Invitations/Announcements etiquette

[sissy_ib]

Hey guys. I'm not having a DFTW but I think you all may be able to help me. I'm having my wedding in San Antonio, where my DF lives, in August. I have NO friends or family there. My parents and grandparents are coming but other than that I don't think anyone will be able to make the trip. Do we send out invitations? Or do I wait until we are married and send announcements?
Is it rude to send an invitation and registry info to someone you know wont be attending the wedding? We are having a Disneymoon at DLP and on DCL so I set up the Disney honeymoon registry but I feel guilty thinking I should ask people not invited to the wedding to give me money! How do I handle it?

 

[Chilly]

If you'd like them to come you should send an invite. If you don't want them to come then you shouldn't send an invite. Forget about the registry and just think about the wedding.

 

[sissy_ib]

If you'd like them to come you should send an invite. If you don't want them to come then you shouldn't send an invite. Forget about the registry and just think about the wedding.

The issue is not whether I want them there or not. I would love to have a big wedding with all my extended family and friends there. The issue is I know most will not be able to be there for various reason. And since I've never done this before I'm not sure of the standard practices. Do I still send an invitation to someone I KNOW will not be able to attend? Do I leave out the registry info so I don't seem greedy? Do I just send out announcements after the fact?
I thought maybe some people with destination wedding experience could let me know what they did.

 

[Chilly]

The issue is not whether I want them there or not. I would love to have a big wedding with all my extended family and friends there. The issue is I know most will not be able to be there for various reason. And since I've never done this before I'm not sure of the standard practices. Do I still send an invitation to someone I KNOW will not be able to attend? Do I leave out the registry info so I don't seem greedy? Do I just send out announcements after the fact?
I thought maybe some people with destination wedding experience could let me know what they did.

Sorry I didn't make myself clear if you would like them to come send an invite, don't assume they can't come or even if they've already said no, send one anyway.

 

[sambycat]

Sorry I didn't make myself clear if you would like them to come send an invite, don't assume they can't come or even if they've already said no, send one anyway.

IMO this is key - send the invites, yes, you probably know who can come or not, BUT don't send out like 300 invites and book a venue for 20! Etiquette wise, "registry" stuff I don't think is supposed to go on the actual invites. We didn't send out invites to "everyone" because I was freaked out about where to cut off that family guest list without being rude. I could have handled this better I think, but I still stick to my guns as far as you have to be able to accomodate all the you "invite".

Other ideas though, are to go out of your way to keep your guest list smaller, so you can honestly say "we are jst having immediate family" or what not.

having a wedding website can have some of that registry info and your parents and family can spread the word. TRUST ME - i was super concerned about the ettiquette of it all, but included registry info where appropriate, and hardly anyone used it! ha! oh well! just kind of funny!!

good luck with your planning and i hope its warmer there right now than here in DFW!

 

[girli565]

If you would like them to come then invite them. Let them decide whether they make the trip or not. You be surprised how many people may make the trip.

Where to include registry info is tricky. My family gave me my bridal shower and it was included in that invite, a little blurb saying "the happy couple is registered at Bed Bath & Beyond". I wouldn't include registry info in the wedding invite. Maybe a wedding website would be be the place for that?

 

[sissy_ib]

If you would like them to come then invite them. Let them decide whether they make the trip or not. You be surprised how many people may make the trip.

Where to include registry info is tricky. My family gave me my bridal shower and it was included in that invite, a little blurb saying "the happy couple is registered at Bed Bath & Beyond". I wouldn't include registry info in the wedding invite. Maybe a wedding website would be be the place for that?

It's weird that you guys say not to put the registry info in the invite, because the few wedding invites I have received have had registry info in them!
Most of my friends and I are in our late 20's but I only know a handful of people who are married and only a two I can think of had weddings. I have VERY limited experience here so I appreciate your input!

