Inspired by another thread - 4 hrs between wedding and reception

[petchie]

Very interesting!

Just curious about this, though. If you are a friend or co-worker but not close to the family, you don't get invited to the parent's house inbetween? Or is that a case when you just go to the ceremony?

Anyone who wanted to come, came.

Normally, the same thing occurs at the grooms parents home around here. However, my MIL did not want to even host the rehearsal party, let alone be bothered with a party in between. All of his family came to my folks house as well.

For us it actually worked well, since my dad, and his late father were friends in high school, and grew up in the same town. A lot of our guests were on both invite lists.

Not everyone stayed the entire time. Some stopped in for a drink, and left to visit other friends or back to change. Food never runs out at our house and there were plenty of drinks.

All in all, there were easy over 100 people at my parents at any given time. We had 230 at the wedding reception. My husband and I paid for the wedding, my parents paid for my dress, the photographer and the 'tween party.

 

[Mimi1965]

I have been to some 7pm Roman Catholic weddings on a Saturday-with reception following immediately.

This 4 hour gap thing is something I am not familiar with

One of the nicest gestures we had was after the wedding -we had to drive about 25 min to the reception-a Historical mansion. The bridal couple made CD's with their favorite wedding type music and these were passed out as we entered the church -it was happy & fun to listen to on the drive

 

[aprilgail2]

I would also consider it rude to go to the reception and not the ceremony. If I couldn't make the ceremony, I'd send my regrets instead of going just to the reception. I just think the ceremony is the important part.

Thats interesting because around here more people go to the reception than the wedding- for the wedding we are going to in Dec we are skipping the ceremony and just going to the reception- its very common here. Some people don't like to do the whole church thing and sit through that. Plus the reception is already 4-5 hours long...add another hour on for the ceremony and then the lag time its just to long of a day.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thats interesting because around here more people go to the reception than the wedding- for the wedding we are going to in Dec we are skipping the ceremony and just going to the reception- its very common here. Some people don't like to do the whole church thing and sit through that. Plus the reception is already 4-5 hours long...add another hour on for the ceremony and then the lag time its just to long of a day.

Where I grew up skipping the ceremony but going to the reception (exceptions for someone staying home with a young child who could not reasonably make it quietly through a ceremony) would also be considered extremely rude. It would be seen as saying that the marriage itself, the coming together of the two people in front of the eyes of god and the law, was not important to you--essentially that the bride and groom do not matter much to you, and that you just want in on the free party.
One thing I have certainly seen on the DIS is that wedding customs REALLY vary from place to place within the US.

 

[powellrj]

I always thought it was rude to skip the wedding and only go to the reception, but because several of the out of town weddings have had long gaps between the ceremony and the reception, there have been several times lately that we have gone to one and not the other.

Seriously, what are people suppose to do when you are from out of town? You are all dressed up so that leaves out anyplace outside, there is only so much shopping a person can do and you really can't take kids into anyplace like a resturant to wait it out.

 

[FireDancer]

Seriously, what are people suppose to do when you are from out of town? You are all dressed up so that leaves out anyplace outside, there is only so much shopping a person can do and you really can't take kids into anyplace like a resturant to wait it out.

Last year a friend of mine got married out of town. A pretty large group of about 20 of us that were all friends with her went and there was a pretty big gap between the ceremony and reception. Those of us that weren't in the wedding went to a local winery for some wine and appetizers. About half of the party had kids with them and they came along. The kids that were toddler aged got changed out of their dress clothes and then back in at the reception. We managed to find a way to entertain ourselves while we waited for the reception.

 

[Polyluvr]

The lag in ceremony/reception time is why I only go to the reception-unless it's close family/friend I could really care less about the ceremony.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Sigh. If someone has their ceremony at 5pm on a Friday, we will miss the ceremony and make it to the reception. My dh and I are not using vacation time because you wanted to save money on your wedding by having it on Friday night instead of Saturday.

We will also skip the ceremony if we have a drive and there is a large gap between the ceremony and reception with no arrangements made. We're not spending 4 hours in formal attire in a dunkin donuts killing time. We will come to celebrate later.

This doesn't happen often, but on the rare occasion someone plans their wedding that way, that's what we do. We go and celebrate and give a nice gift. If the bride and groom want everyone at the ceremony as well, they need to make it guest friendly.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Where I grew up skipping the ceremony but going to the reception (exceptions for someone staying home with a young child who could not reasonably make it quietly through a ceremony) would also be considered extremely rude. It would be seen as saying that the marriage itself, the coming together of the two people in front of the eyes of god and the law, was not important to you--essentially that the bride and groom do not matter much to you, and that you just want in on the free party.
One thing I have certainly seen on the DIS is that wedding customs REALLY vary from place to place within the US.

It's hardly a free party after giving an engagement present, shower present (sometimes two), bachlorette party costs and wedding gift.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Almost everyone I know and every wedding I've been in has taken the majority of the pictures before the ceremony. I think that's a great way to do it, it allows the wedding party to also enjoy the cocktail hour.

This is how we always have done it also. We have to meet up around 3 hours before DS's wedding for all the pictures. This way everyone will enjoy the yummy cocktail hour and reception!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

This is how we always have done it also. We have to meet up around 3 hours before DS's wedding for all the pictures. This way everyone will enjoy the yummy cocktail hour and reception!

