Inspired by Dawn....friend or parent?

[twinmomplus2new]

I have plenty of friends my own age.

I can replace my friends. I can choose my friends.

But, I can not replace my children. Nor can I choose them.
It is the only job you do not have the option of failing at.


Honestly If I were to pick a friend would it be a teenager? I sure as heck wouldn't.

My Dad said to me once when I called him By his first name. That I was to NEVER call Him Paul again, That a name 100's of people that could call Him Paul. But only 6 in the entire world that can call him Dad.

 

[castleview]

On Dawn's thread there are a few comments about not being a friend to your kids, your job is to be their parent. IMO, that just seems so wrong. I want to be both to my DD. If she considers me her friend as well as her mom I think she'll talk to me about more things, not be afraid to share her problems, etc. Why does a parent have to be one or the other? What's wrong with being a parent and a friend to your children????

I think if you talk to my six year old after the day we had today...she wouldn't call me a friend.

 

[Miranda Danda]

Kids rarely have a shortage of friends but if they are lucky, they will have two parents.

WELL SAID!

 

[ducklite]

I am first and foremost a parent. Does that mean we can't hang out and have good times like friends? Of course not.

It's a parents job to guide, discipline, and set limits and examples. And that's the bottom line.

Anne

 

[chobie]

Outside of providing the basics, its a parent's responsibilty to define the job in their own terms. No one is an expert.

 

[Ronda93]

Someone mentioned burdening kids as friends... I agree, there's a burden in friendship. If you treat your child as a friend you place a burden on them. Don't complain to them about your job. They are not equipped to advise you and only take away anxiety.

Think about your close adult friends - is that really the relationship you want to impose on your kids?

I think a lot of the "friendly" parents are just good, involved parents that have kids that trust them for advice and enjoy their company. That's not a friend. That's a good parent.

 

[Ziva]

I am first and foremost a parent. Does that mean we can't hang out and have good times like friends? Of course not.

It's a parents job to guide, discipline, and set limits and examples. And that's the bottom line.

Anne

I'm feeling lazy tonight so I'll just add an ITA to what Anne said above.

 

[chobie]

On Dawn's thread there are a few comments about not being a friend to your kids, your job is to be their parent. IMO, that just seems so wrong. I want to be both to my DD. If she considers me her friend as well as her mom I think she'll talk to me about more things, not be afraid to share her problems, etc. Why does a parent have to be one or the other? What's wrong with being a parent and a friend to your children????

Well, now that you've heard all the "experts" I'm sure you going to reevaluate the job you have been doing as a parent, right?

 

[U2_rocks]

I think a lot of the "friendly" parents are just good, involved parents that have kids that trust them for advice and enjoy their company. That's not a friend. That's a good parent.

ITA.

I'm a friendly parent. I am not my kids' "friends" in the usual definition of the word.

 

[wvjules]

Well, now that you've heard all the "experts" I'm sure you going to reevaluate the job you have been doing as a parent, right?

I think I need to join the bad parents support group.

 

[chobie]

ITA.

I'm a friendly parent. I am not my kids' "friends" in the usual definition of the word.

I think that was what the OP may have meant. I don't consider my children to be MY freinds, but I think they consider me their friend in some sense; thought certainly not in the same way they think of their peer friends.

 

[WishingOnAStar]

I don't worry about being my kids friend . I worry about raising educated,well rounded respectable citizens. Kids will be kids and Parents need to be Parents.

Well said! ITA!!!

 

[wvjules]

I think that was what the OP may have meant. I don't consider my children to be MY freinds, but I think they consider me their friend in some sense; thought certainly not in the same way they think of their peer friends.

That's exactly what I meant.

 

[shortbun]

My point is...why can't you be both? My DD knows the rules, know I'm the authority in the house, knows that I'm her parent and if she breaks the rules there will be consequences, etc, but that doesn't mean I can't be a friend to her as well.

I think only the best parents can pull off both. It's a fine line to walk and friendship means something different to children than it does to adults. Perhaps children should know you are the parent and discover you were a friend when they mature. Nothing wrong with trying to find that good balance as long as your child knows you are the alpha human in the tribe.

 

[MELSMICE]

Second, why do I want my child to be my friend? Its more that I want her to consider me a friend (a difference IMO) B/C I think there is more to parenting than setting rules and disciplining. That doesn't mean that I will condone partying, smoking, sex, etc. It simply means that I want to have a close relationship with her so that she feels that she can come to me with anything and everything.

You are being a parent that wants to be close to her daughter.

I think many posters (including myself) consider a "friend" to be the kid that you hang out with, have sleepovers with, go to their birthday parties, try your first cigarette, sneak a drink with, tell about what you did with your boyfriend, etc.

I am "friendly" with my DD's. Always there for them, can talk with them about anything, take them shopping, go to the movies, play games, laugh with them, etc., so I guess, yes, we are "friends", but we certainly don't have the same type of friendship that they do with their peers.

We can do fun things together & act silly like friends sometimes do, but at the end of the day when I kiss them goodnight I am their mother, provider & protector - their friends will never be that to them.

 

[Tiggeroo]

i've always been a parent. Now my kids are 18 and 21. I'm finding myself in a combination friend/parent/mentor kind of role

 

[bananiem]

If I parent my kids correctly they will have no shortage of friends their own age.
Then we can be friends when they are raised.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I think that was what the OP may have meant. I don't consider my children to be MY freinds, but I think they consider me their friend in some sense; thought certainly not in the same way they think of their peer friends.

I was about to say almost exactly the same thing. I do not try to be my DD13s friend, but she has told me many times that I am her best friend. I don't go to her with my problems. She comes to me with hers. The younger two girls don't think of me that way. I am most definately their parent. DD13 and I just seem to have alot in common. I still set the rules and they know to follow them or there will be consequences. I think it's a pretty good balance.

 

[jgmklmhem]

Someone mentioned burdening kids as friends... I agree, there's a burden in friendship. If you treat your child as a friend you place a burden on them. Don't complain to them about your job. They are not equipped to advise you and only take away anxiety.

Think about your close adult friends - is that really the relationship you want to impose on your kids?

I think a lot of the "friendly" parents are just good, involved parents that have kids that trust them for advice and enjoy their company. That's not a friend. That's a good parent.

I think this right here is where i make the seperation in my mind. I am there for my children and my parents were as well for me. I always told them everything and we definately hung out and had fun, but they never burdoned me with their problems. In a true friendship I would say that it would have to be a 2-way street with each part sharing in the venting, burdoning, etc. In a parental relationship it is pretty much one way with the kids coming to the parents and not the other way around at least until said kids are adults.

 

[pattyT]

PARENT #1

and with DD now 11 I have become the enemy - at least for a few years (it kills me that she knows I don't know everything and rule the universe!)
When she has gone through the learning curves and I have quided her to adulthood we will be friends again I am sure
and when she has kids she will thank me for 'being mean'

thankfully I still have 2 of them under five who I am there EVERYTHING - mom, best fiend, airplane, pony for pony rides, youname it - lol)