I'm Concerned about DS10 and School

[joshsmom]

Very long story . . . I'll try to make it short. DS was sick all the way through 1st grade and missed a lot of school. Transplant in 2nd grade, missed one of two semesters and was sick when he came back. 3rd grade he had a teacher that was out of the classroom more than in due to being pulled in many directions within the school. He learned nothing.

Here he is: 4th grade and doing VERY poorly. Reading comprehension is awful, math skills are awful. Since reading skills are poor, he doesn't do well studying for tests in things like Science and Social Studies--thus failing more than passing. I sit and do homework with him every night and he just doesn't get it. He was in tutoring last summer with a teacher from our school. He learned nothing. He's in tutoring now with teachers from the public school system--he does his homework in there but no "learning" is going on. I've called a tutor for the summer, but was wondering if he might need something more "formal" like Sylvan. I know its VERY expensive but I'm at such a loss. I don't know what else to do for him. He's not motivated to study and he doesn't really know HOW to study.

Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.

 

[CarolA]

Has he passed the first two grades in spite of all these absences? It may be that he really didn't get the basics back in First grade.

I would work on a tutor. Not sure you need Slyvan, but he needs some one on one. If the "tutoring" from the public school is like some other's I have seen it's more of a study hall then "tutoring"

It may also be time to consider holding him back a year. By just passing him on with poor reading skills he is just being set up for failure....

 

[janette]

Has he been evaluated for learning disabilities? The school should do this for you. Does he qualify for any modifications or special education assistance?

One of my nephews missed almost an entire year due to cancer and he qualified for special education assistance when he returned under other impairments. Did they do anything like this for your son?

The school aren't good about offering services or testing, they often have be asked and sometimes more once. Find out about the special education department of your school. Sometimes they have a Special Ed PTA that could help you get the people to contact.

My 11yo is severely dyslexic and has some other learning issues. I learned a long time ago that the squeaky wheel gets the grease but it takes much more work on the parents part than I think it should. Our schools just don't offer the services they have, you have to find out what is there and ask them to provide it for your child. They are required to provide your child they tools they need to get an education so the law is on your side you just have to know how it works.

Another option is a specialized private school. They can be wonderful for kids that just don't fit into the public school box.

 

[CEDmom]

Is there a teacher in his school that you think is really great? If so why don't you approach him/her about private tutoring over the summer. It would be a lot less than Sylvan and they'd be more familiar with him and his situation. My mom is a retired teacher and she did a lot of tutoring of kids with reading difficulties. Many teachers do this because they love teaching and it's a great way to supplement their income.

 

[Barb D]

Is there ANY way you could home school him? Sounds like you're doing the work anyway, but at night when you're both tired and he's burned out from being at school all day. If you could home school him you could do it during the day when he's alert, and it could be at his own pace.

 

[canwegosoon]

Have you considered repeating 4th grade...It will only get worse as he gets older. I agree he probably missed a lot of basics in the crutial 1/2/3 grades...I would not let it continue by trying to get him out of the 4th grade on time if he is struggling so hard now. I wish you both all the best-

 

[joshsmom]

I appreciate the responses I have gotten here.

DS does go to a private school now, and no, he hasn't been tested for learning disabilities. Good point though--probably need to check that out. I've told his doctor about my concerns and he is looking into some things at his hospital.

I've thought about holding him back, but when I talk to his teacher, she says he's doing fine. Well, we got progress reports today and he has an F in Math. That's not fine. I will say I was surprised by his other grades though--mostly B's, one C, and a D. Better than I anticipated.

On standardized tests, he is testing in the 5th and 6th grade level. That throws me off--you would think he would test at or below his grade level instead of above. I'm so confused I don't know which way to turn.

I TRULY wish I could home school him because I think that I could do a very good job with him. Unfortunately, I'm a divorced mom with NO support at all (emotional or physical) from his father, so I have to work. And, you're right about him being wiped out in the evening. He goes to tutoring 3 afternoons a week but he's just not getting anywhere.

I do have a WONDERFUL (or so I've been told) tutor set up for summer. She's a teacher at another school in the area. I'm so hoping that will help. I know he missed the basics. I think if he could find a "study niche" it would be helpful. Math skills are going to have to be studied and memorized to be learned--no way around that.

Thanks again for letting me get this out. I really appreciate all of you.

 

[HaleyB]

I have to wonder why he is still at that school. I would have changed schools a long time ago. Unless it is a specialized school for LD children a public school will have more resources than a private one to help him. Public schools are not perfect, and it can be work to make them work for your child, but they just have so much greater an ability to meet special needs.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What are his reading & math skills by your assessment?
If he sits down to read Harry Potter out loud to you, can he do it?

What math can he not do or "get"? Does he understand the concepts of addition, subtraction, multiplication, division?

