Invitation etiquette question : how to phrase?

[Rajah]

Hey all,

My friends who are getting married out of town want to have a party to celebrate with those friends / coworkers who can't go to the wedding but wanted to celebrate as well. They're wondering how best to word the invite to indicate that they are NOT expecting gifts.

He suggested this: (And yes, he does have this type of sense of humor, which everyone invited would "get")

"DO NOT bring gifts, and if you do you'll be turned away at the door. "

She thinks they should word it like this:

"We do not expect anyone to bring a gift!"

I suggested this:

"Your attendance will be gift enough!"

Any other suggestions?

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I'd just not say anything at all about gifts. I'd leave the whole idea of gifts off the invite altogether.

 

[binny]

well people are going to bring gifts if they want to regardless of how they word it and technically Miss Manners says NO mention of gifts are to be put on the invitation period.



Best wishes for the happy couple

 

[mrsv98]

They could say something like:

"Please honor us with your prescence at a celebration of our marriage."

I agree that no mention of gifts should be made but if they really feel they need to how about:

"Please give us the gift of your prescence at a celebration of our recent marriage"

That may subtly tell people that it is just a party and no gfts are needed.

 

[DawnCt1]

Friends of mine just got married. The second marriage for both. It was a great wedding, outside by a babbling brook with a luau/Hawaiian theme. The invitation specificly stated NO GIFTS PLEASE in two separate areas so no one doubted that they did not want gifts. On the invitation and directions to the reception, under "NO GIFTS", it said in parenthesis. "however donations of $10,000 or more will be considered on an individual basis". It was one of the most enjoyable, relaxed, fun weddings we had been to in a long time. They had a blues band, a pig roast and we partied through lunch and dinner. Then they left on a camping trip to New York State in their huge motor home.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I have received several invites that mention something about not bringing gifts, and people still bring them because people feel weird about attending an event empty-handed. I know I still bring something So remind them that people willl likely still bring something.

THe way you worded it is what I have seen "your presence is gift enough" or something like that. If its going to be a lighthearted casual event, and people will get his humor, then I would use what he wanted... i would find that amusing, personally, esp since its not a formal wedding.

I agree that gifts on a formal wedding invite is a no-no, but I think this is a little different... its more less a party celebrating a new marriage, right? So I think its okay to put something on there =)

 

[Skywalker]

Yeah, as far as etiquette goes, you are not to mention gifts in any way. Is there a possibility that someone (not the couple but someone else) could just verbally get the word out that this is a no-gifts event with actually putting it down in writing?

 

[disykat]

I disagree about not mentioning gifts. I have been to several parties (like anniversary, wedding, engagement, etc.) where it has said "please no gifts, your presence is our gift" or something similar on an invitation. I honored their request - I really think it would be rude to specifically ignore their request. If I just heard "word of mouth" I would ignore that unless I heard it from the person themself.

I did give a donation to one couples favorite charity in their honor though. A friend was marrying a wealthy man and she was very upset about the idea of people spending money on things they didn't need. She is a very frugal person and very charity minded. I'm pretty sure it was mentioned right on the invitation (maybe in an enclosure) that the bride and groom respectably request no gifts, but that if they so chose an account had been set up in their name at x charity. I don't know exactly how they worded it, but it was very nice. I thought it was a lovely idea and a win/win solution.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I recieved an invite for a 50th anniversary that said "no presents just your presense"
Tara

 

[Laura]

Word-of-mouth is how the wishes of the couple regarding gifts (or no gifts) is made, according to etiquette. However, people are going to bring gifts either way. Personally, I would feel funny if I didn't bring a gift to a wedding I was attending even if they specifically asked for no gifts. I agree with disykat that I wouldn't believe the word being spread.

Setting up an account for charity donations sounds like a great idea. That way you don't have to put it on the invitation but when guests ask where the couple is registered they can be told about the charity. That way they know the couple is serious about the no-gift wedding.

 

[Nagle]

A line at the bottom of the invitation stating "best wishes only' seems to be the accepted way around here.

John

 

[decker96]

When we had a surprise 50th birthday party (not the same thing as a wedding, I know) for my mom a few years ago we just put "cards only, please" on the invitation. Some people still brought gag type gifts, but at least it let people know they were not expected to bring a gift.

 

[ilovepcot]

Every time I've attended a wedding, aniversary, birthday or any type function that requested NO GIFTS, people ALWAYS took gifts anyway. I've learned to take a gift irregardless of what the invitation states to avoid embarrassment.

 

[Beth76]

If it's just a fun party, I think what the groom said would be fine, actually. I don't like what the bride suggested at all, "We do not expect anyone to bring a gift!" I just don't like the way that sounds...can't explain it...it just sounds tacky. What you said, "Your attendance will be gift enough!" is good too. I think it's fine to put it on the invitation since it's just a party, not an actual wedding invitation. I think some of the "Subtle" suggestions people made are too subtle. People *might* wonder what that means exactly.

Now, if it is going to be like a formal wedding reception, I would definitely go with your suggestion. But, just a party, either would be fine.

 

[Disney Doll]

Maybe they could do something like "We don't expect you to bring a gift, since we just want to celebrate with our friends. However, if you will feel funny about coming empty-handed, how about bringing a canned good for donation to our local food bank"?

That way, the people who have to bring something get to carry something in and others benefit from it.

 

[browneyes]

No bill less than $1000 will be accepted.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I just threw an anniversary party for my parents. They didn't want any gifts either. This is how I phrased it on the invite

"Your presence is considered a gift and we respectfully request no other"

To say "no gifts" is perfectly acceptable. To ask for gifts in any way is not.