Invited to a Shrimp Boil and Told to Bring the Shrimp

[BayouQueen]

So I happen to have a bag in the freezer of Costco shrimp-boil-worthy shrimp. It's a 4-lb bag and was $53.00. Requesting two of those bags really does seem aggressive. People sure can be strange.

 

[Lilsia]

I can see if this was a group planned event, where everyone was in on making the decisions and splitting up the ingredients. But to be invited to this event and then expected to bring the main dish, is beyond tacky, IMO. We learned long ago that we don't have to go to every family event, especially if you are not interested or it causes issues. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with you staying home and having hubby and your children go.

 

[GAN]

This happens a lot to us when we go to my sisters for a family party. Our side of the family is asked to bring the parts of the main meal, while my BIL's family brings a bag of chips, a pack of cookies, a frozen box of pigs in the blanket (that they throw on the counter for my sister to make while the party is started.)
After 30+ years it becomes very frustrating.

Time to start travelling more.....lol

 

[Travel60]

What the heck is a shrimp boil?

You're choosing to watch some college football game over spending time with family? Can you just ask them to have the game on? But again college football here is not really a thing so I have no idea grown adults watched it unless they were parents of the players.

Don't schedule something against my team and expect me to attend!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

On a positive note, your cost will be the same as last year, but your effort will be zero. It sounds like this is a family affair and they’re just organizing it. I’d spend the $80 so my family could have a good time (when my 5 kids are home our Chipotle takeout order is $80, sushi night is way more). My extended family rarely gets together, that actually sounds like fun to me (making a charcuterie board is something I do not enjoy, fortunately my daughters and husband do).

Yes, our family cost is the same, but my cost was not dictated to me. I could have done straight cheese and crackers for less than $15. I spent more because my daughter and I love putting the tray together and making it as pretty and full as we can. Luckily we get to put one together on Saturday to take to the tailgate prior to the Ohio State game.

We see this extended family most weekends between March and October at the lake. Our houses are across the lake from each other, but as it is really narrow where we are it is only about 200 yards from dock to dock. Most Friday nights from May thru August we are all at the marina having pizza and wings and then end up at one place or the other after. There is no shortage of time spent with them.

 

[Cantw8]

Sorry, I have to wash my hair that afternoon.

and the shrimp's hair...he can't do a thing with it!

 

[Everything's Fine]

It's rude request unless you are a member of the organizing party. We have hosted these kinds of things at our house at the request of someone else as we have a pool and lots of outdoor space, but they brought the main event ingredients. If I were hosting, I would always pay for the main along with beverages, and if others asked if they could bring something, I would suggest any side, app or dessert they wanted. I also wouldn't trust someone else with the main as this could make or break the event and I would want to be sure I was serving quality. However, 8 pounds of shrimp isn't enough for 25 people, so maybe they are asking you to bring a portion?

 

[RangerPooh]

Sounds like you're being taken advantage of. I'd send my regret to attend and let her know that due to not attending you will not be supplying the protein, but hope that they have a great event. If she complains about you not providing the protein then it means that no one else is supplying it.

During Labor Day weekend we do an annual shrimp boil with friends at our camping properties. Each family brings a bag or two of shrimp, possibly fish if being added. We also each bring a side or two and dessert. Beverages are BYO. We would not ask one family to bring all of the protein, that's ridiculous. We have had one person pick it up, but split the cost and reimburse.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Invited to SILs and BILs Shrimp Boil dinner in two weeks. Our three adult kids were also invited. We were then told to bring 8 pounds of shrimp.

The dinner is at the lake where we all have houses. Based on last year I would say there will be 25-30 people and about 10 are under the age of 18. I am assuming someone else (maybe the hosts) are also providing some shrimp, but I am sure we are the only guest family brining 8 pounds. Twelve of the attendees are actual family. The rest are all friends who also have homes on the lake.

Everyone brings their own beverages. I also fully expected to bring a food contribution and I am sure the other attendees will also. Last year we brought a charcuterie board (basically everything on it was devoured prior to dinner) and I made cookies and brownies (which were also devoured as the other desserts were store bought nothing special). Between the two it was not cheap, and took a lot of time to make and assemble, but my daughter and I did it together and had fun doing it. It was also what I wanted to bring so I was happy to do it and the cost was my choice.

Not thrilled bringing the shrimp and IMHO 8 pounds is a big ask. I cannot fathom hosting a decent sized dinner party and having someone else basically bring the main dish. While we can afford it, I feel like they are dictating to me how much money I have to spend to attend this party. Kind of like a price of admission.

