"I'm Going To Bring A Hammer and Bash Your Teeth In"

[belle&sebastiansmom]

My first foray into the world of bullies happened yesterday.

My 6 year old dd comes home from school, upset and shaking. Apparently, an "older" boy (the bus at this time goes up to 5th grade, she's in Kindergarten), told her he was going to bring a hammer and bash her teeth in.

I was upset by how scared she was. I contacted the bus barn and told the driver. The driver is issuing the kid a behavioral citation and is putting him in a seat directly behind her.

My dd didn't even want to go to school today, let alone the bus again. I made her get on the bus, I don't want her to live her life in fear.

But I'm still just a little shocked and saddened that she has to deal with this at 6 years old. In my years in grade school, I may not wanted to go to school, I may not have liked everyone, but I can honestly say I never felt threatened or scared to go to school.

Before I became a mom, I was a teacher. Behavior today is out of control. I often felt more like a prison warden than a teacher. Yes, this situation probably just some dumb, bratty kid thinking it's cool to try and scare the little ones, but as the bus driver told me, these days they have to take ever incident seriously. Let your guard down, and someday a hammer will be brought on the bus.

 

[MineMail]

Some girl was picking on one of DD's friends on the bus one day, so my DD told her to knock it off. I'm sure she was rude, but what happened next was entirely uncalled for.

The MOTHER of the bully stormed onto the bus at her daughter's stop the next day and verbally tore into my daughter, threatening to "smack her silly," and actually raising a hand towards DD. One of the eighth graders who lived near me was so kind. My daughter was crying and shaking after the bus pulled away. The girl sat down and kept her company, then met me at the stop and told me exactly what had happened. (The eighth grader was my only non-family babysitter for years afterward. She was awesome!)

The Principal dealt with it after I called and reported the incident to her directly. I think my asking about getting a restraining order and filing a complaint with the police led to immediate action. Big mouth momma was driving both ways in heavy traffic for the rest of the year.

It didn't hurt that I was the President of the Parent Guild and the swimming coach at the time.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

What a nasty little boy! I'd be furious if someone said that my daughter. Totally uncalled for. Your poor girl! I completely understand her being frightened. Just keep reassuring her that nobody is going to hurt her. Ugh, it's ridiculous that she's only 6 and having to deal with a bully. I'd have done the same as and alerted the bus driver. Hopefully he'll get in trouble with his parents for saying something so mean and that will nip it in the bud.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My daughter is only 3 but I know I may face this someday. Please document *everything*. Stay, not only on top of this, but in front of it. Tell the teachers, the bus driver AND the principle. Parents of bullies need to watch their backs. Take your daughter to school a couple of days to get her feeling safe again. This is craziness but everyone has to deal with this issue. Fight it head on.

 

[Jenvenza]

Kids are so mean! Your poor DD! I would find out who the kid was and have a talk with his parents. That is absolutely uncalled for and I would not let it go.

 

[Kit'smommy]

We pulled DS out of Pre-4 last year due to bullying issues with a set of twins in the same grades as he. I feel the school handled the incident poorly and my child is still afraid to go school (a different one) nearly a year later. And these were 4 year olds! What are these kids going to be like as teens?

I am glad that you did not trivialize your daughter's concern and fear and I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[Micca]

That would worry me too. When I was a kid there were threats, but other than some minor scuffles, not much ever happened. Now when somebody makes a comment like the hammer thing, you can't just blow it off. Sorry your DD and you had to go through this.

 

[Ilivetogo]

My DS9 has the best heart - and is a sweet kid. It kills me that he's been "picked on" on the bus and in his classroom also. However, we have a great principal and once he is made aware of a situation, he gets all kids involved in his office immediately and puts an end to things right then and there. Even suspensions have been involved. It's not "retaliation" I'm after, but rather just so that the "bullies" get taught quickly that these behaviors are not acceptable ... and hopefully they'll stop doing it.

I can't imagine that sort of a threat, however. Having a 6 yr old girl be told something like that by a big, mean 5th grader is absolutely horrible. I hope you told the principal in addition to the bus driver. Good luck.

 

[erincon23]

When my DS now 17 was in third grade, the doorbell rang one evening. It was a female police officer. She asked to see Greg and asked if he had told us what had happened at school that day. He was completely confused, and obviously, so were we. She told us that a boy Greg was talking with while waiting to be picked up had said he was going to bring a gun from home and shoot Greg. We don't call him "Mr. Oblivious" for nothing -- it was a friend, he says, and they were just joking around, but it didn't make any impression on him. Another mother picking her kids up heard it and immediately rushed into the office and told the principal. The kid ended up getting a three-day suspension, but we never heard anything from the parents (the school assured us that his family said they don't own a gun). Greg didn't even know the name of the boy (you know how "friendships" are at that age -- you can play with someone on the playground and not know their name). Greg has never really been bullied, and he has come to the aid of friends who have been picked on. Being a karate brown belt has helped too with his confidence.

