Inviting guests, avoiding hurt feelings

[FreeTime]

DH and I are thinking about inviting several family members / friends with us in 2006. We have had family go with us several times and had no complaints about who we invited. However, with the possible trip we would be inviting some family that has went before and excluding others. How do we avoid hurt feelings? I don't want to make up something along the lines that we could only invite so many, maybe next time (because we really do not want to invite these certain relatives again!).
Help!

 

[WOW]

Well lots of luck!!!!! I have found that once people come, they have this thing where they think they can always come whenever we go????? And even if we don't invite them, they sort of invite themselves........Then that puts us on the spot.....there have been times when we have had to tell white lies in order not to have them come!!! I hate doing that, but I couldn't find another way around it. I have a situation like that right now. Our family (DH,DS, DD and ME) we want only us to be together (adult children, not married) so that we can have our precious family time, and they are trying to horn in again. Unbelievable.....I have pretty much told them the truth, but they just don't get it.......This should be interesting to see how this pans out......Wish me luck!!!!!

 

[tjkraz]

I share the same sentiments as WOW.

My parents (mom and step-dad) have stayed with us on points twice. Even before our last trip (December '04) I had told mom that she was welcome to tag along on our upcoming May '05 trip if she didn't mind using the sofabed.

Hey, built-in babysitter...why not?!?!

Mom discussed it with step-dad and he apparently had no problems. She bought an AP during our December trip and will use it again in May.

Well, sure enough, about half-way through our December trip step-dad started making little comments about being excluded next time. He had no recollection (that he would acknowledge) of their discussion and his endorsement of mom tagging along.

We explained that the room for May was already booked (it was) and that we didn't have enough points for a 2B this time. I still don't get the impression that he fully understands.

The good news, in our case, is that mom KNOWS step-dad is wrong for acting that way. So at least the two of them aren't ganging up on us.

Even with regard to other relatives, just in discussing DVC we've had people look at us and say "so when are WE going?" And these are people with which we have NO intention of vacationing.

Not much you can do, I guess?

 

[goldilocks_63]

Good Luck.

I usually now just bite the bullet, and tell the family that we've invited that we need to know by such, and such, a date. And then if anyone else asks, say sorry, we've made our plans for this year, but we'd love to see them some other time like XMAS, weekend, or whatever, and then do try to set up another chance to get together.

That way they don't feel excluded. If they really press, then I sing the praises of DVC, that they should join, and then they could go whenever they want.

Goldi

 

[Deb & Bill]

Tell them 1-407-WDISNEY and let them make their own reservation.

 

[JodyTG]

Tell them 1-407-WDISNEY and let them make their own reservation.

Great answer, Deb! That's exactly what I would do.

 

[Beca]

It is a weird situation, isn't it? I will never forget when I first told one of my friends that we were buying DVC. I was jumping up and down!! She began to jump up and down, saying "This is sooo cool!! We can travel with you and stay in your room!!!!"

I stopped jumping and started looking at her like she had just slapped me in the face (which was about the truth). She has NEVER asked about that since...I guess she "got it".

I think it has something to do with "timeshares"....people say "timeshare" and others hear "big, free place....do you want to come?"



Beca

 

[ColoradoBelle1]

I wish I had more family to share with....but I do understand the problem.
How about this: well, we could only get a studio this year with a max 4 occupancy, but if you want to call Disney and see if they have any availability for non-DVC cash customers...perhaps we could chip in a little so we could all get a bigger place. How many of them would call? And when they were told the nightly cash price for a 2 bedroom or GV...maybe they would appreciate you a little more . Of course if you don't really want to vacation with them and they are quite rich....oops! but you can always say sorry you passed the deadline for cancelling your studio .

Good luck!
colorado belle

 

[CRSNDSNY]

DH and I are thinking about inviting several family members / friends with us in 2006. We have had family go with us several times and had no complaints about who we invited. However, with the possible trip we would be inviting some family that has went before and excluding others. How do we avoid hurt feelings? I don't want to make up something along the lines that we could only invite so many, maybe next time (because we really do not want to invite these certain relatives again!).
Help!

I know this may sound not-so-nice, but I do not mean to offend. If I thought I might hurt others' feelings by not inviting them, I wouldn't invite anyone at all. OR, I would tell everyone that we're going during such-and-such a time and tell them they are welcome to find their own accomodations.

 

[crisi]

Invite the people you want to invite. You owe the others no explaination on how you spend your time and who you spend your time with. Don't tell them, let the invitees know that you expect "hurt feelings" when they find out. If you are ever confronted say "we are sorry, we invited so and so because ....." and give the reason. There is a reason some people are on your A list....maybe they have kids the right age for your family, maybe its a favorite sister, maybe you all get along great, maybe its a family who would never be able to afford their own trip.

