June 16,
Today was a rollercoaster for me. I stepped on the scale this morning (last time for a month per the challenge Jody put forth) and it hasn't budged. I have been pushing the points to the limit the last 2 days and was scared I was heading toward the dark side again.

I ate cereal this morning and headed off to go swimsuit shopping before my WW meeting. Lets just say that swimsuit shopping experience was less than pleasant. I finally found something that was ok. some of those I tried on were HORRIBLE!

I felt that I would be laughed at for some of those.
On to the meeting... my mom made lifetime and I was SOOOOO happy for her! my kids and I presented roses to her. But during the time the leader had her up there they got to talking about her trip to Europe (she leaves soon) and the reason for it. They are taking my grandma's ashes to be buried next to grandpa's in Latvija. I have said for years that I wanted to be there when they had that funeral. It has been very hard for me not to go. We just bought our first house after digging our way through a massive debt, and I know my grandparents are proud of us for finally buying our own home, and because of the house, there is no money for a trip to europe. I am REALLY struggling with not being there for the funeral.
On a happy note, I lost some weight from the last weigh in, and now am at a 16.8# loss. VERY happy about that. Got another $5 from my parents!
On the way home I start second guessing some big decisions I have made and wonder if I really screwed up....
I get home and look at all that I have to do at home and tears start forming. I took a minute and told myself to snap out of it and make the best of it. I told myself that everything will work out and to just put my faith and trust in the Lord. I start to feel a little better and as I get more involved in cleaning and organizing, I am feeling better and better.
I ran to the store because I made my cauliflower salad for lunch and ran out of bacon bits. I knew I would have that and a left over brat for lunch, and I started to want chips too. I looked around and my favorite chips only came in the BIG bag. I didn't want to go down that road... so I just decided to skip them completely. (Good food decision #1!!!! Wooohooo!)
DH comes home and we go hiking on one of the trails in the Kettle Moraine forest. (very beautiful area!) anyway it wasn't a nice hike because the horse flies are swarming us. UGHHHHH, frustrating.
We then went to a local Hamburger Haus (think local outdoor summer burger hut) REALLY enjoyed that! Because it felt like "summer".
We then went shopping and I was HUNGRY! But I decided not to get the cookies because I knew I wouldn't only eat one (second good food decision ... WOOOHOOO!!) On the way home I still had to go to wahlgreens and I told DH I would walk home. I probably walked about 1 1/2 miles before he came back to pick me up... it was cold! I was a little dissapointed because I wanted to walk the whole way (another 1/2 mile or so), but I am glad because I hadn't gone to the bathroom since before we left to go hiking. And it is a drive to get to the forest!
Every evening I read to the kids (we are reading superfudge right now) and they were having there nightly "midnight" snack. Poptarts.... Smelled very good! DH comes in and has one too.... UGHHHHH, but I kept it together and didn't have anything. (Good food decision #3! Wooohoooo!!!!)
So, in the last 2 days I did note how I was getting caught up in the numbers game and the darn scale. Thanks Jody for the great idea of not stepping on the scale. I know it is the right decision for me. I really want to focus on how I feel.
However.... when I do step on that scale at WW I hope to be down 8.2 pounds. That would put me at 25# loss and I would get my magnet! I have not made the #20 pound loss during all these years at WW. I think it is a road block I put up for myself. Who knows why, but I think this will be good for me to just zip right past the 20 loss and go for 25. Thanks Jody!
So I felt up and down all day, but I am ending on a very happy note...!
If your still reading... thanks!
