In-Law's help needed

[RF536]

After being unemployed I have returned to work full time and my in-laws are back to watching my DS(9) and DS(7) for us while we are at work. The boys spend from 7:15am - 5:15pm on Mon. and from 7:15-3:15 on Tues. and Weds. at their house. DH is off Thurs - Fri. so he is home with them those days.

The problem we have is that DMIL and DFIL will not allow the boys to go outside unless one of them goes out with them. So they are not allowed out until after lunch, which means they are going out in the heat of the day, then DMIL and DFIL do not want to stay out long. My boys both are very high energy and need to have time outside to use up some of their energy. Last week was horrible, by the end of the day they were bouncing off the walls and didn't know what to do with themselves.

We are not asking that they allow the boys to go run the neighborhood, or even ride their bikes up and down the road, we just want the to be able to spend more time outside in the back yard. My inlaws live out in the country on 2 1/2 acres of land, they have one close neighbor; they are a couple in their late 40's early 50's with grown kids they have lived next door for over 20 years. The back of their yard is bordered by a corn field and the other side is bordered by a horse pasture. So how do we convince them that the boys will be fine playing in backyard, and that they don't have to sit out there with them?

Also, inlaws can see the whole back yard from their living room windows.

 

[disneyfans95]

After being unemployed I have returned to work full time and my in-laws are back to watching my DS(9) and DS(7) for us while we are at work. The boys spend from 7:15am - 5:15pm on Mon. and from 7:15-3:15 on Tues. and Weds. at their house. DH is off Thurs - Fri. so he is home with them those days.

The problem we have is that DMIL and DFIL will not allow the boys to go outside unless one of them goes out with them. So they are not allowed out until after lunch, which means they are going out in the heat of the day, then DMIL and DFIL do not want to stay out long. My boys both are very high energy and need to have time outside to use up some of their energy. Last week was horrible, by the end of the day they were bouncing off the walls and didn't know what to do with themselves.

We are not asking that they allow the boys to go run the neighborhood, or even ride their bikes up and down the road, we just want the to be able to spend more time outside in the back yard. My inlaws live out in the country on 2 1/2 acres of land, they have one close neighbor; they are a couple in their late 40's early 50's with grown kids they have lived next door for over 20 years. The back of their yard is bordered by a corn field and the other side is bordered by a horse pasture. So how do we convince them that the boys will be fine playing in backyard, and that they don't have to sit out there with them?

Also, inlaws can see the whole back yard from their living room windows.

Question.. Are you paying your inlaws for child care?

If you are, then by all means you should be asking for them to "run the kids" and do more then just keep an eye on them while they are inside.

If however, you are not paying anything for a full week of daycare, you should be grateful, don't open your mouth and deal with your kids in the evening. They can run around at night at home and you can tire them out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am thinking that a big factor may be that your inlaws are getting older????

Just to be honest, what crosses my mind is that some grandparents with limited energy and ability to engage with children may not be the best all day child care situation for two energetic kids.

I am picturing what you describe, and it sounds like such an open area, that once the kids are out... are they really going to end up staying in 'the back yard' in sight of the window....

Are there bikes, toys, other diversions and physical activities there for the kids? Do they get to play in the water or hose in any way.

What possible reasons could they have for keeping the kids cooped up???

I could be wrong, but I am thinking that, perhaps, your hopes and expectations that you have of your inlaws might be a bit much.
It is apparently more than they are comfortable with.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Question.. Are you paying your inlaws for child care?

I don't think that this matters.

Payment does not always mean that one can dictate.

 

[sunshine1178]

Same as any other business transaction (you're not complaining about free childcare, right?). Complain once, and if the issue isn't quickly resolved, take your money someplace that better meets your expectations.

 

[disneyfans95]

I don't think that this matters.

Payment does not always mean that one can dictate.

It sure does. If they are paying for a service (daycare in this case) they sure have a much bigger say in what activities the kids get access too.

