In Search of my Body...Not The One I ate...#3 "Crowning Goddesses As We Go"

[DisneyWorld Delight]

bugar

 

[goofyfan-12]

bugar

Lyz - stop pouting....

 

[lisaviolet]

Hi everyone!!! _ and that is to everyone. I have another cold so I feel like I've missed someone.

Hi Heather - I'm relatively new - August. Good to meet you.


Liz - for your friend's situation. In which way Liz? As in why you would want to see your before picture? Or why you want to view the difference? I'm not sure what she means. I'm just wondering outloud.

I am so proud of you. Of all you've accomplished. How absolutely spectacular you look. It makes me smile. But I also want to say that I think you look gorgeous in your before as well. I guess the beauty just shines through, no not comes through - you are, no matter what your size. So in some ways you haven't really changed at all. Before = beautiful After = beautiful. Let me see.... beautiful = beautiful.

So although I understand your struggle somewhat - somewhat cause I'm not at goal. (Mine is there too - I actually self sabatoge at a certain weight (I've passed it again - so time will tell). I actually perceive that above a certain weight no one will be attracted to me/want to have sex with me - therefore must stay above that weight. Yes, I know how warped that is. But it only pertains to me of course). So back to you. I understand your struggle in some ways. I just see you as a smaller beautiful. As for friends and always being the bigger one and now you're not . Well when we change we trigger the ****, oh crap that lovely word won't come up, out of those around us. I'm about 70 pounds (like Erika can only gage )down. And you know how long that took me. My sisters have said something maybe once or not in these years. Actually, the one that has always been the small sister has said nothing in 70 pounds. And since January I'm down another two jeans sizes and nothing from either. I act like a care by writing it but in essence I don't. The weight is wonderful. But the transformation of me, and healing, is so much more. It's so much more to me.

Erika - loved your story. And I'm been listening to you about the bathing suits but I'n not quite sure I believe you. As in I bet you look better than you think.

Paula - congrats on your jeans. That's so wonderful.

Sarah - I caught that you're over 70 now. That's fantastic. Question: do you really consider those visits to certain restaurants not doing well. I guess I just see it as life - and not good or bad. Tell me. Really.

Nancy - I almost spit all over the computer with your "I meant to tell you something .....but I can't remember". So flippin' funny to me You're funny.

Amy - good to hear that you're keeping busy. I hear ya with time. Interesting, isn't it? Hope things are good. I can be super busy with work or not. And it's interesting which days go the fastest.

Steph - it must be crap to hate the cold and be in the cold. Do you have plans for one day? Did I miss them. I remember you discussing Florida with was it Deb? If so, where and when would you move to - Florida, Carolinas? And it hasn't snowed here yet. But of course I'm father south than you!!!!

My Lyz - please make sure there's a least a blush for me calling you my Lyz. Did I miss pictures of your hair?

Hey Stacey - you popped back on, right? How are you? Snow there yet? We were in the 70s and then suddenly this week on day it was 40 something......

Dan - hi - it seems I"m off when you're on.

Dawn - oh Dawn the handcuffs made me chuckle with glee. Which is an anomaly for me. Progress.

It was a whip.

Amiee - where are you girl? Miss you.


Lisa

 

[Dizneydawn]

Well...after trying to get onto a slow Dis...and then quoting 6 pages of great tear jerking moments..can you believe the lights went out...no joke...blew a fusein Dan's apt...and poof...my Gone With the Wind masterpiece is literally gone...

So...

I will try and hit the highlights...

E - story made me laugh...if only there was a secret vedeo of you in yor underoos in your bathroom...it could have only been better if it was a public facilityu and someone walked in...try splainin that one...

Goof - awesome job on the 2 jeans sizes...that's about me too and it feels mighty fine...not perfect but much bettter than before...and I agree with Lyz - Thanks for the recipe!

Liz - Swear on the heavens above...I screamed..."HOLY SH!T" when I saw your newest pic...you need those pics framed and on your wall...black and white...white frame...with something like


"My journey to a better me for all of us"

Cause everyone is so right...this loss is about you and for you but has impacted your most 2 precious relationships as well as all of us...

