In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate, VOL 8...It's Never Too Late To Start Again!

[goofyfan-12]

Oh NO, Paula! I'm so sorry. I hate, hate, HATE funks. Just that vicious cycle of downward spiral.

But, sounds like you have a plan. Is there something I can do on this end to help? I'd love to be able to slap some sense into the NY State gov't, but unfortunately, that's a bit beyond my reach

There are millions of New Yorker's that would pay for someone to slap some sense into the state government. I'll keep that in mind though.

 

[goofyfan-12]

I know I have been pretty quiet lately so I finally had a chance to sit down and explain what the heck has been going on with me lately. Ever feel like you are getting your bummocks kicked to shreds from every possible direction? That is what my last few weeks have been like. Nothing, and I mean nothing has been going smoothly. As crappy as it has been I can’t even say it is the worst because I know there are people out there who have it much worse than I do (at least I have legs – thank you Lisa for giving me perspective) but still – life is mediocre at best right now and frankly it sucks!

Work is moving along, but we have been working through a number of issues and finally last week, we made some progress. I started to relax and then boom – another ‘exercise’ to try and save money and further frazzle my nerves. I am off to a meeting with the big guns tomorrow to try and creatively find a way to save a piece of the project from getting lopped off due to budget cuts. At least they are not talking about canceling the job again. My company laptop is currently in NJ being upgraded so I am without my computer. Liz – I so feel your pain on this one. Sitting at a desktop is not fun! Sharing that desktop is even worse!

Home has been a nightmare lately. I think it is time for me to start looking for a place of my own. Between my parents being really clingy and my sister never wanting to spend time at her new apartment and always being at the house I am finding myself with no privacy, no place to put myself where I don’t feel like I am in someone’s way or have someone constantly looking over my shoulder. Ugh… I need space of my own! That is becoming my new mission it seems.

My dating life has been an adventure and not necessarily a good one. I met this one guy online who seemed really nice. We shared a lot of the same ideals and such but when we met in person I realized what was wrong. He said he had a few pounds to lose, but he should have said about 150+ pounds to lose. I was not expecting that and while I am compassionate to his situation, I could not get away from him fast enough. All I could see was my old lifestyle and I sure as hell don’t want to go back to that. I have guilt about doing that to him, but I have to look out for me first. Now he won’t leave me alone and I am searching for the words that convey my point without being cruel and hurtful. The whole thing has me in my head trying to figure out if I am betraying the old Paula for thinking this way. I know I am not, but I really want to find someone who can share my love of being active and this guy just could not. I can’t help feeling that I am being selfish somehow, but if you can’t be selfish in searching for that one special guy when can you be? Am I crazy here?

Then there is my volunteer work. Most of you know I chair a board of directors for a non-profit. Well things there have been a nightmare this year due to some issues that need resolution and the weight of that is becoming a bit much lately.

So all of this leads to Paula stress eating her way to a 4.3 pound weight gain this week! 4.3 freaking pounds!!! WT F? I am better than this but I can’t seem to stop the eating machine that has taken over my body and mind. I go and do my workouts and then blow my hard work out the window by eating. Where did my motivation go? Where did my sense of purpose go? Is it normal to not want to do any cardio a month after you finish the biggest exercise related activity of your life? I can’t shake this feeling of what next? Nothing I come up with seems to compare or interest me. Someone tell me that I didn’t peak too soon here. I am not done yet! I have more weight to lose! I just can’t seem to find the will to keep going right now.

OK – rant over… Someone throw me a line because I need some serious help getting back on the wagon.

 

[poppinspal]

Nancy- We can pick another race and another month! I'm pretty flexible. Let's find another one that interests us!

E- That sounds like an awesome experience! Congrats.

Kat- You are doing so well! I'm so happy for you/proud of you!

So me, I've had no loss for two weeks. I am not shocked by this, I was totally off with my eating. I'm back on track now though. I also started a turbo kickboxing class, it's like kickboxing on drugs with some dance moves tossed in for good measure. It'll be a good replacement for hockey when it ends Thursday. I also think the instructor is really good so that helps. My two friends walked out saying they were already sore an I was proud because while I feel like I got a workout but it didn't hurt walking down stairs. It made me a little proud of the work I've been doing. I needed a silver lining to two weeks of no loss.

Ok off to bed I'm making it a goal to try to be better about when I go to sleep.

 

[poppinspal]

My dating life has been an adventure and not necessarily a good one. I met this one guy online who seemed really nice. We shared a lot of the same ideals and such but when we met in person I realized what was wrong. He said he had a few pounds to lose, but he should have said about 150+ pounds to lose. I was not expecting that and while I am compassionate to his situation, I could not get away from him fast enough. All I could see was my old lifestyle and I sure as hell don’t want to go back to that. I have guilt about doing that to him, but I have to look out for me first. Now he won’t leave me alone and I am searching for the words that convey my point without being cruel and hurtful. The whole thing has me in my head trying to figure out if I am betraying the old Paula for thinking this way. I know I am not, but I really want to find someone who can share my love of being active and this guy just could not. I can’t help feeling that I am being selfish somehow, but if you can’t be selfish in searching for that one special guy when can you be? Am I crazy here?.

