I'm trying so hard not to be "that" parent. Frustrated.

[MamaBelle4]

That's the rub with parenting. You think you get a grasp on something with the first and feel like you can handle it with the second. Then wouldn't you know it, the second has the nerve to turn around and be different, go in a different direction, and we're left feeling like the clueless parent yet again. Been there, done that, have a closet full of t-shirts.

Best of luck to you and your son.

I just want to say, cabanafrau, that I love reading your replies to things. You seem to be a very compassionate and empathetic person and you have a real gift of phrasing your replies very succinctly.

 

[mom2grace]

In my state, the piece about the special ed is accurate - IF HE IS STAYING at the PRIVATE. The services come from the school district where the private school is located, not the home district. So one option would be to enroll your son in your home school for the fall to get that ball rolling.

OP - can you move? I ask because we did - we were also in a private (catholic) school in a school district that would not have been appropriate for our kids. We only had to move a few miles to get into a top notch public. DD who was 'never going to read and needed an IEP' has been accepted to 7 out of the 7 top engineering schools she applied to.......just saying. Our school was also 1 class per grade and even more of a disaster than I knew at the time. We left when my kids were in 6th and 3rd and they were so much happier in our huge public school - they had no idea how much better the school experience could be. (They were fine at school, we just had major issues with the school's 'view' of our kids' abilities)

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep.... Parenting is the TOUGHEST job, and it doesn't come with a handbook!!!!

Everyone here is def. wishing you well.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

In my state, the piece about the special ed is accurate - IF HE IS STAYING at the PRIVATE. The services come from the school district where the private school is located, not the home district. So one option would be to enroll your son in your home school for the fall to get that ball rolling.

OP - can you move? I ask because we did - we were also in a private (catholic) school in a school district that would not have been appropriate for our kids. We only had to move a few miles to get into a top notch public. DD who was 'never going to read and needed an IEP' has been accepted to 7 out of the 7 top engineering schools she applied to.......just saying. Our school was also 1 class per grade and even more of a disaster than I knew at the time. We left when my kids were in 6th and 3rd and they were so much happier in our huge public school - they had no idea how much better the school experience could be. (They were fine at school, we just had major issues with the school's 'view' of our kids' abilities)

No, that isn't an option for us, we are already in THE school district that everyone wants to move into. The schools here are amazing, he just couldn't function in that environment. It's not the quality of the education we had a problem with, for him it was the large class size and the distractions of all the bells and whistles. The fact that by the end of first grade he was already labeling himself as the bad kid and the schools first suggestion every time I met with them was medication (yes, I know it's illegal for them to suggest that, it was phrased as "have you considered medicating him," so not exactly a direct suggestion). The only way we'd consider going back is if the evaluation finds something that we just can't handle on our own. If it turns out he has needs that only the public school system can handle, obviously we won't have a choice.

As a fellow female engineer - congratulations to your DD, I'm sure you are incredibly proud of her.

 

[barkley]

My wife has attended many IEP meetings. The ones where only the parents come the school runs all over them and the parents got no respect. The ones where they bring an advocat go a little better for the parents but they still get lots of push back from the school. The ones where an attorney comes with the parents go very differently. Suddenly accommodations are granted.

In our area good attorneys will flat out recommend parents utilize local advocacy groups before spending the money on attorney fees. The advocacy groups are much better versed in meshing the needs with the regulations and dotting all of the I's and crossing the T's with the school districts. The advocacy groups are quite knowledgeable in knowing when it's time to bring in legal reinforcement.

this is identical to what attorneys in both states we've lived in have supported. they know that certain advocacy groups know EXACTLY who at local and state levels to involve if there's the slightest perception that a student is not being given the full advantage of their legal rights. additionally, the advocates since they work with a wider pool of students in an individual school/district than an individual attorney who may have a lot in one school vs. none in another tend to be more aware of accommodations/iep components that HAVE been granted in the past so a schools initial 'oh we NEVER do that/we CAN'T provide that' doesn't go uncontested as easily (our district tried that on a major component of ds's IEP which we were able to counter w/the advocate's knowledge base was inaccurate-they DID do it but as a part of another non special ed program w/in the district-which ds could not be precluded from utilizing otherwise they would be discriminating against him based on disability).

none of this is to say that we went into iep meetings alone-we had an area advocate and either in person or via conference call asd doctors and therapists. i also made sure that the binder i carried into each meeting had a sheet taped to the cover (which i always set in front of me on the table for all to see) that had listed in LARGE BOLD TYPE the names, phone numbers and extensions of the attorney we had spoken with, the head of the local board of education, the state superintendent of education (and his assistant's first name) and the state ombudsman.

I imagine it is very much regional.

Some school districts are going to lean towards doing the right thing despite the cost and others are going to lean towards fighting tooth and nail.

this is true but it's also true that districts have legal counsel that will run the numbers and advise when it's financially sound to push back vs. providing a much more cost effective solution.

it's also entirely possible that a district has no idea that their special ed people are denying services and wasting resources on meetings to argue about it. when the superintendent of our district learned of ds's situation he listened to both sides and immediately sided w/ours and said out loud he couldn't imagine why so much time and energy was being wasted on arguing over something that should/could/would be done

he prefers cursive to print.

my ds was exactly the same at that age. his occupational therapists contended it was easier on his hand vs. having to pick up the pencil to write each individual letter. his hand would get so tired and painful with all the demands of the school day though, so that's why he was ultimately provided with lecture notes, provided a small laptop to type and (we paid for at private school-public school provided when he started there) allowed to use a version of his math books that would show the identical problems but provide fill in the blanks worksheets for 'showing your work'. ds had gotten to the point that he could do complex math in his head (we are told this can be common adaptation for people with small motor issues that impair writing) but of course teachers want to see the work so this way he could do it in his head and just fill in the blanks of the worksheet (which you couldn't do if you hadn't mastered the concept). saved his hands for work that HAD to be handwritten (though it seems like most schools only wanted typed/electronically submitted once they hit middle school these days).


good luck op.

 

[longboard55]

Our daughter went to public school grades 1-8 and private school in high school. Lots of advantages to private, like 10 students instead of 40, but to be honest the teacher quality was not one of them. She got a few real whackos. We found the public school teachers consistantly better

 

[portocall]

I went to public first school in Kindergarten and first grade. My mother moved me to private school for second, third, and fourth grade and then I went public the rest of the way. After my experiences in private school, there is no way I would send my children to one but I know plenty of people who had positive experiences. I just know when it is bad it can be really bad.

That said, you probably want to get an evaluation done soon. You need to know what the issues are so you can best advocate for your son.

Being that he was held back already, I wouldn't allow him to be held back again.

Best wishes for you.