Inspired by another thread - 4 hrs between wedding and reception

[wilderness01]

And that's why Catholics traditionally marry on Friday night if they want an evening dinner reception. My wedding, like every other one in my large RC family, was at 7 pm on a Friday, with the reception immediately following. It was a 10 minute drive between the church and the reception venue, and the reception ended up starting at 8:15.

If you are Catholic and want to get married on Saturday, the traditional thing to do is to have a mid-afternoon light-food reception. It is unwillingness to go with Friday that is causing these weird gap-in-the-middle situations.

I have never ever seen this done in the over two dozen catholic weddings we have been to. Also, when we got married, 25 years ago, it was not as common to have a Friday night wedding as it is today.

 

[wilderness01]

I've been to about a dozen weddings over the years where there's been a 3-4 hour gap (or more) between ceremony and reception.

Usually one of the bride or groom's relatives (someone not in the wedding party) will have an informal get-together at their home. Light snacks or appetizers, maybe beer or wine but not usually hard liquor.
Or we've gone home for a few hours and relaxed.

One time at an out-of-town wedding, the reception was at a hotel. Groom's parents paid for rooms for those traveling far distances. So we just went back to the hotel to kill time, watched TV I suppose. Then we stayed overnight after the reception.

In my experience, the relatively long gap between church and reception is more common than not.
Jim

I could have written the above post as this is the norm here too. Maybe it is a large city thing??

 

[FireDancer]

Here is a novel idea, no matter what the gap go to the ceremony and reception because you care about the people getting married and will find a way to make it work whether the gap between the two is a minute or 6 hours.

It isn't all about you after all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Out of curiosity, would the bride and groom feel that way when and where your grew up? Would they even really notice or care if guests skipped the ceremony and just went to the free party? Don't they have more important things with which to concern themselves?

I suppose if it was de rigueur to attend both, then follow the norm. Somehow, though, I don't think the bride or groom would have held it against anyone if they broke etiquette.

By the way, "free party"?????? Hey, here that free party "costs" a minimum of $100 per!!


Jim

Like I said--the expensive gifts thing from the east coast is not the expectation where i come from (sometimes family spends a lot, but it is not required or expected of anyone and friends tend to get something small).

Anyway, would the bride and groom notice? Maybe. Depends on the size of the wedding. We had about 50 guests. I enjoyed looking out at our family and friends during the time I was up at the altar. With such a small group I would have noticed if someone was missing and then I turned up at the reception. I would not have said anything and I would have gotten over it but my feelings would have been a bit hurt that the person did not care about the ceremony and commitment part and only cared about the party.
At a bigger event the bride and groom probably would not notice--however it seems there is always a group of gossipy people and THEY might well notice and bring it to the bridal couple's attention (hopefully not, but we all know these people exist everywhere and love to make drama).

It honestly would not be a big deal to me. I didn't let any little wedding glitches have any long term effects on my relationships with people. That is silly. But, in our family/circle of friends the CEREMONY is considered the important thing and skipping that is rude and hurtful and shows a lack of concern for the couple. If you weren't able to make it to the reception, you would be missed but no one would think that was rude or uncaring at all (obviously if you cannot make it to either that happen to and is not a big deal--it is just foregoing the ceremony for the party that would be seen as rude).

 

[LBIJim]

Like I said--the expensive gifts thing from the east coast is not the expectation where i come from (sometimes family spends a lot, but it is not required or expected of anyone and friends tend to get something small).

Anyway, would the bride and groom notice? Maybe. Depends on the size of the wedding. We had about 50 guests. I enjoyed looking out at our family and friends during the time I was up at the altar. With such a small group I would have noticed if someone was missing and then I turned up at the reception. I would not have said anything and I would have gotten over it but my feelings would have been a bit hurt that the person did not care about the ceremony and commitment part and only cared about the party.
At a bigger event the bride and groom probably would not notice--however it seems there is always a group of gossipy people and THEY might well notice and bring it to the bridal couple's attention (hopefully not, but we all know these people exist everywhere and love to make drama).

It honestly would not be a big deal to me. I didn't let any little wedding glitches have any long term effects on my relationships with people. That is silly. But, in our family/circle of friends the CEREMONY is considered the important thing and skipping that is rude and hurtful and shows a lack of concern for the couple. If you weren't able to make it to the reception, you would be missed but no one would think that was rude or uncaring at all (obviously if you cannot make it to either that happen to and is not a big deal--it is just foregoing the ceremony for the party that would be seen as rude).

