Insulting endearments?

[smidgy]

Nope, I don't like it.

The only time it has ever not bothered me was this one time at a Waffle House when this older lady was calling everybody sweetheart with this very deep southern accent and deep smoky voice. Somehow she could just get away with it.

oops. I've been a bartender (and recently a waitress) most of my adult life. I have been called honey or sweetie more times than I can count , and I have often called customers the same.
but, now that I'm over 50 and hubby always said my voice reminded him of Brenda Vacarro, can i get a "bye"?

DISCLAIMER: if you are too old to know who Brenda Vacarro is, or are not a sports fan and don't know what a "bye" is.... disregard this whole post!

 

[pilotwife_02]

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. There are so many worse things that people could do (or say!)

This is how I feel too.

The only time is seemed weird is when I lived in Texas right after I graduated from college and one of the ladies I worked with who was old enough to be my mom called me ma'am. But after a few weeks of living in Texas I realized it was a regional thing and just what everyone did down there regardless of age differences.

 

[Sosai X]

At work I do customer support for users at Air Force bases all over the world. Many times I get called 'honey child' or 'sweetheart' or 'doll' from users in the deep south, like Charleston or Atlanta. Doesn't bother me. It's just part of their lingo.

 

[MissyDVC]

I actually like it. As long as it is not snarky, I think it adds warmth. But that's just me and I do understand why others might not like it.

 

[MommyJack]

Usually doesn't bother me, with one exception. My son's orthodontist calls me mom. I'm sure he does this will all his patients and it avoids the situation where you call a kid's parent Mrs ____ and it turns out she has a different last name. What gets me is that I'm paying this guy thousands and he can't be bothered to remember my name. I'm sure it's right there in my son's chart.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I think it's entirely cultural; I know I'm one who tosses endearments around like intensifiers.

I know when I'm online I substitute "hun" and various appellations for "cher" (which is not pronounced like the singer who was her generation's Lady Gaga, but rather as "sha"), as that is a common, understood reference and "cher" is not. I also don't use "boo" online, as it's not a casual endearment people outside of my cultural milieu are familiar with. I presumed, I guess, that most people are familiar enough with the Southern culture to understand that endearments are tossed around pretty handily and with affection for other examples of the same species, and "hun", "sweetie" etc. are English enough examples that they should be comprehended in context.

ETA: I perfer being addressed as cher, book, hun, sweetie, etc. over my given name by someone who is performing a service for me unless that person is known to me in some way. A common endearment is generalized and means nothing except that you wish to convey warmth towards that person. Using my given name, to me, indicates a level of familiarity that I don't have with a cashier, waitress or manicurist.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would take hon,sweetie,babe etc over being called Ma'am- I find that truly insulting!

 

[Teacher03]

I don't really mind for myself but the time that it really bothered me was when my father was in the hospital after his stroke. It just seemed so disrespectful for these young nurses to call my elderly father honey and sweetie. It made him feel like he was being infantilized.

Now my mother will flat out tell the nurses, "Don't call me honey, you can call me by my first name or you can call me Mrs. H." And then the nurses tell me how "feisty" she is.

I just don't get how nurses can think it's okay to speak to an elderly patient in such a disrespectful manner.

I agree with you 100%. My dad was in the hospital two years ago, and some of the nurses talked to him in the same manner. Drove me crazy, and it hurt his pride. I'm not sure if it was the "hons" and "sweeties" that were bothersome, but it was the tone, the baby talk.

On the other hand, it usually doesn't bother me if someone calls me hon or sweetie, if it is sincere. And I actually LOVE being called princess while in Disney !

 

[Hillbeans]

My boss often refers to me as darling, honestly it's not meant to be offensive it's just her style of talking.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I don't really mind for myself but the time that it really bothered me was when my father was in the hospital after his stroke. It just seemed so disrespectful for these young nurses to call my elderly father honey and sweetie. It made him feel like he was being infantilized.

Now my mother will flat out tell the nurses, "Don't call me honey, you can call me by my first name or you can call me Mrs. H." And then the nurses tell me how "feisty" she is.

I just don't get how nurses can think it's okay to speak to an elderly patient in such a disrespectful manner.

I can't imagine that they're doing it to be disrespectful

 

[Cantw8]

Nope, I don't like it.

The only time it has ever not bothered me was this one time at a Waffle House when this older lady was calling everybody sweetheart with this very deep southern accent and deep smoky voice. Somehow she could just get away with it.

Oh pleeeeze, you know you love it when I call ya a skank

 

[NMAmy]

Usually doesn't bother me, with one exception. My son's orthodontist calls me mom. I'm sure he does this will all his patients and it avoids the situation where you call a kid's parent Mrs ____ and it turns out she has a different last name. What gets me is that I'm paying this guy thousands and he can't be bothered to remember my name. I'm sure it's right there in my son's chart.

