Inspired by Oprah's secret...how would you

[MushyMushy]

I was the one given up in a big family. My bio parents gave me up for adoption, and I was smack dab in the middle of 9 kids, so I have 8 siblings (most are full siblings, some are half). The older ones knew about me, but the younger ones didn't until adulthood and they all took it very well. We're in contact, but not very close like I am with my adopted sister.

 

[Agri]

I wouldn't be surprised if I did. My father cheated on my mother repeatedly over the course of their marriage and I asked him point-blank if I had any brothers or sisters I didn't know about and he denied it several times. He didn't have a vasectomy until a few years after I was born, which was about 10 years after they were married. I have had several people locally mistake me for other girls who look a lot like me, apparently.

I've never believed him, but I have no idea how I would go about finding out such a thing. He's the type of person that if a woman found out she was pregnant by him, she might very well keep the information to herself, anyway.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

When it all came to light and my friend confronted her mother about the others, her mother's reply was, "It wasn't any of your business!"

I think this is what would bother me if one of my parents had a secret child, that they would say it's none of my business. Would it be any of my business?? Would I have a right to know?

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

It's hard anyway you slice it. Regardless of who shares the story.

Two years ago, I was throwing around the idea of doing a scrapbook for my father. Upon googling his name, I found out my mother was adopted.

There was never any intention to tell either myself or my brother because my grandmother was made to feel ashamed for not being able to reproduce. To this day, I was told that my grandmother (who is now 96) will not ever know that I know and I'm not to tell my brother. I hate it. It doesn't make me love my mom or grandparents any less... if not, it makes me love them more. They opened up their home and their hearts to someone during a time that it was socially taboo. They did a great thing and to poo with whoever says otherwise.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think I would be flabbergasted.

My parents married young, at 18 and 20. They had my sister at 19 and 21 and then me at 21 and 23.

They were High School Sweethearts and we've seen the Prom pictures, the homecomings, the birthdays. Had my mom been preggers before my sister's birth, we'd see the evidence. Had my dad been, well, fathering a child elsewhere, there would be NO time. He spent every second working to save for a house. They bought their first home in their early 20's.

They are divorced now. So if anything, I'd expect a much younger half-sibling. And they would be welcomed with open arms.

 

[bumbershoot]

I
There was never any intention to tell either myself or my brother because my grandmother was made to feel ashamed for not being able to reproduce. To this day, I was told that my grandmother (who is now 96) will not ever know that I know and I'm not to tell my brother. I hate it. It doesn't make me love my mom or grandparents any less... if not, it makes me love them more. They opened up their home and their hearts to someone during a time that it was socially taboo. They did a great thing and to poo with whoever says otherwise.

You don't have to follow the rules, you know. You can certainly tell your brother if you think he'd be interested, and even talk to your grandmother. I bet it still hurts, sometimes, that she was made to feel ashamed (and my goodness, that far back, who knows which one of them had the no-baby issues???) about it, and *maybe* it would make her feel better to have someone tell her how GREAT it was that they adopted, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of.



The main secret I wonder about with my family is if I'm actually from one of my dad's brothers and my mom's sister. I look SO much more like them than I do my mom and dad (though my dad, his brother, and I all were identical as toddlers). And it would kind of make me giggle. They all knew each other in high school, after all. But...I really doubt it logically.

I have three half-sibs from my dad's 2nd marriage, though they are not secret at all, and I'm glad to have them! I love thinking about genetics, and it's fun to see the traits passed down from our dad and how they changed with a different mom.

 

[PaulaSB12]

It is probable that I have some through my father. I have never checked though and would strongly discourage any trying to contact me.

 

[tuckerkeys]

My husband was contacted via email last summer from a woman claiming to be his half sister. Found out he also had a half brother as well as another half sister....

Long story short was that his dad was married 1x before he met his mom. He WALKED OUT on the family one day and never went back......He never knew this.

The half sister was very angry and very bitter when speaking about my husbands dad ( as she should be ) and my husband really didn't want anything to do with this woman based on how she composed herself in those conversations....

My FIL has been nothing but loving towards my husband and his grandkids......I'm sure what he did over 45 years ago he is sorry for. But it was his decision and his life and quite honestly if he hadn't done such a horrible thing my husband would not have been born....My father in law is 80 now and my husband just wasn't up to having this drama being brought up. He talked about it with his dad and asked this lady to please leave him alone.
So far she has.......

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

You don't have to follow the rules, you know. You can certainly tell your brother if you think he'd be interested, and even talk to your grandmother. I bet it still hurts, sometimes, that she was made to feel ashamed (and my goodness, that far back, who knows which one of them had the no-baby issues???) about it, and *maybe* it would make her feel better to have someone tell her how GREAT it was that they adopted, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of.