 

[KristiLyn]

I am in the same situation. We live in Louisiana but are getting married at the Swan. There's only about 20 people coming. But we are sending out invites to everyone that we'd like to be there, regardless if they can't make the trip. Atleast that way, they know we'd like them to be there
Df is making a website and adding that on the invites. That will have our registry info, etc on it...

 

[KMS'sGlassSlipper]

If you would like them to come then invite them. Let them decide whether they make the trip or not. You be surprised how many people may make the trip.

Where to include registry info is tricky. My family gave me my bridal shower and it was included in that invite, a little blurb saying "the happy couple is registered at Bed Bath & Beyond". I wouldn't include registry info in the wedding invite. Maybe a wedding website would be be the place for that?

I agree to send them out and let them decide who will come. When I sent out my invites, my parents and I were like "they won't come", and we are surprised at how many people we thought wouldn't come who have decided to make the trip. So if you would truly like them to be there, but don't think they will make the trip, send the invites anyways. The only problem I would see is if you sent out a bunch of invites to a bunch of people that you didn't want to come just to get gifts... but that is not what you are trying to do, so send away!

I also read that you weren't supposed to send registry stuff with invitations, but 2 out of the last 3 wedding invitations I've gotten has the registry info in there. I just made sure to include the URL to my wedding website there and am relying on that and word of mouth. So I think that it is your call whether to send it out with the invitation or not.

 

[sissy_ib]

I agree to send them out and let them decide who will come. When I sent out my invites, my parents and I were like "they won't come", and we are surprised at how many people we thought wouldn't come who have decided to make the trip. So if you would truly like them to be there, but don't think they will make the trip, send the invites anyways. The only problem I would see is if you sent out a bunch of invites to a bunch of people that you didn't want to come just to get gifts... but that is not what you are trying to do, so send away!

I also read that you weren't supposed to send registry stuff with invitations, but 2 out of the last 3 wedding invitations I've gotten has the registry info in there. I just made sure to include the URL to my wedding website there and am relying on that and word of mouth. So I think that it is your call whether to send it out with the invitation or not.

Thanks everyone I feel better now! I'm going to try to make a wedding website tomorrow and get a list for invitations. We are trying to keep it small but not tiny! There are a few family members I would love to have there so I will send invites to them. Like someone said, even if they cant make it at least they know we would like them to be there.

 

[Mindyjoy]

I generally echo the above posters. We are having our wedding at Disneyland and most of DF's family lives in the Boston area. We know must of them won't come but we are inviting them anyway. We plan on booking a space that can accommodate everyone, just in case.

The simple answer is, you invite anyone you would like (and you can afford) to be there, even if they gave you a verbal "no" already.

As for the registry, JMHO I think it's rude to imply that gifts are expected or encouraged. I think that including a card in the invite that reads "For more information, please visit our wedding website at www.yoursitename.com" and then include a page on the website for registry info.

 

[CastlePrincess]

I just went through this so I know exactly how stressful it can be to make the right decision. We live in Hawaii, as well as the majority of our family and friends. When we initially planned to get married here, our guest list was over 200. When we decided to go to Disneyland we had to cut back to about 100-120. Of those people, we expected only about 35 people (basically our immediately family) to make the trip but we sent an invitation to all 100-120 people because we thought it was important to let them know we cared and wanted them there. Of course, this was also hard because I imagine some people took offense to being invited to somewhere they could not afford (yes, unfortunately my fiance's family can be that way). Anyway, we were so confident we booked a small room for our 35 people.

Much to our surprise, we have had about 60 people RSVP that they are coming so far. That is DOUBLE the amount we imagined! It's sort of bittersweet. We are so touched that these people care enough to make the trip (the airplane ticket alone from Hawaii is $950 roundtrip) but at the same time, every person means another mouth to feed and a dent into our budget, meaning we may have to look at sacrificing characters or something equally as fun.

So after all of that, my advice would be to invite everyone you would TRULY want there on your special day. You may be surprised how many come. BUT do be prepared to budget for a larger number of people if you need.

