I'm concerned about a future trip; should I or shouldn't I? (long post)

[Bete]

I'm thinking very strongly about taking a trip with my mom and I. My mom has Alzheimer's and she is going to be 90 when we do it and she needs a wheelchair for the parks and a walker in the resort room. She has other issues, too like being incontinent. I'll be 58 when we go. I've always pushed the wheelchair for her with very little help from hubby; because, he's scootered bound, now. He's older than me. He has helped with getting her in and out of the resort with the heavy doors there (usually we stay at POP) and some companion restroom doors at the parks, but otherwise; it's been on me to do for my mom. I pace myself with doing rides, exhibits, shows, eats, etc.; so, I really don't get tired with the wheelchair pushing. I don't mind doing it and my mom somewhat enjoys being there. She especially likes all the desserts ( I wouldn't do it at home eveyday) with the dining plan and the interaction with the characters. She smiles a lot there; so, I know she likes it. Also, I feel it would be sweet to be with her only; I could give her my complete attention. When we were both younger we didn't have these opportunities.

I've done Disney World for up to two weeks with my husband at hand with my mom. He does not want to go back to Disney for a while. We've been over 30 times through the years and he doesn't have the desire right now to do it again. I like Disney so much that I want to go back without him; he doesn't mind. We have a needy dog, right now, too and he's willing to be with her while we are gone. It would be hard on us to kennel her even if we all went to Disney.

My mom has never flown. She has metal rods in one arm; so, you know the TSA situation will be difficult. I've talked to her and she doesn't seem to mind going on a plane. I think I will try to find some u-tube videos and such to show her how it is to be at an airport, etc. I've never done the wheelchair bit at the airport. How much she will comprehend ahead of time is another situation. She doesn't panic too much if I'm right there for her.

I'm starting to panic myself about being only her and I on the trip. Am I taking on too much to be by myself? I would take it easy with our days in the park and we are only doing a week. What if something happens there; she is is 90? I'm an only child and I'm childless myself; so, it's all on me and hubby. I do find it enjoyable to go even with the extra work involved.

This is really my only outlet and I'm happy at Disney even though I'm older. I'm not going to get into it, but doing respite care or a helper, etc. is just not for my mom. There are strong reasons we need to shield her from the outside world in that way.

Also, I'm somewhat concerned about the airport. I've never done the wheelchair in this situation let alone doing it by myself. Further, I start feeling like I may be a target at Disney for predators of one kind or another. I've never had a personal bad experience that way, but I've heard a few stories. No vacation destination is without it's risk one way or the other.

Finally, there's a slight possibility (about 30% probability) that a girl cousin will meet us there and join us for the trip. This would make me feel better, but it's only a chance that she will come. She's a little younger than me. I would like this; because, there would be someone around to watch anything suspicious going on around us, etc.

So, would you do this if you were me? Am I kidding myself? Should I just be happy my mom is still around and just stay home? Should I only go if I have another person with me?

I may be making too much of all of this; so, I would appreciate anyone else sharing their thoughts.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

My mother is 96 and I would love to have her come down here to visit me again. Last time she was here she was 92. But she is actually probably in better health than me. She was and is still able to drive an ECV safely (although she did have a hard time finding the brake).

I guess she has her own wheelchair, so you will not have to rent one. This would probably be easier for you, especially for the pushing. You could gate-check the wheelchair and bring the walker onboard. You might be best off getting the airline to provide a person at the airport (each end) for pushing to make it easier for you.

As you say, you have been there over 30 times so you know what is going on and how to get any help if needed. As far as predators, that is overblown and you are not a nubile young lady in the upper teens or low 20's. You might want to consider any of the deluxe resorts so you would have the inside corridors which would be safe (and more comfortable) than outside corridors.

I notice from a lot of your posts that you worry a lot; just keep your worries to your normal level and don't expand them. Go with your mother and enjoy!

 

[pixiedust9]

I think if anything maybe you should upgrade your resort location. Maybe that would help ease some worry. I think you should go with your mom, you have said in the past she is happy there, and you yourself like going...go and have a great time together. There are so many cast members all over, I am sure if you felt uncomfortable someone would help you. I hope you are able to make the reservations and have fun. I know for me, the second I walk into our resort check in...all my stress and worries fade away. Have a great time!

 

[peemagg]

When are you thinking of going? Maybe some of us on here are going around the same time and can meet up with you and your mom. This way at least there would be someone around who, even though you may not know us by face, you know us from this board and maybe we could be like a second set of hands if you need them.

My mother and I will be down there the end of January and I know we would help you if you needed it.

 

[Bete]

When are you thinking of going? Maybe some of us on here are going around the same time and can meet up with you and your mom. This way at least there would be someone around who, even though you may not know us by face, you know us from this board and maybe we could be like a second set of hands if you need them.

My mother and I will be down there the end of January and I know we would help you if you needed it.

our trip wouldn't be until the end of Nov/beginning of Dec. 2011. It's too far off for me to make a final decision yet to go or not. So much can happen that I don't really plan too far ahead; although, I start thinking about it all, now.

There are moments I'm very enthusiastic to try it and then I start being pessimistic and think the worse will happen.

 

[Janet Hill]

You say your mom has altzheimer's (mine does too). Your trip is nearly a year away and a lot can happen with her cognitive abilities between now and then and the changes most likely will not be positive.

She may say now she's ok with travelling by plane and you can show her the you tube videos, but what will happen in the moment she goes through security or is once on the plane - who knows?

It's hard - I know because my mother is still lucid at times and I have a conversation with her and then poof it's gone.

We just got back and I took my mother into the room and explained I was going back out to help unload the car. She sat down and started to watch TV. By the time I got back to the room she was gone - looking for me or my dad. My husband saw her and tried to bring her back and she didn't recognize him and yelled for security it was quite the scene. This is a women who on her "good" days still pays the bills and balances her own checkbook. My father does check everything before it goes out the door, but she is still completely lucid at times, and other times she's not and we can't predict it. Her lucid days are becoming fewer.

It may not be pessimism that takes over, but rather the reality of the situation. Unfortunately with altzheimers the only thing you can predict about the future is that it's not going to get better.

I'm sorry for your situation, it's really hard to watch a parent regress with altzheimers. It's like your always trying to reach the person you once knew.

 

[Bete]

Thanks for responding. Based on the last three years it's progressing slowly with my mom; so, I might have one more shot with her and Disney. I will not be in a rush to make any arrangements. I may even wait for the 90 day mark or less to book.

I go to a support group and one couple is taking care of a parent who has lost her mobility from the disease and babels all day long constantly and she doesn't recognize anyone anymore. I'm suprised they can still handle it all at home. Fortunately, there are three people to help out.

I know it doesn't get better. Sometimes it just helps to dream even if the trip doesn't happen in reality.

I feel I could always get help in Orlando if she needed medical atrention and such. It's just so hurtful on a vacation to deal with those aspects if her demeanor changes too radically or whatever. Right now, I think I'm 60% against and 40% in favor of the trip. It's why I came on the boards to get other opinions.