 

[OneMoreTry]

It looks like we'll be down at Xmas. I have 3 sibs. Counting my kids there are 16 cousins. (Average of 4 kids per family ranging from newborn to 18.)

We're gonna stay at OKW and will offer to keep a few extra cousins with us in a 2BR. My sister has a timeshare and she'll probably stay at hers -- not DVC -- and will keep some cousins there. My other sister will stay with a brother-in-law who lives in Orlando. And my brother will probably try to squeeze in between everyone.

I will make it clear that we have room for kids but not adults. We may host a meal and an afternoon at OKW. And we'll probably do one at my sister's condo. (I'm gonna try to convince her to try an exchange at OKW, but I don't think she'll want the hassle.)

My family doesn't usually have problems with such arrangements. Everyone is pretty self-reliant and not real "needy." I could see that being a problem with some of our friends though. Hence, we would never hint at a trip with them.

 

[Deb & Bill]

I know this may sound not-so-nice, but I do not mean to offend. If I thought I might hurt others' feelings by not inviting them, I wouldn't invite anyone at all. OR, I would tell everyone that we're going during such-and-such a time and tell them they are welcome to find their own accomodations.

If you want to invite someone you like and not invite someone you don't, you shouldn't have to offer excuses or not invite the ones you want. Maybe some people just have to be told why they are not being invited.

You could at least say "I didn't feel like you had a very good time the last time we went (if you invited them before)" or "Your interests didn't seem to be the same as ours. We get up early, do the parks and leave for a break. You always want to sleep in on a vacation. That won't work for our guests. But you are welcome to get your own reservation and maybe we can meet up occasionally."

 

[CapeCodFam]

I don't really see any difference between writing someone a check + inviting them along on points. Just because we don't pay by the trip, doesn't mean that it didn't cost us plenty.

My DW and I are living the life we do because of our good upbringing by our parents. That said, we can never truly repay them and paying for a few trips is the least we can do.

As far as friends and other family go: No good deed goes unpunished.

 

[DVCconvert]

In the end, I just end-up writing the checks. The 'good part' is that at least the family is in their own rooms!

 

[eileenfk]

I love reading these threads, it just really makes me appreciate my family.

- Eileen

 

[CarolMN]

I love reading these threads, it just really makes me appreciate my family.

- Eileen

Me, too!

 

[MagikMom]

While I do enjoy bringing family along with us, I enjoy spending time alone with my immediate family more. My DH, DD & DS need time to ourselves. Life is so busy these days that I cherish our Disney Vacations so we can spend time together! So even when we do bring family along, we stay in separate rooms (I'll get them a studio for example) and we only bring them for part of the trip to ensure that we spend time alone.

 

[CRSNDSNY]

So far after a handful of DVC trips, we've only twice invited my friend and her husband and two kids. We get a 2BR so we have our own space and do our own thing each day. There are a couple times where we have planned the Illuminations Cruise and a character breakfast or two, but for the most part we do our own thing. This arrangement works out nicely for everyone involved.

I also took my Mom on a Disney Cruise and a stay at BWV once. We had a nice time, but our ideas of 'doing Disney' are quite different. If we invited my Mom again, we'd make sure she came with her boyfriend and they had their own room.

My husband and I have our own way of doing things when we're on vacation and it works quite nicely. Throwing a foreign object into our mix is dangerous!!!

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks for your responses everyone! I actually have now changed my mind and decided that I will not invite anyone for quites some time. I always seem to have issues with invitees not understanding the consequences of cancelling. I am thinking that some are going to cancel on me in October and I have decided that I am not going to go through this again. Each trip that we invite someone I always panic when I think someone is going to cancel. Then I get upset when I have to change where I want to stay to make sure that we don't lose points and because rooms are never available where I am currently booked to suit my new needs. So from now on I have decided instead of inviting others we will just stay for 7 or 8 nights and enjoy our points ourselves! Selfish? Maybe, but I am tired or dealing with others. (And don't get me started on those that have been invited and are unappreciative!). I am going to start planning our trip for the summer of 2006 for the four of us. Hmmmmm....I've always wanted to stay in a GV. Maybe my own bedroom will be nice! I get the master though!

 

[SueOKW]

I agree with you on that.. great idea to not invite. I think it's in many people's nature that we want to share this great fortune with friends and family, but one must be cautious that expectations don't set in.

I too was very fortunate with part of my family. I've also been imposed upon by part of his family. 6 of 1 etc.... I've learned to have no fear of doing my own thing and to heck with all others, they can catch up if they like!

I'm pleased to hear you are going without worry this time. You will find it's much more fun in many ways!