Paula- my computer is about to die an I left my plug at work so I'll give you a better response to this tomorrow but my extremely short version is... You've changed and it's ok for you to change what you're looking for and willing to accept. If you need someone whose active right now there's no shame in holding out for that instead of settling for a guy who is talking about getting active. Date whose good for you now, not a year ago. I hope this makes sense!

 

[adsrtw]

Paula, posting with one eye open just for you. I know some mean people who would be willing to smack somebody for you. Stress can lead to water retention. And if you are retaining, 4 lbs will come off easy. A few days if not so great eating will not destroy what you have accomplished. Promise! As far as the guy goes, he lied. That is a big deal, but I don't know if I would tell him that the weight is the deal breaker. As far as Odyssey goes, I know some of the adults are less likely to get along than 5 three year olds. Maybe time to put a foot down, or up???? Just breathe! After all, they can't hit you. That was my favorite Bawb quote (I know you don't listen, but it is a fitting quote).

 

[3DisneyKids]

Paula--so much to say to you right now, but I will wait a bit. Just know this--like Nancy, ANYTHING you need from me...just say it. We will help you in whatever way we can. Secondly, yes, it IS normal. We probably should have warned all of you--there is this phenomena known as post-marathon let-down. Really, you train and train and train and are just SO focused. And then once your focus has come and gone, well, you just get lost. And it is often very hard to get back on the focus train. Hang in there--tackle on thing at a time.

 

[HockeyKat]

Kat- You are doing so well! I'm so happy for you/proud of you!

So me, I've had no loss for two weeks. I am not shocked by this, I was totally off with my eating. I'm back on track now though. I also started a turbo kickboxing class, it's like kickboxing on drugs with some dance moves tossed in for good measure. It'll be a good replacement for hockey when it ends Thursday. I also think the instructor is really good so that helps. My two friends walked out saying they were already sore an I was proud because while I feel like I got a workout but it didn't hurt walking down stairs. It made me a little proud of the work I've been doing. I needed a silver lining to two weeks of no loss.

Ok off to bed I'm making it a goal to try to be better about when I go to sleep.

Thanks!! I don't really feel that way most days... it's been a struggle to stay on, lately.

Is the class called TurboKick? My gym offers something like this, I think... been curious about it, too.


Paula, sorry that life is so stressful lately. I completely understand the needing a space of your own. Luckily I married someone like me in this regard, and we definitely have learned to respect the other's alone time. Do you think that talking to your parents/sister would help?

As to the feeling not true to yourself with respect to the guy. Well, I think that finding someone that shares your values INCLUDES the active lifestyle part. Not to mention, the guy lied.

Anyhow, I hope that things get better for you soon. If you need to vent/rant, I am always here.


E, post marathon let down!! Wow, that explains my whole March.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

Good Morning Everyone!

OMG OMG OMG! I just got the most AMAZING invitation! I have been invited to be a guest lecturer aboard an educational cruise leaving from the northern Maine coast heading to GREENLAND! 2 weeks in July/August. It will make stops in Montreal, Labrador, Baffin Island, and Greenland. It's an Arctic tour and I would get to discuss the behavioral patterns of the narwhals (NATCH!) and a variety of whales. OMG!

WOW! So exciting, congratulations!

HAPPY DAYS! Aren't I bright sunshine?

You are always bright sunshine to me!

Hi to everyone - I am reading, but I am in a bad funk at the moment and don't want to bring everyone down. I am working out my rant and will share later...

Paula, ive read everything you wrote and
Don't be too hard on your self about the guy, you need to do what is right for YOU and there should be no guilt in that. I know im REALLY far away from you, but I am always here if you need anything

So, Im setting off to London in 1.5 hours - so excited! Ive got my camera ready (although my pics will be no where near as good as Lisa and EE!)

Im only away overnight so behave whilst im gone

Have a great few days everyone

 

[adsrtw]

Good morning ladies! Having a sick computer sucks. It's casual day today at my work. I decided to wear my new caribbean beach resort t shirt. So i am reminiscing a little bit about the half marathon this morning. I hope all is going well with everybody and hopefully i can catch up with everybody at lunch today.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

OK – rant over… Someone throw me a line because I need some serious help getting back on the wagon.

Paula, rant away. I'm always glad to listen. I might not have the answer, but I'm definitely willing to try!

Personal space - I get that. Is Donna not happy with her choice? Or maybe just not quite comfortable with it yet? Maybe she'll swap with you! Seriously though, you did have a plan/timeline of your own, didn't you? Has any of that changed?

The guy. Oh, the guy thing. You are looking for someone who clicks with who you are NOW. Not who you were 2 years ago. Don't feel guilty about that. You've worked SO HARD to get where you are now. If he doesn't share the healthy lifestyle, it's just not going to work.

And the post-race let down. I too am floundering. I did after my full marathon as well. I just haven't found that next thing to focus on yet. I was so ready to be done with the training by the time the marathon rolled around, and it would seem like a welcome break to get back to the "mundane" daily workouts. But truth is, I do much better when I have a plan laid out for me and I don't have to think about what workout to do each day.

