I'm never getting married...

[MINNIE OF TWO MICE]

I'm going into grade 10. I realize that's still alot of time to decide. My mom doesn't believe that I won't get married. We've already talked about it, and I told her that by getting married will come with alot of difficult things. Divorce and death. I honestly don't want to deal with someone else that I would love dying. I just can't.

My mom and I made a bet. If I don't get married than she owes me a Disney Trip/ If I do get married, than I owe her a trip. We are going to move to Florida and I am going to become a Teacher and obviously work at WDW. It's a perfect life. Just it's sad because I don't know how long my dad will be there. 30 years...isn't looking good.

The doctors told us that there are a few people that make it past 15 years. 1 person to 19 years. I'm just scared, and I can't leave my mom.... I just can't do it.
I CERTAINLY HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOUR DAD. I SAID A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. MY DAD GOT SICK WHEN HE WAS FORTY. I PRAYED EVERYDAY THAT HE WOULD WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE AND SEE MY CHILDREN. YES, HE WAS SICK, BUT MY CHILDREN LOVED AND ADORED HIM. HE LIVED UNTIL HE WAS 59. THAT WAS 2 YEARS AGO. I WOULD NOT TAKE ANYTHING FOR MY FAMILY PICTURES OF US WITH HIM. YOUR FATHER WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU. YOU ARE STILL TOO YOUNG TO BE WORRIED ABOUT MARRIAGE. PLEASE KEEP AN OPEN MIND. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR DAD AND YOUR FRIENDS.(YOU WILL NEED THEM DURING YOUR DIFFICULT TIMES) POSSIBLY TALK TO YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR OR SOMEONE YOU TRUST TO TALK OUT YOUR FEELINGS.

 

[Daxx]

First off, sorry to hear about your dad. Sending your family prayers and pixie dust.

Second, never say never.

Third ... if you find the right person to get married to, that doesn't mean your mom can't/won't be part of your life! I've been married for 13 years and my Dad and my Grandmother are a huge part of our lives! I can't imagine things any other way! Unfortunately, my Mom died when I was 9 yo., otherwise, I'm sure she'd be a big part of our lives, too. My Grandmother has come to WDW w/us and my Dad is planning on coming on our next trip. We always make our vacations open to anyone in the family who wants to join in and have often taken "family" vacations. If your family is strong, nobody can tear you apart and your future spouse will be warmly welcomed into your family.

If you find someone and fall in love, do what your heart tells you and know that your family will always be by your side!!!!

 

[powellrj]

my own father was not given 5 years to live when he first became ill. This was 21 years ago. He has out lived all of his Doctors he had when he first got sick.

You maybe surprised when you find someone who loves you how much support they can give you when you need them. I have also been surprised how much joy my father has been given by his grandchildren.

My oldest DS was just a baby when my Dad became ill, and he has seen him grown and become a man. He has 4 other grandchildren he has seen grow up and been a major part of their lives. Had I never married and had children he would have never been given that gift.

 

[Planogirl]

It's OK to never get married but make sure that's what YOU want and not what someone else wants. You are quite young now and might change your mind several times before you settle on what's right. I feel sad for your Dad's situation but you will have to lead your own life. You can't be there on a full time basis for a parent once you strike out on your own.

 

[WDWfan36]

Here's some 's. I'm sure you'll find the right guy who will let you be close and wants to be close with your family.

 

[TheGirlin14G]

I wish you, your father and the rest of your family well.. lots of prayers and pixie dust

The thought of committing to one man forever then having my own children with him and raising them is the most bizarre thought - but we are still young.. and I think that kind of emotional strength will come with age.. some people get lucky with their high school sweethearts, but I know I am not ready to find "my one true love" yet... I know I want to get married and have kids, but not for a very long time.

But getting married does not mean giving up your family. My mom lost her father at a very young age and never left her mom.. My mom, dad, sister, and I lived in my Grandmom's house until we started school. We moved into a house about 15 minutes away but we still saw her nearly every day... if anything, it brought the two closer.

