In search of my body...not the one I ate! Part Deux... We sit at the popular table!

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Dawn I added you to my aim. My screen name is snuffy1991

 

[goofyfan-12]

Hi All....

Sorry for my lack of posts. I took the long weekend as an opportunity to go and hide from the world at my parents' camp. It was just what I needed to get rid of stress. I think the most strenuous thing I did for the bulk of the weekend was lift a magazine. I didn't complete veer off course with my eating habits, but I didn't gorge myself either. Even with my walks and a round of golf (where I started to impress my dad and even the foursome behind us with some of my drives), I managed to gain 2.5 pounds this week... It was my fault since I baked apple bars for a friend's BBQ and a batch for my parents. The problem came when I couldn't walk past the pan without eating some.... Not my best effort, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. I am channeling Sarah and moving forward. I had actually contemplated skipping my Jenny Craig appointment tonight because I didn't want to face the scale, but I went and took my gain like a woman... I'll lose the 2.5 pounds soon enough...

I am frantically getting ready for my trip to Maryland (I leave on Friday) for the Odyssey of the Mind World Finals tournament. I am nervous about staying on plan since I have not been away for a week before. It will take some willpower to get through, but thankfully the schedule is so busy, there isn't much time to snack. I am bringing my laptop and my workout DVD's with me so I can keep up with you all and my walking. As Erika said - I am building momemtum here and don't want to stop now....

On a side note (and a slightly off topic one) - I am officially taking myself off the dating market. Unfortunatly, not for the reasons that I was hoping for... I am convinced that when guys see me or my picture, I must come across as a total freak of nature to them because it is that moment that scares them away and what was a good thing in conversation goes to utter silence. The whole thing is just too frustrating and too hard to take anymore. I never said that I would not lose weight to please a man (and I am not doing that now), but it appears that I am not that appealing the way I am now so why spend the money, the time and the aggrevation on a dating site without reaping any of the benefits. I guess I'll have more time to focus on my golf game.

Oh and Stephanie - my moving date to Saranac Lake is getting closer... They have identified a few replacements for me and are presenting them to the clients this week. Providing one of them is acceptable, it looks like I may be up there by the end of June...

Have a great night everyone...
Paula

 

[goofyfan-12]

Lyz- Love the pictures. Molli looks adorable. Your smile is beautiful. Yes, I'm jealous with this mouth full of braces and I know I have let you all know that I had these things 30 years ago, so I want them off. You look great.

Erika- 7 miles, !

The dream job is a no go. not even offered an interview. Thanks for the thoughts, prayers and encouragement.

Heather - I am so sorry to hear about the job.... There is a better position out there for you... I just know it...

Ok. I say we start a movement. 3 day weekends all the time. That extra day, when banks and "white collar business" is closed is just what I need. I got so much done yesterday.

pixie, I see you're online. You gonna post? you know you wanna.

DAWN - 4 MILES! Woo doggies!

I'm with you on this one.... Just think, four day weekends would be the norm for holidays...

Must see pictures!!!


I to have gone red from Blonde. I was brown with blonde highlights for years than I dyed blonde with blonde highlights I finally said ENOUGH. I went to the hairdresser and I brought in a picture of Phyllis Newman (Y&R) and said DO THIS PLEASE! Well, after three different shades of Red I have finally found one that I like.I wanted a light red like phyllis but it faded to quick and went back to blonde. The next shade went to brown and this shade still has a lot of red in it. It is a darker red but I love it! Here it is in different lights.

This is my niece , she spent the day with aunt Stephie!

Stephanie - I am loving the hair cut and color. Also, as a gal who wears glasses all the time, I love your frames.... too cute...

Your hair color in that last picture is the same shade of reddish-brown as mine (I like to call it auburn, though it is a bit of a stretch.... ). I am darker brown in the winter and more red in the summer. I have never colored my hair. I have NO gray at all yet! I knew there would be something that I didn't like about you.... And let's not forget that I am older than most of you!

Right now, though, I have a lot of blonde highlights. I think it is from spending so much time outside in the spring sun (which is so much stronger). In another few weeks I will post more pics.

My grays (or should I say white) hairs started coming in when I turned 30. I even have gray and white popping up in my eyebrows.... The hair color you see in my photos is no longer my own. Too many grays/whites to deal with so I cover them all...