As for the registry, I agree with everyone else. Don't put it on the invite. We sent out a Newsletter prior to the invite with travel info. We plan to send out another Newsletter after the invites that will include the registry info. We also have a website (needed to make sure our technology friendly and non-friendly guests all had access to the same info- either internet or newsletter).

 

[Mindyjoy]

CastlePrincess, just out of curiosity did you originally book the Wisteria Room?

 

[sissy_ib]

Like I said I don't have a wedding website. After looking at for some I think they are pointless. I was going to put all the necessary info in the invitation. Area info and so on. I'm not just trying to get people to give me gifts. I just thought it was customary to include that info as that is what I have seen.
I have gotten cards that were printed from the store (Bed Bath and Beyond I believe) with the registry number. Why else would the store make those if not to send out? I'm just not going to put the info out there at all and if anyone asks where I am registered or what we would like I will let them know. I asked what the etiquette was and now I know.

 

[KMS'sGlassSlipper]

I have gotten cards that were printed from the store (Bed Bath and Beyond I believe) with the registry number. Why else would the store make those if not to send out?

Usually these cards are sent out with bridal shower invitations and such. However, if I have come to learn anything over these last few months, it's that nowadays, you don't always have to follow etiquette. I didn't put "Adults Only" reception on my invitation because etiquette says that you shouldn't, and people should know who are invited because only the people whose names are on the invitation are invited - but I guess a lot of people do not know this, as I was getting RSVPs for people and their children.

I have found that although I did not put my registry information directly on my invitations, people are finding out where I am registered by asking me or my family, or by going to my website.

So I guess you could say that lately it doesn't seem that traditional etiquette matters and people are just doing what they want to do. So I say - do what you feel comfortable doing. Most people don't know the true etiquette anyways!!!

 

[CastlePrincess]

CastlePrincess, just out of curiosity did you originally book the Wisteria Room?

The Wisteria Room was already booked so we initially booked the Sorrell. We have since moved to the Sleeping Beauty Pavillion when we out grew Sorrell. Unfortunately, once you exceed the 60 person max for the Sorrell, the next largest rooms available are the SBP and the Trillium Room. Both these rooms have 80 people minimum but since we don't have that many people we still have to meet the $10,000 F&B mimimum (which would have been the $125pp dinner rate for 80 people). Not too bad because we LOVE the SBP and were already spending that much on food... just interesting that if you have betwenn 60 and 80 guests, you seem to fall into this middle crack.

 

[Mindyjoy]

The Wisteria Room was already booked so we initially booked the Sorrell. We have since moved to the Sleeping Beauty Pavillion when we out grew Sorrell. Unfortunately, once you exceed the 60 person max for the Sorrell, the next largest rooms available are the SBP and the Trillium Room. Both these rooms have 80 people minimum but since we don't have that many people we still have to meet the $10,000 F&B mimimum (which would have been the $125pp dinner rate for 80 people). Not too bad because we LOVE the SBP and were already spending that much on food... just interesting that if you have betwenn 60 and 80 guests, you seem to fall into this middle crack.

YES, we are having that same problem!!! (Sorry to hijack this thread.)

Back to the OP, Regarding wedding websites, I made a free one at wedding wire. It was free and took me about 10 minutes to set up. You can customize pages, too, which is very helpful for posting detailed information about an out of town wedding. Good luck!

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

The past 4 weddings I've been to have all had the registry info included with the invitation on a seperate card and I didn't feel like they were asking for gifts; I thought that was customary until I had to plan my own wedding. My mom also said the exact same thing as the previous poster: nowadays, etiquette isn't as prominent anymore because people are doing whatever they want for their weddings. She was the one to tell me to include the registry info on the invitation because either way, people are going to buy you gifts, so you might as well tell them where to go because if you don't, they're just going to buy you something you don't want, just for the sake of giving a gift. However, I am still deciding on what to do with this and thinking I will probably just put our website address on a card instead of just the registry because in MY mind, I think it's better.