I am gonna freakin cry... I have only lost just under 20 and when I hit your loss...I am gonna do a neked happy dance in the front lawn...

and as far as your friend goes...

people who have not struggled with their weight or not struggled with anything on a personal basis...does not get it...esp. if they have never dealt with their issue...no matter what it is...cause food is just the syptom ...not the reason...no different than if you had a drug problem or a drinking problem...we eat because it fills a need..and these pics...side by side...show you have started..if not finished...dealing with whatever it was that turned you to food...to abuse something that others simply stop at after they feel full...and maybe...you started to hit on it a bit by saying you were comfortable in these "fat shoes".

It is easy to hide behind the veil of weight..cause noone looks at you...they can laugh with you and...judge you for your wit/personality which you can develop/mask/alter...but your body/face is hard to not be hurt by.

I had a hard childhood that dealt me with some tough issues that I still deal with...and for me...noone was gonna hurt me before I could hurt them...I broke up with many guys in anticipation of them leaving me because at least I was the drivers seat...

Most guys do not look at the fatter girls..so I could walk through life and not worry about rejection cause I rejected first...

Even with Chad...he hates fat...ridicules anyone who is...and so I ate...a huge part was...if I was fat...I could say he did not want me cause of my weight...not for the fact of he did not want me...truth is..he did not want me when I was 108 pounds after Treyner...or 92...so I was lying to myself...and it worked...sort of...except now...I still am struggling with the weight...what it has done to my body...and am okay with not having a relationship with Chad...but I have the weight...

I wish I would have dealt with the feelings I had..and not eat myself to oblivion...but here I am...

So look at what is comfortable for you being the heavy friend...why are you afraid of being the skinny friend? What has changed in that roll that you were stuck in?

Sorry to ramble....just thinking of you lots...

Heather - Hi you see through vixen! Such great accomplishment!

Snuffster - I reallly am happy for your new house...can't wait to see pic's~!

Hello to the rest...!!

Updated today the trip report!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Well Dawn - I just want to say you're one smart chickie. I really loved reading your post and in many ways understood completely. Thanks.

 

[amykab]

Well Dawn - I just want to say you're one smart chickie. I really loved reading your post and in many ways understood completely. Thanks.

I forgot to add that it's BL weigh in tomorrow. I feel down - in weight I mean. We shall see. But I wanted to say that I feel huge changes in my body. Which is more important to me. I'm probably somewhere in the low 220s and it's weird. I'm so big weight wise (# wise) but I look - crap I can't think of a better word - no mot look - am - becoming so normal in size. I hate "normal" - I just can't think of another word. Good. I know that's difficult for some people to believe when you're small in stature/height - Both of which I'm not. I mean to be at that weight and feel like there's not much more. Like somewhere around 200 when charts say 175 for me.

I'd never thought I'd say this at this weight but I feel close to goal. But what the heck does that mean? I feel like I have to be under 200 for sure. But I can't imagine/don't want more than 30 more pounds off. I'm just talking outloud folks. I wish my camera was working so I could show you guys. Oh well - I'll see you one day.

But I guess it's like Amy. And I look bigger in stature. Look how fantastic she looks!!!! Fantastic. Oh Amy - please tell me how you constantly hear this weight or that weight and think WHAT?!?!??!? I hope you get what I'm saying. And can guide me.

Lisa, I totally get this. Totally. when I tell people that I have lost 35 pounds since February, they don't believe me, as in there is no way you needed to lose that much weight in the first place. I've quit looking at height/weight charts. They'll just drive you nuts. I lost weight in 2004 on South Beach and got down to 175-178. I use that as my guide and how I set my goal this time. I liked how that looked on me. This time I am hoping to get to the 160's and be toned. I just want to see how it looks. It might be too skinny for my larger frame. You have to go with what feels right for you. What you are happy with. Not what some chart says you should weigh.