Ok, so I wasn't gonna say anything today...but let me tell you, I ran them all into the ground today! Seriously, and not just the running segments...but with the whole workout...they were dogging it and having a hard time and had to keep stopping, etc. and I just kept totally going. There was this one segment where we have to walk around the parking lot with our knees up high while holding a 20-pound dumbell over our heads for like 3 minutes...and I was jogging it while they were walking. Even one of them said, "What the hell did you have for breakfast???" It was awesome!

Next time, just look them dead in the eye and ask "Who's the man now???"

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Hi All....
Oh and Stephanie - my moving date to Saranac Lake is getting closer... They have identified a few replacements for me and are presenting them to the clients this week. Providing one of them is acceptable, it looks like I may be up there by the end of June...

Have a great night everyone...
Paula

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Paula - I just want to say that I think you are doing awesome - with everything - and .

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Lyz - we so need to get your laptop back!

AGREED! (DH is out of town till Sat, so I am stealing his laptop thru.)

I have been awesome this week! I weigh in tomorrow and expect to lose. I just looked at the food for this week yesterday, and treated myself to some wine! Because life without wine is very sad. I have been okay on exercise. Hey, at least I got half of the equation, right? So...when your trainer doesn't call you back, do you think that's a bad sign? Just maybe?

What did you do to your trainer? Were you arguing the pros of introducing adult chocolate and wine fulltime into a healthy lifestyle?

What was the weigh in damage?

Hi All....

Sorry for my lack of posts. I took the long weekend as an opportunity to go and hide from the world at my parents' camp. It was just what I needed to get rid of stress. I think the most strenuous thing I did for the bulk of the weekend was lift a magazine. I didn't complete veer off course with my eating habits, but I didn't gorge myself either. Even with my walks and a round of golf (where I started to impress my dad and even the foursome behind us with some of my drives), I managed to gain 2.5 pounds this week... It was my fault since I baked apple bars for a friend's BBQ and a batch for my parents. The problem came when I couldn't walk past the pan without eating some.... Not my best effort, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. I am channeling Sarah and moving forward. I had actually contemplated skipping my Jenny Craig appointment tonight because I didn't want to face the scale, but I went and took my gain like a woman... I'll lose the 2.5 pounds soon enough...

2 things:
a. glad you were able to relax for the weekend, and golf
b. gonna need the apple bar recipe. I LOVE collecting good recipes. (no joke and I will harass you UNTIL I get it. LoveYa)

I am frantically getting ready for my trip to Maryland (I leave on Friday) for the Odyssey of the Mind World Finals tournament. I am nervous about staying on plan since I have not been away for a week before. It will take some willpower to get through, but thankfully the schedule is so busy, there isn't much time to snack. I am bringing my laptop and my workout DVD's with me so I can keep up with you all and my walking. As Erika said - I am building momemtum here and don't want to stop now....

On a side note (and a slightly off topic one) No Such Thing as "Off Topic" Here! - I am officially taking myself off the dating market. Unfortunatly, not for the reasons that I was hoping for... I am convinced that when guys see me or my picture, I must come across as a total freak of nature to them because it is that moment that scares them away and what was a good thing in conversation goes to utter silence. The whole thing is just too frustrating and too hard to take anymore. I never said that I would not lose weight to please a man (and I am not doing that now), but it appears that I am not that appealing the way I am now so why spend the money, the time and the aggrevation on a dating site without reaping any of the benefits. I guess I'll have more time to focus on my golf game.

Well Goof. That's a tough cookie to swallow. More like doody. While I'm sure those awkard moments are painful, not every man is that shallow. But, to sift thru the idiots, well, sometimes it's just not worth it. Taking time to better yourself before you put yourself out there, is a good thing. Being here, on the "trying to find yourself" thread, places you in the category of also not being pleased with yourself, and that should come BEFORE you expect the same level of respect from someone else. (someone copy this back to me for ME, K?)

My grays (or should I say white) hairs started coming in when I turned 30.

I am getting those dang wiry grey b*t#^($ too!!! At 31.

 

[MaMabearJo]

Hudsynmarais

And I have some stuff you won't believe....