Hang in there - we'll muddle thru somehow. I wish I could reach thru the computer and give you a big "finish line hug"

I also started a turbo kickboxing class, it's like kickboxing on drugs with some dance moves tossed in for good measure.

hoo boy. I can see that ending badly for me




hmmm....I seem to have *lost* the other quotes

Kelly - have fun in London. Be safe

EE - enjoy casual day!

Liz, Erika, Lisa, Kat, Amy, Ronda (hey. Ronda. Race??? what up with the race????), Jo, Cathie, Sunny, Jessica - hope everyone has a great day!

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

Happy Tuesday!!

E, Congrats on the wonderful invite!!!

Paula, Sorry things are so stressfull for you right now.

First on the guy, send him an email and "tell the truth", tell him that you NEED to be selfish right now, you NEED to just focaus on yourself and you think he is a great guy, but you just don't have time for anyone other than you.

Who cares what he things of you after you say that, your never going to talk to him again! And you are not being mean


On the space issue,
Can you share the apartment with your sister, if she is never there, its like a place of your own without the cost



For the eating, well LORD KNOW, I am not good with the eating, I even after my race Saturday, I kinda felt like it was a ticket to eat whatever, OMG and I have, but then last night I got a call from a friend to do a 4 mile race next Sat the 17th, So I said YES, even if I have to bring my girls in the stroller. I said YES, cus I can feel myself just eating and no working out.. Paula you look great, just look at your pictures. Take a deep breath and just say, OK< what I ate yesterday if over, One Day at a Time, One Hour at a Time.

My job is suckfest everyday, I know I can't leave, so I just take it one hour at a time. I cry sometimes, I eat like a pig too, but why should I let the issues of others make me do things I don't like. Right! You can and WILL recover from this. You are a Rock Start, HELLO you just did a 1/2 marathon 30days ago. Not many people can say that!!!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Jo - you said YES?!?!?! Good for you!


my day has been totally mucked up. Nothing bad per se, just life steam rolling it's way over me again. Still hopeful that I'll get a bike ride in after these rain showers pass.

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

Jo - you said YES?!?!?! Good for you!


my day has been totally mucked up. Nothing bad per se, just life steam rolling it's way over me again. Still hopeful that I'll get a bike ride in after these rain showers pass.

Sorry your having a yucky day.
I think the issue for all of us, we need warm weather. One day nice, 6 days bad SUCKS! We have rain showers today also.

 

[cathie1327]

Hi everyone,

Quick drive by. I haven't been able to read the last couple days, thus the no responding. Hopefully I'll get some time to myself tonight to sit down and go through the last few days. Life is just staying super busy lately.

Speaking of staying busy, I got my first cake order for this weekend that is totally legit. I don't know them, a friend of mine didn't refer them; they picked up my card at a wedding I did. I am SUPER excited.

 

[Ronda93]

Paula - Yes, this is the moment to be most selfish. Do not short yourself on this. So much of my success has been due to the fabulous support from DGF. Those nearest you can lift you up or pull you down. Not deliberately mind you, but they can. I don't know gentle words for him. Something about wanting to share an increasingly active lifestyle. Realistically he knows that's not him.

Kat - Pilates make me wobbly, too. but they are supposed to make me taller, too. We'll see.

We are facing another awful loss in our house. Our dog Murray hasn't been feeling well. A cough and seeming kinda slow. She's 12, so slowing is to be expected. Her appetite dropped off last week. After several trips to our vet, we went to the vet hospital that has treated our other pets. An ultrasound revealed a large mass in her abdomen with additional growths in her liver and spleen. The can't image the lungs very well, but suspect growths there are causing the cough.

The prognosis is poor. We've brought her home to spoil her. Peanut butter is still exciting. I will likely be going to St Louis alone this weekend. My family is planning to see me during the race.

Ronda

 

[HockeyKat]

Oh NO Ronda!!!! So, so sorry on the news about Murray.



As to Pilates makes you taller?? I don't need any more height!

I have read, though, that it improves posture and makes you stand straighter.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Ronda - so sorry to hear about Murray You must be in total taper mode right now. Here's hoping for perfect weather in St. Louis this weekend!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I had popped on to say YAY! I finally got my bike ride in this afternoon!

It's just one road - out and back. Just over 6 miles each direction, but it's a bit of a stinker of a ride. Continuous sloping hill up on the way out - with an elevation change of about 400 feet over the 6 miles (almost 28 minutes), which gives me the reward of a super fast, easy ride back (17 minutes).

 

[Ronda93]

I am totally tapering this week. Weather looks good... which means no sleet? Temp at the start should be low 50s. Not bad.

Now, I will boast a bit. Before (1997) and last year - nothing really current.

DGF and me on vacation last May.

Ronda

 

[AKASnowWhite]

FABULOUS PICTURES RONDA!

I so love to see the side-by-side comparison. Really makes it all so real, kwim? What is your weight loss total?