I've heard people at my old company talking about women who weigh over 200 pounds on several occasions and I was always about 2 seconds away from jumping in and saying, hey, I weigh over 200 pounds, just to see the look on their faces. I guess we are "lucky" that we carry it well??

Again, I do totally get where you are coming from on this.

Paula for the pants and Thanks for the recipe. I made it, and it is so yummy!!

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

SO quick drive by while I am slaving away here at work!!

So i got another burn on my arm from the dam wood stove! It's sore! I have it covered! and that isn't working well with my lab coat! @#$*&^!
E~ I see why you don't start it up the longer you wait the less burns you get!

I want to go HOME!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!
OK NEED TO WORK

 

[3DisneyKids]

WOO HOO Paula! Goddess Crown!

And welcome back, Lisa! We missed you around here!

Dawn--good to see you posting and glad to hear that you are flying.

I ran about 8 miles today, so that is a victory. No stopping, no walking. And I had a good pace for me at about 10:35. Considering the distance, I am very pleased with that.

Thursday is my big work night...conferences from 9-10 and 10-11. And lots of other stuff to do in there as well. Vacation is only 5 days away...I will get there.

 

[lisaviolet]

Lisa, I totally get this. Totally. when I tell people that I have lost 35 pounds since February, they don't believe me, as in there is no way you needed to lose that much weight in the first place. I've quit looking at height/weight charts. They'll just drive you nuts. I lost weight in 2004 on South Beach and got down to 175-178. I use that as my guide and how I set my goal this time. I liked how that looked on me. This time I am hoping to get to the 160's and be toned. I just want to see how it looks. It might be too skinny for my larger frame. You have to go with what feels right for you. What you are happy with. Not what some chart says you should weigh.

I've heard people at my old company talking about women who weigh over 200 pounds on several occasions and I was always about 2 seconds away from jumping in and saying, hey, I weigh over 200 pounds, just to see the look on their faces. I guess we are "lucky" that we carry it well??

Again, I do totally get where you are coming from on this.

Paula for the pants and Thanks for the recipe. I made it, and it is so yummy!!

Oh Amy,

I got so insecure about putting all of that out. And I then edited it out. And then you go and sweetly address it and post it. Oh the irony of it all . I'm so laughing.

Thank you so much Amy. It means a lot to me. Some days I'm fine. Thinking I'll always win a ton of stuff animals at the "guess my weight" booth. And then other days it just gets damn tiring. I have a male friend that has said to me for nearly twenty years - Lisa it's just your size - it's not fat (I was fat at some point he just didn't see me). Guys, sometimes they are great, eh? He said this the last time 30 pounds up from now.

I was around 182 in university and I felt huge. I wasn't. At all. I just wasn't "that girl" and never will be even if I lost more and more. I was my weight. But I'm getting so fit that I'm thinking that I might not even get there. Ie. heavier now - more muscle. So 182 would look a lot smaller.

Recently, I think I posted this here. I found pics where I lost at 13. I was shocked. I looked awful. As in bones didn't fit the weight. Bones were bigger than size. And everyone was "oh you look fantastic!!!!". And I must have been so flippin' happy to be close to my friends in size for the first - and last - time in my life. So happy. That's so sad. It looked wrong and I looked ill. But that was beautiful for so many people. This world.

Thanks for doing that. It means the world to me for someone to understand. I'm crying Amy. It really does. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that.

You look fantastic. I'm a little perplexed where the weight will come off if you lose more. But I guess each of us knows our own body.

Thanks again,

Lisa

 

[amykab]

Lisatoo funny... (I can edit my post if you want). I carry most of my excess weight in my belly, hips. So I wear clothes that kind of hide that fact and highlight my better attributes.. So I am hoping the weight comes off there. (it had better!!!) It makes me feel good that my post was helpful. Anytime.

ErikaAwesome 8 miler! I'll take that pace for TOT on saturday please!!