I will also not be attending the dinner as it conflicts with the Ohio State football game that I want to watch. I may end up over there later in the evening, but it would be well after dinner was over. I told DH this as soon as we received the invite.

And the final kicker, they are having tshirts made for all the adult attendees that they are purchasing. They did this last year also. My tshirt ended up in my rag basket as I will never wear a tshirt with "Smith" family Shrimp Boil 2020 that is a size too big. I truly do not need another shirt with the year 2021 on it and I know they are doing them again.

Just venting, but I feel kind of used in this whole process.

Just out of interest, how much would 8lb of shrimp cost? There is a huge difference between willingly taking food and a demand for food. The latter would result in a no from me.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Yes, our family cost is the same, but my cost was not dictated to me. I could have done straight cheese and crackers for less than $15. I spent more because my daughter and I love putting the tray together and making it as pretty and full as we can. Luckily we get to put one together on Saturday to take to the tailgate prior to the Ohio State game.

We see this extended family most weekends between March and October at the lake. Our houses are across the lake from each other, but as it is really narrow where we are it is only about 200 yards from dock to dock. Most Friday nights from May thru August we are all at the marina having pizza and wings and then end up at one place or the other after. There is no shortage of time spent with them.

Maybe all this bothers you because you see them too much?
Or do you have other issues with SIL/BIL?

I know I cannot stand my SIL.... So basically anything she says rubs me wrong.

 

[RedAngie]

Just out of interest, how much would 8lb of shrimp cost? There is a huge difference between willingly taking food and a demand for food. The latter would result in a no from me.

It would depend on the size of the shrimp, but at least $80 up to over $160.

$10 to over $20 per pound. There are tiny shrimp that cost a bit less, but they wouldn’t be satisfactory for a shrimp boil.

 

[VandVsmama]

Invited to SILs and BILs Shrimp Boil dinner in two weeks. Our three adult kids were also invited. We were then told to bring 8 pounds of shrimp.

The dinner is at the lake where we all have houses. Based on last year I would say there will be 25-30 people and about 10 are under the age of 18. I am assuming someone else (maybe the hosts) are also providing some shrimp, but I am sure we are the only guest family brining 8 pounds. Twelve of the attendees are actual family. The rest are all friends who also have homes on the lake.

Everyone brings their own beverages. I also fully expected to bring a food contribution and I am sure the other attendees will also. Last year we brought a charcuterie board (basically everything on it was devoured prior to dinner) and I made cookies and brownies (which were also devoured as the other desserts were store bought nothing special). Between the two it was not cheap, and took a lot of time to make and assemble, but my daughter and I did it together and had fun doing it. It was also what I wanted to bring so I was happy to do it and the cost was my choice.

Not thrilled bringing the shrimp and IMHO 8 pounds is a big ask. I cannot fathom hosting a decent sized dinner party and having someone else basically bring the main dish. While we can afford it, I feel like they are dictating to me how much money I have to spend to attend this party. Kind of like a price of admission.

I will also not be attending the dinner as it conflicts with the Ohio State football game that I want to watch. I may end up over there later in the evening, but it would be well after dinner was over. I told DH this as soon as we received the invite.

And the final kicker, they are having tshirts made for all the adult attendees that they are purchasing. They did this last year also. My tshirt ended up in my rag basket as I will never wear a tshirt with "Smith" family Shrimp Boil 2020 that is a size too big. I truly do not need another shirt with the year 2021 on it and I know they are doing them again.

Just venting, but I feel kind of used in this whole process.

You should skip the shrimp boil. They're being rude and taking advantage of you and you're letting them take advantage of you. And the special t-shirts for a party is stupid. Like, who's going to actually wear that out and about after the event is all done?

 

[shh]

What the heck is a shrimp boil?

You're choosing to watch some college football game over spending time with family? Can you just ask them to have the game on? But again college football here is not really a thing so I have no idea grown adults watched it unless they were parents of the players.

I'm no sports fan either, but for your own mental sanity, you may want to avoid TX, OH, FL, GA, TN, NC - or heck, any state with a major university presence. College football's importance ranks next to god, family & country for many residents, lol. You don't schedule ANYTHING on the day of an important game - or many folks just won't come.

 

[Dan Murphy]

You're invited to my party, you bring the entrée.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I'm no sports fan either, but for your own mental sanity, avoid TX, OH, FL, GA, TN, NC - or heck, any state with a major university presence.

Until I started on the Dis I didn't realize anyone under the age of 22 watched college football besides parents. Its so not a thing up here. At all.

As for the OP - I would tell the host you will bring a dessert instead.
And the t-shirts remind me of the silly shirts people make for WDW trips. who wants to wear that after? If you want to hand out party favours dessert or alcohol would be better received!

