I'm heartbroken

[Punkin's Mom]

After 14 years and 2 beautiful children, I'm about 95% sure that my husband and I are going to divorce. I can't tell you how sad I am about this, because we don't fight, we don't hate each other, nothing like that. We basically ignored each other needs so long that the damage may be irreversible.

I told him tonight that nothing we try to do to fix this will work if he continues having an incredibly pessimistic attitude. Basically he thinks that he should feel more than he does for me before even trying to fix our problems. I think that his feelings might change by doing the we need to fix things, but I can't be positive enough for both of us. Unless he's willing to take a leap of faith and whole-heartedly try to turn this around, then the marriage is doomed. I told him to think about it and tell me on Saturday what he wants. He's been living at his mom's for a couple of weeks now and I can't stand the indecision any more.

If it comes to it, can anyone give me some advice about the process of getting a divorce? We've already agreed to work out money and visitation ourselves - we even talked about taking the kids to the beach for vacation this summer. There's no animosity at all and I'd like to wait as long as possible before getting lawyers involved (my husband is a lawyer - I was kinda hoping that he could file whatever papers need to be filed).

Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for any advice you can give me.

 

[jenimay]

I am in the same situation. Dh and I are getting a divorce, and there is no animosity. It is still very sad, and I don't want to get into in on the boards, but feel free to PM me or e-mail me jenimay2002@hotmail.com, or I just signed up with myspace www.myspace.com/jenimay2007. Good luck!

 

[PoohnPglet]

I do not have any advice for you, but I did want to say how sorry I am. This is never any easy situation.

 

[kdibattista]

I'm so sorry... I hope you both can get back on track

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[robinb]

{{hugs}} I hope that your husband deceides to try to work things out. If not, please retain your own lawyer to look after your interests and the interests of your kids. Do not rely on your husband to make fair and equitable decisions for both of you.

 

[rkrivas]

I'm in an almost-identical situation as you and your family, so I feel your pain. I keep going back and forth wondering what's worse for our kids. We don't fight, but we're not close either. My husband and I both agree that divorce is a very real possibility, but it's such a huge and almost-irrevocable decision that I think we're afraid to take that first step.

Hang in there and stay strong for your kids.

 

[Sherri]

I'm in an almost-identical situation as you and your family, so I feel your pain. I keep going back and forth wondering what's worse for our kids. We don't fight, but we're not close either. My husband and I both agree that divorce is a very real possibility, but it's such a huge and almost-irrevocable decision that I think we're afraid to take that first step.

Hang in there and stay strong for your kids.

I would try a temperary seperation before divorce. You may learn that you really miss each other. Your right, divorce seems so final. If you are on the fence at all, maybe just seperating for a bit may help you decide.

 

[Hedy]

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Well I can tell you if you want it to work,Dont give up.My DH done this to me last Febuary and I thought it was over.But I never gave up and kept fighting for the one I Love and it has been going on a year and we are happier than ever.
Up until about 3 months ago I thought that he would still end it but he didnt and now we are just like Newlyweds again.
So that is my advice to you is if you Love hm and dont want to lose him then Fight for your marriage.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

All my best to you during this very difficult time I truly hope everything works out for you.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Sorry this is happening.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

After 14 years and 2 beautiful children, I'm about 95% sure that my husband and I are going to divorce. I can't tell you how sad I am about this, because we don't fight, we don't hate each other, nothing like that. We basically ignored each other needs so long that the damage may be irreversible.

I told him tonight that nothing we try to do to fix this will work if he continues having an incredibly pessimistic attitude. Basically he thinks that he should feel more than he does for me before even trying to fix our problems. I think that his feelings might change by doing the we need to fix things, but I can't be positive enough for both of us. Unless he's willing to take a leap of faith and whole-heartedly try to turn this around, then the marriage is doomed. I told him to think about it and tell me on Saturday what he wants. He's been living at his mom's for a couple of weeks now and I can't stand the indecision any more.

If it comes to it, can anyone give me some advice about the process of getting a divorce? We've already agreed to work out money and visitation ourselves - we even talked about taking the kids to the beach for vacation this summer. There's no animosity at all and I'd like to wait as long as possible before getting lawyers involved (my husband is a lawyer - I was kinda hoping that he could file whatever papers need to be filed).

Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for any advice you can give me.

 

[AGLOCO]

That sucks.

 

[kristen821]

I'm sorry, it must be so hard for you.
You may want to consult your own lawyer to make sure you get everything you are entitled to if you want it. (example:retirement plans, savings, house,ect.)

 

[escape]

I'm sorry, it must be so hard for you.
You may want to consult your own lawyer to make sure you get everything you are entitled to if you want it. (example:retirement plans, savings, house,ect.)

Sadly, I agree.

 

[Desnik]

 

[Darth Cupcake]

I wish I had some perfect thing to say that would take away some of your pain but I don't. All I can say is I'm so sorry.

 

[Punkin's Mom]

I don't want to give up but I can't force him to feel something he doesn't. I think we'll always have genuine affection towards each other - we met in high school so we've know each other 18 years - but right now it's not the husband/wife kind of love. It's more the "we been together forever and been through a lot" kind of love.

If he comes back and tells me he can't go on, I'm going to suggest that we separate but not make anything legal until we can get our finances in order and settle living arrangements. I'm a stay at home mom and I told him I am ABSOLUTELY NOT willing to put our two young kids in daycare. This is not their fault and I don't feel like we should change our original plan for their care b/c of our marital problems. We're lucky that he makes a good living and can support two households if I only work part time.

I have an accounting degree but it's been almost 7 years since I've worked. I'm hoping that I can find a position that would allow me to work partially from home. That is if I can remember my debits from my credits.

 

[Punkin's Mom]

Just want to mention that I'm still grieving the loss of my father so this has been a really bad 9 months. Now I'm facing the possibility of selling my house because of this and it makes me so sad to think of living somewhere that my dad hasn't been.