If they are not paying and basically getting a free ride, then they need to just be grateful they are saving hundreds of dollars a month, understand their parents are getting older and step up and run their kids at night to tire them out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I suppose we happen to disagree....

If one is not happy/satisfied with their child's daycare arrangement, then one is free to make other arrangements. Parents who pay for child care can't dictate to child care centers... Why would one think that the inlaws can, or should, be 'bought'?

As far as if the OP is paying anything, 'if it is free'....
One usually gets what they pay for.

 

[KandD]

Could you come up with a plan that the kids have to check in every 15 minutes (get a watch for the older one) and if they prove to be responsible enough to check in then they get bumped up to every 20 minutes and then maybe a half hour? With the condition that they are not allowed to go out of the backyard.

My grandma used to watch me when I was young and she was terrified of everything, even as an adult she didn't want me walking around with scissors or sitting to close to the big windows she had (in case I horsed around to much and fell out of one!) But I was lucky and had two kids my age that lived two houses down from grandma and she trusted me over at their house so that kept me occupied.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly, they are only kept inside for 3 days in a week. Instead of trying to fight the inlaws I would set them up with things to do inside.

As time goes on they may allow them more freedom if they feel comfortable.

Not sure when school starts what your arrangement will be so honestly this is really a short term issue to deal with.

If you do not like the arrangement, find someone else to watch them.

 

[mickeyboat]

I guess I would probably talk to them and suggest some sort of compromise. Let your in-laws know that your boys have matured enough to play outside for some period of time without direct supervision. Make sure that the boys know the rules (ie no going past the corn, etc.) and make sure they understand the consequences of not following them.

Set up a trial period and see where it goes from there.

 

[RF536]

No we are not paying for daycare, inlaws offered and enjoy having the boys there. Their yard has very obvious boundries, except on the side with the close neighbor, but the otherside of that neighbor's yard is bordered by a cornfield. The kids are use to being there, and know where the boundries are and are good at staying within them. The boys have bats and balls, swings and a sandbox in the backyard along with whatever toys they bring from home to play with outside. They do not have bikes or other ride on toys, because there really isn't anywhere to ride them there. We also live in the country, so the boys are use to that environment, so this is nothing new to them. They play outside all day on the weekends and on Thurs. and Fri. when one of us are home with them.

We do not expect Grandma and Grandpa to run and play with them, just open the door and let them outside. Grandpa will play catch with them, and when he has a project going they always "help" him.

Believe me, we don't come home and sit at the end of the day, the 1st one home fixes dinner, then we are off and running for the evening. Somtimes we take them swimming at the local lake, or we take a 3-5 mile hike, karate, or we just play at home with the dog. But on occasion there are errands that need to be done after work, so we can't run them out everynight.

 

[PelletierBears]

Could you come up with a plan that the kids have to check in every 15 minutes (get a watch for the older one) and if they prove to be responsible enough to check in then they get bumped up to every 20 minutes and then maybe a half hour? With the condition that they are not allowed to go out of the backyard.

My grandma used to watch me when I was young and she was terrified of everything, even as an adult she didn't want me walking around with scissors or sitting to close to the big windows she had (in case I horsed around to much and fell out of one!) But I was lucky and had two kids my age that lived two houses down from grandma and she trusted me over at their house so that kept me occupied.

The only way my husband and I would let our daughter play out around the neighborhood when she was younger was if she had one of the 2 way radios that we originally bought for Disney! That way my husband or I could contact her with the push of a button and know exactly where she was.

They're relatively inexpensive (don't remember what we payed but do know we got a set of 3 on clearance at Target) and we used them for a few years.

Maybe your inlaws would be reassured if there was an easy way to communicate with the kids. Good luck!

 

[Nolcrest]

It sounds like the in-laws take this responsibility very seriously, which they should. My mom will not let her grandchildren outside either unless she is with them. My mom is extra cautious with the kids, especially when it's the daughter-in-law's kids and not the daughter's kids.

Let it go, and if you are unhappy with the situation then find other arrangements so this doesn't become an issue between you. Sounds like they are loving grandparents.

