In-laws not wanting to go

[MaidMarian]

Any advice on in-laws NOT wanting to join in on a family trip? My husband and I have a 3 yr old daughter and we've taken her to WDW in December every year. We live 10 hours away from his family so we only see them a few times a year so we always ask them to join us at WDW. My husbands parents are divorced and the first year we took MIL with us. The second year we invited FIL and his wife but we got the story that they didn't have enough vacation time, yet they took 3 vacations to the bahamas. I totally understand them vacationing where they want to but you would think they might enjoy some time with their only grand child and we gave them 9 months notice so not like they couldn't work it into their plans. Last year we invited FIL again (MIL had health issues)but they couldnt come due to the birth of his stepdaughters twins in October. Again, very understandable. I think its just a very sensitive issue for me cause both my parents are dead and I was so very close to my Mom and we took lots of trips to WDW together and I just think how she would be overjoyed to be able to spend time with her granddaughter, but she never got that chance and I just feel like his family is taking it for granted. We've invited FIL and his wife again and they havent gotten back to us with a decision yet. I think I'm just frustrated cause the Inlaws are all the family she has left and I make a lot of effort to keep them as involved as possible and I feel its only one way. We'll have a great time at WDW no matter what but I just dont understand why they wouldnt be more interested. Sorry I just needed to vent

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I understand how you feel, but you can't force them to want to go. While you may have enjoyed many trips with your Mom maybe this isn't their ideal vacation. It has nothing to do with seeing their grandchild. Perhaps they simply want to be alone and relax on their vacations. I think it is great that you offer but at this point I would stop asking. Enjoy them in other ways.

 

[babiektcher]

My mother is the same way. I have asked her to go many times now. But she wants to wait until the kids are older. they are 6 and 4 now. But every year they keep going on a hawaiian cruise or bahama cruise...I just feel sorry for her because she is missing out.

 

[Aliceacc]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

Well said! Disney is not everyone's choice for a vacation.

 

[Mkrop]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

I have to agree with this. My ILs I dont think have any desire to spend time with my kids at an amusement park. I get the impression they did those with their own kids dont have a desire to go back. They also just got back from a huge trip to St Lucia. Somtimes I have a hard enough time getting them to take a day off for GP's day at DS's school (they finally did but not w/o whining) let alone a vaction with us.

Now my mom is all over it and would go anywhere with the kids. She has gone and is going with us in June. The problem with that is sometimes she doesnt realize we would like it to be just us. Whether it is Disney or the shore. I mean she gets it but I always feel guilty bc she just loves to come but sometmes it needs to be just the four of us too. But my dad died and my Dbros arent married with kids yet so she always wants to go.

I would suggest some other places other than Disney and see how they react. You also have to remember not everyone is the super duper grandparent type either. Mine never were growing up.

 

[taitai]

Well, if they have spent three straight vacations in the Bahamas, that is a very clear indication, at least to me, that they prefer beach vacations. Disney is absolutely not for everyone. I think it is great that you are trying to sponsor a family vacation so don't give up that idea. I would give up the idea that it should be Disney. There are a million great beaches in Florida. Perhaps you can meet them at one of those prior to or after your Disney trip. Or, scrap Disney for a year and meet them in the Bahamas or some other great place. You might even find that it is cheaper than going to Disney.

We do at least one big family vacation a year with both sets of grandparents and lots of siblings. It takes a lot of planning (and a LOT of rental condos/houses/hotel rooms to house us all) but they have been so much fun. Don't give up the idea, just be a bit more flexible on the locale.

Taitai

 

[tadamom]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

I would suggest some other places other than Disney and see how they react. You also have to remember not everyone is the super duper grandparent type either.

I agree with this as well. Good luck! I hope they want to go or at least you can find somewhere else to go together.

 

[mickey&minniealways]

We took my inlaws back in 2005. They loved it and had a great time with their grandchildren. We are going again this year. We are staying at a dvc resort in a 2 bedroom so there is plenty of room for them. However they have said they don't want to go. They have already gone and feel that is enough. My kids would have loved to have them along but it is not to be. My own mother has plans that week. She probably goes every other year with either us, my brother, or sister. If my father was still alive he would probably be going every year. But thats my parents. Everyone is different. You did your part. They chose not to accept. Go ahead and enjoy your vacation. If you can invite them again a few years down the road. Space your invites a little farther apart, maybe that will make a differnce. If not don't sweat it you have done your part. Remember that old saying, It's the thought that counts.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

I agree with this. I had the opposite problem when my children were younger. My IL's would invite us to visit them while they camped in Disney. Their son had passed on so I understood that they wanted to spend time with the kids. I was alone with three young children, on a fixed income and lived 1500 miles from Disney. I was happy to take the children someplace close to home but I could not afford to fly and would not drive that far with the kids. Disney was doable for me and they were not willing to go someplace else.

I think you might ask them what their vacation preferences are and if they are comfortable with a family vacation.

