I'm trying not to over react!!(long vent need help)UPDATE PG 3

[bubbleprincessmom]

Lets start from the begining. I have a 12 DS who recently discovered the joke where you point to the middle of someones chest and say "whats that" and when they look down you "tweak" their nose and say "gotcha "....old joke I know but he thinks its a screaming hoot right now..... I'll also add that I have never seen him be hurtful or rough with ANYONE and that he is on the small side for a 12 year old (his 7 year old sister is almost as tall as he is). Well I found out last night that on Sunday after church he was walking through the halls on his way to the restroom and he played his little "joke" on another boy who is in the third grade (whats that make him about 9?) and in front of the kids dad. Evidently at first the dad said "ha ha very funny CJ" and CJ smiled and walked into the bathroom. He was washing his hands and another dad had just walked out when this boys dad (who is VERY "big" he's tall and stout very intimidating) came into the bathroom and PICKED him up off his feet and pushed him against the wall (at the point he made contact with the wall he let him down but still kept his hands on him) and said "don't you ever do that to my son again!!!" I am so FURIOUS!!! What gives him the right to touch my son let alone PICK HIM UP OFF THE GROUND!!!!! And since some of you might be thinking this...NO CJ is NOT a bully!!!!!! He is always so sweet with the little ones and is always asked to come and help (like a mothers helper) friends who just need someone to play with their kids while they get some work done. I am not sure how to deal with this . My DS didn't tell me at first ,he told my babysitter because he was afraid no one would believe him (after all this guy is "big" in the church) when my sitter told me we were with another friend who had actually had this man and his family live with her for a couple of months while this guy had a house built and she just said "I believe its something he would do ".. So now what do I do????????

 

[leahannpen]

Wow, I don't know what to tell you to do. I do think that he was wayyy out of line. He is an adult, and you son is a smaller child. That is wrong and something should be done. What you son did is harmless, and was just meant in good fun.

 

[Lynn CC]

I would make sure my DS was NEVER alone with him again. I would report him to the church authorities...since he is so "big" in the church.

My DH would also make it clear to him to NEVER, EVER so much as look at your DS again, let alone touch him.
I on the other hand would go to talk to the local youth police officer and file charges against him!

What a CREAP
sorry your DS had to go through that.

 

[kinlaw6450]

Does your son know that the babysitter told you? If not you may want to talk to him first. Then I'd deal with this guy directly. No one puts a hand on my kids (but me!)

 

[Disney Debbie]

I would definitely have a word with the man. I'd tell him if he has a problem with my son that he can come talk to me - not bully a boy in the bathroom with no one around. And that if he ever TOUCHES my son again we will file charges. This reminds me of the scene in "Prince of Tides" - if you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about with Tom's future stepfather.

I would also speak to the pastor.

 

[nativetxn]

You know, in my neighborhood, this guy would have been arrested for assault of a minor.

Just because he is "big" in the church doesn't give him immunity from the law. You might want to have a quiet and calm discussion with him and suggest that he not lay hands on your son ever again or you will press charges.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie, sorry you are having to deal with this and in a church setting, too. How disheartening.

 

[Kermit]

I'd also talk to the man (or have your DH do it) and talk to the pastor or your deacon or somebody. I normally wouldn't say that you should "tell on" someone in the church since most of the time it should just take a one-on-one meeting for one incident, but this is too major. He may be a nice man most of the time, but someone needs to make sure that he's not alone with kids.

 

[vickyBaby]

Go down to the local police station and have a talk with one of the officers. This was an illegal act. This man CANNOT put his hands on your son. They might ask if you would like to press charges, or, at a minimum, they can have a "little talk" with this arrogant individual.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

I did talk to my son and he was very forthcoming with what happened. He told me he was afraid of getting into trouble (since the day before he had used that "joke" on his little sister over and over and over and had been asked to stop ) and that this guy scared him. I asked him "CJ you need to know that Mr. so and so could be in alot of trouble are you sure he picked you up off the ground and held you against the wall or maybe he just came in and laid his hands on your shoulder and asked you to leave child X alone". He looked me in the eye and asked if Mr X could really get into trouble and I told him I didn't know. CJ than told me " I don't want to make trouble for him but yes mommy thats what he did I was really scared". He told the babysitter cause he knew she would tell me.

 

[Rajah]

I agree, I would at very least talk with the man and tell him if he ever touches your son again you'll press charges. Or, if you have no doubt at all in the story, go straight to the police.

 

[sigafoos]

This man has some serious problems!! Do confront him and let him know that under no circumstances will he EVER touch your son or have any contact alone with him. To do something like that to a child after a harmless joke suggests he has anger problems! If he reacts like that with a child what is he capable of with others? The fact that he waited until he was alone with your son says he knew it was totally inappropriate. My heart breaks for your son and the fear he felt at being intimidated like that. It would have scared me if a person picked me up and pushed me against the wall! Assualt charges may be just what this bully needs!
Kim

 

[December99]

I also would approach this man but I would do it at a meeting place with someone else there. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE!!!! Or on the telephone. I would go the pastor, explain what you had been told and then ask to have a meeting set up with you, this guy and the pastor!

 

[TimeforMe]

I believe your son is telling the truth from what you've written and I would stick by him 100%. I would also let him know how proud of him you are for telling the truth. The poor lil' guy How scared he must've been!

Now, for dealing with that jerk, I would definitely call or have DH call him and let him know you are aware of what happened and will be reporting it to the church. See what his reaction is and if you feel you need to take it further, then do so. Do NOT let him get away with that!

 

[s&k'smom]

I would run not walk to the church authorities. If this is the way this man is around children he should not be there. I'm sorry but this story made me so mad. If anyone had touched my child I would report him. I'm so sorry your little guy went through this but he did the right thing telling someone.

PS document everything you do. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Steve H.]

I'd probably have a "chat" with the guy as well (although I'd be a little concerned that I wouldn't do much talking!! )

He actually saw your son do the little "gotcha" in the hall? Otherwise, I could see maybe he got a different version of the incident from his son, but if he was there, and it was innocent kid's play, then he's a few words I can't say here.

 

[Mermaid02]

Go get him! He's one sick SOB to corner a little boy like that and physically put his hands on him..... he needs to be taught a lesson.

 

[RitaZ.]

There is definitely a bully in this story and it's not your DS, it's the "big" idiot. Frankly his reaction concerns me, it's rather extreme. What would this man do if a kid did something truly horrible? If the other boy was bothered by your son's joke, this was definitely not the way to handle it.

Yes, you or your DH need to say something to this moron. Also the church should know that this happened.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

This was an assault and should be reported to the authorities. This guy has a screw loose! There is no way I'd want my children anywhere near him after that!

Even if your son had been a little rough with the joke, any other adult would have just said to your son "Look, I know its just a joke but you could hurt somebody if they were moving their head just right so you'd better stop doing that." Especially in this day and age, you DO NOT put your hands on someone else's kid!

This guy was way out of line and I'd hate to think what else he's been up to as he seemed to have presence of mind to make sure no one else is around.

Again, this was an assault and should be reported to the police as well as church officials.

 

[lulugirl]

I agree, this guy should be reported to the church authorities. How DARE he put his hands on your child???!!!!

 

[aahmom1]

There is no way in heck I would let that go, at the very least you should tell the higher ups at the cchurch. I think my husband would have had a few choice words for the guy too.