Ok no fair I want to know stuff that's unbelievable to. How is your soup diet going? becareful so you don't get weak from not enough to eat.

Hi All....

Sorry for my lack of posts. I took the long weekend as an opportunity to go and hide from the world at my parents' camp. It was just what I needed to get rid of stress. I think the most strenuous thing I did for the bulk of the weekend was lift a magazine. I didn't complete veer off course with my eating habits, but I didn't gorge myself either. Even with my walks and a round of golf (where I started to impress my dad and even the foursome behind us with some of my drives), I managed to gain 2.5 pounds this week... It was my fault since I baked apple bars for a friend's BBQ and a batch for my parents. The problem came when I couldn't walk past the pan without eating some.... Not my best effort, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. I am channeling Sarah and moving forward. I had actually contemplated skipping my Jenny Craig appointment tonight because I didn't want to face the scale, but I went and took my gain like a woman... I'll lose the 2.5 pounds soon enough... Great job going to JC, everyone has those weeks.

I am frantically getting ready for my trip to Maryland (I leave on Friday) for the Odyssey of the Mind World Finals tournament. I am nervous about staying on plan since I have not been away for a week before. It will take some willpower to get through, but thankfully the schedule is so busy, there isn't much time to snack. I am bringing my laptop and my workout DVD's with me so I can keep up with you all and my walking. As Erika said - I am building momemtum here and don't want to stop now.... Good luck on your trip I will be thinking about you and I am sure you will do fine, if not don't beat yourself up, just come back and start fresh. We will always love you

On a side note (and a slightly off topic one) - I am officially taking myself off the dating market. Unfortunatly, not for the reasons that I was hoping for... I am convinced that when guys see me or my picture, I must come across as a total freak of nature to them because it is that moment that scares them away and what was a good thing in conversation goes to utter silence. The whole thing is just too frustrating and too hard to take anymore. I never said that I would not lose weight to please a man (and I am not doing that now), but it appears that I am not that appealing the way I am now so why spend the money, the time and the aggrevation on a dating site without reaping any of the benefits. I guess I'll have more time to focus on my golf game. There is nothing wrong with you. My girlfriend had a hard 2 years after her divorce and tried everything, but was very very discouraged and even got a little depressed, she just wanted some companinship. I told her that someone will knock her off her feet when she is not looking for it, and guess what he did. They are doing great. Keep your chin up he is out there.

Oh and Stephanie - my moving date to Saranac Lake is getting closer... They have identified a few replacements for me and are presenting them to the clients this week. Providing one of them is acceptable, it looks like I may be up there by the end of June...

Have a great night everyone...
Paula

I did really well on food choices yesterday and went for my walk during soccer. I can tell I am getting in better shape, I am not as out of breath and I am going farther.

The realitor called last night and we are meeting her on Sat. to get all the details on putting the house on the market. If every thing looks good it should go on next week. Cross you fingers and toes.

Stephanie, I love your hair, I can't see you as a blonde, this color looks really natural on you.

 

[MaMabearJo]

Am I the oldest one on here, I am 43, have to laugh about gray hairs, hubby was asking if (gretion for men) would work down below he is finding gray's and thinks it looks old.. Doesn't care there in his goattee.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Am I the oldest one on here, I am 43, have to laugh about gray hairs, hubby was asking if (gretion for men) would work down below he is finding gray's and thinks it looks old.. Doesn't care there in his goattee.

Do you mean "down below", down below?

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Stephanie, I love your hair, I can't see you as a blonde, this color looks really natural on you.

Well thank you Jodi I will have to see if I can find picture of me blonde, I wasn't total blonde like dawn but it was blonde still

Down below greys Dh and I were just talkinga bout them last night

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hi All....