 

[goofyfan-12]

Lisa, I totally get this. Totally. when I tell people that I have lost 35 pounds since February, they don't believe me, as in there is no way you needed to lose that much weight in the first place. I've quit looking at height/weight charts. They'll just drive you nuts. I lost weight in 2004 on South Beach and got down to 175-178. I use that as my guide and how I set my goal this time. I liked how that looked on me. This time I am hoping to get to the 160's and be toned. I just want to see how it looks. It might be too skinny for my larger frame. You have to go with what feels right for you. What you are happy with. Not what some chart says you should weigh.

I've heard people at my old company talking about women who weigh over 200 pounds on several occasions and I was always about 2 seconds away from jumping in and saying, hey, I weigh over 200 pounds, just to see the look on their faces. I guess we are "lucky" that we carry it well??

Again, I do totally get where you are coming from on this.

Paula for the pants and Thanks for the recipe. I made it, and it is so yummy!!

Amy - Glad you liked them... they are easy to make and oh so yummy... even for breakfast....

Lisatoo funny... (I can edit my post if you want). I carry most of my excess weight in my belly, hips. So I wear clothes that kind of hide that fact and highlight my better attributes.. So I am hoping the weight comes off there. (it had better!!!) It makes me feel good that my post was helpful. Anytime.

ErikaAwesome 8 miler! I'll take that pace for TOT on saturday please!!

Good luck on Saturday.... can't wait to hear the stories of how awesome you did...

Paula

 

[MunkyMe13]

Hi everyone!!! _ and that is to everyone. I have another cold so I feel like I've missed someone.

Hi Heather - I'm relatively new - August. Good to meet you.


Liz - for your friend's situation. In which way Liz? As in why you would want to see your before picture? Or why you want to view the difference? I'm not sure what she means. I'm just wondering outloud.

I am so proud of you. Of all you've accomplished. How absolutely spectacular you look. It makes me smile. But I also want to say that I think you look gorgeous in your before as well. I guess the beauty just shines through, no not comes through - you are, no matter what your size. So in some ways you haven't really changed at all. Before = beautiful After = beautiful. Let me see.... beautiful = beautiful.

So although I understand your struggle somewhat - somewhat cause I'm not at goal. (Mine is there too - I actually self sabatoge at a certain weight (I've passed it again - so time will tell). I actually perceive that above a certain weight no one will be attracted to me/want to have sex with me - therefore must stay above that weight. Yes, I know how warped that is. But it only pertains to me of course). So back to you. I understand your struggle in some ways. I just see you as a smaller beautiful. As for friends and always being the bigger one and now you're not . Well when we change we trigger the ****, oh crap that lovely word won't come up, out of those around us. I'm about 70 pounds (like Erika can only gage )down. And you know how long that took me. My sisters have said something maybe once or not in these years. Actually, the one that has always been the small sister has said nothing in 70 pounds. And since January I'm down another two jeans sizes and nothing from either. I act like a care by writing it but in essence I don't. The weight is wonderful. But the transformation of me, and healing, is so much more. It's so much more to me.

Erika - loved your story. And I'm been listening to you about the bathing suits but I'n not quite sure I believe you. As in I bet you look better than you think.

Paula - congrats on your jeans. That's so wonderful.

Sarah - I caught that you're over 70 now. That's fantastic. Question: do you really consider those visits to certain restaurants not doing well. I guess I just see it as life - and not good or bad. Tell me. Really.

Nancy - I almost spit all over the computer with your "I meant to tell you something .....but I can't remember". So flippin' funny to me You're funny.

Amy - good to hear that you're keeping busy. I hear ya with time. Interesting, isn't it? Hope things are good. I can be super busy with work or not. And it's interesting which days go the fastest.

Steph - it must be crap to hate the cold and be in the cold. Do you have plans for one day? Did I miss them. I remember you discussing Florida with was it Deb? If so, where and when would you move to - Florida, Carolinas? And it hasn't snowed here yet. But of course I'm father south than you!!!!

My Lyz - please make sure there's a least a blush for me calling you my Lyz. Did I miss pictures of your hair?

Hey Stacey - you popped back on, right? How are you? Snow there yet? We were in the 70s and then suddenly this week on day it was 40 something......

Dan - hi - it seems I"m off when you're on.