Thanks for explaning the point of view in the area where you grew up. I'm assuming it's NOT Germany.

I suppose you're right. The bride and groom are usually too preoccupied to notice, but unfortunately there's always some busybody who makes it her business to point out slights or breeches of etiquette.

Most couples would get over any hurt or disappointment quickly, but you hear these stories about some perceived wedding slight causing family rifts for years. Usually between or among people not even in the wedding party, like cousin Betty and Uncle Joe.

Like you mentioned earlier, it's interesting to read about the wedding norms in different areas.

Jim

 

[MamaLema]

I think this is my biggest pet peeve about weddings. When I got married, the ceremony was at 7pm, and the reception immediately followed after. I can't tell you how many people actually thanked me for that

 

[RUDisney]

I think this is my biggest pet peeve about weddings. When I got married, the ceremony was at 7pm, and the reception immediately followed after. I can't tell you how many people actually thanked me for that

So many people have mentioned 7:00 p.m. weddings.

How do you all stay awake to make it to the reception and stay for the whole thing?

I honestly don't know if my DH and I could commit to going to such a late wedding. I know that we aren't like most people, but I was out until 11:00 last Saturday night and that was ourtrageously late for me. We're early to bed, early to rise people.

Heck, our own reception ended at 10 and we were exhausted.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thanks for explaning the point of view in the area where you grew up. I'm assuming it's NOT Germany.

I suppose you're right. The bride and groom are usually too preoccupied to notice, but unfortunately there's always some busybody who makes it her business to point out slights or breeches of etiquette.

Most couples would get over any hurt or disappointment quickly, but you hear these stories about some perceived wedding slight causing family rifts for years. Usually between or among people not even in the wedding party, like cousin Betty and Uncle Joe.

Like you mentioned earlier, it's interesting to read about the wedding norms in different areas.

Jim

You're welcome. Nearly every wedding I have ever been to was in either Colorado or Iowa.

So many people have mentioned 7:00 p.m. weddings.

How do you all stay awake to make it to the reception and stay for the whole thing?

I honestly don't know if my DH and I could commit to going to such a late wedding. I know that we aren't like most people, but I was out until 11:00 last Saturday night and that was ourtrageously late for me. We're early to bed, early to rise people.

Heck, our own reception ended at 10 and we were exhausted.

This reminds me of my sister in law's wedding. The wedding was in the early afternoon with reception immediately after (but bridal party was pretty late getting there because they took a lot of outdoor location photos--snacks and drinks and recorded music were available right away though).
Anyway there was a plated dinner around 6:00 and then a live band. About 8:00 many of the older relatives started complaining that it was never going to end. Eventually it became apparent that some of the older set thought it would be rude to leave before the bridal couple. We circulated the word that it was fine to go ahead and leave and that the bride and groom planned to stay and party into the wee hours. I believe the various bands (all freinds of the couple) played until past 3:00 a.m.--even as a 20 year old college student that party outlasted me by hours
DH's brother got married the next summer and (gasp) did not have a church wedding at all.
2 years later when DH and I had a church wedding and simple reception and left the reception after a couple of hours I actually had two of his aunts thank me for planning a "normal" wedding later on Apparently they like knowing what to do as guests

 

[NotUrsula]

I have never ever seen this done in the over two dozen catholic weddings we have been to. Also, when we got married, 25 years ago, it was not as common to have a Friday night wedding as it is today.

I'll concede that the light-food on Saturday-afternoon thing probably is regional fpr the 2 pm service group, but Friday afternoon/evening weddings have been done by Catholics since the invention of artificial light. The popularity of candelight services soared in the late-1960's, and Friday evening services have been a staple ever since.

I have several family members in the wedding business, all in majority-Catholic communities, and I've been involved in it myself off and on for over 30 years. My observation is based on hundreds of RC weddings, not a couple of dozen. I know that the Northeast has its own idiosyncracies with respect to reception venues, but in most of the rest of the US, there is no "cheap" stigma attached to a Friday evening wedding for a Catholic. The reception venue that I used charged the same rate on any weekend night, because a party was a party was a party -- in the South, venues don't tend to specialize in weddings only.

In the last 10 years or so, as the Church has gotten into more financial difficulty in the US, the strictures against having Saturday evening wedding services after the Vigil Mass have loosened up a bit because a lot of parishes simply need the revenue too badly to turn it down. Most of the time if you get an after-5 time on Saturday, you will be paying the equivalent of the sanctuary's HVAC expenses for the week, not just one night. (And IME, the service will be a wedding service rather than a Nuptial Mass.)

