Imp ? Infant overnight visitation

[MushyMushy]

well if they are not going to live together as a family, then it does need to end up in court in order to formalize the support and custody that BOTH the Mother and the Father deserve.

I'm not sure what attachment parenting has to do with the issue. AFAIK, Father's have the same right to attach to a baby as Mother's do.



But this is a very one sided argument. Let's all advise the MOTHER not to hand over the baby because the baby is so small and too young.

But God Forbid a FATHER decide not to hand over a baby. In that case, he is "threatening and evil."

I totally agree with everything you've said.

I don't see where going to court is such a bad thing -- it's probably in everybody's best interest to do so. Let him do it!

 

[gris gris]

But this is a very one sided argument. Let's all advise the MOTHER not to hand over the baby because the baby is so small and too young.

But God Forbid a FATHER decide not to hand over a baby. In that case, he is "threatening and evil."

I totally agree with this too. What if the dad spent more time with the baby and the mom wanted an overnight weekend? Everyone would be saying to let the mom take her! What a double standard!

Be happy this father is interested in his baby and is willing to spend time with her. Who cares about the distance - it's not too far to spend time with someone you love. So what if her schedule is disrupted? Flexibilty is part of life. This baby is not too young to be away from mom! She should spend time with her father & his family and be comfortable with them too. Mom should let the baby go with dad and then take some "me time" which mom's (including myself) don't get a lot of.

I hope there's a chance they can get back together.

 

[NewJersey]

Don't let him take that kid.

If he's already threatening legal action against her for a 7 month old, the guy's got issues and you need to consider the fact that he may not return the baby if you let him take her 500 miles away.

Call a lawyer asap, tell the boyfriend he can visit the baby in your home, and have another male figure there just in case he tries to bully or threaten you into giving him the baby.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

I think we need to remember there's always two sides to a story. And you make him out to be this big bad guy who's being out of line for what? Feeling he has the right to see the baby?

OT: It's amazing how it's a two way street with situations like this. The guy "threatens" to go to court and he's being a bully it seems and "has issues." If the mother does this, people see it as her right.

 

[lindalinda]

I dont think anyone is trying to portray the father as evil or deny him his rights. But the legal issues need to be worked out, and you can allow visitation in the meantime without overnight visits across the state. We are simply advising the mother to take the necessary steps quickly so that there are no surprises. As a single mom I know how scary the thought that you might lose custody of your child is, and the quicker resolution will set things at ease. If they just broke up on tuesday, its true this may all be moot, and they may get back together. So this would need to be done in a calm and friendly manner, so as not to exacerbate the situation. Good Luck!

 

[padams]

As a lawyer (but not one licensed in NJ), I can tell you that your DD needs a lawyer immediately- TODAY, not when she has time.

Ducklite makes great points. Unless your DD was hanging out and having a baby with a child molester, drug addict, or axe murderer, the father is going to get at least partial custody of the child. You can presume that overnights visits will be granted. Seven months is not too young. Most custody arrangements that I see these days are close to 50/50. Dad gets child for one night during the week, every other weekend, some holidays, etc. Your DD may have to alternate taking and picking up the baby from him. Alternatively, they may have to meet halfway for the exchange.

I wouldn't keep him from seeing the child. Vindictive behavior may not help your DD in court. I'd invite the Dad to stay for the weekend. Who knows- maybe your DD and the bf will get back together.

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree with Tobys friend...why is it assumed that the mother should own the rights to the child? Why is an overnight visit with the father unreasonable or detrimental to the child in any way?

 

[Blondy876]

I guess I didn't see it as a mother vs. father issue. I saw it as removing an infant from everything she has ever know and taking her far away. I see it a bit different than just going on vacation because she won't get to be with both parents. She'll be in a new, unknown place without both the people she is most attached too. From an infants perspective it could be scary. (I know I am making assumptions but you have to when you don't know every detail)

I really hope they can come to a reasonable agreement. If it were me in the situation I wouldn't let the child go until we had some legal documents in place. I would however be happy to travel with the baby or invite the family to my home. I just think letting her go without the agreement is a set up for trouble as would be not allowing the other family to see the baby.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I guess I didn't see it as a mother vs. father issue. I saw it as removing an infant from everything she has ever know and taking her far away. I see it a bit different than just going on vacation because she won't get to be with both parents. She'll be in a new, unknown place without both the people she is most attached too. From an infants perspective it could be scary. (I know I am making assumptions but you have to when you don't know every detail)

They just broke up on Tuesaday. I am sure the baby is quite familiar with the dad as they have spent 7 months together. The same amount of time as the baby has spent with the mother.

And Toby's friend...I agree.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I guess I didn't see it as a mother vs. father issue. I saw it as removing an infant from everything she has ever know and taking her far away. I see it a bit different than just going on vacation because she won't get to be with both parents. She'll be in a new, unknown place without both the people she is most attached too. From an infants perspective it could be scary. (I know I am making assumptions but you have to when you don't know every detail)

Semantics can make any situation so vastly different.

You say it's "removing" the infant. I would say it's the infant "visiting" her father. You mention that it will be scary for the child because she won't be with both parents. But isn't that going to be true for (apparently) the rest of her life? Assuming they stay broken up, she's never going to be with both of her parents. And there's no indication that the little girl isn't equally attached to her father, so maybe it won't be "scary".