Sorry for my lack of posts.No need to appologize - I have been awol as well...good friends are there for you whenever you are ready. I took the long weekend as an opportunity to go and hide from the world at my parents' camp. It was just what I needed to get rid of stress. I think the most strenuous thing I did for the bulk of the weekend was lift a magazine. I didn't complete veer off course with my eating habits, but I didn't gorge myself either. Even with my walks and a round of golf (where I started to impress my dad and even the foursome behind us with some of my drives), I managed to gain 2.5 pounds this week... It was my fault since I baked apple bars for a friend's BBQ and a batch for my parents. The problem came when I couldn't walk past the pan without eating some.... Not my best effort, but I am not going to beat myself up over it. I am channeling Sarah and moving forward. I had actually contemplated skipping my Jenny Craig appointment tonight because I didn't want to face the scale, but I went and took my gain like a woman... I'll lose the 2.5 pounds soon enough...
I am proud of you Paula. It is what we do when we don't have to that measures our charachter. You faced the beast which means he didn't win.
I am frantically getting ready for my trip to Maryland (I leave on Friday) for the Odyssey of the Mind World Finals tournament. I am nervous about staying on plan since I have not been away for a week before. It will take some willpower to get through, but thankfully the schedule is so busy, there isn't much time to snack. I am bringing my laptop and my workout DVD's with me so I can keep up with you all and my walking. As Erika said - I am building momemtum here and don't want to stop now....
Plan on bringing safe foods to snack on. Drink loadsof water and eat before everyone else so the food doesn't look so good.
On a side note (and a slightly off topic one) - I am officially taking myself off the dating market. maybe just stop the dating on the computer and meet men face to face because then there is no pre-concived anything. Unfortunatly, not for the reasons that I was hoping for... I am convinced that when guys see me or my picture, I must come across as a total freak of nature to them because it is that moment that scares them away and what was a good thing in conversation goes to utter silence. Now listen to me you friend of mine...I am going to tell you something and I want you to read it and reread it until it is ingrained in your brain...
I never let Chad see me naked for the last 15 years of our lives except during sex. Never, I would shower and ask him to leave the room so I coud get dressed. I would get undressed and ask him to leave the room. I was so convinced that my body was disgusting that he would freak out if he actually had to touch it if he saw it in all it's raw nature. Guess what..that was at 140 pounds..that was at 120 pounds..that was at 220 and that was at my heaviest. It was not about my body size...it was about how I percived he saw me. It was somewhat factual...but a lot in my mind. He did not make me feel or know I was loved so I took that and hated myself inward. That was my choice...he never asked me to ask him to leave the room...but I took his feelings about me and turned that hatred inside. I wonder if I would have faced the fact that it was his problem... not mine to be accountable for. I wonder if I had believed that, then I would have never gotten this big...I killed myself through food no different than a drug addict through cocaine. It all stems from self-hatred..and trying to cope where you don't think you fit in.

So here is the truth Goof - some men are @ssholes...and guess what...some women would not go out with a fat guy either. Some people are just shallow because they are not secure in themselves. That is their issue. We have our own sh!t so don't add to your sh!t by taking theirs too.

I am 36 and for the first time I know what it feels like to say..I don't like my body but I love me. I am naked now more than ever...If Dan and I are alone..I am the last to get dressed...not because I am happy with my body...cause I am not...but because I am happy with me..and I know what love is...and I know that the man I love, has loved me at 250 and loves me at 256 and would love me at 156...he loves me. He wants me to be healthier for me...not skinnier for him..he wants us to be healthier for us...for long walks and not worrying about fitting in booths at restaurants...

I had a man at 6'2 and 215-230..more muscle than fat and now...I have a man at 6'6 and 340 that has been much heavier and has skin he wants to remove and knows that he is not at his best yet either...and I feel more sexually connected and spiritually uplifted by him every day because his soul is beautiful...as well as his outer shell.

Do not stop dating...but start opening yourself up to people face to face because then you will not be starting the basics with expectations..but realities. The reality is that there is a man who is as scared of being alone and hurt and not loved as you are..and has been rejected too because someone was not secure enough in themselves to give him a chance...and he is waiting for you to love him...and give you love..and let you know every day that you are amazing and you are his gift.

Believe in yourself as a woman...because if some schmuck thinks that ey do not want to be with you for a weight issue...than you just saved yourself 18 years of a marriage and 3 kids to uproot because that face...his true self...would have showed eventually...you could lose 100 pounds and be at goal and date this guy and have him crush you 4 years from now when you are in an accident and are paralyzed because he bails and says this is not what I signed up for. He is doing you a favor cause he is admitting he is an @ss now...and not letting you believe in a fairytale.

I care about you Paula...and I will not sit by and let you believe you are an undesirable...because you are not...

