Insulting endearments?

[disykat]

In another thread, I'm seeing endearments used that, to me, seem insulting. The poster seems to be pretty sincere, so it has me thinking she doesn't mean them to be insulting. Am I the only one insulted by being called "pet names" by strangers?

 

[Carlyzmom]

Not sure what exactly you mean, but in nursing school we were taught to NEVER call patients "sweetie" or "honey" or "sugar" because it could be insulting.

 

[MiniGirl]

Yes, I hate being called something like that by a stranger. Shoot. I even hate it when my dh calls me "dear." I have always hated that term. I tell myself that they don't mean anything by it, but it still bugs me. Just today the employee in the toy store called me "Sweetie." I swear he was probably 20 years younger than me.

 

[MELSMICE]

Funny that someone posted this today. Just the other day I had a young mom call my dance studio. I spoke to her twice & both times before we hung up she said, "OK, hun, thanks for your help." WTH.........I am not your hun!!!

There is not a lot that bothers me, but for some reason this did/does.

 

[MushyMushy]

Nope, I don't like it.

The only time it has ever not bothered me was this one time at a Waffle House when this older lady was calling everybody sweetheart with this very deep southern accent and deep smoky voice. Somehow she could just get away with it.

 

[Magpie]

Different people in different parts of the world have different customs, and if no offense is meant then I won't go taking offense just for the heck of it. Besides, in my experience it's usually older folks who call me pet endearments, and I generally like to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Besides, there's lots worse things I can be called than "dear" or "hon" or "sweetheart"!

Funniest one I ever heard - a very nice 90-something year old lady offered to read my palm for me. When I extended my hand, she looked at it and said, "Oh you impetuous creature, let us see what we have here..."

I kind of blinked at being called a "creature", but then I decided I loved it. That's me, impetuous creature!

 

[kimblebee]

My ex used to refer to me and his sister by the same terms. Mostly hun. At first it didn't really bug me but then it really started to get on my nerves. He is extremely close to her but there is such a thing as too close.

Near the end of our relationship I would answer when he said hun, even when I knew he was talking to his sister. Very passive aggressive but I didn't care.

 

[cm8]

In another thread, I'm seeing endearments used that, to me, seem insulting. The poster seems to be pretty sincere, so it has me thinking she doesn't mean them to be insulting. Am I the only one insulted by being called "pet names" by strangers?

Sometimes, and it would have to do with HOW someone is using the term too

 

[C.Ann]

You mean like if the nurse at your doctors office calls you "sweetie" or a cashier says something along the lines of "Let me help you with that, hon"? And you know for a fact that they're being sincere?

No - I don't consider that insulting at all - and can't imagine why anyone would.. It's not like they're calling people names that we can't even post on the DIS..

 

[lovetoscrap]

I admit, I am a hun and sweetie user, but most always towards children. I am a sub and am also involved in my kids activities and my memory for names stinks. So I use sweetie a lot.

I am trying to think if I use it for adults-- I don't think so, other than DH. I am not a sweetie type of person towards adults. I actually use Babe for DH the most.

I had an ex that would call me "Toots". It drove his mother and many of our friends nuts because it just seemed so insulting and demeaning towards me, but it actually had special meaning between us so I loved it.

I don't have a problem with being called hun or sweetheart as long as it is done right. I actually prefer that to "mam"-- that just makes me feel old!

 

[Mama-san]

Last year at the MK turnstiles, a CM told me to "Have a magical day, Princess!". I'm 40 y.o..

While amusing, I was tempted to inform him he was speaking to The Queen.

 

[disfan07]

Not sure what exactly you mean, but in nursing school we were taught to NEVER call patients "sweetie" or "honey" or "sugar" because it could be insulting

That sso funny because so many of my nurses call me sweetie. Even the ones who are only liek a few years older than me (I'm only 21). Honestly, it doesnt bother me when they do it. But now, most of the nurses call me the baby when they are talking about me because 99% percent of the patients on the floor or in pre-op when I am there are at least 20-30 years older than me so whenever I go to pre-op room or when I am admitted, they always go "1989...you're such a baby" and right now that's what I am at teh hospital. I'm either sweetie or the baby. But hey....doesnt bother me at all. They all treat me so dang well

 

[pls5286]

I have a friend that wants to keep calling me "babe". I had to finally tell him that only one person is allowed to call me babe and he is not it. It bothered both me and my DF.

 

[Scurvy]

In another thread, I'm seeing endearments used that, to me, seem insulting. The poster seems to be pretty sincere, so it has me thinking she doesn't mean them to be insulting. Am I the only one insulted by being called "pet names" by strangers?

I find it really annoying. I really don't think it's appropriate to use endearments with someone unless you're actually close to them, except when you're talking to a child. I really prefer that people maintain a little more distance than that, especially when I don't even know them. The endearments usually strike me as very condescending or patronising. I've seen them used that way one here fairly often, though I have occasionally seen someone use one in a way that appeared to be sincere.

Someone called from a store where I had ordered something the other day and kept calling me "hun" so often that by the time she finally hung up I was wishing I had an air horn to blow in her ear. Plus, she was using a really syrupy sweet voice, which I also really dislike. She may actually have been sincere, but she didn't sound like it.

ETA - I see many people have pointed out that it's a Southern thing. I actually am southern, so I'm used to hearing this sort of thing all the time. But it always reminds me of the phrase "Bless her heart" - a "sweet" way of saying something rude. It seems like when I hear people using those endearments, at best "hun"/"dear"/"sweetie" are just another random way to refer to people without actually meaning them as endearments and at worst it's used in a patronising/sarcastic way.

 

[arminnie]

In New Orleans is is VERY common to be called "baby" - especially by AA women who may be older or barely out of their teens.

Doesn't offend me in the least. It is a term of endearment.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

As long as it's not snarky and it's sincere, I don't mind it at all.

 

[EMom]

DD is Baby. DH is sometimes Baby, but mostly Honey. Between my daddy, mama and my aunts, I was usually called Baby or Sugar. Of course, it's Texas and that's normal. I freely admit to calling DD's friends Honey and DD is often called Sweetie by the mothers of her friends. It's just the way we are.

If I'm in a store and a salesclerk/checker calls me Sweetie, Honey, etc., I really don't think a thing of it because growing up in the South we were raised on that. If someone used a snarky tone, that would be one thing, but in my entire life, I've never had that happen. I don't use the terms for other adults (save family members) but I don't take offense to them, since as far as I can tell, none has ever been intended.

 

[OK!]

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. There are so many worse things that people could do (or say!)

 

[NMAmy]

I don't really mind for myself but the time that it really bothered me was when my father was in the hospital after his stroke. It just seemed so disrespectful for these young nurses to call my elderly father honey and sweetie. It made him feel like he was being infantilized.

Now my mother will flat out tell the nurses, "Don't call me honey, you can call me by my first name or you can call me Mrs. H." And then the nurses tell me how "feisty" she is.

I just don't get how nurses can think it's okay to speak to an elderly patient in such a disrespectful manner.

 

[Avalon_toon]

Its a cultural thing here - waitresses, store clerks, nurses, etc. will call you 'my love' as in, "Yes, my love, I'll get that for you..." Since I'm not from here, it was a bit odd at first, but its clear its just part of the local dialect, and no offense is intended.