Inspired by the late RSVP thread: Would you expect someone to hold a spot for you if

[MIGrandma]

I voted no. I read that thread, and was amazed at some of the people thinking she was a you-know-what simply because she invited someone else and didn't hold the spot for the child whose mother did not RSVP until 4 days later.

If you send an invitation and someone doesn't respond by the date you need to know, that is their problem, not the person who did the inviting.

If you make an exception for the first child, in a case like that, not only does the mother not learn a lesson about RSVP'ing but the child doesn't learn how important it is either.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No.

I have responded late to RSVP's--I begin with my apologies and I understand if it is too late. I don't make this a regular habit--but of course, life gets in the way. Since life gets in the way, I don't expect any host or hostess to accomodate my failure to plan.

I would of course feel disappointed--b/c my mistake resulted in me not being able to attend. But that's life. Some parties/events are flexible and some other events are hard and fast on the numbers and responding late means you are SOL. I remember in school not being able to do a field trip b/c my mom failed to get the paperwork in on time. Why would the school (who could have EASILY accomodated me)--be required to do so b/c of her failure to plan.

As far as the kid in that post--the more mistakes her mom makes on her behalf and the public accomodates with little consequence, the kid will grow up with the same poor etiquette.

We need to once again expect accountability and not be afraid of holding people accountable.

It is far to easy to come up with faux excuses as to why an RSVP was late. Late mail, forgetful kid--whatever. Only if the mistake is on the part of the host/hostess should an exception be made if it can.

But if the kid forgot to give mom the invite and has to feel those consequences, I'm sure the kid will try harder to not forget the next time.

ETA: To expect someone to hold a place for you is nothing more than entitlement. I'm shocked that someone feels they are in the "right" when they hold this expectation.

 

[cheermom1]

I voted no. I read that thread, and was amazed at some of the people thinking she was a you-know-what simply because she invited someone else and didn't hold the spot for the child whose mother did not RSVP until 4 days later.

If you send an invitation and someone doesn't respond by the date you need to know, that is their problem, not the person who did the inviting.

If you make an exception for the first child, in a case like that, not only does the mother not learn a lesson about RSVP'ing but the child doesn't learn how important it is either.

I thought the same thing, so did my dd. she said she can't wrap her brain around the idea of the mother thinking that she could do that and to ask her to take the kid as well.. she said too bad so sad. she also said that she wouldn't think too much of being asked to fill a spot if the original person invited couldn't show up she would just say she would go or not. no big deal...

 

[Dancemom03]

If you make an exception for the first child, in a case like that, not only does the mother not learn a lesson about RSVP'ing but the child doesn't learn how important it is either.

I look at it as my child's party, not an opportunity to teach another parent or child a lesson. If we invite someone, it's b/c my child wants them there. It isn't about the money, the present, or the parents. It's about my child sharing her special day with her friends.

Since that's why you host a child's party in the first place, I'll do everything I can to facilitate it. If that means picking up a phone or, in the case of a neighbor like in that thread, asking the mom at the bus stop I'm not too full of myself to do it. I can't help but wonder if there's something we're not aware of going on between the parents in the original situation that has nothing to do with an RSVP...

 

[OceanAnnie]

I voted no. I read that thread, and was amazed at some of the people thinking she was a you-know-what simply because she invited someone else and didn't hold the spot for the child whose mother did not RSVP until 4 days later.

If you send an invitation and someone doesn't respond by the date you need to know, that is their problem, not the person who did the inviting.

If you make an exception for the first child, in a case like that, not only does the mother not learn a lesson about RSVP'ing but the child doesn't learn how important it is either.

I was amazed too. It reminded me of the thank you note thread. Now that would've been an interesting poll too.

It seems like thank you notes and RSVPs aren't what they used to be.

 

[Scurvy]

I would not expect a host to save a spot for me if I didn't RSVP in time. If I were hosting and had to have a firm number to tell a caterer by a certain date and an adult hadn't responded I'd try to get in touch with them. If I couldn't then I'd probably assume they weren't coming, and I wouldn't include them in my final count. I wouldn't try to fill the empty spaces because I think "B" lists are tacky. If I didn't need to have a firm number, then I would assume they might end up coming after all and I'd plan to have enough food on hand for them.