If the answer to these questions are he has trouble then you have to understand that he is not cutting it at this school.
Something needs to change. I don't care what some standardized test says, his grades clearly show something is wrong.
Time to put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and do some detective work.

I would start with checking him about for ADD and learning disorders as a first step.
If he has a LD no amount of tutoring or punishing will help him.
Always start at the beginning. Do not be afraid to go to the neurologist and seek help.

 

[goofy's friends]

I will be the voice of disagreement. I am a former 4th grade teacher (for 6 years) and I would never recommend holding a kid this age back for any reason. It is too harmful to self-esteem and friendships that he has made. If he is scoring 5th and 6th grade on standardized tests, that shows he has the capabilities and I would go the testing route and insist on it before the end of the school year, so his needs can be met first thing next year (if he qualifies). Then, this summer, because you need some quick catching up, I would do Sylvan or Learning RX. They have proven techniques and ways of helping kids to make HUGE strides in a short amount of time that a regular tutor won't (probably) have. Yes, it's expensive, but the issues are going to get more severe because the schoolwork is going to get harder and he is going to get farther behind, so a FAST working approach would be necessary, in my professional opinion.

 

[Caradana]

Lots and lots of good points above.

At this point, I'd pull him from private, send him to public, and get him IMMEDIATELY lined up for a child study team assessment. Spend a year saving money and getting his paperwork in order and then push for a private placement at a very small school, or a resource room inclusion where he can get one-on-one attention. Something needs to change. Be gutsy. You can do it. Even as a single mom, you have this one in you. Be the squeaky wheel and get him what he needs.

 

[goofy's friends]

One more point--I just read that he is in private school, they may not do testing or be prepared to help him. The public school in your district is REQUIRED to meet his needs even if he is in private. They HAVE to test him if you request it. Then, they are required to serve him. So, you can take him there for services if he qualifies. You may find it in his better interest to put him in school there.

 

[janette]

Private schools sometimes have a higher academic standard. The standardized testing may indicate that he has knowledge at a higher grade level but the school requirements are more difficult than a standard 4th grade.

Public schools do have more services and can help to identify learning problems. The biggest indicator of learning disabilities is a discrepancy in their abilities. My DD (5th grade) has an oral reading level of lower 3rd grade and a reading comprehension level of mid 8th grade. She has a high IQ but scores very low in her reading & writing abilities, it just isn't in line.

The advantage to identifying any problems is that there are tutors & techniques established to help with different learning styles and you want to know what will help your son the most. Kids don't learn all the same way even though our schools tend to design the system around that assumption.

 

[C.Darwin]

I've thought about holding him back, but when I talk to his teacher, she says he's doing fine.

why would she tell you he was doing fine? that's not "fine". what's wrong with her?


it sounds like he's willing to try and do homework. that's a big part of the battle right there. i wouldn't hold him back either. he's missed some basic skills along the way and he's not going to get them by repeating 4th grade. if it were my child, i would find the best person i could afford to tutor him this summer. find out from his tutor what you can do for him at home...helping him memorize math facts, questions to ask to help his comprehension skills in reading, etc...

 

[barkley]

he may be doing well on the standardized tests because the school is "teaching to the test". this is not uncommon in private schools-they love to use their test results as a recruitment tool and have been known to focus weeks of instuctional time on test preparation for thier current students (happened when i was a private school teacher and i've seen it as a parent-but i pulled my kids from the school that was doing this). one way to avoid a situation like this is to find out when the school administers it's standardized tests. if they do it at the begining of the school year and use the results to develop a learning plan for their students it's likely they are testing accuratly, if they test a few to several months into the school year they are likely either teaching to the test or taking advantage of the fact that the kids will show a 5th grade level near the end of 4th but they will be able to publicly say "our students test out at least a year above grade level".

sadly, some disreputable private school discourage (or outright ban) teachers from aknowledging learning disabilities in students because they don't offer the services (are'nt required to by law) they don't want to lose a student to the public schools. there are also some private school teachers who have not had the training nesc. to detect learning disabilites (i would always reccommend that a parent considering a private school actualy ask what individual teachers are degreed in/certified in-some may have college degrees but because the schools are not held to teacher credentialing requirements the degree may be wholy unrelated to education, and they may never have taken any teaching coursework).

i know the entire argument about the impact of holding back a child of this age, but i would prefer to see a child succeed and feel successful and competant in learning. i would not hesitate to hold my child back, and if i feared it would be difficult for him/her i would look at other schools in my area for the child to transfer to where their repeating of the grade is not noticable (all everyone knows is that it's a new kid-they don't need to know what grade he was in last year).

growing up my bf was a little girl who had open heart surgery in 3rd grade. as a result she missed months of school. her parents opted not to hold her back despite the school's reccommendations. she struggled the remainder of her academic life. as an adult she related to me that she wished her parents had held her back and she could have reinforced her basic skills-instead she always struggled and ultimatly felt like she was "dumb, never going to get it". she remembered that prior to her surgery she had felt positive about learning and did well-afterwards she grew so weary of stuggling that she convinced herself she was not academicly inclined.

i would suggest you contact the school district and see if you can arrange summer testing (tell them you are considering enrolling the child for the fall semester -this makes the child eligible to the services which will be administered by professionals who are qualified to make an accurate determination of his skills).

best of luck.

