In Search of my Body...Not The One I ate...#3 "Crowning Goddesses As We Go"

[3DisneyKids]

Ok, as for the skinny mom comment (for those not in this particular loop, I sent out a panicked text today that read something like, "OMG, save me! I am with all of the super skinny moms and I am wearing spandex yoga pants!"

Here is the thing. I live in an affluent community. I am not saying this to brag or anything...it's just how it is. And no, we are nowhere near the top of this particular food chain. But when you live in a richy-rich town, then the majority of the women are thin, right? So, there are still MANY times when I am one of the heavier moms around.

Example--a couple of weeks ago I was chaperoning a field trip of Cam's. There were 10 moms on the trip. 1 of them was quite a bit heavier than me. 2 were just a bit heavier than me, and the other 6 were all thinner than me. (BTW, am I the only one who does this??? I always figure out where I fit in the pack in terms of weight/size.) Now, if I hadn't lost any weight, I would have been the second heaviest there. So things are definitely better than they were.

Right now I am what I consider to be average thin. Not super thin or anything, just normal. The women from the text were RAIL thin. Like, model thin. And it is just really hard to know that I am doing all of this running and exercise, etc. and still cannot hold a candle to these women in terms of size. Most of whom do not even work out.

Maybe it is my competitiveness or some insecurity or something else...but I just can't stand how it makes me feel. When standing next to these wispy little things, it just makes me feel like Shrek. I swear...I just feel big, and lumbering, and awkward, etc.

I know I should be happy and accepting of who I am and from where I came and all of that. And most of the time I am. But every once in a while it just gets to me, you know?

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Ok, as for the skinny mom comment (for those not in this particular loop, I sent out a panicked text today that read something like, "OMG, save me! I am with all of the super skinny moms and I am wearing spandex yoga pants!"

Here is the thing. I live in an affluent community. I am not saying this to brag or anything...it's just how it is. And no, we are nowhere near the top of this particular food chain. But when you live in a richy-rich town, then the majority of the women are thin, right? So, there are still MANY times when I am one of the heavier moms around.

Example--a couple of weeks ago I was chaperoning a field trip of Cam's. There were 10 moms on the trip. 1 of them was quite a bit heavier than me. 2 were just a bit heavier than me, and the other 6 were all thinner than me. (BTW, am I the only one who does this??? I always figure out where I fit in the pack in terms of weight/size.) Now, if I hadn't lost any weight, I would have been the second heaviest there. So things are definitely better than they were.

Right now I am what I consider to be average thin. Not super thin or anything, just normal. The women from the text were RAIL thin. Like, model thin. And it is just really hard to know that I am doing all of this running and exercise, etc. and still cannot hold a candle to these women in terms of size. Most of whom do not even work out.

Maybe it is my competitiveness or some insecurity or something else...but I just can't stand how it makes me feel. When standing next to these wispy little things, it just makes me feel like Shrek. I swear...I just feel big, and lumbering, and awkward, etc.

I know I should be happy and accepting of who I am and from where I came and all of that. And most of the time I am. But every once in a while it just gets to me, you know?

I so do this judge where I fit in with the moms .. oh yeah! I think it's human nature! But just think you enjoy your food and your not eating carrots and celery sticks for a main meal!
Here is a story for you ! The first time I was introduced to steph's first wife I was 7 1/2 months pregnant for SAm and she came over to the car in a bikini top (string) and jean cut offs! Not a dam stretch mark on her YEAH I SAW RED!!!! I still see red when I see her!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

However i did have the give the pupster a bubble bath, and thats like 30 solid minutes of resistance training, so i fugre that has to count for something!

yes...I do think puppy-wrestling HAS to count!

If anyone is at home, TLC is showing a special about a family I know. They have two sets of twins and sextuplets. They live locally and I am friends with the mom's mom - grandma to the 10!

Did I possibly see them this morning on...is it Good Morning America? (ABC) I was on the TM at the gym - not listening to it, but watching...twin boys, twin girls, then 6.... They called it something like "happy by the dozen: mom, dad, 10 kids and not much sleep"... They were all sorts of calm as the kids wandered and climbed around the set...

