Invited to a wedding but not attending. Send a gift?

[shmoogrrrl]

Brief background....

I used to be friendly with the parents of this girl, and through them have known her since she was about 6. They live halfway across the country from me and so I really only met this girl a handful of times in her life. I wasn't really close to the family, but I would see them when I visited the town they lived in. I haven't seen or talked to this family since 2000 due to just general life changes and that sort of thing.

Flash forward to January of this year and the mother and daughter both find me on Facebook. She was newly engaged and they wanted my address for a wedding invite. I was a little surprised since I haven't seen or spoken to this family in going on 10 years.

So the question.....

We can't go to the wedding because my daughter will be coming home from her first overnight GS camp that day, but to be honest, I wouldn't have been very likely to attend even if we didn't have a valid excuse. I just don't know these people anymore and find it a bit odd that we were invited in the first place. Incidently, they also invited one of my close friends who they only met twice because they visited our area and she was my roommate.

Should I still send a gift? My husband says absolutely not because we don't really know this family anymore and aren't likely to have a relationship with them later. He also seems to think that our invite was mainly a ploy for more gifts. I am inclined TO send a gift because I would think that you should send a gift when you are invited to a wedding, even if you can't attend. I was thinking of just getting them one of the crock pots that they registered for as it was MY favorite wedding gift (no really, I LOVE my crock pot!) when I got married, and calling it done. However, today I got a Facebook message from the girl reminding me where she registered and that the wedding was coming up. I am not 100% Facebook savvy so it might have been a blast post, but I only saw my name on it. I just found that odd.

Anyway, bite the bullet, send something not too fancy as a gift, or don't send a gift as my husband suggested and move on with life?

Did any of that make sense?

 

[redlight]

A gift isn't required if you don't attend. Given that you don't really know them now, I wouldn't send a gift.

 

[Disneyland1084]

However, today I got a Facebook message from the girl reminding me where she registered and that the wedding was coming up. I am not 100% Facebook savvy so it might have been a blast post, but I only saw my name on it. I just found that odd.

Oh wow, she really did that? That's so tacky. You just DON'T tell people where your registered unless asked. If I didn't know the people well, I wouldn't send a gift.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I was all ready to say send a token gift until we got to the Facebook part about saying where she is registered.

Send a card, no gift.

 

[Kimberle]

I would send a nice card w/ a handwritten note of "best wishes" for the future. No gift.

 

[onyx8]

I would send nothing more than a "no" on the RSVP card.

 

[rockydek]

I would send the rsvp back asap.
Also ..a nice card...I think this woman is excited about her daughter getting married.
Weddings are when people get together... that don't see each other everyday.
Don't make it about a gift...Its about her daughter and her joy ...as a friend you should be excited for her.

 

[shmoogrrrl]

Oh, I should have mentioned that I sent the RSVP back with a note saying that we couldn't attend because of my daughter's camp a few weeks ago! That I knew needed to be back soon!

 

[Bethenny]

I would absolutely not send a gift or even a card. And I would probably unfriend them both from FB too.

 

[JerseyJanice]

If the family sent me a gift when I got married, I would send one.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would send nothing more than a "no" on the RSVP card.

Same here.

 

[pixie dust 112]

I wouldn't send a gift.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

It sounds like they invited you knowing that you couldn't come (I mean really,its not like your close to them and they live far, I wouldn't make a trip across the country for someone i am not close to) and they thought maybe they could squeeze a gift out of you.
Or...they are just really rich and invited everyone they have ever known in their whole lifetime.
Nope, wouldn't send a gift

 

[pixie dust 112]

Oh here's another idea. If you have a charity that you like to donate to, make a donation in their honor and send them a card letting the couple know that you did this. Sounds to me like they invited you, realizing you likely wouldn't attend and just to get a gift. Charity wins and you give a gift, but the couple doesn't get rewarded for what looks like greed to me!

 

[JoiseyMom]

Geez...you sent back the NO on the RSVP, and she still sent you that facebook msg? Tacky, tacky, tacky. And they sent an invitation to someone they barely knew. Oh...convenient that they found you on facebook just as she got engaged... umm.. send a nice card if you wish. But they are just trolling for gifts. I agree with a previous poster to unfriend them, of block them so they can't see anything on your wall.

 

[bigbabyblues]

No, I wouldn't send a gift in that situation.

 

[pixiewings71]

I would send a card but nothing else, maybe if I was feeling generous a gift card for Target or a restaurant in their area but nothing more than that.a If I did include the gift card it would be for no more than $40.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Considering level of closeness you are with this person, I wouldn't send anything.

 

[kathie859]

The circumstances described require only a prompt rsvp declining. I would probably send a congratulation/best wishes card

 

[ksjayhawks]

Given the situation--no contact for years, no relationship with them, no card or gift. Send in your RSVP with a "no" and "best wishes" written on it.