Inviting my in-laws - where to put them?

[MomOTwins]

We've booked a cruise in May as a family of 5 in a family oceanview room on deck 8. My MIL recently completed her chemo treatments and is doing well, so we decided to invite them on the cruise, at our expense. Given our family size and the approaching PIF date, there is not a lot of room choice left for us, but there is a lot of choice left for their party of 2. We decided to invite my in-laws and I'm torn on how to choose a room. I should say up front, I know it would be cheaper to get two smaller rooms and book one of the kids in their room but we are not willing to impose on them that way--they are private people and I know they would prefer their own room, plus, our kids are a total handful. I also should say I know the obvious answer is "ask them" but I know they would feel awkward and just say to get the least expensive option since we are paying. So I thought I'd pose the question, if you were in their shoes, which of the below options would you prefer?

Option 1: connecting room. I like the idea of a connecting room because it would be easy to coordinate on going to things together, and it gives them exact same room type as us so it is "fair" in that way. I also kind of selfishly like because they might be willing to babysit our kids one night via keeping the connecting door open so DH and I can go out in the evening together after their early bedtime. But is that too close and not respectful enough of their privacy?

Option 2: nearby verandah room. There are verandah rooms available about 10 doors down from ours for about $100 more than the family oceanview. They'd be a bit further away but still reachable. The room would be smaller than the family oceanview, but would have a verandah, so I'm not sure which is generally more preferable (I don't really view verandahs as an upgrade personally--which is why I booked us oceanview--but they are more expensive which suggests others do like them better).

Option 3: inside room right across from us. There is an inside room right across the hallway from us for about $400 less than the other two options. I like that they'd be right there so we can more easily leave together for activities, but the inside room would definitely be smaller and I wouldn't want them to feel slighted. On the other hand, being just two people, maybe an inside room wouldn't feel cramped, and it is on the Dream so has those magic porthole things.

 

[spiders]

So, I would say Option 1.

However, I also personally feel that giving them a free vacation and then telling them that one of their own grandchildren may stay in their room is not imposing. It's their own grandchildren and they are joining you for free on your family vacation which includes the grandchildren. If they don't want to put up with the kids then don't join the family vacation.

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I'll also add that if you would ever like to pay my fare to join you on any future cruise, feel free to private message me. I will accept all categories of staterooms. Thank you.

 

[AgentMama]

Have they cruised before? If so, what type of room did they stay in?

 

[randumb0]

I agree with @spiders go with Option 1.

 

[TheBigErn]

That headline is a loaded question

 

[cedricandsophie]

I’d get the connection room so you would all feel like you were traveling together as a family. And yes also that they could keep the door open and an eye on the kids when you want to go out. I’m a grandma and would never feel like you were imposing especially since you’re paying. I hate inside rooms and won’t stay in one. Especially after chemo she needs light!
We are always the ones paying for our kids and grandkids so I don’t even know what that feels like. We used to get them inside rooms but have started getting everyone ocean view.

 

[Mommb]

Any of these options would be a reasonable choice. I agree that you should keep the room large enough for your family and not mandate that a child share a room with the grandparents. Any cabin for your in-laws will have at least one bed in case they do want to host a grandchild. Placing one child with them "on paper" even if the child sleeps with you might save a few dollars if they're in an inside room, but probably not enough to make up for the need to switch room keys on check-in day. It won't be a savings in an Oceanview or Veranda room.

I don't think a connecting room would impose too much on anyone's privacy, since both parties would need to open the connecting door to have it open. You are correct that using that option would be most conducive to babysitting, especially if one or two of the kids might want/need to go to sleep before the other(s).

The veranda room should be ample space for just 2 people. The main difference from a "family" room is the space for the dropdown bed, which they would not need. Many people find it relaxing to sit out on the veranda, which is why those rooms are typically more expensive. That would be my choice, but it may not be theirs.

An inside room across from you doesn't give much more privacy than a room next to you (given that you'd still be aware of comings and goings). I'm not sure it's much less inside space, but it may feel more cramped without the natural light. (I've never had an inside stateroom, though, so maybe it's not that noticeably different.)

If you have reason to believe your in-laws would like sitting on the veranda, I'd do with a veranda room. Otherwise, putting them in a room next to you would be my vote.

 

[SG131]

Maybe ask them but only give them options 1 and 2 so they can't pick the cheapest. I wouldn't do the inside room unless there were no other options available. My mother greatly prefers a verandah room, but its wasted on me. However, she would choose the adjoining room hands down. But, she isn't worried about privacy.

 

[CM Dad]

I don't know if your family or your inlaws have cruised before,but if you have and they havent you might want to book a kid in their room so that they get the same Castaway benefits and you could book things starting the same day. Make sure that the reservations are linked. Just because one kid is booked in their room doesnt mean they have to sleep there. Your child would be assigned to the same muster station as the grandparents, and you would need to have them fill in a form letting you take them off the ship.