FWIW, the most memorable Friday-evening wedding I attended took place on August 9, 1974. The rehearsal dinner on Thursday started 2 hours late because EVERYONE was glued to their television sets, even the priest. Nixon's resignation was all that anyone could talk about during the wedding reception. It's a good thing that the wedding was in the evening, because if it had been earlier in the day it probably would have started late, too -- because of everyone being glued to the TV to watch Nixon leave on the helicopter and listen to Ford's "nightmare is over" speech, which was broadcast live just after noon Eastern time.

 

[Arielle22]

I'll concede that the light-food on Saturday-afternoon thing probably is regional fpr the 2 pm service group, but Friday afternoon/evening weddings have been done by Catholics since the invention of artificial light. The popularity of candelight services soared in the late-1960's, and Friday evening services have been a staple ever since.

I have several family members in the wedding business, all in majority-Catholic communities, and I've been involved in it myself off and on for over 30 years. My observation is based on hundreds of RC weddings, not a couple of dozen. I know that the Northeast has its own idiosyncracies with respect to reception venues, but in most of the rest of the US, there is no "cheap" stigma attached to a Friday evening wedding for a Catholic. The reception venue that I used charged the same rate on any weekend night, because a party was a party was a party -- in the South, venues don't tend to specialize in weddings only.

In the last 10 years or so, as the Church has gotten into more financial difficulty in the US, the strictures against having Saturday evening wedding services after the Vigil Mass have loosened up a bit because a lot of parishes simply need the revenue too badly to turn it down. Most of the time if you get an after-5 time on Saturday, you will be paying the equivalent of the sanctuary's HVAC expenses for the week, not just one night. (And IME, the service will be a wedding service rather than a Nuptial Mass.)

I am RC and have never been to a Friday night wedding. I know that a few years ago Friday night was a cheaper rate for venues as I helped my sister book her wedding. The one wedding I have attended with a gap of several hours was for DH's cousin in NJ. All other weddings I have attended, the reception started immediately following the wedding.

I don't know that I would think someone was cheap for booking a Friday night wedding but I do think there would be fewer attendees due to scheduling difficulties.

 

[ZuZugal]

I'll concede that the light-food on Saturday-afternoon thing probably is regional fpr the 2 pm service group, but Friday afternoon/evening weddings have been done by Catholics since the invention of artificial light. The popularity of candelight services soared in the late-1960's, and Friday evening services have been a staple ever since.

I have several family members in the wedding business, all in majority-Catholic communities, and I've been involved in it myself off and on for over 30 years. My observation is based on hundreds of RC weddings, not a couple of dozen. I know that the Northeast has its own idiosyncracies with respect to reception venues, but in most of the rest of the US, there is no "cheap" stigma attached to a Friday evening wedding for a Catholic. The reception venue that I used charged the same rate on any weekend night, because a party was a party was a party -- in the South, venues don't tend to specialize in weddings only.

In the last 10 years or so, as the Church has gotten into more financial difficulty in the US, the strictures against having Saturday evening wedding services after the Vigil Mass have loosened up a bit because a lot of parishes simply need the revenue too badly to turn it down. Most of the time if you get an after-5 time on Saturday, you will be paying the equivalent of the sanctuary's HVAC expenses for the week, not just one night. (And IME, the service will be a wedding service rather than a Nuptial Mass.)

If I remember correctly aren't you from the St Louis area as well? I live in the metro STL area, and am Catholic as well. My parents are both from very big German Catholic farming communities. I have over 60 FIRST cousins, so that probably gives you a start on knowing how many Catholic weddings i have been to. I have NEVER ever been to a Friday evening Catholic wedding. It is all Saturdays around here, with the reception a few hours later. The bar is open at the reception hall right after the wedding; serving beer/soda and either "sweet or sour" whiskeys. The adults bring cards and play pinochle until it is dinner time. No one even talks about the lag time...I guess because this is how it has been for so long. Have also never been to a Catholic wedding where everyone was invited to a relative's house in between. We would never fit!!

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm not FROM St. Louis, but I've lived here for a while now, and I have been to quite a few Friday night weddings here. They really are not uncommon. DS gets called to serve one around once a month (altar server); the competition to serve weddings is fierce b/c the kids get paid.