The main secret I wonder about with my family is if I'm actually from one of my dad's brothers and my mom's sister. I look SO much more like them than I do my mom and dad (though my dad, his brother, and I all were identical as toddlers). And it would kind of make me giggle. They all knew each other in high school, after all. But...I really doubt it logically.

I have three half-sibs from my dad's 2nd marriage, though they are not secret at all, and I'm glad to have them! I love thinking about genetics, and it's fun to see the traits passed down from our dad and how they changed with a different mom.

It was something that her family made her feel bad about. From what I know, she never regretted it, and I love grandma so much that I don't want to bring up anything so painful. It's just not worth opening up years of repressed anger and saddness. It's not my place to talk to my brother about it - that's mom's cross the bear. I just have to be careful what I say around him. I will not dishonor my parents wishes on this.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

It was something that her family made her feel bad about. From what I know, she never regretted it, and I love grandma so much that I don't want to bring up anything so painful. It's just not worth opening up years of repressed anger and saddness. It's not my place to talk to my brother about it - that's mom's cross the bear. I just have to be careful what I say around him. I will not dishonor my parents wishes on this.

You could always have a conversation with your Grandmother and bring up adoption in general terms. Discuss how selfless you think the Mother is who can choose a better life for the child over one they can give them, etc... Don't even hint at knowing anything but just discuss your general admiration. That in itself may comfort her without you knowing. Just a thought.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

My Ex found out when he was an adult that he had a older half-brother - father had been married before and had a child...nobody knew...cat was out of the bag when the adult child decided to look the father up. It was difficult to say the least and a very well-kept secret.

I actually would not be surprised if my father had a child that he didn't know about. He spent a years as a bachelor between his several marriages and even jokes "you are my only child, unless I have one I was never told about". You never know, one day, when I least expect it.....BAM another sibling, just what I need .

 

[Lassie Lynne]

I have had several people locally mistake me for other girls who look a lot like me, apparently.

I've never believed him, but I have no idea how I would go about finding out such a thing. He's the type of person that if a woman found out she was pregnant by him, she might very well keep the information to herself, anyway.

I had a girl in the same town that I lived in who also was my look-alike twin....she even fooled my brother and my boss, until they got up real close . My boss even talked to her a couple of times, wondering if there was any connection, but there couldn't have been since we were within a couple of years of each other and my father didn't even live in that state then. It was funny tho' because more than once, I had people mistake me for her too, at least we knew about each other!

 

[rie'smom]

Our daughter is adopted and my well have full siblings or half siblings out there somewhere. She struggle with the adoption last year but has decided at least at this point that DH and I are her parents because we've been with her since she was 1 day old. We had 2 sons when we adopted her so she says she feels that her immediate family is complete.She may change her mind at some point and that's ok with us. We know that we've been the best parents that we could be to her.

 

[MamaLema]

I feel about 95% sure I have a half-sibling or more out there somewhere. Mine is a quite complicated situation to begin with.

I don't feel emotionally ready to persue it, and I'm not sure I ever will.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'd be pissed I wasn't told. I had an uncle (my father's brother) who was born in the 40's who had mental disabilities. I never knew he existing until about 10 years ago, after he already passed away. I was very angry with my parents for not telling me I had an uncle I never met. I can't imagine how much more angry I would be if it was a sibling.

 

[roscoepc1]

I'd think it was hysterical if it was Mom's, as she is extremely Victorian and judgemental of anyone having sex outside of, or before marriage. If it was Dad's, I'd be ducking for cover b/c my Mom would seriously lose her sanity!

I would want to get to know them, of course, and I'd love them instantly. God first, family second, and they'd be family.

 

[indimom]

I'd think it was hysterical if it was Mom's, as she is extremely Victorian and judgemental of anyone having sex outside of, or before marriage. If it was Dad's, I'd be ducking for cover b/c my Mom would seriously lose her sanity!
Maybe we're related, I was thinking the same about MY mom!
I would want to get to know them, of course, and I'd love them instantly. God first, family second, and they'd be family.

I'd do my best to make them family. Hopefully they would feel the same.

 

[momof1princess]

i'm certain my mom has no other children, but my dad is another story. if someone came up to me and told me we shared the same dad, i wouldn't be at all surprised. dad cheated on mom quite a bit during their marriage, dated frequently between mom and wife #2, and also cheated on wife #2...he may also be cheating on wife #3, i don't know. my relationship with him is tenuous, so i'm not really sure how i'd feel about a half-sibling. it would be a difficult adjustment.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Didn't read the other responses, but it wouldn't impact me much. Family is not defined by blood relationship to me. If this person wanted to become a part of my family, we would all have a great deal of work ahead of us to decide if it would ever be possible.

 

[ljhmom]

I found out a few days after Thanksgiving that I have a full sister, my parents had a baby when they were teenagers that was given up for adoption. I'm still trying to process how I feel about it.

The funny thing is we live in the same town and our kids are in the same school district and one of my friends was her son's senior english teacher.