Inspired by the Thanksgiving Letter thread--Join me in venting!

[mrsklamc]

BIL: (NOT DBIL) I know your mother thinks you are 'rebelling' and I am sure you think you look edgy and cool, but 28 is too old for rebelling and it's time to wear pants that cover your backside instead of having a giant hole where the butt should be. At least to Christmas.

 

[NMAmy]

To my coworkers: If you don't want to participate in the potluck, don't. Please do not ever tell me, "I don't have time to make anything. I'll just give you some money and you can pick something up for my contribution." and expect me to be tickled. Particularly when you work two days a week from 10-2 and I work 7:30 - 4:00 Monday through Friday. I'm making the time to actually prepare something. I do not want to do your errands, as well.

And to the vegetarian who either brings nothing or a bag of chips, do not whine that the entree I prepared is not vegetarian. I know it's become tradition for me to be the only person who brings real food for lunch but, really, I'm happy to share the spotlight and anyone who wants to can bring ANY entree they so desire. If you feel I've really missed the vegetarian niche, then perhaps you should be the one to pitch in and help out by filling that.

Luckily, my family doesn't irritate me at the holidays.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

The story is true, heaven help me. It happened about 10 years ago and gave rise to a selection of unflattering statements about and nicknames for my in-laws. DH was every bit as put out as I was. After that year, my level of effort went WAY down.

As always, we hosted, since MIL abdicated her role as family matriarch the second her DH died back when we were still in our 20s. As the only other female, I became the matriarch by default, which meant I "got to" host family holidays. I planned a feast with a military Martha Stewart-like level of precision and perfection. Every dish was timed to be ready simultaneously, the china and crystal were sparkling, and the house was pristine. DH's family had asked what they could bring. Knowing they always turn that offer into a PITA, I told them I really had it all under control, but they insisted. Here's what happened..........

MIL walked in with a couple of cans of shoepeg corn, put them on the counter and said, "I said I'd bring corn. Can you cook these?" Uh......Geez, when someone "brings a dish," that usually means the dish is ready to eat and not that the ingredients are brought for the hostess to prepare. I was using every single burner I had, so doing anything extra meant throwing my perfect schedule off track. Next, she pulled out a jar of applesauce and bag of red hots and said she thought we'd have candied applesauce. I saw that the applesauce was sugar-free and told her it would taste nasty, hoping that would kill the idea. Nope. She went in my cupboard and found MY applesauce with sugar and plopped it down. I think she started the mixture in the pan, but abandoned it for DH to finish making. She'd also brought roles, but I already had some and I flat out refused to prepare hers.

Then she brought out a store bought angel food cake, saying it's for a family member's birthday, which was about a week away. As if we didn't have about 3 other desserts. She said, "Well, angel food cake is low fat." Then she proceded to pull out powdered sugar, butter and cocoa from a bag and announced that she was making chocolate icing for the cake. I checked out the butter and it was rancid, so I threw it away and gave her some of ours. She got my mixer, started making the icing and that chocolate mess started FLYING all over my WHITE kitchen. Did she clean it up? Of course she didn't. She piled icing about 1 inch thick on the cake (low fat no longer ) and chunked the bowl and beaters in the sink, without even running water on them. She walked off and sat on the couch to veg, ignoring the bits of icing all over the counter, cabinets and backsplash. By that time, DH could tell he was about to become an orphan.

I somehow got it all on the table, but I was frazzled. I'd made a homemade cranberry sauce that was to die for. They looked at it without even tasting it and asked, "Do you have any in the can?" ACK! We made it through the meal, and DH and I went in the kitchen to wash the dishes. Of course, they went to watch TV. The phone rang and it was a childhood friend calling to let me know that another childhood friend had died (expected) from brain cancer. I looked at DH and told him that was the straw that broke the camel's back and that I was headed to bed. He'd have to finish those dishes and entertain his family. And to bed I went.

After they left, I told DH that if INGREDIENTS ever showed up again, they were staying ingredients. He had to tell his family to bring it prepared or don't bring it at all. I think that's reasonable. I can laugh about it now, but I was about to blow a gasket that day.

That story is crazy! What is it with people and bringing cans of corn?

 

[DisneyBeagle]

To my coworkers: If you don't want to participate in the potluck, don't. Please do not ever tell me, "I don't have time to make anything. I'll just give you some money and you can pick something up for my contribution." and expect me to be tickled. Particularly when you work two days a week from 10-2 and I work 7:30 - 4:00 Monday through Friday. I'm making the time to actually prepare something. I do not want to do your errands, as well.