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm going into grade 10. I realize that's still alot of time to decide. My mom doesn't believe that I won't get married. We've already talked about it, and I told her that by getting married will come with alot of difficult things. Divorce and death. I honestly don't want to deal with someone else that I would love dying. I just can't.

My mom and I made a bet. If I don't get married than she owes me a Disney Trip/ If I do get married, than I owe her a trip. We are going to move to Florida and I am going to become a Teacher and obviously work at WDW. It's a perfect life. Just it's sad because I don't know how long my dad will be there. 30 years...isn't looking good.

The doctors told us that there are a few people that make it past 15 years. 1 person to 19 years. I'm just scared, and I can't leave my mom.... I just can't do it.

Thanks everyone

Just asking... do you have access to a support group or a counselor who can help you with the very deep issues you're dealing with now? You have a major crisis going on and I sure hope you are getting the professional support and help you need. Well, my oldest dd is your age and that is what I would do for her.

Take care of yourself and try to live life to its fullest!

 

[minkydog]

Miley,
Hugs to you, and your mom. It sounds like a difficult situation. You're probably only 15 or 16 right now, old enough to know pain, but too young to make permanent decisions about your future. Don't close yourself off to people who would like to be there to help you, love you, and support you.

My DS could probably have written your OP. Six years ago his dad(my DH) had a benign brain tumor. Only it turned out not to be a brain tumor, but a more insidious auto-immune disorder which has so far entered his brain, lungs and heart. His health is very fragile, although he makes the best of things. It will probably kill him within the next 10yrs. My DS, now 20, has not taken this easily. He is very sensitive to his dad and they are very close. On one occasion he has had to "say his piece" because Daddy might not make it to morning. Very tough stuff for a teen to process. DS can barely talk about it.
I encourage you to talk about your fears with someone you trust, someone older than you. Your peers likely have never walked this road and although they mean the best, they have their own life-crises they're dealing with.

Try to make some plans which include your dad. If you're like us, our "future" is about 3months ahead, no farther. Things change too quickly. So we have some plans for going camping and perhaps WDW in the spring; London,Yellowstone and the Pacific Northwest are in our long-term dreams. But the one thing my DH & I have strived for is to make sure our teens know we don't expect them to give up their lives for us. I'm sure your mom & dad would want you to have a normal life which may or may not include marriage and kids. Not getting married and not having kids out of fear or losing someone you love isn't a healthy way to making a life.

Talk to someone you trust. Talk to your om, your dad--parents live for stuff like this Let them know your hurting and scared. It's not all up to you. Let them help. It's what parents do.

 

[VSL]

my own father was not given 5 years to live when he first became ill. This was 21 years ago. He has out lived all of his Doctors he had when he first got sick.

Excellent point.

My friend was born with Cystic Fibrosis and wasn't given 10yrs by the doctors. She's almost 22 now.

 

[azgal81]

Don't be scared to get close to people because they are going to die. Eventually the people we love die we all do. Yes it sucks and its hard but it's life and you do move on. You can't live your life scared you will regret it later on in life.

 

[Microcell]

To make it simple and short:

My dad had a brain tumor which will keep growing back later on. It will eventually kill him. The doctors say that he may have between 7-20 years. The doctor said that the outcome of him living for 20 years and be perfectly fine is slim...really slim.

I need to be there for him and my mom.

You can be there and still live your life and do what you want to do. I know how bad it hurts to be 16 and facing losing a parent. My mom died when I was 16 and it was the single worst pain in my life to date. I keep her memory alive by sharing her with my kids through memories. With your father's prognosis, you may have kids before he passes, which he might enjoy (though not at your current age, that would not be enjoyable).

Keep in mind your mom married your dad and promised the for better and for worse part, and she will find the strength to be there for your dad. You certainly should help out, but mark my words, your parents biggest regret in life would be feeling like they stopped you from having a family or love in your life.

You are understandibly hurting about your dad, and I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I fear losing my kids alot, but that is only momentary. They are my mom's legacy and mine too.

Life goes on, and it is the pain that makes it that much more valuable. You have time to make a final decision, and good luck with whatever that is.