My consultant thinks it is water retention from the restaurant and take out food and is not worried about it. She tells me that it should come off next week. I am attempting to believe her on this one, but I'll be honest, I have my doubts... I am bummed...

I'm sure it she's right...keep doin' the right things and it'll all work out!


FOOD FOR TODAY

First let me say - it's eye opening to be really REALLY honest. and counting. and measuring. So- without further ado...

B- kashi, dried blueberries, milk - 3pts
Sn - grapes, protein bar - 5pts
L- egg sandwich (1 egg, 2 whites, 1/2 slice am. cheese, 1 c. fresh spinach, sauteed on Arnold Sandwich thin), baby carrots 5pts
Sn- 1/2c cottage cheese, clemintine, almonds 4pts
D- salmon burger on sandwich thin, sweet potato "fries", salad w/red. fat dressing - 8
Sn - 1/2 c. low fat ice cream - 3pts

for a total of 28 points - my "target" is 27-28 points per day (I don't *save* points for a splurge - I spread them out....)...so I'm pretty much right on for the day.

Have a great night all -

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Right now I am what I consider to be average thin. Not super thin or anything, just normal. The women from the text were RAIL thin. Like, model thin. And it is just really hard to know that I am doing all of this running and exercise, etc. and still cannot hold a candle to these women in terms of size. Most of whom do not even work out.

You are fit and healthy.

They...probably all have eating disorders! And they probably look at you with such ENVY because you are healthy and they...can let a brownie GET all the way to the stomach before throwing up.

Just sayin'....

 

[3DisneyKids]

You know, I wonder about eating disorders with them...I really do. They all have a few kids, etc. and I just don't know how it is possible. Of course, considering the money factor, I am sure many of them have had "work" done.

 

[BrcsDisneyPrncs]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!

Whew, winter arrived with a vengeance last night, several inches of show outside and it's still snowing so hard i can't see out the window..... BOO! I hate snow!

However, it was Lucy's first snow! She was freaking out and didn't know what to do, it was hilarious, i took pictures...

Just checking in to say hello

E- I definately do that, I always look around to see where I fit, at my grad school orientation i was looking around and freaking out because i was the only person over 115 lbs in the room, then a few "normal" size ppl walked in, calmed me down a bit. I forgot how "skinny" some college campuses can be!

Ah well, out to dig my car out......glad i put my snow tires on early!

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!

Whew, winter arrived with a vengeance last night, several inches of show outside and it's still snowing so hard i can't see out the window..... BOO! I hate snow!

Stacy I think you sent this way! I am NOT so happy to report that the snow is falling here and it has stuck to the ground not as much as stacy but a dusting ! Hard to believe that on friday I was out in a short sleeve shirt and jeans planting bulbs! So off to find the kids ski pants! AND BOOTS!!!!

I probably won't be on much today parent teacher conferences this am with the boys teachers and then off to work! OH Sam got her report card yesterday and WOW! Keeping her back was such a good thing! All grades are in the high 70-80's only one failing grade and that was because she didn't turn in homework and it's not a major class, but she has been told it needs to go UP!

 

[3DisneyKids]

Morning! Lots, lots, lots to do today. Trip prep and all.

Good luck with the conferences, Steph. I had Riley's yesterday and meet with the girls' teachers next week. Lyz had Mad's last week...so 'tis the season.

Glad that Sam is doing better. Is she happy about the choice now, too?

Not going to run for a while yet...it is 26* right now. Not happening. It will warm up for sure, so I will head out around 11 am. Till then....work! And cleaning!

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Steph - Very nice pics!

Stacey and Steph - I am sorry about the snow. I hate the cold. So over winter already. (Yes, Kat, I know, you have your convertible down, right?)

Nancy - Yep, that was the family. They are just so genuinely nice. The kids are very loving to their little sis who has CP. I just want good things for this family.

Oh, and my friend M. Funny story. She's in my Bible Study (I know, I know, I need to do a study on "Jesus Doesn't Want You to Be a B$tch" but we haven't picked that one yet) and we meet at a friend's house and these friends are serious wine collectors. So we drink a glass of wine and read the Bible. And Mary never ever drank with us. She just carried this travel mug and sipped from it. So we figured that she didn't drink and was a better person than us, right? Well, finally after 3 years of knowing her we find out that she has been carrying this mug of what we assumed was coffee. It was wine!