Yeah, I know, I'm making equal amounts of assumptions.

 

[Blondy876]

They just broke up on Tuesaday. I am sure the baby is quite familiar with the dad as they have spent 7 months together. The same amount of time as the baby has spent with the mother.

And Toby's friend...I agree. I

Oh, agree with that. What I'm saying is that she'll be taking a long drive to a place she might not be familiar with, without her mother. (I would say the same thing if the child were to travel far away from the father, but it sounds like he chose to go 200 miles away) Some infants thrive on the familiar and routine, this could be disprutive. I know that traveling between homes is difficult even for older children and at least they can have a better grip on whats happening. An infant won't understand.

 

[Chilehead Too]

Don't let him take that kid.

If he's already threatening legal action against her for a 7 month old, the guy's got issues and you need to consider the fact that he may not return the baby if you let him take her 500 miles away.

A little harsh, no? This man has every right to have the child for overnight visits.

As far as different surroundings, rememeber kids are remarkably resilient and will adapt quite well to different situations, especially an infant.

 

[sugarpie]

I have to add to my earlier point that after spending $25,000 on her custody fight/divorce, my friend will not be getting the arrangement she would like. She will be sharing 50/50 placement with her physically abusive, alcoholic ex-husband. She could not prove him an unfit parent.

Not even after one of his older children admitted to blowing into the breathalyzer in his car, so he could drive himself & his children home after he'd been drinking.

What's in the childs best interest??? Probably that the parents reach an amicable agreement.

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess I didn't see it as a mother vs. father issue. I saw it as removing an infant from everything she has ever know and taking her far away.

An infant cannot differentiate between down the street and 4,000 miles away. A new location will be just a new location.

I see it a bit different than just going on vacation because she won't get to be with both parents. She'll be in a new, unknown place without both the people she is most attached too. From an infants perspective it could be scary.

Unfortunately, the only way that could be resolved is if the two peole stay together. Sounds like that is not going to happen, so the infant will have to adjust to plan b.

 

[Blondy876]

And there's no indication that the little girl isn't equally attached to her father, so maybe it won't be "scary".

Good point. I wasn't thinking about the childs attachment to the parent so much as to it's attachment to it's familiar surroundings.

 

[marybet]

If he just left on Tuesday why does he need to take her for the weekend? Does he work? Have they ever been to his parents home before? Does he even have a place for her to sleep?

Your daughter would not be seen as being unreasonable if she wanted to make sure that he was able to take care of the child. I agree that he will get visitation but at most it would be every other weekend so I think next weekend would do just fine and give you all a chance to find a lawyer and protect everyone's rights.

 

[poohandwendy]

Oh, agree with that. What I'm saying is that she'll be taking a long drive to a place she might not be familiar with, without her mother. (I would say the same thing if the child were to travel far away from the father, but it sounds like he chose to go 200 miles away) Some infants thrive on the familiar and routine, this could be disprutive. I know that traveling between homes is difficult even for older children and at least they can have a better grip on whats happening. An infant won't understand.

Infants are able to adjust to new surroundings and often have no choice due to circumstances. It's unfortunate that the situation has changed, but there is nothing that can be done about that.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

What I'm saying is that she'll be taking a long drive to a place she might not be familiar with, without her mother. (I would say the same thing if the child were to travel far away from the father, but it sounds like he chose to go 200 miles away) Some infants thrive on the familiar and routine, this could be disprutive.

well the sad fact is, when the parents break-up a child from that point on has two homes. The Father's home will never become "familiar" until the child spends some time there.

Kids need parents -- both of them if at all possible. Blocking a Father's access to his children when there is no reason to do so is not in the best interest of anybody.

 

[Hannathy]

Please explain to me why the Mother has anymore rights to hold the baby hostage than the Father does to see it? He wants to see it and she won't let him and he is the bad guy? This is something she should have thought about before even having the child. If he isn't rustworthy enough to take care of my child there is no way I would have had said child with him. 7 mos is not too young to go to the other grandparents house, boy I bet the answers would be different if the question was my daughter has a great job but has to travel for a weekend should she say no 'cause she has a 7 mos old.

I don't see what the distance has to do with it either? I am sure 3 adults can care for a baby for 2 days. Your daughter wouldn't be involved even if it was across the street if it is his time. Let him take the child-and if he does keep it how is it any different than what your daughter is doing.

Ducklite I am glad to read your post - too many Dads get the short end in custody and it is refreshing to see otherwise.

 

[poohandwendy]

If he just left on Tuesday why does he need to take her for the weekend? Does he work? Have they ever been to his parents home before? Does he even have a place for her to sleep?

Your daughter would not be seen as being unreasonable if she wanted to make sure that he was able to take care of the child. I agree that he will get visitation but at most it would be every other weekend so I think next weekend would do just fine and give you all a chance to find a lawyer and protect everyone's rights.

I wonder if people would be so apt to say these sort of things about the mother? Can she take care of the child, will she provide an adequate place to sleep? Why is it assumed that the babys father is potentially ill-equipped?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Your daughter would not be seen as being unreasonable if she wanted to make sure that he was able to take care of the child. I agree that he will get visitation but at most it would be every other weekend so I think next weekend would do just fine and give you all a chance to find a lawyer and protect everyone's rights.

I agree with this point. I'm all for father's rights, but I don't think there's a need for the father to take the girl home with her right away this weekend.