You are chocolate cake with creamy frosting and just because some stupid schmo says that chocolate cake sucks...I know that there is at least a few men and 50 million women who know he is an idiot and missing out on something heavenly.
The whole thing is just too frustrating and too hard to take anymore. I never said that I would not lose weight to please a man (and I am not doing that now), but it appears that I am not that appealing the way I am now so why spend the money, the time and the aggrevation on a dating site without reaping any of the benefits. I guess I'll have more time to focus on my golf game.
Meet a golfer..offer to wax his balls...(okay..see I have not lost my humour)
Oh and Stephanie - my moving date to Saranac Lake is getting closer... They have identified a few replacements for me and are presenting them to the clients this week. Providing one of them is acceptable, it looks like I may be up there by the end of June...

Have a great night everyone...
Paula

Sorry for the soap box...hope you know passion comes from the heart

 

[MaMabearJo]

Do you mean "down below", down below?

Yep,

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Do you mean "down below", down below?

Yeah, this is why I remove that hair.

Okay, now that I've shared that! Weigh in! -3.2lbs! So I now have lost 59.8lbs. But we are not saying the big 6-0 yet. Don't want to jinx it.

My trainer...we planned to meet Monday, but he called to remind me it's a holiday (this was last week). OK, fine, how about Tuesday. I say sure. Then I call him back and say no, have to work Tuesday, how about Friday...and never hear from him. Called him yesterday and nothing. So maybe he did find out about my chocolate and wine lifestyle plan! I have never heard of a trainer that doesn't call back! I hope his kids are okay - or his inlaws - who are elderly and who I gather they take care of a bit. I plan to go to the gym Friday and if he's not there, just do a class.

OMG, Ms. Green just turned green again...I was saying I need to shop for a pair of pants, as the ones I bought about six weeks ago are loose, and she, who has now lost 8lbs on WW, was like, "well you have different standards for your clothes than I do. I can deal with loose clothes, they still fit." Well, darn right! I do have different standards - I want things to fit right! I don't want too big of clothes! I want to wear the size I fit into! And why wouldn't i?

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

DAWN! Very well said. Goof, lotta good stuff there. And lotta good friends here.

Yeah, this is why I remove that hair.

Yeah right. Ok.

Okay, now that I've shared that! Weigh in! -3.2lbs! So I now have lost 59.8lbs. But we are not saying the big 6-0 yet. Don't want to jinx it.

"Go Liz. Go Liz. It's your birthday."

OMG, Ms. Green just turned green again...I was saying I need to shop for a pair of pants, as the ones I bought about six weeks ago are loose, and she, who has now lost 8lbs on WW, was like, "well you have different standards for your clothes than I do. I can deal with loose clothes, they still fit." Well, darn right! I do have different standards - I want things to fit right! I don't want too big of clothes! I want to wear the size I fit into! And why wouldn't i?

Well, well, well. Liz I never realized you had such "high standards!"

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Well, well, well. Liz I never realized you had such "high standards!"

I know, who do I think I am? To want clothes to fit? Too big for my britches, eh?

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I'm trying to catch up here....Having a tough time keeping my head above water! Drama club was such an intense demand on my time the past two weeks - now "real life" has to be dealt with. The piles of laundry, mail, lack of groceries...gotta get stuff done!

I have never colored my hair. I have NO gray at all yet! And let's not forget that I am older than most of you!
I have never colored my hair and have no gray at all either. OK so THAT was a big fat lie. I totally highlight my hair. I will NOT grow old gracefully - I intend to fight it every step of the way!

Ok, so I wasn't gonna say anything today...but let me tell you, I ran them all into the ground today! Seriously, and not just the running segments...but with the whole workout...they were dogging it and having a hard time and had to keep stopping, etc. and I just kept totally going. There was this one segment where we have to walk around the parking lot with our knees up high while holding a 20-pound dumbell over our heads for like 3 minutes...and I was jogging it while they were walking. Even one of them said, "What the hell did you have for breakfast???" It was awesome!