We were hysterical! Turns out, she didn't like anything but the cheap stuff, so she brought her own white zin and drank it! And we were like, M, aren't you afraid of being pulled over with this travel mug of wine? And she was like, "I'm a little old lady! Not even my friends suspected it was wine!"

Erika - As for the thin women. Hmm. I need to reply to this at length, later. I think, for all of us, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. I'll let you know how that goes for me, too.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I probably won't be on much today parent teacher conferences this am with the boys teachers and then off to work! OH Sam got her report card yesterday and WOW! Keeping her back was such a good thing! All grades are in the high 70-80's only one failing grade and that was because she didn't turn in homework and it's not a major class, but she has been told it needs to go UP!

Since my kids are in HS and MS, we don't have conferences anymore (unless there is a HUGE issue....). What we do have is this nifty thing called the "Parent Portal". Each student is given a unique identity & password - and the parents can log into their accounts and basically see the teachers grade books. You see test scores, homework assignments - everything. This semester, they only have it open twice, for a week each time (basically when we would have previously been sent progress reports)...but starting next semester they expect to have it open all the time. It's a great tool to utilize to make sure the kids are doing what they are supposed to be! (and what the SAY they are! )

Morning! Lots, lots, lots to do today. Trip prep and all.

yeah...I hear yah! Gonna check the weather in Cancun...

Not going to run for a while yet...it is 26* right now. Not happening. It will warm up for sure, so I will head out around 11 am. Till then....work! And cleaning!

Brrr...it was 26* here at 6:00 this morning when I went out to the barn! Thank God for heated water buckets! Too cold to run, and definitely too cold to bike So I went to the gym and got in a good strength workout.

Today I need to finish up costume stuff ('bout time, don't ya think? ) which means one more trip to Salvation Army. I'm thinkin' I may take a little extra time and see what I can find for ME (last time it was Magic Jeans! )

Have a happy healthy day everyone!!!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Oh, and my friend M. Funny story. She's in my Bible Study (I know, I know, I need to do a study on "Jesus Doesn't Want You to Be a B$tch" but we haven't picked that one yet) and we meet at a friend's house and these friends are serious wine collectors. So we drink a glass of wine and read the Bible. And Mary never ever drank with us. She just carried this travel mug and sipped from it. So we figured that she didn't drink and was a better person than us, right? Well, finally after 3 years of knowing her we find out that she has been carrying this mug of what we assumed was coffee. It was wine!

We were hysterical! Turns out, she didn't like anything but the cheap stuff, so she brought her own white zin and drank it! And we were like, M, aren't you afraid of being pulled over with this travel mug of wine? And she was like, "I'm a little old lady! Not even my friends suspected it was wine!"

That is TOO FUNNY.


I agree that we need to stop comparing - but for me it's easier said than done, ya know? But I think for me, it's more about wondering what do I actually look like, compared to what I THINK I look like. Does that make sense? Like I want someone to point out to me a person who has the same body as I have...so I can say "yeah - that's not so bad"

 

[SeptemberGirl]

That is TOO FUNNY.


I agree that we need to stop comparing - but for me it's easier said than done, ya know? But I think for me, it's more about wondering what do I actually look like, compared to what I THINK I look like. Does that make sense? Like I want someone to point out to me a person who has the same body as I have...so I can say "yeah - that's not so bad"

YES. It makes total sense. I would love that, too. I would love to know what I look like and if I am normal, thin, heavier than normal, etc. Because I know what I was before and I'm not sure what I am now. And a size 10 or 8 which is super thin to me is like big to others.

But...

I do not play the "where am I game" and here's why. Chances are, I am either thinner or fatter than someone, but no one is going to beat me on personality. I am going to win every time. So that's my default and always has been.

Not to say that I'm not crazy, cause I am, but I know what my strengths are.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

I am here and I am reading (and laughing - Liz - your Bible Study suggestion and Steph your globetrotting pics) but seriously don't have time to post. If I want to leave town in a few weeks I have to "make it work." I'll post asap, but I am reading.

