In laws Grrrrrrrrr

[bicker]

So it would be fine for me to host a party and invited you but only serve meat because it is my house!!

Of course. That happens quite often, actually.

Nope it is my job as the hostess to accommodate all my guests.

If LuvOrlando's MIL wants cheesecake that much, let her bring it. It isn't up to a guest to dictate to a host such things.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Of course. That happens quite often, actually.

If LuvOrlando's MIL wants cheesecake that much, let her bring it. It isn't up to a guest to dictate to a host such things.

Exactly!
I truly believe that holiday gatherings are not so much about the food served, but about the opportunity to spend some good times with family and friends and make a few memories. The spirit of Christmas is about the warmth of family and the joy of togetherness, not the food.

 

[bicker]

Absolutely.

 

[Pakey]

Ahhh, this reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with my family. It was 12 years ago and it was over food too. I'm not into drama and I had to quit participating.

Now my husband and I go to the movies on Christmas. We see our adult children the day after Christmas.

 

[Disney Doll]

The OP is pissed about Thanksgiving and is not doing what the cookie maker was going to do to her MIL. Both are spiteful.

I said to buy one. That would take all of 2 minutes at the grocery store or maybe 20 if you go to a special place. She would be treating her ILs with respect but not being manipulated.

So many on here have IL problems. I wonder why?

Because so many of us are adults who don't feel the need to appease or try and get approval people who are rude & cannot be pleased..

I wouldn't accept someone who is invited to my home demanding anything.

 

[ChrizJen]

I just want to weigh in here. OP, It's obvious that your MIL gets on your nerves.
But...As for Thanksgiving, did they bail at the last minute, or did they tell you ahead of time? I can understand how you'd be upset if they backed out at the last minute. But if they gave you advance notice that they'd made other plans for Thanksgiving this year, I don't see the big deal. As much as I can appreciate tradition, your in-laws do have other family besides yours. Your DH is a grown-up. I think he can handle one holiday away from his parents.

As for the cheesecake incident, I think your in-laws are being immature by pushing you on the subject, but I also think it was a little bit snotty the way you handled it. You could have just said, "I wasn't planning to make one this time, but if you'd like to bring one, that's fine." Problem solved, and you avoid a day-long fight. It sounds to me like you're BOTH butting heads, and neither of you is any better than the other.

And as for your cookies, I say that just as MIL needs to suck it up and make the cheesecake herself if it's that important to her, I think that if you're the one who wants cookies so bad, then make them. But don't expect anyone to help...

Just my opinion, and maybe I'm missing a lot more stuff. But to me it sounds like things don't have to be quite as bad with MIL as you make them out to be.

 

[LuvOrlando]

sounds like to me the problem is your husband. he sounds like the whipped wind up toy of a man. sorry, but that is what i get from your post. your anger is misplaced, your husband needs to grow a set and stand up to her. or else just move.

I don't need my husband to stand up to her for me & I'm not one of those wishy washy women who need to be rescued you've got this all wrong.

 

[LuvOrlando]

OP, your problem is with your husband, 100%, no doubt about it.

You actually live next door to his parents, and he allows you to be subjected to this every day, and simply smile and bow swallow their toxicity???
You cook for them every single week, and meet their culinary demands like their personal chef?
(along with every other 'demand' this woman wants to dish out)

Your husband is just as 'whipped' by your MIL as your father is.
He is sacrificing you to his mother.
(have to appease the god(s).

Again, your issues are with your husband, 110%.

No, that's not it, the woman is just a PITA and there is nothing that can be done about her.

Most of the time I just ignore her and most of the time she don't pull this with me because it NEVER EVER works.

It's just that every so often she forgets herself and needs a little reminding

 

[LuvOrlando]

I just got off the phone with DH a few minutes ago. He's such a good guy.

He apologized for not seeing my side last night and said it's a non issue. He wanted to know what I would like to make with our kids 'as a family' and told me his parents will have to deal with whatever we make on our terms, not theirs. He said he'll deal with them.

Gotta love a guy like this Of course, a woman like me wouldn't blend well with anything less

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP- I get that the biggest problem here is that your dh is not opening his mouth up and telling them to stop talking mean to/about you. That is a separate issue that you need to take up with your dh. As for the cheesecake I would make the stupid thing. If it ends up that your stop talking to your inlaws do you want it to be over a cheesecake? Really? I personally would prefer it be over something much more dramatic. Did you ever see Donnie Brasco? Remember when he let the guy have the $20 and he was annoyed? Remember that the other guy said that $20 was a small price to pay to get someone out of your life? The cheesecake is the same thing. A cheesecake is a small price to pay to keep peace in your home. I would just make it and move on.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Be sure that they are still frozen solid when you do!