 

[brianvdb]

The verandah would give them a little bit of space to have some quiet alone time, while still being close enough to enjoy your company. For the small difference in cost, I think it would be a welcome upgrade.

An inside room across the hall would be my second choice for the same reasons. Maybe you can use the cost savings to cover their gratuities, flight, or an excursion?

I think connecting rooms, especially given that the kids are a “handful” might be a little overwhelming, especially for multiple days at a time, especially if it is their first cruise. Sometimes it’s nice to have your own space.

Your offer to pay for the cruise is a generous one, so I don’t think you’ll go wrong with any of the three options.

 

[Rob1872]

Since you are not in a verandah, I don't think that there is any perception of putting them in a lower class room by not providing a verandah for them. Since you are treating them, I'd approach it from the perspective of, "Great news, the inside cabin across from us is available so we all can be close!"
A connecting family OV is a lot of space for 2 people; I would only do that if you had discussed the idea of having them watch the kids for 'date night' ahead of time. (We did a connecting room with my parents at WDW once and had a lovely date night back at Magic Kingdom while my parents kept an eye on our kids, so I fully understand and agree with the extra cost IF they know up front that there is an expectation of some grandparent babysitting.)

 

[jdb in AZ]

We had connecting rooms with DD and her young family at WDW. The kids said the connecting door was their secret passageway. Nothing secret about it, and they were constantly running into our room. We really needed more privacy. It's o.k. to have the in-laws a little farther way from you.

Also, an inside room would give me claustrophobia. If your DMIL needs some down time, somewhere to decompress, a verandah would give her somewhere to go for privacy with a view.

 

[Nan 66]

I would go with the verandah room.A little privacy would be welcome for all of you.

 

[FigmentSpark]

If you have a connecting verandah room, you can open the verandah wall and be able to enjoy that space together. It's really a half wall, so there's still a bit of privacy if they like their coffee in their PJs in the morning.

Also, they can keep their connecting door closed and you keep yours open if you want to give them freedom to connect or not. It is a nice feature, as long as they don't feel obligated to keep it open for your sake.

As someone else said, your kids will be charged the same whether they are in your room or theirs (as a 3rd or 5th member), but if they are a different Castaway level than you, it might be better to book one person into their room even if they aren't sleeping there. That way, you can book all the reservations and do the check-in at the same time, rather than wait until their slot opens up and possibly miss a booking. But this is really the only reason to move someone into their room. Don't forget, if it's one of the kids (and it could be you or your DH), you'll have to have them sign the paperwork to give you responsibility for your kids leaving the ship. Also, if there are any emergencies and the Muster stations are different, that person must go with them, not you. And be sure to put your CC/payment method on that person's account so the tips and spending will be charged to you, not your DMIL & DFIL.

 

[MomOTwins]

Wow, I was not expecting so many helpful replies already. Thanks everyone! I'll keep watching but this definitely gives me a lot to think about.

I don't know if your family or your inlaws have cruised before, but if you have and they havent you might want to book a kid in their room so that they get the same Castaway benefits and you could book things starting the same day.

I totally didn't think about that. We're only silver though, and are planning to stay on the ship and not book excursions
, so will probably be fine having different CC levels. I definitely will be linking the rooms so we can sit together at dinner. But I guess we wouldn't be able to book a brunch (if available) for all four of us if they have a different level--is that right?

I think connecting rooms, especially given that the kids are a “handful” might be a little overwhelming, especially for multiple days at a time, especially if it is their first cruise. Sometimes it’s nice to have your own space.

That's been my big worry. I want them to be able to relax on the trip, which they've earned after a rough year. But I also don't want them to feel isolated, and want to make sure we can easily coordinate on things like going to breakfast, dinner, and the pools together.

Maybe ask them but only give them options 1 and 2 so they can't pick the cheapest. I wouldn't do the inside room unless there were no other options available. My mother greatly prefers a verandah room, but its wasted on me. However, she would choose the adjoining room hands down. But, she isn't worried about privacy.

I actually like this idea a lot and can't think why it didn't occur to me. I might even just tell them it is the same price (since it basically is) so they would feel free to choose between them.

 

[CM Dad]

totally didn't think about that. We're only silver though, and are planning to stay on the ship and not book excursions
, so will probably be fine having different CC levels. I definitely will be linking the rooms so we can sit together at dinner. But I guess we wouldn't be able to book a brunch (if available) for all four of us if they have a different level--is that right?