 

[Sinder]

Invited to SILs and BILs Shrimp Boil dinner in two weeks. Our three adult kids were also invited. We were then told to bring 8 pounds of shrimp.

The dinner is at the lake where we all have houses. Based on last year I would say there will be 25-30 people and about 10 are under the age of 18. I am assuming someone else (maybe the hosts) are also providing some shrimp, but I am sure we are the only guest family brining 8 pounds. Twelve of the attendees are actual family. The rest are all friends who also have homes on the lake.

Everyone brings their own beverages. I also fully expected to bring a food contribution and I am sure the other attendees will also. Last year we brought a charcuterie board (basically everything on it was devoured prior to dinner) and I made cookies and brownies (which were also devoured as the other desserts were store bought nothing special). Between the two it was not cheap, and took a lot of time to make and assemble, but my daughter and I did it together and had fun doing it. It was also what I wanted to bring so I was happy to do it and the cost was my choice.

Not thrilled bringing the shrimp and IMHO 8 pounds is a big ask. I cannot fathom hosting a decent sized dinner party and having someone else basically bring the main dish. While we can afford it, I feel like they are dictating to me how much money I have to spend to attend this party. Kind of like a price of admission.

I will also not be attending the dinner as it conflicts with the Ohio State football game that I want to watch. I may end up over there later in the evening, but it would be well after dinner was over. I told DH this as soon as we received the invite.

And the final kicker, they are having tshirts made for all the adult attendees that they are purchasing. They did this last year also. My tshirt ended up in my rag basket as I will never wear a tshirt with "Smith" family Shrimp Boil 2020 that is a size too big. I truly do not need another shirt with the year 2021 on it and I know they are doing them again.

Just venting, but I feel kind of used in this whole process.

If this is an annual thing and in the past everyone was expected to bring something to share I guess I don't see the issue. According to you your party is 5 adults, that's like asking 5 other people to bring 1.5+ lbs of shrimp. If it was just you and your SIL texted you and told you to bring that would it be an issue?

Hosting for a large party is very expensive and sometimes stressful. I know whenever we have large get togethers with family or friends, everyone brings something, the total money spent per person on what they bring may not be equal but we all do our part.
The shirt thing isn't really my thing, but maybe the other guests really like them.
I realize you are just venting but since you aren't planning on going what do you care what happens there this year? Your adult dh and your adult kids can decide if they want to contribute or not go.
Enjoy your game and don't worry about what goes on at a party you aren't at.

 

[Lilsia]

Yes, our family cost is the same, but my cost was not dictated to me. I could have done straight cheese and crackers for less than $15. I spent more because my daughter and I love putting the tray together and making it as pretty and full as we can. Luckily we get to put one together on Saturday to take to the tailgate prior to the Ohio State game.

We see this extended family most weekends between March and October at the lake. Our houses are across the lake from each other, but as it is really narrow where we are it is only about 200 yards from dock to dock. Most Friday nights from May thru August we are all at the marina having pizza and wings and then end up at one place or the other after. There is no shortage of time spent with them.

You don't have to justify why you don't want to go to a certain family event. It is toxic to feel pressured to spend time with people just because you are related somehow. I don't understand that at all.

 

[Lilsia]

I'm no sports fan either, but for your own mental sanity, you may want to avoid TX, OH, FL, GA, TN, NC - or heck, any state with a major university presence. College football's importance ranks next to god, family & country for many residents, lol. You don't schedule ANYTHING on the day of an important game - or many folks just won't come.

Don't forget NE. People here live and die for the Huskers. I swear, every 5th license plate has some kind of husker, go big red theme on them. I don't get it either. And you are right about not planning anything on game days. People have refused to go to weddings because the game is on.

 

[RogueX]

The way my family reacts to things, if someone did that, instead of 8 pounds of shrimp, they would be presented with exactly shrimp and a face of feigned misunderstanding as to why anyone would ask for only 8 shrimp.

But then again, me and my sisters tend to be overly snarky and inappropriate.

 

[AndreaDM]

Don't forget NE. People here live and die for the Huskers. I swear, every 5th license plate has some kind of husker, go big red theme on them. I don't get it either. And you are right about not planning anything on game days. People have refused to go to weddings because the game is on.

I went into labor when Ohio State was in the Fiesta Bowl, I was afraid the Dr. wouldn't show up lol, but DD ended up not being born til the next morning.

As for the OP, if I host I certainly provide the main! Now, if you were co-hosting and SIL was coordinating everything, then yes, that's different. But wow, that was rude.