 

[MaidMarian]

I think I really do need to just remember that not all grandparents are great grandparents. My husbands parents were very young when they had him so even though we waited until our late 30's to have kids, they're still in their 50's and would prefer a vacation on a party boat in the bahammas than with their granddaughter. They talk all the time about wanting to spend time with GD, but they want us to come to them (which we do, a lot), not the other way around. Sorry, I think I'm just having one of those weeks were I really miss my Mom.

 

[Mkrop]

 

[DVCJEN]

I understand how you feel, but you can't force them to want to go. While you may have enjoyed many trips with your Mom maybe this isn't their ideal vacation. It has nothing to do with seeing their grandchild. Perhaps they simply want to be alone and relax on their vacations. I think it is great that you offer but at this point I would stop asking. Enjoy them in other ways.

I agree. Maybe WDW (gasp) just isn't their thing. Asking them every year seems to put a lot of stress and hurt on you, I would just stop asking and save yourself.

 

[eh24fan]

I think I really do need to just remember that not all grandparents are great grandparents. My husbands parents were very young when they had him so even though we waited until our late 30's to have kids, they're still in their 50's and would prefer a vacation on a party boat in the bahammas than with their granddaughter. They talk all the time about wanting to spend time with GD, but they want us to come to them (which we do, a lot), not the other way around. Sorry, I think I'm just having one of those weeks were I really miss my Mom.

My SO's parents were only 17 and 16 when they had him, so they are in the early-mid 40's right now. They are grandparents but just not feeling the "grandparent vibe" LOL They have a 12 year old son. FIL is AWESOME with my older son and my younger son and the 12 yr old loves to be the "uncle." MIL...she's interesting. She's trying to recapture her "lost youth" and just doesn't get into the boys too much. Oh, when people are around she puts on a good show, but when it comes down to it, she's just not that interested. She's more into herself right now. In the past 5 years she got a **** job, a tattoo (tramp stamp), and a belly ring. She has really long, very high lighted hair and dresses to show off her "assets."


My parents are great with them too. My mom is only 54 and my stepdad will be 60 in September. They are wonderful grandparents and into being grandparents. My dad is good too, but he has a 10 year old and a 9 year old with my stepmom, who is only 39. My family seems soooo dysfunctional when I have to explain this stuff. Anyway, he's still in Daddy mode meaning my kids are great, but he has his own to deal with.

It's hard to deal with sometimes. I hate that not all of the grandparents are into being grandparents. My grandparents are are awesome and I want my parents and step-parents and SO's parents to live up to the standards their parents created. So far, not so good.

 

[eliza61]

I think you have two different issues: wanting your daughter to spend time with her grandparents and wanting to go to Disney.

If it's time with the grandparents you want, why not ask if you can join them on a vacation they choose?

If it's Disney you want, it sounds as though you'll have to go without the grandparents. I think they're trying to find a polite way to say that it's not their idea of a vacation.

Good luck!!

Kuddos to you Alice, your absolutely right.
Not every one likes disney folks. I know we think its the most magical place in the world but not every one is as thrilled.

 

[alexis_fate]

I think we all have an idea of how we would like grandparents to behave and not all of them fit that idea!!!

I am sorry you are having a bad week, I hope it gets better

Tracy

 

[Merriwind]

As others have said, not everyone is a huge WDW fan. Honestly, you don't want to spend a week at WDW with people that don't want to be there. I hope you can think of a different vacation that everyone can be excited about. Sorry about your week...hugs...good luck!

 

[crusoe2]

I've already posted this on another thread somewhere but thought I would repeat it as food for thought. Some of my in-laws (sil & her hubby, mil) invited themselves on our last Disney trip and, after much changing of plans to accommodate them, they ditched us as soon as we got there. My kids had been really excited about seeing them and sharing Disney with them. Needless to say, the kids were pretty confused and disappointed when we only saw them about 2 or 3 times the whole week. They had insisted all thru the planning that they couldn't wait to see us, wanted to spend time with us everyday, the plans I'd put together sounded great, blah, blah, blah. And then they made every effort to avoid us and claimed to be sick all week as an excuse for not meeting up with us as planned. (Which worked great until we ran into them in the park when they were supposedly back at the hotel throwing up. ) Anyway, my point is that even if the in-laws agree to go, it could be a very disappointing trip for you and your kids. I would rather my kids have no memories of Disney with the grandparents than have bad ones.

 

[disykat]

I hate that people are starting to say that people aren't "great grandparents" if they don't fall in with your vacation plans. You can be a terrific grandparent, but still choose to plan and take your own vacations!

 

[GoinToDisney]

If you are really interested in spending time with them, then I think you should give up on Disney. Let's face it Disney is a lot of fun, but it is not a relaxing vacation for most people. If they still value their time alone as a couple, then maybe they don't want to give that up. I wouldn't take offense to that. I would suggest that you could visit them and stay at their house or in a hotel near their house or have them come to your house or stay in a hotel nearby and see if they are interested in that.