 

[golfgal]

So, basically you are saying that from grades 1-3 he was in school for about 1/2 year or so. He missed an awful lot of school and especially the basics for learning pretty much everything in school. I would find a 1st grade teacher and have him start over again. I know Saxon has a reading and math catch up course that is aimed at 4th graders that either missed or didn't catch onto the basics. I know a couple of the teachers in our kids' school use it to tutor over the summer. I think if he starts now and works through the summer, he could get caught up. I would try that before I worried about any LD problems.


When he was so sick, didn't the school provide a homebound tutor? I know they have to provide one in our state if a child is expected to miss more then a week of school or so.

 

[mickeyfan2]

To me it sounds like a retention problem. Get him tested and then see what is the best course for him.

 

[kmp1191]

My DS is 10 and in the 4th grade also. He hasn't missed the amount of school your son has, but he is struggling also. He's ADHD w/ Impulsivity.
He is failing math.....long division, fractions, estimates....he knows mulitplication, addition, and subtraction, but other than that, it's a battle. His grades this last nine weeks were A in gym....C's in everything else and a low D in math. I called the school last week to find out about Resources....I called again this week....still no one has called me back. This is a public school....now we are thinking about private school for next year....maybe some smaller classes will help....I don't know. I do know we are lining up a tutor and we will take it from there. I don't have any answers for you....I'm sorry you are going through this.

Hang in there and let me know what you find out and decide to do.

marie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

why would she tell you he was doing fine? that's not "fine". what's wrong with her?

I agree...it is like the scene in "Wizard of Oz"..."do not pay attention to the man behind the curtain".
Hello...you know he is in trouble & his grades reflect it.

A teacher that says he is "fine" while giving him a "F" deserves a "F" herself. Never in my life when my oldest was doing bad has a teacher said that. That is very, very odd...and disturbing.

So do you think the teacher is brushing your son off? That is a critical piece to your problem. Perhaps she doesn't want to deal with it or is this school not set up for kids that do not have issues?

 

[jen0610]

From one parent who held back their child to another considering, the most important thing I can tell you from dealing with our situatuion. This is YOUR child, not the teachers, principles, or administrations. YOU and YOUR son will live with what help/assistance he gets or what he doesn't.

We held DS back in 3rd grade. The teacher, principle, and administration DID NOT want us to do this. Several meetings to discurage the direction I was taking. By the time we had the 3rd quarter parent/teacher conference, Logan was at an early 2nd grade reading level. This was the same level he was at when he exited 2nd grade, but we were reassured that it was normal and that he would catch up in 3rd. He didn't. His grades were ok, no D's and F's.

My stance was and still is, IF he can not read and understand the work that is being given to him, then he will not excel at his other studies. He would get answers wrong on math assignments, but when we went over these at home, I would make him read the instructions for doing the assignment and the questions. Then ask him to tell me what you have to do to get the answer, I would either get the wrong instructions or a shoulder shrug and I don't know. Once it was read to him, it would be oh and the correct answer written down. Plain and simple, he couldn't read the instructions, he couldn't do the work correctly. My answer was NO, this was not going to continue.

When the administration rep said that they would have to justify why a student that was deemed sufficent to pass was being held back to the state board, I told them that if the state board wanted to know why, they could contact our attorney. Just let me know who I needed to get that contact information to. Explained to them, I really did not care if I was causing a clitch in their approval rating numbers. They were not going to make MY son struggle in school, just so the school looks good. Once they figured out that I wasn't going to let it go, they backed off.

And just before we left the last meeting, I dropped the bomb on them, that not only was I holding back my DS, but also his younger sister was repeating 1st grade for the same reason, a reading level way below where she was at in school. We had wanted her to repeat Kindergarten, but was assured that she was fine. She was a very young 5 yr old when she started K. The very 1st parent/teacher conference of the year, her teacher had asked me if we had considered holding her back. She was not at all pleased when I told her that we had wanted to, but was told she was right where she needed to be. More like she was right where she needed to be for the school to pass her to the next grade and make their numbers.

Needless to say, this decision was the BEST thing we did for our kids. They both are at or slightly ahead of the reading level they should be at. Logan's math grade, which this kid loves, went from C/C- the first time thru 3rd to straight A's the last 7 quarters. They have both been on the Honor Roll the last two years. Neither of them caught any greif from the classmates that went on to the next grade. Logan was not the happiest of campers when we told him that he would be in 3rd grade again, but we told him why it would help him and by the time school started the following year, he was fine. Never even fazed our DD that she would be in 1st again.