In-law venting ....borrowing my van! UPDATE POST #60

[LisaRay]

Ok, even if no one out there reads or responds to this I just need to vent anyway. My mother in law called my husbands cell phone today to ask him a question. 1st of all let me say that it is a Sunday and we are at home as we usually are on Sundays but she doesn't call the house phone she calls his cell. I think it is because she knows he is the only one who answers the cell and that way she won't get ME! It's not the 1st time she has done that.

Anyway she calls to ask if she and some other family members can borrow our van (or as i refer to it MY van since i'm the main one who always drives it) to go to the Covered Bridge Festival 3 hours away in another state! Now i don't work i am a stay at home mom and both of our kids are in school and i know she would also leave me her car in case i needed to go anywhere. But her car is so old and smells so bad i wouldn't NEVER go anywhere in it anyway. The grandkids even comment on how gross her car is.

They have 5 people going and so they want to use the van. Now 3 of these people who are going own Ford Explorers and I am not positve but I think they seat 5 people. I will say that about 3 of the people going are larger size people so maybe they just don't want to be crowded in the explorer. Not sure. But my DH said he would have to ask me about it and let her know.

Well he knew i wouldn't want them to borrow it. The van is an 02 and has 70 something thousand miles on it and even we don't like adding more miles to it! His mother only calls us when she needs something and DH is the one who says that. She will call for something and when he hangs up he will say "we only hear from those people when something is broken and needs fixed" And as i said he told her he would ask me and let her know but i know him and he won't call her back and let her know if the answer is no because he doesn't like to be mean. He will just wait for her to call and with my luck she will call the house and get ME and i will have to be the rip and tell her no.

Anyway am i beeing a crazy woman because I am also having PMS this week or do you think it is asking a lot to ask to take someone's van on a 3 hour trip across the state line. That would be 3 hours each way. I need a second opinion! Thanks!

 

[Michie]

I don't even let my husband drive my vehicle! My MIL

 

[disneyaggie]

I am not sure why they would need your van since two of them already have Ford Explorers. And since it is your van, I would think the decent thing for her to do is to call you -- not go through your hubby/her son.

I am a pretty "sharing" person, but I am very protective of my car . . . and it is 9 1/2 years old! (excellent condition though!). I would not let anyone borrow my car, especially for a road trip, and especially since there were other options for her to take.

They can borrow my fly swatter, my bathmat, my garden tools and even my coffee cup . . . but my car . . . nope!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can relate. No you are not being a witch. Your Dh should have just told her no. It's not fair that you have to do it. Not that it matters anyway who tells her because we all know that it is always the daughter in laws fault no matter what. Big hugs. I agree with you here.

 

[rkwells]

I've always heard that if someone is driving your vehicle, gets in an accident and are sued, it is YOUR assets that are at risk, not the drivers...I never let anyone borrow our vehicles for this reason.

 

[Hannathy]

I'll disagree. I would let her, it is just an object. Does she ever watch the kids or did she ever let you borrow something? As far as calling your DH, it is his Mother. I would expect my DH's Mother to call him and mine to call me. Also aren't you married? to me things like cars, houses etc belong to both people in a marriage equally, he should be able to loan something nonpersonal to his Mom if he wants to. If he doesn't let him tell her he doesn't. 70,000 miles is not that much anymore, mine has 130,000 on it, and 3 hours isn't very far. That's just my opinion.

 

[Regina]

UGH! I can sympathize. When we first got married, we had three cars. DH had a big Chevy Blazer and didn't want to commute with it. We bought a smaller car for that purpose as I was commuting with mine (plus, I hated driving the Blazer.) Mind you, his family was very critical of us having 3 cars for 2 people.

Well, his idiot brother crashed the family car so they asked to borrow a car from us. DH loaned his Dad the Blazer with strict instructions that idiot brother not touch it. Guess what? Yep, they let him use it. He broke off the side view mirror and did some other damage backing out of their driveway.

Just the liability issue would make me reluctant to loan a car to anyone ever again. It's not fun being the bad guy, but it's also not fun when your car gets damaged while on loan.

 

[JoiseyMom]

No, you are not wrong. I feel your pain, but in my case it is my BIL. I have a mini van that is over 50k miles, and it is my main car. My IL's, especially BIL want to borrow it. For local stuff I don't usually mind. My BIL does the work on the cars, oil changes, breaks etc. But now that my car is up there in miles, I don't want it out for major trips. He asked to borrow it last week to take to Maryland (we are in Central Jersey), and he wants to take it to Vermont for a weekend in a few weeks. Both times he wants to haul a pinball machine. Now if it was local I would be ok, but I don't want 1000 miles or so put on my car. Now I can't drive his cars, they are all shift (and he has lots of cars, they are toys). He got mad at me last week, and I haven't heard from him since. I haven't told him no yet for Vermont.