And to the vegetarian who either brings nothing or a bag of chips, do not whine that the entree I prepared is not vegetarian. I know it's become tradition for me to be the only person who brings real food for lunch but, really, I'm happy to share the spotlight and anyone who wants to can bring ANY entree they so desire. If you feel I've really missed the vegetarian niche, then perhaps you should be the one to pitch in and help out by filling that.

Luckily, my family doesn't irritate me at the holidays.

What is it with potlucks at work? Some people are never happy with anything, but they never offer to help.

 

[EthansMom]

I no longer host holiday meals at my house, so I don't really need to prepare and send out a letter. In point of fact, I have instructed DH to shoot me if I ever start to consider hosting a holiday meal with his family ever again. Additionally, I refused to have Thanksgiving with DH's family this year (even if it was at someone else's home).

Herein are a few of my reasons:

Guests (more than one) who insist that they will be bringing something simple (let's say, bread, for an actual example) who then arrive at the get-together (which is held on a day that grocery stores are open) without the item that they insisted they would bring and without calling first to say they would not be able to bring the item.

Guests who insist on bringing an item that is inedible for any reason. If you decide to share a new recipe or creative invention, taste it before leaving home.

Guests who know what time dinner will be served and spontaneously decide to go shopping for a big ticket household item (for no planned/apparent reason) at exactly the time they are due at a get-together.... and don't call to say they will be a tad (okay, 2 hours) late.

Guests who make a rude comment to another attendee and then get a sarcastic remark made back to them and take offense, screaming and yelling and generally making everyone else miserable for MONTHS.

Relatives who are invited to your house for a get-together and Christmas gift exchange on Christmas Eve who arrive without bringing gifts for the children and then show up on your doorstep at 9 a.m. on Christmas morning with the kids' gifts. The get-together was planned weeks in advance so you can't claim that you didn't know you needed to get the presents wrapped. And you can't get away with claiming that you left the party at 10 p.m. and went shopping. So, cut the crap already.

We don't live near my relatives but here's another one that my family has tried to pull at various times:

Relatives who call to ask what your plans are for such-and-such time period (let's say the whole holiday season) and you tell them EXACTLY which days you already have plans with other friends and relatives. Then the relatives to whom you've made your plans known call back DAYS (or weeks) later, saying, "Oh we MUST get-together with you on those same days you've already made plans because of some lame reason!" Unless you have a completely valid reason for only being available for 3 hours out of two weeks, then the people who have already made plans with us will not be asked to alter their schedules to accomade your wishes.

 

[mrsdisneyfan]

Dear Family and DH's Family,

We spent another holiday alone...just us...ahhhhhhh...it was so nice. There was no drama. I cooked and we ate what we wanted. I didn't have to listen to what your new cabinets cost and how you got a deal because you know a guy. I didn't have to hear about SILs bowel trouble. I didn't have to listen to how much everyone loves you and how you are the most popular people on the planet. I could go on, but I don't like thinking about you for that long. We'll try and remember to send you a Christmas card. See you sometime next year!!

Editing to add: My sister (MrsDisneyFan) is probably going to read this...so...I only included OUR family so HIS family wouldn't figure out I was really just talking about them. Although, you have to admit mom is bat s**t crazy.

AMEN Sister!!!!!

 

[momof1princess]

Dear Aunt: if you're going to put jalapenos in the black-eyed peas because your precious, 17 year old snowflake prefers them that way, how about a warning for the rest of us??? oh, and mom, if you're not going to contribute anything to the meal except a constant impulse to be under foot of those of us who are actually getting the meal ready, please don't complain that the edge of the dressing is too brown for your taste or that the homemade cranberry sauce is "off". and while i'm at it: dear grandma, if cooking is such a horrible burden for you, stop insisting on doing the majority of it yourself! let those of us who want to help you, HELP, but for crying out loud, stop whining about how you're not going to do it next year and it's just too hard on you!

 

[MomofKatie]

OK, here's my letter from the view of a guest:

Dear MIL:

Thank you so much for insisting DH, DD, and I come to your home for T'giving, even though we explained that DH works in retail and only gets one day off, and we live 9 hours away. We love the drive- the mountains are so peaceful, covered with ice and snow, especially at 2am. The drive keeps us alert, since we are sharing the road with 18 wheelers and deer, and the wind keeps pushing us all over the highway.