If you book a kid in their room, you would be get the Castaway Club gifts in both rooms, not just yours. Also could check in and get the same Port Arrival Time (PAT) at the same time. You could also book brunch for the 4 of you at the silver check in time

 

[pezgirlroy]

We cruise with my parents. We have them in a connecting room. We do this so that they can babysit. Last year on the cruise we would put the kids to bed at around 9 and my parents were completely content for being if for the night. So they would open the connecting door and be in their room reading or what not. Then they would go to sleep when they wanted. We then could go 'out' each night. We did a number of tastings at night; just spent time together; went to the adult activities. We then would go back to the room and close the connecting door. We were able to do that every night. We are doing the same on our upcoming cruise in April.

 

[vegs1]

First of all, what a wonderful daughter-in-law and son you are to invite them along. How wonderful that your mother-in-law is doing well, also. What a scary thing to go through.

As a Mom who has travelled with children and in-laws, I would suggest booking the connecting cabin. Not knowing the relationship between grandkids and grandparents, it’s difficult to offer suggestions. However, I think it’s a great overall fit. They can close the door if they need privacy or open it when you wish to go out and they are babysitting. We had that arrangement and loved it.
If I have to be connected to someone, I’d rather it be family.

Why not come up with a plan. Decide ahead which evenings they would babysit, which nights are their’s to enjoy freely on their own and suggest some days keeping the door closed altogether to allow privacy or at least some hours like a nap in the afternoon or a few hours in the morning.

I would love for my grandchildren to have free range of my room but that is me personally. I also feel that you want to establish ahead of time that you don’t need to be tied at the hip. If you plan a bit ahead, you can alleviate a lot of headaches.

Your mother-in-law may be quite tired both emotionally and physically so that’s something to keep in mind.

Again, kudos to you for your kindness and generosity. Your children have wonderful examples to follow in you.

 

[TreeFalls]

We are traveling with my parents, and my mom's number one request was a verandah. For recently completed chemo + someone who likes privacy, it seems like a good fit. This is generous and thoughtful of you, I hope you have a great trip!

 

[disneyholic family]

We've booked a cruise in May as a family of 5 in a family oceanview room on deck 8. My MIL recently completed her chemo treatments and is doing well, so we decided to invite them on the cruise, at our expense. Given our family size and the approaching PIF date, there is not a lot of room choice left for us, but there is a lot of choice left for their party of 2. We decided to invite my in-laws and I'm torn on how to choose a room. I should say up front, I know it would be cheaper to get two smaller rooms and book one of the kids in their room but we are not willing to impose on them that way--they are private people and I know they would prefer their own room, plus, our kids are a total handful. I also should say I know the obvious answer is "ask them" but I know they would feel awkward and just say to get the least expensive option since we are paying. So I thought I'd pose the question, if you were in their shoes, which of the below options would you prefer?

Option 1: connecting room. I like the idea of a connecting room because it would be easy to coordinate on going to things together, and it gives them exact same room type as us so it is "fair" in that way. I also kind of selfishly like because they might be willing to babysit our kids one night via keeping the connecting door open so DH and I can go out in the evening together after their early bedtime. But is that too close and not respectful enough of their privacy?

Option 2: nearby verandah room. There are verandah rooms available about 10 doors down from ours for about $100 more than the family oceanview. They'd be a bit further away but still reachable. The room would be smaller than the family oceanview, but would have a verandah, so I'm not sure which is generally more preferable (I don't really view verandahs as an upgrade personally--which is why I booked us oceanview--but they are more expensive which suggests others do like them better).

Option 3: inside room right across from us. There is an inside room right across the hallway from us for about $400 less than the other two options. I like that they'd be right there so we can more easily leave together for activities, but the inside room would definitely be smaller and I wouldn't want them to feel slighted. On the other hand, being just two people, maybe an inside room wouldn't feel cramped, and it is on the Dream so has those magic porthole things.

i think you should go with Option 1.
I say this as a mother in law who has undergone chemo (and surgery and radiation).
In celebration of my completing treatment, we all went on a cruise together this past July (2019) on the Disney Magic.
My husband and i were in one room, together with our 5 year old grandson.
Next door to us were my son, daughter in law, 3 year old granddaughter and 1 year old granddaughter.
Down the hall was my daughter and son in law (they don't have kids).

Our rooms weren't connecting only because in that category on deck 2 they don't connect on the Disney Magic.

On our next cruise (which we're about to book as soon as the itineraries come out), it will be all 5 of them in a family oceanview room, with my husband and me in a connecting room next door.
And my daughter somewhere down the hall midship (she has to be midship).
We'll book a connecting room so that we can babysit and also so the kids can go back and forth if they want (we live 2 blocks away from them and they're used to hanging out with us a lot).

anyway, i think option 1 is the most convenient for everyone.
if it's too close, you can close the door.,
And when they want to babysit, they can be in their own room with the door open while the kids sleep in your room.

.