However, I do feel a little bit differently about children's parties. I wouldn't expect someone to hold a spot for my child if I didn't RSVP for him in time, and I would not hold it against someone if they didn't. I would definitely hold a spot for anyone that we invited to his party even if they didn't RSVP in time. I might try to contact the parents to see if they had just forgotten to respond in time, but if I couldn't get in touch with them then I would go on the assumption that they might show up. I would not expect anyone else to do this, but I personally would not want to penalize a child because their parents didn't respond in time. I would feel badly about excluding a child from a party just because of a late RSVP. Yes, maybe it would be a learning opportunity for the child to have to miss the party, but there are lots of learning opportunities in life. Plus, my child only invites the people he really wants to have at his parties, and I wouldn't want him to have to miss out on having his friends there because their parents didn't RSVP quickly enough.

(ETA - My B-list comment is only in response to the comments on this thread; I have no idea if there was a B-list on the other thread.)

 

[laurie31]

To get the most bang for your buck, ie presents, makes it wrong. Have the kid stand on a chair and yell "thanks now you can all leave".

I was desperate to fill all the spots at my DD's bowling party because it was a flat rate. I didn't even consider gifts, I just didn't want a $21.50 bowling spot to go to waste; I filled the two empty spots with my older DD and myself. I was actually happy when an extra kid showed up, so I didn't have to bowl. I'm a horrible bowler! (DD13 would have also been totally fine with not bowling if yet another extra kid had showed). I guess that's not the same as inviting from a B list, as obviously DD and myself would have been at the party anyway. DD13 just wasn't planning to bowl, and it was very easy for me to "uninvite" myself from a lane when the other kid showed up. It would have been awkward if I had filled the spot with another child.

Last year, DD13 had a Webkinz party for her 12th birthday. That one charged per child, and let me tell you I was THRILLED when two of the guests didn't show. I only had to pay for the ones who actually came.

(disclaimer - those kids were DD's friends, and if they had come I would have been happy they were there. We did invite them after all! What I meant was, I was thrilled not to have to pay for the ones who weren't there. But I never would have considered inviting from a "b" list for that party, because there were no pre-paid spots to fill. If there are prepaid spots, you better believe I'm going to fill them one way or another!)

 

[OceanAnnie]

No- but I wouldnt' expect someone to have a "B" list of invitees for a child's birthday party.

I don't know. Maybe I read the other thread wrong. It didn't seem to me like the OP had a "B" list. She had an empty spot and her co-worker and DD were having a tough time. It seemed more like serendipity to me.

 

[cheermom1]

I don't know. Maybe I read the other thread wrong. It didn't seem to me like the OP had a "B" list. She had an empty spot and her co-worker and DD were having a tough time. It seemed more like serendipity to me.

I read it the same way you did..there was no 'b' list...

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't know. Maybe I read the other thread wrong. It didn't seem to me like the OP had a "B" list. She had an empty spot and her co-worker and DD were having a tough time. It seemed more like serendipity to me.

Her coworkers child is not even a friend of her childs. Even if there was not a physical list- it's the same thing.

 

[wdwfan16]

I was desperate to fill all the spots at my DD's bowling party because it was a flat rate. I didn't even consider gifts, I just didn't want a $21.50 bowling spot to go to waste; I filled the two empty spots with my older DD and myself. I was actually happy when an extra kid showed up, so I didn't have to bowl. I'm a horrible bowler! (DD13 would have also been totally fine with not bowling if yet another extra kid had showed). I guess that's not the same as inviting from a B list, as obviously DD and myself would have been at the party anyway. DD13 just wasn't planning to bowl, and it was very easy for me to "uninvite" myself from a lane when the other kid showed up. It would have been awkward if I had filled the spot with another child.

Last year, DD13 had a Webkinz party for her 12th birthday. That one charged per child, and let me tell you I was THRILLED when two of the guests didn't show. I only had to pay for the ones who actually came.

(disclaimer - those kids were DD's friends, and if they had come I would have been happy they were there. We did invite them after all! What I meant was, I was thrilled not to have to pay for the ones who weren't there. But I never would have considered inviting from a "b" list for that party, because there were no pre-paid spots to fill. If there are prepaid spots, you better believe I'm going to fill them one way or another!)