I was thinking about you and your "man class" on Monday - we were baling hay. Yes, it was Memorial Day - no picnic for me! 400 bales of hay later...my hands still hurt! Anyway - DH & DS17 were driving the tractors, and DD12 and I were loading the hay wagons. Yeah - stupid men - we can do this without them! (DS only had to stop 2 or 3 times for us to catch up with him...not bad for an old lady and her kid... ) - oh and DH cut another field today - a BIG one...Friday I'll be doing it all over again. This time I'll wear my heart rate monitor to see how many calories I burn...

Hudsynmarais

And I have some stuff you won't believe....

That reminds me of DS's friend - he was saying "you guys gotta come to my party. We're gonna be smokin' all KINDS of great stuff... (insert shocked looks here).....NO, NO...I mean we got a MEAT SMOKER and we're gonna be smokin' MEAT! "

What did you do to your trainer? Were you arguing the pros of introducing adult chocolate and wine fulltime into a healthy lifestyle?

ahhh...the diet of champions. Wine & Chocolate...I am SO in on that one...


I am getting those dang wiry grey b*t#^($ too!!! At 31.

If I plucked every one of them, I'd have a giant bald spot. Clairol is my friend....

Am I the oldest one on here, I am 43

honey, I am right behind you....

Okay, now that I've shared that! Weigh in! -3.2lbs! So I now have lost 59.8lbs. But we are not saying the big 6-0 yet. Don't want to jinx it.





OMG, Ms. Green just turned green again...I was saying I need to shop for a pair of pants, as the ones I bought about six weeks ago are loose, and she, who has now lost 8lbs on WW, was like, "well you have different standards for your clothes than I do. I can deal with loose clothes, they still fit." Well, darn right! I do have different standards - I want things to fit right! I don't want too big of clothes! I want to wear the size I fit into! And why wouldn't i?

Do what makes you feel comfortable! Heck - you've earned a new pair of pants - or two or.... Almost 60 pounds lost... why, that's an entire first grader!!!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I know, who do I think I am? To want clothes to fit? Too big for my britches, eh?

Even better...

BRITCHES are too big for YOU!

 

[3DisneyKids]

I am here and reading...and you guys are totally making me laugh when I really need to! Thanks for that! Liz can fill you in (or I will later)...but I am in DMV hell...and I am sure you can imagine how horrible that is.

All morning I have been waiting for my insurance company to fax some form to the state. Finally, I called them and asked why they hadn't sent it yet (I had been calling the woman at the State every 15 minutes asking "is it there yet?") and my insurance guy says..."We have it all ready to fax...we want to fax it...but we can't fax this form until the State faxes us a form requesting this form." I can't make this stuff up. I am about to literally explode!

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Almost 60 pounds lost... why, that's an entire first grader!!!

Nancy, it would seem to me, maybe YOU should be driving the tractor. BUT, there's alot to be said for the good exhaust you get after a day spent, well, working hard. KWIM?

I am here and reading...and you guys are totally making me laugh when I really need to! Thanks for that! Liz can fill you in (or I will later)...but I am in DMV hell...and I am sure you can imagine how horrible that is.

All morning I have been waiting for my insurance company to fax some form to the state. Finally, I called them and asked why they hadn't sent it yet (I had been calling the woman at the State every 15 minutes asking "is it there yet?") and my insurance guy says..."We have it all ready to fax...we want to fax it...but we can't fax this form until the State faxes us a form requesting this form." I can't make this stuff up. I am about to literally explode!

DMV is that for Department of Motor Vechicles? Liz, fill us in. Did she have an accident?

And that's ridiculous. RED TAPE eats me up!

I am currently driving with tags that don't belong to my new vechicle. Haven't gotten the "offical tag" from the dealer yet and I hate riding with 30 day tags. SO, I ripped those puppies off and put on "MY" plates. The odds of me getting pulled over are SLIM to none and I figure, oh, I'll maybe get fined. Screw you, OHIO DMV.

Well, ask me if my butt wasn't puckering at 1am, Sunday night, as I was heading home from the office. Cause we all know, Memorial Day Weekend, is "high season" for pulling someone over. And who exactly is out at 1am? Only drunks and, well, drunks. I was never so glad to get out of city limits.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Yes, motor vehicles. No accident. Just a paperwork ERROR on their end...but it caused MY license to be suspended. So now I cannot drive until they UNsuspend it. And I am FREAKING out. I just got off the phone with them AGAIN and they said within 15 minutes. Here's hoping.