In need of disboard support-long

[ericamanda01]

Two days ago we received the new that we all knew was coming. My grandmother past away. She had liver cancer and it spread very quickly and we were praying for her suffering to be short. I was able to spend a week with her about a month ago and we really connected again. ( We were on the outs for a few years) I am happy to know that she has gone on to be with the rest of our family in heaven but I can't help but be sad.

There is no funeral service so we don't need to go home.
But as you can see on our ticker we leave soon for our honeymoon and I just can't seem to get excited about it. I know it's only been two days since she left us but I have been planning our honeymoon for two years. I feel selfish about all this and my family thinks I am being silly. I know that my grandmother would want me to go and have a good time. We will go I just feel badly about doing so.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? How did you handle it? Thanks

 

[Sue Sullivan]

I am so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Even though there is no funeral to attend, maybe it would help you grieve if you had a sort of memorial on your own. Plant a tree or some flowers in her memory, write a eulogy to her, or commemorate her life in some other way. Until my Dad died last year, I didn't really understand the power of closure that a funeral actually provides. I wish you peace and comfort.

 

[gallaj0]

I think you have to realize that you Grandmother would want you to be happy, and enjoy your honeymoon. Feeling bad about someone dying is part of the grieving process, but you should also realize that it may not be productive to put your life on hold for it.

My wife and I went through something similar after 9/11; one of her best friends was on AA 11, and we considered cancelling our Disney trip on 9/14, but decided it would be better to keep our lives going and think about her that way, since she was such a fun person.

 

[Bethipooh4]

We recently went on a May land/sea trip paid for by my wonderful grandfater. He paid for the entire trip including spending money for my family of 6. We had been on the outs for about 2 years, but the death of my grandmother brought us back together.
Two days before he was to come and spend the summer with us, and take care of our house while we were on our trip, he was hit and killed by a car while crossing the street.
Our decision to go was a hard one, but we went knowing he would want us to enjoy the trip he helped me plan.

In his honor we planted a garden and at the foot of it placed a angel statue in honor of my youngests "pop pop".

Go, enjoy your honeymoon and make a toast to her!

 

[Krystina'sMommy]

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandmother. My advice is the same as the others: your GM would want you to be happy and go on your much anticipated trip / honeymoon. If there is anything the rest of us on the 9/19 Wonder can do, please just let us know.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think Sue Sullivan's idea is a good one. Sounds like you need some closure. Take a moment for yourself to say good-bye.

Then have a wonderful time on your honeymoon. You deserve it and your grandmother would have wanted you to.

Denae

 

[mississaugamom]

I'm sorry for your loss. I also agree with everyone else that perhaps you can take some time to do something to honour her memory (like planting something) and then go ahead with your honeymoon.

She is at peace now, and she wouldn't want your life put on hold because of her passing. Go ahead with your original plans.

Arlene

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Go and enjoy your honeymoon cruise the best way you can. If you begin to think about her while on the cruise, say a silent prayer to her. Have a short, silent conversation w/her. It will bring some peace to you.

My grandmother passed away almost 20 years ago, and to this day, if I'm enjoying one of her favorite foods, or hear one of her favorite songs, I'll silently (or out loud, if I'm alone )say 'I'm enjoying your favorite pie Nana,' or 'here's your song!"

It makes me feel better, knowing she's there in spirit.

 

[poconoboatniks]

First, please accept my condolences on the passing of your grandmother. You must be so sad! A few years ago, my lovely grandma died the morning that we were suppose to leave for a beach vacation with friends and their children. Gram would have been very upset with me if we had cancelled. During her life, she never wanted to inconvience anyone. In her death, I don't think she would have wanted us to miss our trip. I was able to get that closure by attending her wake and funeral.

You said that you leave in 4 days. That means that you leave after the weekend. Is their a religious person that you can talk to? Maybe, the priest, pastor or rabbi could offer a special intention or service in honor of your grandmother. My grandparents had very strong faith in God which we honored by providing memorial gifts to our church.

I'll remember your grandmother & you and your new hubby in my prayers. Enjoy your honeymoon knowing that your Grandmother is not suffering from the cancer and that she died knowing that you loved her.

Pocono

 

[Minnie&Mickey]

I was in a similar situation about 3 years ago. My husband and I had planned a vacation for just the two of us to go to WDW, and my two daughters were going to stay with my parents. We were meeting friends down there that we hadn't seen in a few years. About two weeks before we were supposed to leave, my father died. It was very sudden, and very unexpected. I had no intention of going on the trip and leaving my mother after such a tragedy (I am the only family member that lives within 1000 miles of her, so I felt like I was deserting her), but my mother insisted. She said that it would do her a lot of good to spend time with my daughters, and it would do me a lot of good to get away from all of the things that you have to deal with after a death (removing his name from their accounts, notifying people of his death...and the worse one, cancelling the cruise that they had just planned to celebrate their upcoming 50th wedding anniversary). I really didn't feel like going. I was very close to my father and was having a hard time dealing with him being gone. But like I said, my mother insisted, and we went. It was a wonderful trip and I had a great time. I knew my father would have hated it if I hadn't gone. So from my own experience, I would say to go on your honeymoon. Your grandmother wouldn't have wanted you to cancel it and you will feel much better once you get a chance to relax and get away from everything that is going on at home.

 

[jrabbit]

The grieving process (and it is a process) usually lasts 6months to 2 years. The reality of the situation is that you CANNOT put your life on hold for that long. Yes, you are very sad right now and some days will be better than others and then there will be the downright awful days.