We really appreciate being included in the dinner "to bring" list, even though, as we stated earlier, we live 9 hours away, and will be driving all night to get to you. Being asked to bring a dish that must be kept cold keeps me sharp- wedging the Igloo cooler into the backseat, and stopping every 2 hours for ice is a good way to make me sure to use all my brain cells. Then, not leaving me any fridge space when we finally get to your house is thoughtful- I didn't need to have that extra 20 minutes of sleep when I can rearrange your fridge at 3am.

At the family dinner, seeing my SIL breeze in with a 2 liter bottle of Coke and a package of brown 'n serve rolls that she bought at the 7-11 on the way to your house is the icing on the cake. Since she lives 15 minutes away, and sees you every day, why would you require her to bring anything that requires any preparation?

The extra special T'giving helping of guilt is the best part of the trip- "We really wish you could have cleared your busy schedule and come for a longer visit," followed by, "There sure will be a lot to clean up later- too bad you won't be around to help", complete with big sigh and eyeroll, really make us glad we made the effort to DRIVE FOR 9 HOURS to get here. We don't mind, even though you and FIL are both retired, and DH works 60 hours/week.

See you next year!!

Your DIL

 

[mom2travel]

OK, here's my letter from the view of a guest:

Dear MIL:

Thank you so much for insisting DH, DD, and I come to your home for T'giving, even though we explained that DH works in retail and only gets one day off, and we live 9 hours away. We love the drive- the mountains are so peaceful, covered with ice and snow, especially at 2am. The drive keeps us alert, since we are sharing the road with 18 wheelers and deer, and the wind keeps pushing us all over the highway.

We really appreciate being included in the dinner "to bring" list, even though, as we stated earlier, we live 9 hours away, and will be driving all night to get to you. Being asked to bring a dish that must be kept cold keeps me sharp- wedging the Igloo cooler into the backseat, and stopping every 2 hours for ice is a good way to make me sure to use all my brain cells. Then, not leaving me any fridge space when we finally get to your house is thoughtful- I didn't need to have that extra 20 minutes of sleep when I can rearrange your fridge at 3am.

At the family dinner, seeing my SIL breeze in with a 2 liter bottle of Coke and a package of brown 'n serve rolls that she bought at the 7-11 on the way to your house is the icing on the cake. Since she lives 15 minutes away, and sees you every day, why would you require her to bring anything that requires any preparation?

The extra special T'giving helping of guilt is the best part of the trip- "We really wish you could have cleared your busy schedule and come for a longer visit," followed by, "There sure will be a lot to clean up later- too bad you won't be around to help", complete with big sigh and eyeroll, really make us glad we made the effort to DRIVE FOR 9 HOURS to get here. We don't mind, even though you and FIL are both retired, and DH works 60 hours/week.

See you next year!!

Your DIL

FIL: when you break one of our crystal wine glasses, please do not try to deflect blame to the ice maker in the refrigerator... you were the one who shoved the glass against the ice release and let the cubes hit the glass surface...

BIL: please do not complain that we are always going by our schedule, not yours. I know it is tough being almost 40, single, no kids or pets, and bringing only beer to dinner. Perhaps if you asked nicely we'd rearrange our schedules to accomodate your sleeping in and going to the gym before dinner...

all: either help or get out of the kitchen. Please do not stand between the refrigerator, sink and oven like a deer in the headlights


Also from a guest perspective... when you know we can only visit for a certain amount of time, please do not invite a hundred people over and then complain when it's time for us to leave that you barely got to see us...

 

[Just Jan]

Guest perspective::
Dear Ex SIL & Your Adult Neice Who is my age,
If you haven't noticed by now I stopped helping years ago when I over heard you complain that I put the pans away the 'wrong' way. And yes, I did think the fire in the oven was funny! the Turkey escaped unscathed and no one was hurt.

From Host perspective:
Dear Mom,
I love everything about you! You make Thanksgiving so much fun we laugh until we cry.. We have great stories, but why do you always insist on bringing dad?
Dear Dad, must you .really?
Dear 17 year old daughter, Lighten up. I'm sorry you thought the trivia cards would be a stupid idea and no one would want to do it ! Did you notice it really got conversation going and lots of laughing. .....OOOPs was that laughter I heard escape from you too? HAHA it was a good idea after all wasn't it.
Dear 22 year old daughter We missed you this Thanksgiving, we all knew how important it was for you to be with your bf who is so far away for a couple of years. As hard as it may be to believe 17 yr old sister did miss you.
Dear fiancee, you are wonderful and the meal was excellent. Sorry I keep telling you how my mom makes stuffing....she likes yours better than her own.

I'm sorry I dropped the turnips on the floor last year while attempting to mash them. That is why I will always cheerfully be on the clean up crew.