Hi everyone, yes I know it's been a while since I've posted. I'm sorry, just so busy trying to sort things out. He is out of the house, and has been for three weeks. Of course, he is still calling me a lot. I have not told him I am doing anything permanent yet, just that we need some space. He is trying very hard to impress upon me that he is willing to change. He is going to see a doctor because he thinks he has something called Intermittent Rage disorder or something like that, linked to brain injury. He did have a serious head injury from a kick by a horse when he was about 12 years old, and that's about when his "sudden rage" symptoms started to appear, though they've gotten much more frequent over the years. What I've never really understood is he hasn't progressed like a lot of abusers do. He is nice most of the time, but then snaps and screams, yells, throws things, and then is almost as suddenly okay again. It's just so weird. He has been consistently like this for almost 20 years.
There is medication for this "disorder" if it is one, but I would have to see him on it for quite a while, and with real drastic changes to his personality for it to mean much to me at this point. My kids are more relaxed, except my youngest keeps saying he misses daddy and wants him to come home. He asks about him all the time, and it does make me sad.
Anyway, I've applied for LEAP (which is to help pay the heat bill) and am also trying to apply for Food Stamps (although my pride is really, really suffering here). I did get the kids approved for Medicaid, so that's great. We were also linked to a sponsor for Christmas, which I am happy about. I don't think I'll be able to buy much (if anything) for Christmas this year. I think the kids understand, though, because we've talked about why. The only exception is, again, the youngest (6) and somewhat with my ten year old. They keep showing me things in the catalogs that come in the mail (darn those catalogs!) and asking me if they can have stuff.
Oh well, things are going to be okay, I just know it. I thank all of you for your kind words, thoughts, and especially your prayers. I have had more peace the last few weeks, so I know it's working. I don't know how any of this will end up yet, but I think I am moving in the right direction (most days, anyway!)
Still no luck on more work (in fact, I lost a house I was cleaning on the side due to the economy - the husband was laid off). But things will work out.
Thanks again, and I'll try to keep you guys posted.
Post some of your kids interests, let us see if we can help. I've got 2 girls who have too many toys, maybe we can send some your way......if not know that we are thinking of you! 
