I'm so flippin' petty!

[adoptivemomx2]

We have been scrimping and saving and planning our trip to Disney for months. We have been waiting for years to go. My kids are 9 now and we get to go in September!

This is a very big deal for our family. We are doing without a lot of things so we can go. The kids are forgoing a lot of activities for a year so we can have the money for the trip. The children are working hard to earn their own spending money for the trip. This is the one thing my kids have in their lives that make them feel extra special.

Here's why I'm petty: I have a friend who has a son, 8 years-old, who is friends with my son. This family makes quite a bit more money than we do and their son is always talking about the latest great thing he or his family got. My son gets jealous and we explain that lots of people have more stuff than we do, and lots of people have less stuff than we do. He understands, but his friend is quite braggy and it makes my son feel bad. Also, my son's friend is allowed to do just about anything including riding in the front seat of the car, ride without a seatbelt, ride bikes without a helmet, stay home alone for long stretches, see rated PG-13 movies, etc., etc. Of course I think the lack of safety is ridiculous, but my son thinks his friend is being treated more grown-up than he is. I have explained it and my son is smart and gets it, but his friend is always calling us overprotective which makes my son feel like a baby in comparison.

Ok, so I tell my kid to suck it up and we get on with life.

Here's what bothers me: My friend casually asked me where we were staying at WDW. I told her Bonnet Creek and asked her why she was asking. She said because they have decided to take a WDW trip in June and since I had been researching, she was going to pick my brain. She wants the touring plans, restaurant recdommendations, discounted tix, etc. SO THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE OUR EXACT TRIP BEFORE WE DO!

Can they do whatever they please on their vacation? Of course

Is it thier life to do as they want? Yes

Is it my fault they have so much money and a sort-of mean kid? Nope

Do I know this is petty: Yes

Does it still make me upset? YES!

Why? I don't know!!!

I guess this is such a huge deal in our house and it was really making the kids feel special and yes, it will still be a great trip no matter what anyone else does. But his friend is still going to brag and they will probably do things we will never be able to do and be given tons of spending moeny for doing nothing and it IS going to take the shine off our anticipation for the trip.

This was all over text messaging and I haven't responded yet.

OK, bring on the criticisms. I can take it.

 

[Victoriasmom98]

Nope...you are not going to hear you are petty from me!! I totally understand how you feel. I would just say that researching is half of the fun and she should do it herself because what one family likes, other families may not.

 

[TinyDancer]

No criticism from me. I would feel the same way.. I would also distance myself from this family.

Believe me, that your trip WILL be more than extra special, because your family has worked so hard and saved for it.. Yes, I am sure that your friends will have fun on their trip, but it wont MEAN as much, kwim?

 

[rafiki14]

Just because it works for your family doesn't mean it will work for hers. She should do her own research

 

[WillAustin]

I'd tell her you haven't quite decided on all of your plans yet.

Your trip will be great and there are plenty of things you can do with your son that the other family won't have done, especially if you don't tell them your plans.

 

[Pmctn]

Well you could look at it that she is defering to your expertise and research. I would take it as a compliment. Then I would help her plan the best trip possible, but realize that at this late date some stuff won't be available and june will be hot and crowded.

 

[ttree]

Can you change ths? no, so look at the bright side. I would love to have a friend to talk to about my disney plans! Or an adult to meet for a drink in EPCOT and leave family behind for an hour. (of course provided another adult is with the kids) You might suggest a free activity you can meet at such as the campfire at fort wilderness. I'm sure you will still have a great trip.

 

[katiemely]

i don't think it's petty!! i get really frustrated too when people think i need to plan their vacation for them . . no one plans our disney trips for us but ME. It is half the fun!!

 

[littlejewel]

I would be vague about my plans to her. Tell her you are just starting the research for your trip and haven't ironed out all the kinks. Give her some websites to visit and tell her good luck. I understand your feelings, however, don't let this cloud your trip for you. I would distance myself from her and her family as much as possible and focus on your family. Yes, they may get to do more/have more, but your trip is going to be so much more appreciated by your family because you've worked hard for it. Have fun and don't let this bring you down

 

[Sailorgirlkate]

There are no criticisms here.

I think it is great that you are bringing your family to WDW. While I have no kids of my own, I think the lessons you are teaching your children are commendable.