Spend some time in prayer - it really helps. Then go on your trip. I know you've been looking forward to this for a long time. Go!! Have Fun!! And remember your grandmother. Just because you're going on with your life doesn't mean that you are forgetting her - you never will.

Have a great honeymoon. Have a great trip. Have a great life together!!!

From the looks of next weeks weather around here -- you'll be leaving our lovely rain up here in the PNW!

 

[SchultzFamily]

First of all I am so sorry about the loss of your Grandmother. I lost my Mother last year. We were very close and I know how hard it is.
I'm sure your Grandmother would want you to go and most of all to enjoy! Like someone else said, do it for her - do something special that you know she would have enjoyed and didicate it to her. Talk about her as much as you need to and by all means cry when you need to!
I have to stop here, I can't see through my tears.
Vickie

 

[CamColt]

Im sorry for your loss.
Im sure she would want you to go on the trip and go on with your life. Theres nothing you can do at home, so please dont miss out on this special trip. Its not selfish of you at all to want to go.
We were in a similar situation a coule years ago. FIL was very ill and we had a trip planned. In the end he passed away exactly 2 weeks before we left. We still went and we had a great time. Getting away after a tragic even sometimes helps. We were almost in the situation again this year with MIL however she passed away quicker than we expected which gave us about a month before our trip.

 

[mom2sean_n_alex]

Originally posted by Sue Sullivan
I am so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Even though there is no funeral to attend, maybe it would help you grieve if you had a sort of memorial on your own. Plant a tree or some flowers in her memory, write a eulogy to her, or commemorate her life in some other way. Until my Dad died last year, I didn't really understand the power of closure that a funeral actually provides. I wish you peace and comfort.

I totally agree with Sue... My grandmother died in Oct 2001. She had wanted no funeral, no memorial service nothing... so we followed her wishes. My grandfather died 8 months later in June 2002, we had a very nice memorial service... it made all the difference in my grieving process and the closure I received from the service..... I like the idea of doing your own memorial...wish I had thought of that when my grandmother died.

My condolences to you, hope you can find excitement in your upcoming honeymoon trip!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am sorry for your loss. That feeling is so natural. My grandmother passed away a few weeks before my parent's first cruise with DCL. We knew she wouldn't make it and so did she. She told my dad to have fun on the cruise and not to worry. When she passed away, my parents didn't want to go but the family pushed them and they knew it was my grandma's wishes. It was a hard choice for them but they went. I think it helped them with the grieving. Your grandma would want you to have fun on your honeymoon. Go and enjoy it (it will be hard, but just try).

 

[MarcyIn Florida]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Two years ago, when my grandmother died, my family asked me to speak at her memorial service. During my memorial, I discussed how much my grandmother, who was a world trveller until she was in her 80s, loved chocolate, and would purchase good European chocolate wherever she went. I asked that everyone go home and eat a piece of really good chocolate and think about my grandmother while they ate it.

I suggest that you do the same -- promise yourself that you will do something on your honeymoon that you kow she would have loved to do, and YOU do it -- for her and in her memory. You should grieve, but you should also LIVE, and live without guilt that you are enjoying yourself, because your grandmother would want you to enjoy yourself.

Hugs,

Marcy

 

[Wild4WDW]

Loved Sue's idea! When my MIL passed away (she chose to be creamated) we had a memorial service. I felt like my children, then 12 & 8, needed the closure.
Enjoy your cruise!

 

[Tay N Evie's Mom]

I'm sorry about your loss.

I would encourage you to go. My DFIL passed away March 2003. He had a major heart attack at work and died instantly at the age of 59. He had no prior health problems, so this was a complete shock to our family. DH was very close to his Dad and had spoken with him the day before he died. We already had a trip to WDW/US planned that ended up being 6 weeks after his death (if it wouldn't have been for problems with frequent flier miles we would have had our vacation planned for the day after he died). I asked DH if he wanted to cancel and he said no, lets still go. It was the best thing we could have done. It took DH a few days, but he came out of his shell and had a wonderful time with our 5 year old twins. I think getting away from the stress of the situation was the best therapy he could have received. We asked DMIL if she wanted to go, but she said no. She did agree to go with us to US last December and had a great time. She didn't hesitate when we asked her to go with us again to WDW this November.

 

[ericamanda01]

I just want to thank you all for you heartfelt words. I took your advise and had a personal service today. Really it was nothing more than a conversation with my grandmother. I feel so much better afterwards knowing in my heart that she is in heaven and watching over me. As soon as I was through saying my prayers I started to feel the excitment come back. Before she died, I spoke to "Grammy" several times about how excited we were about this trip and she was so happy for us. So I know she would want us to go. And again thank you all so much. I feel like a have a hugh family in all of you.

 

[nuts4sn00py]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandmother, but I am happy to see you have been able to have some closure. I am also glad that you have decided to go on your honeymoon. My best friends FIL passed away 3 days before our cruise. He was buried on 8/27. Her DH decided not to go on the Cruise, but that is because his brother & sister were flying in from overseas & spending the week in NY. He insisted her & her son go. We had a great time. You will have moments of sadness on your trip, but remember, you & your Grandmother made up before her passing away & that was the greatest gift you could have given to each other. I'm sure she will look down from Heaven & smile on you & your DH while you have a great honeymoon. Once again, my condolences & have a beautiful Honeymoon. Kathy