Oh, good heavens, I really, really hate that, too. Luckily, dd and I have the same family doctor so she calls me by name but it happens a lot at Urgent Care or the ER.

I can't imagine that they're doing it to be disrespectful

Probably not and, as Teacher03 said, it's not JUST the whole sweetie, honey, thing but the baby talk and that high squeaky tone used with small children and dogs that's used with patients who have a good 50 years on the nurse. I didn't talk baby talk to my baby much less to someone who has been an adult for longer than I've been alive.

I'm sure they're not intending to be disrespectful but treating a grownup like a small child is disrespectful.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh pleeeeze, you know you love it when I call ya a skank

Only you can get away with it!

Where ya been anyway? I was just wondering about you the other day.

 

[MIGrandma]

This was discussed a few weeks back, and you'd be surprised at the people it doesn't bother that think those of us it does bother are rude and they just can't imagine why it bothers us!

Yes, it bothers me when strangers (cashiers, waitresses, whatever) call me "sweetie" or "hon" or "dear." I don't like it, plain and simple. I don't feel it's wrong, or weird, or rude to not like it. I just don't like it. It's annoying.

But some people think it shouldn't be annoying to anyone.

I used to be a waitress, and I would never call my customers "sweetie" or "hon." I just don't think it's appropriate. One of the other waitresses I worked with always called her customers names like that. And I really, really hated it when my customers called me those names. I just cringed inwardly. My name tag was right on the table too.

 

[Planogirl]

There are people who call our company who use those terms and it's clear pretty fast as to whether they mean it in a nice way or not. It sounds odd to me but in my world intent is what matters. I've been called many things so these are easy to take!

 

[disykat]

As long as it's not snarky and it's sincere, I don't mind it at all.

Sometimes it is really hard to tell. When I first posted this, I had honestly read the thread several times over trying to figure it out. I thought the endearments were pretty outrageous (sugar cube, babydoll, etc.) but the poster seemed sincere otherwise. (Those posts have since been removed so I'm guessing I offended someone by posting this thread, but now I'll never know.)

In person, you have inflection and facial expressions to help at least!

 

[Feralpeg]

It doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I kind of like it. It is just something people have picked up over time based on where they live or how their families speak. It isn't meant to be "insulting" or even "endearing". It is just a name like "Miss" or "Sir". No big deal to me.

 

[minkydog]

I admit, I am a hun and sweetie user, but most always towards children. I am a sub and am also involved in my kids activities and my memory for names stinks. So I use sweetie a lot.

I don't have a problem with being called hun or sweetheart as long as it is done right. I actually prefer that to "mam"-- that just makes me feel old!

I don't really mind when someone calls me dear or sweetheart, and I kinda like being called "ma'am". It's a Deep South thing. Like you, I work with elementary school kids. I'm the school nurse so I see kids when they fall off the swing, vomit in class, or their pet dog dies. I often refer to them as sweetheart or "luv". I don't refer to any of my collegues by those names, though. I think they probably would think that was a little presumptuous.

 

[MushyMushy]

This was discussed a few weeks back, and you'd be surprised at the people it doesn't bother that think those of us it does bother are rude and they just can't imagine why it bothers us!

Yes, it bothers me when strangers (cashiers, waitresses, whatever) call me "sweetie" or "hon" or "dear." I don't like it, plain and simple. I don't feel it's wrong, or weird, or rude to not like it. I just don't like it. It's annoying.

But some people think it shouldn't be annoying to anyone.

I used to be a waitress, and I would never call my customers "sweetie" or "hon." I just don't think it's appropriate. One of the other waitresses I worked with always called her customers names like that. And I really, really hated it when my customers called me those names. I just cringed inwardly. My name tag was right on the table too.

To me, it's just too intimate for strangers to call me endearments. Plus I'm not a cutesie person. So add those together and it just makes me uncomfortable to be called anything like that, especially when my own husband wouldn't do it, nor did my parents!

I find it a bit ironic that it seems to be a southern culture thing to do this, when they are usually so high on manners and propriety.

 

[shortbun]

Not sure what exactly you mean, but in nursing school we were taught to NEVER call patients "sweetie" or "honey" or "sugar" because it could be insulting.

They did a good thing in nursing school. I hate, hate, hate being called one of those familiar terms by a stranger. It is insincere, rude and low class. If you are reading this and one of those people who does it, stop. I am not the only person you are offending. Call your son, your mother, your best friend - sweetie, sugar, dear or honeypie. Call me by my name, miss or ma'am.