Now my other son -- that's a different matter, he's been bullied a lot and it has caused severe anxiety -- he missed many, many days of school for the past couple of years, and we even had to hospitalize him last year for anxiety. Bullying is out of hand, and even if the school says they're tough on bullies, there's only so much they can do, and only so much they actually see. It's criminal, really, and the parents of bullies are rarely willing to admit that their child is in the wrong. That, in my opinion, is the biggest problem -- parent attitudes. "What, my angel? I totally support whatever my kid did, your kid must have provoked them. " By what -- breathing?

Erin

 

[dislaney]

It's scary to think what these kids will be like when they are older?!? I'm so sorry that happened to your dd.

 

[Sleepy]

I would find out who the kid was and have a talk with his parents. That is absolutely uncalled for and I would not let it go.

A parent definitely does not have to let it go, but I am afraid that most policies in place make it impossible for you to ever find out who the parents of the bully are (unless you go by last name or have extensive network of friends within that class). My son is now 18, but back when he was 5 (Kindergarten), there was a boy, not only in his class, but same kid on his bus who was bullying him. It escalated to broken glasses on 2 occassions (worst was this kid wore glasses too). I requested a meeting at the school with the bully's parents and the school refused me. Said it could cause serious problems. They said they would speak individually with both sets of parents.

It was terribly obvious to the school staff what sort of parents this child had when one day my son's coat disappeared while he was riding the bus. We reported the missing coat to the bus office as well as the school office. They had a description. He went to school the next day to find "the bully" was wearing it.

My son immediately went to the office to report the finding. When "the bully" was asked by the principal about the jacket worn to school, "bully boy" apparently had rehearsed with his mom what he would say. he told the principal he knew the coat was my son's and saw it was on the floor of the bus (my son was still on the bus...coat beside him on the floor) and said that rather than give my son a dirty coat, he would take it home so his mommy could wash it and he would return it the next day.

When the principal asked him why he was wearing the coat, he had no answer. Principal asked him where HIS coat was and he said it was at home. Principal asked him why he had not given my son his coat that morning, he had no answer. Ummm...yeah, sounds like he fully intended to return the coat. Anyway, the coat was returned (name on the inside collar ). Bully boy's mom had the option to either bring her son a coat that day or let him go home cold. Geez, if you are going to steal a coat, at least cover your tracks and not wear it to school the next day.

 

[clovergirl5]

Im sorry that happened to your dd. Does the bus have rules where all the younger kids like kindergarten and 1st sit in the very front of the bus so driver can keep an eye and ear out? That how it is on my dc bus. Seems to work pretty well.
Im kind of concerned that the driver is going to sit the bully right behind your dd on the bus. That doesn't make sense to me. I can see her being afraid because he is behind her. I would ? the driver on that one.
I would also do what pp said and be bringing this issue to the principal too because if this kid is saying it on the bus, Im sure there is bullying at school with him too. I hate bullies. They make a kids life a living hell. Our school has a wonderful anti bully program that I hope many schools have. They spend alot of time on this issue and really talk to the kids about it and who to tell if/when it happens.
Good luck to you and to you and dd.

 

[Angelhalo]

Im sorry that happened to your dd. Does the bus have rules where all the younger kids like kindergarten and 1st sit in the very front of the bus so driver can keep an eye and ear out? That how it is on my dc bus. Seems to work pretty well.
Im kind of concerned that the driver is going to sit the bully right behind your dd on the bus. That doesn't make sense to me. I can see her being afraid because he is behind her. I would ? the driver on that one.
I would also do what pp said and be bringing this issue to the principal too because if this kid is saying it on the bus, Im sure there is bullying at school with him too. I hate bullies. They make a kids life a living hell. Our school has a wonderful anti bully program that I hope many schools have. They spend alot of time on this issue and really talk to the kids about it and who to tell if/when it happens.
Good luck to you and to you and dd.

I think she means that the busdriver is going to put the bully behind herself not behind the girl.

 

[clovergirl5]

I think she means that the busdriver is going to put the bully behind herself not behind the girl.

got it

 

[walkerag]

I'm so sorry this happened to your DD. It's really has gotten out of hand. My DD has heart of gold and wants to be friends with everyone but alot of kids, especially our neighbor kids can be pretty mean. On the bus the other day, DD told girl who lives across the street that the lights on her house looked pretty and her reply to DD was "Go Away!"