I wish he would just buy a cheap van/truck to haul the stuff he wants to bring home. When I replace my current van, I do want another one, but I may not because I am tired of being borrow a van.

 

[waltsgirl]

If my husband wanted his family to use OUR van, even though I drive it more, that would be fine with me.

As long as the person driving the car is insured their insurance should cover anything that might happen to the car.

 

[diznygirl]

My MIL does the same thing with the cell phone. Ugh! But DH has no problem saying, "why are you calling my cell phone?" So then she gets all offended and doesn't call him for weeks..... oh well, no problem there.

I understand your pain. But at least my DH would have told her no absolutely not.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would let my family borrow the car for an emergency or a need, like a car is broken and they need transportation while it is being fixed.

Now they want to use your van so they can save money on gas. Hmmm....nope.

 

[js]

I get those calls from my mil every spring!!!
Both my mil and fil have their own cars. They both have cars that are newer models Mercedes. I also have a sil that lives with them with a BMW.
I have an SUV that is new and a minivan that is 11 years old but in good shape.
Well, every spring my inlaws call me (they live around the block) and ask if they can use my van to go pick up their flowers for planting
They also ask to use my van if they have to pick up my sil from the airport with her luggage since they don't want to have to put it in their car
I guess they think their car is better since they don't want to use it for such things
We do, though, always say yes although it annoyes the heck out of me.
Both my inlaws babysit for my, each one watches my 13 year old dd and 9-ds, one day a week and I don't pay them so this once in a while request I must shut my mouth and let them take the car But I do feel your pain

 

[LisaRay]

Well 1st of all my DH's cell phone is a work cell phone not a personal cell phone. We use it for personal reason's if it is important and that is why she has the number. She calls it so that she doesn't have to call the house where we both live and have me answer. If i did answer and she needed to talk to him all she has to do is ask to speak with him. But to call him and ask if she can borrow Lisa's van seems a little sneaky to me.

And DH doesn't want them to take it either but he just doesn't have the you know what to say so. Instead he tells her he has to ask me so that it will be my fault! none too happy with him about that!

And as for the person who said if you are married then the van belongs to DH also. Well that is true but with teenage drivers in our house and so many cars we just refer to the cars by the name of the person who drives it the most. His mustang, my van. And as i said he doesn't really want them to take it either. but can't think fast on his feet when she calls and asks him stuff.

And no this woman does not do anything for us. She hasn't babysat our kids since they were born. NEVER! DH didn't trust her with them when they were younger for many reasons. But no that is why i said in my 1st post that she only calls if SHE needs something otherwise we could go years without hearing from her. DH also complains how her other grandkids can do no wrong and she strongly has always played favorites with the other grandkids. but that is another subject!


I know that 70 something thousand miles is not alot these day but my point is that we watch our milage on the van because we want it to last us a long time. So it is something that we do think about and consider. So even though that is not considered high mileage my point is more that i try to prevent putting needless miles on it myself.

And they have other options yet they call and ask to use our van!
Oh, and i wasn't even invited!! Forgot to tell you that one!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

And they have other options yet they call and ask to use our van!
Oh, and i wasn't even invited!! Forgot to tell you that one!!

WOW!

Piece of work....I would call her up and TELL HER NO just for the fun of it.

 

[Honu]

Now they want to use your van so they can save money on gas. Hmmm....nope.

This was my thought too. They want you to pick up the cost of wear and tear on your vehicle, while they save money on gas. Not cool. They can take the Explorer, they seat 7 too. I'd make your DH call her back though. It's not fair that he's put you in the position of looking like the bad guy here.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'd make your DH call her back though. It's not fair that he's put you in the position of looking like the bad guy here.

Oh being the "bad guy" can be fun and well as my dad says, play with bull and you get the horns.

 

[shirleyb]

Heck, we let friends take our truck all the way to New Mexico from PA, so I can't see saying no to an IL for a one day usage.

 

[Mermaid02]

It's one thing to borrow, say your pick up truck to go pick up a new dishwasher....but your minivan to go 3 hours each way- I think not.

 

[mumom95]

As long as the person driving the car is insured their insurance should cover anything that might happen to the car.

My in-laws are insurance agents, and they said this is not true (unless it is a rental). Car insurance follows the car, not the driver (once again unless it is a rental and you have rental car insurance on your policy). So if they are in an accident in your car, you are responsible.

 

[EthansMom]

Just say, "No, I'm sorry that isn't going to work for us. Why don't you take the other people's cars?"

I've gotten pretty good at nicely deflecting requests from ILs. (Of course, that's just resulted in some of them getting more manipulative about getting their way. But that's another post.)