 

[disneyfans95]

Agree with PP.. Let it go. You are getting free daycare and need to remember that.

Sounds like you kids get enough exercise at night anyway

 

[Luvchefmic]

Have the grandparents said why they feel this way? Have you asked them? Perhaps they're afraid your boys will go near the neighbors horses? They sound responsible and I'm sure you're glad you have them to rely on but as others said its really only 3 days a week & short term until school.

 

[minniecarousel]

I wouldn't be happy if my two energetic kids were pretty much cooped up all day either.. Do you know WHY they won't let them play outside alone?

 

[RF536]

We do love the fact that they are willing to watch the boys, as DS9 has OCD and some other issues, so a traditional daycare environment would be very hard on him. We are not going to make this a big issue, we are just trying to convince them that the boys can handle being outside unsupervised. As for the horses, they normally are not in that part of the pasture, it is very rare for them to be up in that area.

The main problem is that has they have aged Grandma and Grandpa have become worriers, and are afriad that something will happen to the boys. What make is worse is that these are the only grandkids they have. We have assured them that accidents happen, and it is not the end of the world. Believe me my boys are not fragile and have had their fair share of bumps, bruises, stiches and broken bones. Some at their house more often at ours, it is just a fact of life with us, we fix them up and send them back out to have fun.

 

[TimeforMe]

I think that you also need to respect the fact that they are older and more worrisome than you. If something should happen to them while in their care, they would probably never forgive themselves. If it were me, I would bite my tongue and grin and bear it. Like you said, it's not that big of a deal. For 3 days a week (and free child care) it's not going to kill them to spend some indoor time. It sounds like they are kept pretty busy the other 4 days of the week.

 

[Luvchefmic]

We do love the fact that they are willing to watch the boys, as DS9 has OCD and some other issues, so a traditional daycare environment would be very hard on him. We are not going to make this a big issue, we are just trying to convince them that the boys can handle being outside unsupervised. As for the horses, they normally are not in that part of the pasture, it is very rare for them to be up in that area.

The main problem is that has they have aged Grandma and Grandpa have become worriers, and are afriad that something will happen to the boys. What make is worse is that these are the only grandkids they have. We have assured them that accidents happen, and it is not the end of the world. Believe me my boys are not fragile and have had their fair share of bumps, bruises, stiches and broken bones. Some at their house more often at ours, it is just a fact of life with us, we fix them up and send them back out to have fun.

They obviously love their grandchildren and want to protect them. They also need to be able to be comfortable with the arrangement. I would just accept that and as someone else said they would never forgive themselves if something happened on their watch. A few quite hours 3 times a week actually may be best for your boys & the grandparents.

My happiest memories as a kid were spent playing chinese checkers, coloring, and just hanging out with my Nana & Pop-pop...when I wasn't there I was the biggest tomboy in the neighborhood roller skating, playing ball, riding a bike, climbing trees, constantly skinning my knees...time with them helped to balance me I truly believe

 

[erincon23]

I remember my MIL commenting on having my boys over when they were younger -- I felt like they were being EXTREMELY overprotective (this was just for visits, not daycare). She told me that she was never so protective with her two boys, but she didn't know my two as well (they saw the boys regularly, but didn't live with them), and didn't have a good handle on what they would or wouldn't do, how adventurous/risk taking they were, etc. I'm sure that's some of what's going on. YOU know that the boys wouldn't wander off, and they probably know that intellectually, but until they have some more time with them and begin to feel comfortable, it really needs to be by their rules so they don't feel overly stressed. I'm sure that as a few more weeks go by they'll start to be more comfortable with the idea of letting the boys outside more (and as the boys start to drive them nuts inside ). Help your boys to understand that they need to be more careful about letting grandma and grandpa know where they are, what they're doing, so g&g can start to feel good about the idea that the boys are careful, won't take off after an animal, won't play in the cornfield, etc. Your boys are old enough to help g&g feel like they're (the boys) are responsible.