Dawn - oh Dawn the handcuffs made me chuckle with glee. Which is an anomaly for me. Progress.

It was a whip.

Amiee - where are you girl? Miss you.


Lisa

Heya... not quite 70 lbs lost yet... close but not quite... TOM is in town so it'll prolly be next week that it finally gets there... I don't see those places as doing bad individually... I see em as bad when I eat them all in 1 weekend... LOL... I am working on self control... really I am... LOL!

 

[MunkyMe13]

As promised here is a pic of Pee-Wee in his little Halloween shirt he hates... LOL... Its a terrible pic of me too but here it is:

 

[amykab]

As promised here is a pic of Pee-Wee in his little Halloween shirt he hates... LOL... Its a terrible pic of me too but here it is:

So cute! When my cat Mr.Jinks was a kitten I put a little snowman sweater on him for christmas. He LOVED that. I should post that pic.

 

[MunkyMe13]

This one is hub and Pee-Wee sleeping... yes that is a purple fish cat toy but Pee-Wee loves it!

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Hi. This was very overwhelming to sit down and read. I want to say so many things - to cheer you all on, to offer congratulations, to say hi, etc etc.

Tomorrow is a year since I started WW. When I come home from a hard, disappointing day where I feel sad because someone I love doesn't get it, I sit down and read this.

You are really amazing people. You do get it, and I simply cannot thank you enough for that. I am here, still on the path, a year later and you are all a HUGE part of that.

You have picked me up so many times - each of you - and in the Academy Award speech I am here thanking you and crying.

Here is my before - here is my after - here is to my year anniversary - and here are to the women (and one man) who held my hand the whole way. Clap the loudest for them, please. I absolutely would not be celebrating tomorrow without each of you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

xoxo

 

[3DisneyKids]

Love you!

 

[amykab]

Time to wake up! Hope everyone's friday is off to a good start! I only have like 5 million things I need to do before leaving this afternoon and here I sit on the computer!

 

[MunkyMe13]

Good Morning all!
Hope everyone has a happy Friday! I'm down .2 for the week which with TOM in town is good enough for me! I swear last night I was munching on every salty snack I could find... few Fritos here... few mini Pringles there... Darn my DH for keeping em in the house LOL... Had Jack in the Box grilled chicken strips for dinner last night and they were AWFUL!!! I will still with more calories and eat the sourdough jack from now on... DH forgot to get us curly fries instead of natural cut and the regular fries are still icky and are 50 calories more for a medium!!! I was so hungry I ate them but I was sooooo disappointed... I am not having chipotle tonight! I am going to stay good! Have a great day all!

 

[Astro Orbiter]

Hello all -

Claiming thread bankruptcy here,

So...at the beginning of the month I self-claimed a goddess crown because I was 10% down - then promptly ate my way out of it. I think I freaked out a bit...stopped exercising every day...ate too much bad stuff... So I'm 3-5 lbs above that number right now. But I'm holding.

And I'm having several crisises (crises?) at work. Both practical (&$*# seat keeps failing it's test) and professional (interesting 2-year 'leadership development' opportunity, same company, requires 40% travel and a new office that's 80 minutes from home). And at home. DD doesn't like it when I travel...DH thinks that I think he's a bad SAHD because I feel guilty when she and he don't thrive when I'm gone. And we are have now diverged into separate ways of dealing with child behaviour issues.

So...when I'm stressed I eat and sleep. And stop doing everything else.

I need to get back on the wagon. I haven't been doing anything. No water. No exercise. Limited portion control. I was working on C25K, but have no idea where to re-start.

I know that no one will admit to it, but does anyone watch Entertainment Tonight? I don't. But Monday night I turned on the TV to see John Travolta dressed up in his pilot's uniform (He's an ambassador for Qantas.). He was sitting in MY SEATS! Well, not 'mine'...but the ones I poured my blood/sweat/life into. SO...John Travolta has sat in the same seat I did... Because one way or another I've sat in every seat in first class that's now on that airplane. I hollered for DH to come (like my life depended on it) and then taped the show.

Deb