They want cheesecake? Here is a cheesecake for them!
http://www.spam.com/recipes/detail/295/savory-international-spam-cheesecake.aspx

Absolutely hilarious!!! I spit out my drink when I saw this! Think a SPAM cheesecake might be in order for my birthday in a few weeks though... oh it will be great!

 

[Magic Mom]

OP- I get that the biggest problem here is that your dh is not opening his mouth up and telling them to stop talking mean to/about you. That is a separate issue that you need to take up with your dh. As for the cheesecake I would make the stupid thing. If it ends up that your stop talking to your inlaws do you want it to be over a cheesecake? Really? I personally would prefer it be over something much more dramatic. Did you ever see Donnie Brasco? Remember when he let the guy have the $20 and he was annoyed? Remember that the other guy said that $20 was a small price to pay to get someone out of your life? The cheesecake is the same thing. A cheesecake is a small price to pay to keep peace in your home. I would just make it and move on.

Especially on Christmas.

It sucks that she is demanding, but who cares. I would either buy a small cheesecake for her, or make her a small one (I think you can buy a 5" springform pan) Then when you set it down in front of her say "Even though we all wanted cookies for dessert, you were so insistant on a cheesecake, I went ahead and rearranged my schedule to find time to make one just...for...you." Then you are the hero that kept things smooth and she is the demanding jerk.

 

[LuvOrlando]

May I also suggest:

bacon cheesecake

smoked salmon cheesecake

raw beet cheesecake

Bleu cheese, muchroom, onion and pork cheesecake

I like where this is going

 

[OceanAnnie]

Luv, how do you live right next door? I bet you have to dig deep pretty often.

I don't do well with manipulative instigators. I just don't. I don't like to be pushed. Once the pushing starts, the accommodating stops.

You know that saying, "You get more with honey than vinegar."? It is so true.

 

[mickeysgal]

Nothing says Merry Christmas more than pita relatives and those that are so wrapped up in food that they can't cope getting through a holiday meal as a guest in someone else's house without dictating their precious favorite food items. Like they'll never see a piece of cheesecake again....

 

[Lionqueen2]

OP, regardless of what you decide about the cheesecake, you sound like a great DIL and your ILs should be happy to have you in their family. Not many DILs would go through the effort to have their ILs over for dinner every Sunday and then make sure that they are always welcomed in their home for every holiday. Often ILs lose sight of the energy and effort it requires to take care of a young family and also get thing ready for the holidays. I hope they learn to appreciate you thoughtfulness.

 

[dzorn]

Yes Dear I'll make the cheese cake, but I expect You to take me and the kids only out to dinner every other sunday for now on.

Denise in MI

 

[sbell111]

A couple thoughts:

1. There's no way on this earth that I would live next door to my in-laws.
2. Any drama-filled issues related to parents should be handled by the spouse whose parents they are. I've tried to handle these kinds of issues before with my in-laws and it only turns to angst. Instead, I now discuss them with my wife and support her through the drama, rather than expecting her to step in the middle of drama between me and her parents.
3. Cheesecake is super easy to make. I'd just knock one out while I was making the cookies. (Come to think of it, that's what we did last year and are planning to do this year.) Sometimes, it's best to just roll with demands put upon you by people that you don't care for.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Glad to see your updates, OP...

I do think that there are some issues here.
If you are upset that the inlaws chose to spend Thanksgiving somewhere else...
If you actually live next door to them.
If they are demanding and disrespectful.
and you cook them Sunday dinner every week to boot as well...

Seriously, all of this just screams relationship issues, and does not sound like a healthy, normal, non-toxic relationship.

Even if you were only venting about this one latest 'cheesecake fiasco'...
You did post here, and in good conscience, I would have to state the obvious.

Again, been there done that with inlaws who sound just TOO darned similar to yours.... I am speaking from experience and knowledge here.

 

[3boymthr]

Send the recipe back to her with a little note attached. "If you think cheesecake would be an nice addition to our cookies I think this recipe would be delicious and would love to have you make it. Thanks for asking my opinion about it."

Then I think I'd make the Spam cheesecake and serve it as an appetizer. Then they can't say you didn't have cheesecake.

ETA - or OTH I have a lovely recipe for cheesecake cookies if you would like it. They are like a sugar cookie only having a slight taste of cheesecake.