As for your friend, it may just be that (for someone who needs to HAVE things right first), you may have beaten her to the punch with this trip. She probably, in fact, is envious of your family. She sounds insecure to me.

Regardless, IMHO, you have worked too hard to give her ANY power to affect you looking forward to your trip. Go, have a blast, and enjoy. (And take pride in the fact that you're raising great kids!)

 

[reiella]

Ya, children can be cruel. Thankfully, it doesn't seem 'too bad' in the great scale of how children be jerky children, but still can certainly see the frustration.

For both of my trip plans, I've bugged friends for their opinions [well, friends who have gone], more so because I'm excited. It's nice to get opinions and different perspectives [isn't that half the point of these boards ]. I'd really just suggest approaching it thinking that she's just trying to get some help and another perspective. And be sure to qualify whatever info you choose to share with the knowledge that what works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. Especially for a first time visit. To be honest, I'd suggest giving them helpful information resources so they are able to make their own educated decision.

 

[disnut8]

She wants the touring plans, restaurant recdommendations, discounted tix, etc.

Give her the websites and then say something like "I can only give you advice because planning someone else's vacation just doesn't work." And then leave it go. Let HER do the work, not you. You've already done your vacation.

 

[whitney37354]

If she insisted, I would give her the websites you used for research, nothing more. I would not mention your families trip to her anymore & I wouldn't ask about her trip either.

It sounds as if you are raising your kids right, so try not to stress over it. I know we want our kids to "have it all", but I think there are good things about having to work & sacrifice for things so that you appreciate them more. DD is 6 & keeps telling her aunt that "we're saving our money to go to the beach". DD is saving her change & keeps asking me how much money we need. Bless her, we've got this covered, but I'm glad she knows that it's not a free trip!

 

[sarahlovesmickey]

No criticisms from me either. She sounds like one of those people who have to "ONE UP" everyone else and get the latest/greatest all the time. Don't let it bother you. I would be vague about your plans and refer her to websites that can assist her with planning. I hope you enjoy your vacation!!

 

[KittyKitty]

Hoorah for you! You are teaching your children to work for goals. This will be with them throughout their life.

Good Parent(s)!!

 

[mdsoccermom]

I'm going to be the voice of dissension here. Everyone believes that you aren't being petty. I will say, yes, you are. There are always going to be people who have more than you, do more than you, etc. You are setting yourself and your kids for a world of hurt and angst if you sit there worrying about what people do with their lives.

I see it as a compliment that she is deferring to you. And just because you give her the information doesn't mean she will ultimately use it. And if she does, so freaking what? And who cares if they have more spending money than your kids. It's a Disney trip. It will be special for your kids no matter what.

If you are so bothered, just switch some things up for your trip when the time comes.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

 

[Kate and Family]

A vote for NOT petty. Suggest to the Mom that she hire a Travel Agent. (Personally, I think she has nerve - I have offered to help folks with their planning - something I enjoy, but would not like someone calling me and asking me to do their homework for them)

One really BIG thing you have going for your son, is that his friend's trip will be in June - by September it will be old news. Also, stick with the DisBoard. There are all sorts of threads for free things to do. Check them out. I am guessing these are things are unknown to most folks and will be special memories for your kids. (Things like Camp Fire & marsh mellow roast ay Ft. Wilderness) - remember you do not have to be staying on property for most of these things.

Not sharing info is not petty. It is OK to hold information back from the other mom in order to make this trip all the more "special" for your sons.

 

[ars0525]

I would just tell her it's really hard to plan a trip for another family, but give her a website or 2 to help her get started doing her own planning. She will find other sites & information along the way as she starts searching. I mean, you really have no clue to their actual budget, what they like/don't like, how they travel, etc... so how can you plan for somebody without knowing those things? NOT that you want to know either. Just saying those would be my reasons.

 

[GatorLady]

Well, since you are going at completely different times of year, touring plans (strategies), and certain discounts won't even be the same. She will need to do her own research for that. If they are going to be spending money on additional expensive activities, that would be different as well.

I have helped lots of people with their trips and like to do so, but I understand the way you feel.

I always give people a list of helpful websites. The DIS for general info, easywdw and touringplans for park touring, and allears for dining and menu information.

You could always give her the number of Dreams Unlimited or another travel agent that specializes in Disney trips!

(Edit: Apparently I was typing my response too slow, I obviously agree with previous two posters!)

What ever happens, I hope you and your family have a magical trip!