 

[SeptemberGirl]

I am here and I am reading (and laughing - Liz - your Bible Study suggestion and Steph your globetrotting pics) but seriously don't have time to post. If I want to leave town in a few weeks I have to "make it work." I'll post asap, but I am reading.

Work it, baby!

 

[lisaviolet]

See Lyz,

It's snowing in other places and not here. See what I was telling you. We haven't even had snow here in the city yet. We are just positioned in an off place. See Stacey gets her lake effect snow. And Buffalo is close and gets piles. Last year we were lucky with snow. But for years it's been an absolute drought. And I hate Toronto for that. If it's going to be cold I want the snow.

Hi everyone....

On the bright side, here is a pic from the football game:

(and yes, that is where my seat was for the game... )
Have a great night everyone,
Paula

Yeah!! I so wanted to see your view for the game. Lucky you Paula. But I did want to see you too but it's so small. That must have been quite the day.

My friend was just on TV! The grandma on the TLC special! Sorry, had to share!!!

I watched J and K and then saw something come on. I had to get back to Monday Night Football. Shoot.

OK so I haven't posted Pics in a while! I am not looking as great as Liz, but here I am!

I am a jet setter tonight I went from an island at sunset to Paris and then to the ocean! LOL gotta love computers!

Ah Steph. I want to do those pics too. What fun. But you know every single time I see you all I think about with your lovely smile is straight jealousy. As in that girl gets a lot of exercise.

I had some poutine when I had to go to Quebec. And I thought Steph I'm close to you and I'm eating poutine.

You know, I wonder about eating disorders with them...I really do. They all have a few kids, etc. and I just don't know how it is possible. Of course, considering the money factor, I am sure many of them have had "work" done.

Maybe. But maybe some of them are meant to be thin. Some people are. I love Keri Russell. She was asked about getting so small after giving birth. She said, "I just come from thin people". There are no pointers. Pointe Finale. (And yes people who should be small can be overweight of course but that's not you Erika - obviously)

So much of it is about that - genetics and good health.

But sometimes it's not.

And Barbara Walters has often said, and she llives around affluence, that she is the biggest - yeah biggest - of all her friends. And they just order everything and move things around on their plates and take miniscule bites and pretend they're eating. Lord I love food so I feel sorry for that.

I go on about never being that girl. Go on and on here. But in reality it's okay. I've had to be the biggest, not always as in fat, my entire life and am used to it. And now I don't mind it at all.

I'm ashamed to say but it took a boy to heal some of it. He's continually said, "Lisa you are meant to be that size". And I am.

And when I saw pics at 13 where I was smaller than my bones I was grossed out.

I have no issues with slim, skinny woman at all. I just figure God's work and their work of course. But I do hate to see slim, skinny woman that are under their bone size or obsessing with food intake. That makes me sad. Because I assume they have to struggle with food or exercise. But hey I might be wrong.

Chances are, I am either thinner or fatter than someone, but no one is going to beat me on personality. I am going to win every time. So that's my default and always has been.

Not to say that I'm not crazy, cause I am, but I know what my strengths are.

I so love this.

Amy - what part of Vermont are you in? I'm there a lot travelling up to the Eastern Townships of Quebec. But big state of course.

 

[lisaviolet]

Work it, baby!

Hey guys,

I'm very sad not to be able to see you all in Florida. Thinking "sh!t" "crap" and all those words. But it's getting close. So I would so love to hear about your plans. I know Dawn - hi Dawn hope things are better - is at the Poly. Paula is at SSR. Kat, Lyz, Liz and Erika are at SSR but on a waitlist for BCV and somewhere else. Weekend. The rest of you are the week, yes right? Paula, Dawn Steph? week?

Steph you're going right? Where?

Who else is going?

I would love to hear all about it if you want to. I am very happy for you all to see each other. That's lovely.

And I want to live through you guys with this trip.

I love the anticipation of a trip.

Lisa

 

[lisaviolet]

Steph I was so fixated on your exercise that I forgot to tell you that you can so see the weight loss in your face.

