Inspired by the late RSVP thread: Would you expect someone to hold a spot for you if

[OceanAnnie]

you responded 4 days too late for an RSVP? Would you hold it against the hostess if she didn't hold that spot?

That thread is really interesting!

 

[LoraJ]

I am bad with RSVP's, but I would not expect a spot to be held because I forgot.

 

[MushyMushy]

I wouldn't expect it, but I would certainly think a whole lot less of the person if they held my own careless actions against my child.

 

[mom2boys77]

I would not expect someone to hold a spot for me.

 

[disykat]

No. I also wouldn't assume the host was holding anything against anyone. I would simply assume they made their plans based on the number that RSVPd. I would explain to my child that we didn't get him signed up in time. If he was feeling bad about it I would try to arrange to invite the birthday child over or something at another time.

 

[dislaney]

No. I also wouldn't assume the host was holding anything against anyone. I would simply assume they made their plans based on the number that RSVPd. I would explain to my child that we didn't get him signed up in time. If he was feeling bad about it I would try to arrange to invite the birthday child over or something at another time.

That is exactly what I would do.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Well, only for me, because my boys are special...

Everyone else? No way.

 

[Mermaid02]

No- but I wouldnt' expect someone to have a "B" list of invitees for a child's birthday party.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Nope. I would not hold it against the person. It's not their fault I can't follow directions!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I agree with a few things said here. I wouldn't be mad if it was *me* but if another mom held it against my child, I'd be annoyed. I also agree with the "B list" thing-- that just seems so wrong to me.

However as a hostess I would push the RSVP date up a few days as an invisible "grace period" before I submitted my final count. I know that people are busy and sometimes we forget-- we're human. I feel that gone are the days of our mothers and grandmothers that stayed at home and had little to do other than keep the house tidy, have dinner made and children dressed. Life is busier now. Stuff happens.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't expect it, but I would certainly think a whole lot less of the person if they held my own careless actions against my child.

To answer the OP, if I responded late I would never expect the mom to hold my dd's spot and I would expect her to invite someone else in my child's place, especially if she is paying by a group and not by a head. In fact IF I was responding late it would be to say that my child would not be able to make it, because I would never respond late with the assumption that their place was still open.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

No- but I wouldnt' expect someone to have a "B" list of invitees for a child's birthday party.

This!!
I checked other because I really thinks it depends on the type of party. If its an at home party, then why couldn't they squeeze in someone late. If its at a place - like bowling, BABW, then no I wouldn't expect it. However, I always make extra goody bags, always plan for kids showing up and always plan for the siblings. The only time I ever told a parent they had to pay was when a mother brought a sibling to BABW. As I had really limited the number of kids, I gave each kid $30 for the bear and clothing. I thought that was generous so there was no way I was shelling out for her second kid. I did however invite the child to participate in the party, have pizza, cake and a goody bag. I felt that was a nice alternative. And besides, the kid was 4. She ate half a piece of pizza and a small piece of cake.

 

[jrmasm]

No, that's just silly.

 

[hereyago]

I voted no. Because if you snooze you lose.

 

[Dancemom03]

I must be a pushover b/c I'm happy to see the ones who show up without RSVPing but get really annoyed by folks who say they'll be there and don't show. FTR - we've done some really great destination parties over the years. Occassionally those kids who didn't call but came put the party into the next tier but, by the end of the party day when it comes time to write the check, I'm usually so tired that I'm just glad it's over and everyone had a good time.

I'd never set the RSVP date close to the actual date a firm count was needed b/c after 32 yrs of parenting now I've learned that not everyone replies on time - or sadly, at all. That said, in elementary schoo, it's common courtesy here to follow up on an unanswered invitation with a phone call if at all possible just to make sure it made its way to the parent. Kids don't always remember to give everything to mom at the end of the day and invites can get lost.

 

[puffkin]

No- but I wouldnt' expect someone to have a "B" list of invitees for a child's birthday party.

Whoops...I guess I just did a major DIS no-no then

DS's party is next weekend. It is a build a bear type thing, but they come to your house. I had to pay for the "kits" in advance. I guessed 10 kids would come so I paid for 10. At $16 a pop it isn't exactly cheap. Well I invited 12 kids and only have 7 confirmed as coming. The others declined and 2 I have not heard back from. I have no way of contacting them because they are preschool friends and i have never seen the parents. I highly doubt they will come as neither one has been at the other 3 parties for classmates. So I have 3 kits that will be wasted since I paid for them anyway....so I invited 4 kids off the B list. Normally I wouldn't do something like this, but I don't want the stuff to go to waste!

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I voted no. Because if you snooze you lose.

this...also the world doesn't revolve around me. IF I forget, then it is not the fault of the thrower of the party. They need to do what they need to do in a certain time sometimes and I would never expect them to hold a spot, nor would I be offended if someone else took my spot(or if I had a child, my child's spot). Yes the kid may be disappointed that mom forgot, but look at it as motivation for mom to remember and do her part next time an invitation comes around.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Casual house party, no big deal - but in this instance it is by the head with tier pricing. I sure would want every seat filled.

There is no penalizing anyones snowflake , reality is, there are consequences to actions and sometimes what the parent does (or fails to do) will have unfortunate consequesnces for the kids.

Feel bad for Mary, but it is Mary's Mom's guilt to carry, not party mom

 

[PlainJane]

Casual house party, no big deal - but in this instance it is by the head with tier pricing. I sure would want every seat filled.

There is no penalizing anyones snowflake , reality is, there are consequences to actions and sometimes what the parent does (or fails to do) will have unfortunate consequesnces for the kids.

Feel bad for Mary, but it is Mary's Mom's guilt to carry, not party mom

When I did cheerleading, before I could drive, my mother always got me there late. She's just one of those people that is late for everything. The penalty for being late was extra pushups. I had guns of steel when all was said and done.

I never got mad at the coach. It wasn't her fault that my mother refused to leave for places with enough time to get there, or goodness forbid a cushion.

So, I did my pushups like a good girl, asked my mother every practice if we could leave earlier, and promised myself that I would never do it to my own children.

I agree with everything in the above post.

 

[2binak]

However as a hostess I would push the RSVP date up a few days as an invisible "grace period" before I submitted my final count.

I come from a very large family with large gatherings that take place many times a year and I've been in event planning for years so I have lots of experience with RSVP'ing. Always set your RSVP date at least a week before you need to give a final headcount. This will allow those who forgot to respond on time a few extra days to contact you and it will allow you time to contact people who haven't responded, if you choose to do so.