I think it's more common in the tristate area. I would hate to miss the cocktail hour, it's always the best part!

 

[Fire14]

I was the one in Park City, UT printng pictures at one hour photo in 1" heels and a pink bm dress while my dh tried to look cute. But hey I had wedding pictures at reception.

 

[Julia M]

I had a Catholic mass at 10am. I wanted to marry in the mission church and the 4pm mass time books up 2 years in advance. We could have done 12:30, but then we would have had the awkward gap in between the wedding and reception.

So, we had an afternoon reception, beginning at 12. It worked great, the mass was an hour, and a lot of people hung around after, taking family pictures in the rose garden, visiting and then went to the reception (about 10 minutes away)
We had the reception hall until 5 (we paid for an extra hour) and then the bridal party, family and out of town guests (basically everyone left at the end of the reception) went to a party at my parents. DH and I left about 10 or 11 and I heard the party went until after 2!!!

The next morning my parents hosted a brunch for any out of town guests and family who wanted to attend and we opened gifts. Some came, some chose to go sightseeing (we live in CA).

It was quite the party weekend!

Julia

 

[aprilgail2]

It's hardly a free party after giving an engagement present, shower present (sometimes two), bachlorette party costs and wedding gift.

LOL thats what I was thinking too....it owuld be the most expensive "free party" I have ever attended!

 

[NHdisneylover]

It's hardly a free party after giving an engagement present, shower present (sometimes two), bachlorette party costs and wedding gift.

That is how it would be viewed where I grew up though
Then again, engagement gifts were/are pratically unheard of, shower gifts tend to be small (and you certainly do not give one if not attending) and even wedding gifts can be (and often are) smallish too. Most people I know made a point of having many inexpensive items on their registries. The "cover your plate" mentality does not exist where we are from (I only know about that because of the DIS).

 

[JoiseyMom]

I think it's more common in the tristate area. I would hate to miss the cocktail hour, it's always the best part!

Yup, and all the weddings I have gone to, also had the ceremony and reception at the same place.

 

[LBIJim]

I've been to about a dozen weddings over the years where there's been a 3-4 hour gap (or more) between ceremony and reception.

Usually one of the bride or groom's relatives (someone not in the wedding party) will have an informal get-together at their home. Light snacks or appetizers, maybe beer or wine but not usually hard liquor.

Or we've gone home for a few hours and relaxed.

One time at an out-of-town wedding, the reception was at a hotel. Groom's parents paid for rooms for those traveling far distances. So we just went back to the hotel to kill time, watched TV I suppose. Then we stayed overnight after the reception.

In my experience, the relatively long gap between church and reception is more common than not.

Jim

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I didn't want to hijack the other thread so I opted to start a new one. It reminded me that we had received an invitation to a wedding that was to take place during our vacation to the Smokies (love the Smoky Mountains!). Obviously we didn't go but I wondered about the delay between wedding and the reception.

I've been told that during the interim there were no appetizers offered and that it was a cash bar. Basically everyone just sat around.

I haven't been to a wedding ages so this may be the norm. I'd have thought there would have been light snacks, or soda was free or maybe a radio playing even.

Like I said, maybe it's the norm so I'm not trying to bash the couple at all. Just curious.

Thanks!!

wow...I havent read thru the posts...but mine is going to be immediately following!
Like...ceremony at 6pm... reception starts at 6:30 (at least the DJ will be playing and appetizers will be available... we will be arriving after we are done with our pictures
I couldnt' imagine making people wait around with nothing to do...

 

[LBIJim]

Just curious about this, though. If you are a friend or co-worker but not close to the family, you don't get invited to the parent's house inbetween? Or is that a case when you just go to the ceremony?

Hopefully more than one friend or co-worker is invited, so that everyone knows at least one other person besides the bride or groom. Most invitations include a "date" or "guest" for singles.

In my experience, everyone gets a courtesy invitation to the in-between gathering, but of course not everyone goes. Nor do the hosts expect everyone to show up. I suppose it depends on your personality. If you're outgoing and enjoy meeting new people you'll probably never see again, why not go? As for myself, I'd feel uncomfortable going to the bride's Aunt Julie's house for a few hours.

If I was alone and knew absolutely no one except the bride or groom, I'd probably only go to the ceremony.

Jim

 

[LBIJim]

Where I grew up skipping the ceremony but going to the reception (exceptions for someone staying home with a young child who could not reasonably make it quietly through a ceremony) would also be considered extremely rude. It would be seen as saying that the marriage itself, the coming together of the two people in front of the eyes of god and the law, was not important to you--essentially that the bride and groom do not matter much to you, and that you just want in on the free party. One thing I have certainly seen on the DIS is that wedding customs REALLY vary from place to place within the US.

Out of curiosity, would the bride and groom feel that way when and where your grew up? Would they even really notice or care if guests skipped the ceremony and just went to the free party? Don't they have more important things with which to concern themselves?

I suppose if it was de rigueur to attend both, then follow the norm. Somehow, though, I don't think the bride or groom would have held it against anyone if they broke etiquette.

By the way, "free party"?????? Hey, here that free party "costs" a minimum of $100 per!!


Jim