehow breaking out of my routine stresses me out. I will enjoy the event once I'm there but I don't look forward to going, if you know what I mean. For instance, I'm going to a hockey game with my cousin next Monday.

I like my cousin. I like hockey games. I was thrilled when she invited me. I know I'll have fun when we're there but, right now, I don't want to go. I keep thinking about my full day of work, and I'll be missing DD's dance class (DH will take her, so no big deal, but...) and I've got a ton of stuff to do, etc. Once I go, I'll be fine.. but *right now* I don't want to go. I would feel terrible if that ever got back to my cousin though.

Hey!! Me too!! Glad to know I am not the only one who feels like that!!

 

[WDSearcher]

Um ok. I was answering the question, not really a peave for me. I use the nice hand towel if it is the only option but for bathing I'd personally want something more substantial than the decor offers and ask my host where they keep the bath towels .

I wasn't really commenting to YOU (as in "you, Kat77"). It was just a general "you".

 

[rodeo65]

Sorry, but if you put the towels in the bathroom, I'm going to use them. You don't want to get them dirty, take them away when you have guests and put usable towels there. I hate having to decide if I'm "allowed" to use the towel that's there!

See, now towels are just an issue for me, period. I think I'm becoming phobic as I age. This is why I put out decorative, disposable towels. If I go to someone's house I don't want to use their decorative towels, but I also don't want to use their family towels - ew. We always have a big Christmas party and I have a little towel tray specifically for the throw away decorative paper towels.

I agree with ckay87 about the whole big favour bit as well as advance planning. Which goes along with my general peeve about RSVP etiquette and lack of social manners overall these days.

I used to invite to our Christmas party about a month in advance so people could see if there was a conflict. It never mattered how far in advance I sent them, whether or not they had an RSVP by date or any other thing. People just do not bother these days. They either aren't coming and can't be bothered to let you know, or they are coming and they can't be bothered to let you know.

It bugs me so much, that and the fact that I seem to be the ONLY person in my family or circle of freinds that entertains like that, that we are not having the party this year. We're going to FL and then Disney in the New Year instead. My excuse this year is that we just moved this summer and have an unfurnished living room, so maybe next year. Hmmm, kinda off topic aren't I? Sorry.

 

[dismom2]

So I like to get out there and do stuff. With different people - girlfriends, couples, extended family, DH, kids, whatever. Here are my 2 biggest pet peeves with regards to responses to invitations:

1. Do not act like YOU are doing me a favor by attending. Certainly I will enjoy your company if you chose to come, but mark my words....if you don't want to be there, I do not want you there. When people respond to an invitation with "oh, I don't know, it's so difficult, but I will try to come, I really will, let me see if I can move mountains, I'm sorry, don't be mad at me, etc, etc" I always think "gee wiz, I think I'll survive even if you don't show up"

2. This one makes me insane. If I invite you to something weeks, maybe even months in advance don't reply with "oh that's too far out for me to make plans" because I'm just smarter than that. Planning something that far in advance is the perfect time to make plans because your calendar is actually open. So just go ahead and say "I'll come as long as nothing better comes up in the meantime" because that is exactly what you mean. Every single time. That's all. Am I the only one irked by this stuff?

Sometimes it is hard to make plans far out. When you have kids--especially when they are involved in many things-- sometimes you don't get much notice for things/events. While some things aren't extremely important, or DH will be able to take the kid(s) or attend 'whatever', there are some things I am obligated to do or be there for. Same with work---DH and I have crazy work schedules at times, and we don't know our schedules too far out many times. Many times, we have little to no notice. It can't be helped, and we feel badly if we have to miss something else because of it.

I do agree that it's rude to just break plans, or not make any, if you are just waiting to see if something better comes along, though. That's not very nice.

 

[MIGrandma]

And another pet peeve concerning inviting someone to go somewhere...

If I invite someone to go somewhere I don't appreciate that person inviting someone else to go. DH and I invited another couple (years ago) to attend a live play, they came, we had a great time and decided to make it a "standing date" for any of the local playhouse plays we wanted to attend. We went to several of them, as a foursome, then she started inviting others to go along. Eventually we opted out. We enjoyed being with them, but not everyone else that she invited. I felt she should have asked me first if it was okay, since I had done the original asking. She was in favor of "the more, the merrier" and I was not.

 

[ckay87]

And another pet peeve concerning inviting someone to go somewhere...

If I invite someone to go somewhere I don't appreciate that person inviting someone else to go. DH and I invited another couple (years ago) to attend a live play, they came, we had a great time and decided to make it a "standing date" for any of the local playhouse plays we wanted to attend. We went to several of them, as a foursome, then she started inviting others to go along. Eventually we opted out. We enjoyed being with them, but not everyone else that she invited. I felt she should have asked me first if it was okay, since I had done the original asking. She was in favor of "the more, the merrier" and I was not.

Oh yea, kind of like my favorite "girls night out" girlfriend who found the love of her life and now can't leave home without him. So now our occasional girls nights out are either me-the-3rd-wheel nights out OR couple's-night-out which just isn't the same.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sometimes it is hard to make plans far out. When you have kids--especially when they are involved in many things-- sometimes you don't get much notice for things/events. While some things aren't extremely important, or DH will be able to take the kid(s) or attend 'whatever', there are some things I am obligated to do or be there for. Same with work---DH and I have crazy work schedules at times, and we don't know our schedules too far out many times. Many times, we have little to no notice. It can't be helped, and we feel badly if we have to miss something else because of it.

I do agree that it's rude to just break plans, or not make any, if you are just waiting to see if something better comes along, though. That's not very nice.

We were invited to a 50th birthday party, and got the invitation weeks ago. It's an hour away, adults only. So far, the calendar is free. However, dd14 is involved in 2 musical productions, where the directors are known for calling last minute rehearsals. And she's my babysitter, and the rehearsals for one of them is out of town. I'll wait until as close to the RSVP date as possible, because I hate to say yes, and then have to decline.

 

[tlbwriter]

We were invited to a 50th birthday party, and got the invitation weeks ago. It's an hour away, adults only. So far, the calendar is free. However, dd14 is involved in 2 musical productions, where the directors are known for calling last minute rehearsals. And she's my babysitter, and the rehearsals for one of them is out of town. I'll wait until as close to the RSVP date as possible, because I hate to say yes, and then have to decline.

When I'm in a situation like that, I say something like "I do plan on coming, but there's a chance something may come up that I can't get out of."