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

I think she means that the busdriver is going to put the bully behind herself not behind the girl.

That's right. Behind the bus driver, not my dd.

 

[punkin]

Wow! That is just awful.

My DD11 was bullied (well it was attempted bullying anyway) by another girl in Gym last week. My baby told her off in front of her friends, but she came home crying and scared about what this girl would do to her in school the next day. I told her that confronting bullies is the best solution and that girl would avoid her like the plague. I was right.

Of course physical threats are a different thing all together. Hugs to your baby, OP.

 

[agnes!]

These kids are in high school...

My DD was harassed on the bus the other day by a boy two grades below her. He was trying to act like a Big Man on Campus but with lots of sexual innuendo and stupid remarks. She had her cellphone with her, calmly texted a friend elsewhere on bus but had no trouble telling this boy off. Her good deed for others was when she got off the bus she turned around and told him to "Leave 'Susie'[another girl the boy also harassed - she had overheard him boasting about it] alone."

Apparently she got him so scared with her texting and her firmness that every time he sees her he apologizes profusely. She has a reputation as pretty-much of a straight-arrow - we think he's under the impression that she might be considering turning him in to the school administration. So I doubt he'll be such a jerk to girls for the rest of his high school career.

agnes!

 

[NotUrsula]

The really annoying thing is that fear of getting caught isn't holding them back anymore, so the adage that there is strength in numbers doesn't even hold true.

DS12 got jumped by two classmates a few days ago after school. Right after school, when he was completely surrounded by the cars of parents waiting to pick up their children. DS walks home, so we were not there, but several parents called the Principal within minutes of the incident. How stupid do you have to be to jump another kid in full view of 100 parents?

The upshot after several meetings between the Principal and all the boys involved is that all three of them have been given notice that if there is another incident involving the same people, all three of them (including DS) will be suspended, which is EXACTLY what I expected. DS doesn't understand how he can be the victim and still get punished, but I told him that that is how it almost always works when it comes to fighting at school; if you are one of the combatants you get punished, even if you are on the losing end of the situation. (Even 40 years ago when I was in school that was the rule -- we were subject to suspension if we even got caught watching a fight.) He verbally provoked them, so he is being held accountable for his actions, too.

I'm hoping that he has learned a lesson about keeping his head down and watching who he chooses to smart off to, but the bottom line is that no verbal provocation deserves getting held in a chokehold by one guy while another one gut-punches you. Of course, we are not privy to whatever additional punishments the two boys might have received. AFAWK, the school is treating this as a one-free-bite situation, but I'm hoping that they step up the general monitoring and warnings a bit more. All puns aside, the kids need to have the fear of God instilled in them, because they should be scared cross-eyed of the consequences of getting caught roughing up another kid.

 

[agnes!]

The really annoying thing is that fear of getting caught isn't holding them back anymore, so the adage that there is strength in numbers doesn't even hold true.

DS12 got jumped by two classmates a few days ago after school. Right after school, when he was completely surrounded by the cars of parents waiting to pick up their children. DS walks home, so we were not there, but several parents called the Principal within minutes of the incident. How stupid do you have to be to jump another kid in full view of 100 parents?

The upshot after several meetings between the Principal and all the boys involved is that all three of them have been given notice that if there is another incident involving the same people, all three of them (including DS) will be suspended, which is EXACTLY what I expected. DS doesn't understand how he can be the victim and still get punished, but I told him that that is how it almost always works when it comes to fighting at school; if you are one of the combatants you get punished, even if you are on the losing end of the situation. (Even 40 years ago when I was in school that was the rule -- we were subject to suspension if we even got caught watching a fight.) He verbally provoked them, so he is being held accountable for his actions, too.

I'm hoping that he has learned a lesson about keeping his head down and watching who he chooses to smart off to, but the bottom line is that no verbal provocation deserves getting held in a chokehold by one guy while another one gut-punches you. Of course, we are not privy to whatever additional punishments the two boys might have receieved. AFAWK, the school is treating this as a one-free-bite situation, but I'm hoping that they step up the general monitoring and warnings a bit more. All puns aside, the kids need to have the fear of God instilled in them, because they should be scared cross-eyed of the consequences of getting caught roughing up another kid.

I don't quite completely understand what the reasoning behind 'no retaliation' rules are. What is the kid who gets jumped supposed to do - just sit there and let themselves be pounded to a bloody pulp?

agnes!