Introvert during family illness

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Best wishes to you and your husband, and hope you're both better soon. I always think the direct approach is the best (even if I don't always follow that advice). It sure does lift that weight off the shoulders. I think barkley's advise is spot on.

Take care.

i totaly identify. we've gone through major medical situations within our immediate household and never let anyone know just b/c we deal with things best left on our own.

i would just tell your friend-

DH is recovering from his 5th surgery in 6mos and is in a physical rehab center and I really don't want to get Covid and expose DH so respect me when I say 'no' to your invitations.

p.s. i don't blame you at all for not wanting to take any chances-i have friends who despite quarantining for months are not allowed in med settings with immediate family as well as a sibling who will be undergoing surgery at the end of the month and his hospital is requiring him to come in a couple days before for covid testing after which they are quarantining him at a hotel they've rented rooms out long term/with specialized protocol until his surgery. he would only be permitted 1 visitor during his hospital stay if they also tested and quarantined with him prior to surgery/for duration of his stay.


just say 'NO'.

take care, best of wishes to your dh.

 

[ronandannette]

Yep - be direct and just tell her you won't see anyone due to the Covid threat. I know it's hard but remember other people love you and your DH too and are genuinely concerned for you.

Choosing to go it alone is legitimate but it's also a much better place to be than actually being alone with no support. If you have a large circle of family and friends, maybe try making one of them the point-person for sending/posting periodic updates so you don't have to field so many inquiries or explain things over and over. It would be a small kindness to offer them some peace-of-mind. I wish you well.

 

[sk!mom]

Anyone else just want to be left alone when you or your spouse is seriously ill? Some people thrive on all the attention. Others do not. Friends want to cheer me up, but I don't even want to pick up the phone unless caller i.d. tells me it's safe.

DH is recovering from his 5th surgery in 6mos and is in a physical rehab center while I take social distancing to a new level here at home. A friend is determined to take me out to dinner but I don't feel the need to pretend to be cheerful while she talks my ear off, and I really don't want to get Covid and expose DH. Any suggestions?

First, I’m sorry! Second, just be honest with your friend. If there is anything that she could do that would help, let her know.

 

[BrianL]

This is how I often feel when others are sick, etc. I feel like I am bothering them and tend to keep my distance, because that is what I would want. Some people disagree with that approach though and really want the visitors. Sometimes they don't understand that I wouldn't - "Oh, of course you want visitors," etc. I think everyone should understand that they should respect what the patient would want.

 

[Hikergirl]

Anyone else just want to be left alone when you or your spouse is seriously ill? Some people thrive on all the attention. Others do not. Friends want to cheer me up, but I don't even want to pick up the phone unless caller i.d. tells me it's safe.

DH is recovering from his 5th surgery in 6mos and is in a physical rehab center while I take social distancing to a new level here at home. A friend is determined to take me out to dinner but I don't feel the need to pretend to be cheerful while she talks my ear off, and I really don't want to get Covid and expose DH. Any suggestions?

I'm sorry to hear about your dh, hope his recovery goes well.

I think the best thing to do is just be honest with your friends/family at this point.
I have a friend going through a very hard time right now, and I am worried about doing or saying the wrong thing so I would definitely welcome a "please leave me alone" talk from her if that is what she truly wanted.
And I would totally understand.
I'm betting your friends would feel the same.

 

[mumto3girls]

This is how I often feel when others are sick, etc. I feel like I am bothering them and tend to keep my distance, because that is what I would want. Some people disagree with that approach though and really want the visitors. Sometimes they don't understand that I wouldn't - "Oh, of course you want visitors," etc. I think everyone should understand that they should respect what the patient would want.

Yes. When I was in my late 20’s I needed an emergency appendectomy. I came to in the recovery room briefly and then was taken back to my regular hospital room and almost immediately fell asleep. When I awoke there was a coworker sitting by my bedside looking at me. We were friendly and occasionally did things together outside of work, but it felt very intrusive and inappropriate to me. I was exhausted and in pain and really just wanted to rest and not see anyone other than my DH and maybe my parents.

I am certain she was well intentioned. As a child she had had a heart transplant and prior to that was very sickly and spent a lot of time in hospitals. I think she was comforted by having a lot of people around and just assumed others would be as well.

OP I think others tend to try to give people what they themselves would want and don’t always consider/understand that not all of us are the same. In this case though, COVID is the perfect excuse—you are simply not permitted to socialize as per your husband’s doctors. Any friend will understand that.

 

[RamblingMad]

I’ve been more depressed lately mainly because of being stuck in the house due to COVID closures. I guess others would perceive that as being more introverted.

Are you depressed?

 

[nkereina]

Another vote for being direct. Tell your friend exactly what you wrote here. Something along the lines of while you appreciate their thoughtfulness, you can't run the risk of covid exposure right now. I would think most people would understand that. Best wishes to you and your DH for a quick recovery!