 

[goofyfan-12]

I am here and I am reading (and laughing - Liz - your Bible Study suggestion and Steph your globetrotting pics) but seriously don't have time to post. If I want to leave town in a few weeks I have to "make it work." I'll post asap, but I am reading.

Thank you Lyz Gunn...

OK - what a morning... I am working on enlarging the picture, but the computer at work doesn't like photobucket, so it may have to wait until I get home... Food wise, I am doing all right today, still frustrated about last week's results and am drinking more water than usual to try and flush my system a bit...

The conversation about body image has been an interesting one. As someone who has always been one of the bigger people in the room, I have grown comfortable with the idea. At this point, my body is what it is while I am working to change it. Perhaps a lifetime of being the fat one has its 'benefits'... I don't compare myself to others as much as I see in others what I want for myself...

OK - now for the sobering news... remember my friend from college that I was stressing about a month or so ago... I just found out that he is in the hospital with congestive heart failure... I am a wreck at the idea that this guy who exercises regularly, eats reasonably well, etc. has heart issues. His parents tell me that there is no evidence of a heart attack and he is going through more testing to determine what, if any damage to the heart exists. I am stressing big time and resisting the urge to drive to Boston today. I am going to wait and see what they do and what he needs, but man... this is scary. He is only 42...

So, I am going to stay busy and focus on exercise and try not to stress eat through this... wish me luck...

Paula

 

[3DisneyKids]

I agree that we need to stop comparing - but for me it's easier said than done, ya know? But I think for me, it's more about wondering what do I actually look like, compared to what I THINK I look like. Does that make sense? Like I want someone to point out to me a person who has the same body as I have...so I can say "yeah - that's not so bad"

YES! That is how I feel as well.

I am here and I am reading (and laughing - Liz - your Bible Study suggestion and Steph your globetrotting pics) but seriously don't have time to post. If I want to leave town in a few weeks I have to "make it work." I'll post asap, but I am reading.

You go! We need you in a couple of weeks, so we will suffer without you for now.

Maybe. But maybe some of them are meant to be thin. Some people are. I love Keri Russell. She was asked about getting so small after giving birth. She said, "I just come from thin people". There are no pointers. Pointe Finale. (And yes people who should be small can be overweight of course but that's not you Erika - obviously)

So much of it is about that - genetics and good health.

Thanks for this. Yes. It is true. Some are just blessed with amazing thin genes. And I know my limitations. I will never be comfortable sleeveless no matter how thin I get because I just have huge upper arms. I was a competitive swimmer through adolescence and over-developed my shoulders and upper arms. End result = built like a 5' 2" linebacker. It will never change. All women...even the supermodels...have body parts that they don't like. So I can live with the fact that I will never love my arms and shoulders. I could NEVER pull off that killer outfit that Liz did. She looked awesome in it and I would look ridiculous. This is ok. I look killer good in running shorts.

Ok, of to run and then do some more research.

 

[lisaviolet]

Thank you Lyz Gunn...

OK - what a morning... I am working on enlarging the picture, but the computer at work doesn't like photobucket, so it may have to wait until I get home... Food wise, I am doing all right today, still frustrated about last week's results and am drinking more water than usual to try and flush my system a bit...

The conversation about body image has been an interesting one. As someone who has always been one of the bigger people in the room, I have grown comfortable with the idea. At this point, my body is what it is while I am working to change it. Perhaps a lifetime of being the fat one has its 'benefits'... I don't compare myself to others as much as I see in others what I want for myself...

OK - now for the sobering news... remember my friend from college that I was stressing about a month or so ago... I just found out that he is in the hospital with congestive heart failure... I am a wreck at the idea that this guy who exercises regularly, eats reasonably well, etc. has heart issues. His parents tell me that there is no evidence of a heart attack and he is going through more testing to determine what, if any damage to the heart exists. I am stressing big time and resisting the urge to drive to Boston today. I am going to wait and see what they do and what he needs, but man... this is scary. He is only 42...

So, I am going to stay busy and focus on exercise and try not to stress eat through this... wish me luck...

Paula

Oh Paula. Good, good thoughts sending your way and his. You must have been so shocked to hear that - especially about him. I hope they find the issues quickly.

Lisa