I would have done what you did. This also works well just in case an extra kid did show up. That is not what they are doing with the "B" list.

 

[Carly_Roach]

No.

I have responded late to RSVP's--I begin with my apologies and I understand if it is too late. I don't make this a regular habit--but of course, life gets in the way. Since life gets in the way, I don't expect any host or hostess to accomodate my failure to plan.

I would of course feel disappointed--b/c my mistake resulted in me not being able to attend. But that's life. Some parties/events are flexible and some other events are hard and fast on the numbers and responding late means you are SOL. I remember in school not being able to do a field trip b/c my mom failed to get the paperwork in on time. Why would the school (who could have EASILY accomodated me)--be required to do so b/c of her failure to plan.

As far as the kid in that post--the more mistakes her mom makes on her behalf and the public accomodates with little consequence, the kid will grow up with the same poor etiquette.

We need to once again expect accountability and not be afraid of holding people accountable.

It is far to easy to come up with faux excuses as to why an RSVP was late. Late mail, forgetful kid--whatever. Only if the mistake is on the part of the host/hostess should an exception be made if it can.

But if the kid forgot to give mom the invite and has to feel those consequences, I'm sure the kid will try harder to not forget the next time.

ETA: To expect someone to hold a place for you is nothing more than entitlement. I'm shocked that someone feels they are in the "right" when they hold this expectation.

I totally agree.

I don't know. Maybe I read the other thread wrong. It didn't seem to me like the OP had a "B" list. She had an empty spot and her co-worker and DD were having a tough time. It seemed more like serendipity to me.

That's how I read it as well.

Personally, I think people worrying about whether or not they're an "A" list, "B" list or "C" list invitee is making too much drama out of what should be a simplistic situation. You (or your child) have been invited to a party. If you want to go to the party, then go and have fun.

But if you want to take your stand on the fact that you think you were slighted because you didn't think you or your child made some "A" list, then please stay away from the party, post a video on YouTube about how rotten you think the world is treating you and your child, expound on the fact that the invitation came five days before the party started therefore your child must be some back-up kid to be used as just another gift grab for the birthday child, call yourself a warrior for Jesus, and hope some reality show will pick it up and you'll be a TV star that everyone will envy.

But kindly stay away and allow the rest of us enjoy our birthday party.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Her coworkers child is not even a friend of her childs. Even if there was not a physical list- it's the same thing.

I guess we just see it differently. Did the OP say the girls weren't friends? I missed that.

 

[Mermaid02]

I guess we just see it differently. Did the OP say the girls weren't friends? I missed that.

Yes, in the original thread she stated the girls were not friends and had only met once.

 

[Carly_Roach]

If you guys are going to rehash the original thread, this one's likely to be closed down as well.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yes, in the original thread she stated the girls were not friends and had only met once.

Mmm. Oh well. It doesn't change my opinion. To me, it was nice of the OP to extend the offer. The co-worker is going through a tough time (divorce was it?) and the spot was paid for. The OP was going on the assumption the spot would've been wasted and it would do them both good to get out. That's the way I read it anyway.

I think the OP was surprised Mary's mother called after 4 days.

I was surprised with a "maybe" RSVP. You can't plan for a maybe. It either will be or won't.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If you guys are going to rehash the original thread, this one's likely to be closed down as well.

Sorry. Just saw your post. I wasn't clear. That's all.

 

[cheermom1]

truth is that it doesn't matter what we think b/c op should do what SHE think is best in HER situation..besides I *think* there is only a few that *think* she had a 'B' list anyway!

 

[kaytieeldr]

No. I also wouldn't assume the host was holding anything against anyone. I would simply assume they made their plans based on the number that RSVPd. I would explain to my child that we didn't get him signed up in time. If he was feeling bad about it I would try to arrange to invite the birthday child over or something at another time.

Oh, gee, you know - that's a GREAT comparison. Your child wants to sign up for baseball. The deadline is Friday. You submit the application or make the call the following Tuesday because you were distracted/busy/concerned with other things/undecided/whatever.
The team officials aren't going to make an exception for your child. They provided you with enough time to notify them your child would be coming/playing; it's not their responsibility you couldn't get back to them within that time. Same thing with the party invitation.