I'm at a loss here, could use some help from parents

[Jeafl]

My 16 year old daughter's ex boyfriend and his friend were killed in a car accident last night. The friend was driving too fast, lost control of the car and they hit a tree. I am just devastated, this boy was a great kid, Needless to say, my daughter is inconsolable as well.

Here is the problem. She ran into him at a pizza place a few days ago, and she didn't stop to speak to him. Now the guilt she feels is overwhelming. There is nothing I can say or do at this point to make her feel better. I have no idea of how to help her through this. I am really concerned about her.

If you have any spare prayers for the families of Scott and Jeff, I'm sure they would appreciate them

 

[LBAK]

Prayers on the way!

 

[Mom2Em]

and prayers for you, your daughter and the families of those two young men...

When I was in high school, a friend died in a drunk driving accident... It is so hard to come to grips with... Counselling is the best thing... And let her know you are there to listen to anything and everything she wants to talk about... God love her...

 

[Cruisin]

How very sad.

I've never been through that situation before (thank goodness for that).

Probably all you can really do is be there to listen when she needs you.

 

[dmslush]

That is just so sad. I tell you, as dd gets closer to driving age, stuff like this really hits home!

I know there is nothing you can do or say that will make your dd feel better. The death of a friend, at such a young age, is a double wammy in my opinion. The kids are having to mourn a friend, but they are also having to face their own mortality. Teens feel that they are golden and will live forever. They don't see the dangers like we do. When one of them dies, it is difficult for them to comprehend and work through their emotions. Just keep reassuring her that it is okay that she didn't speak to him, it didn't cause his death, it didn't play a part in it at all. Let her know that she can say anything she wants to him now, he will always be with her now.

My thoughts will be with her!

 

[bobcat]

What a horrible tragedy. All I can say is to love her, offer her your support and get her professional help if her grief becomes too overwhelming. My prayers are with you and your families. My nephew was in a horrible accident this past fall and while he is paralyzed it is only by the grace of God that he survived.

 

[Miller1412]

and prayers for you, your daughter and the families of those two young men...

When I was in high school, a friend died in a drunk driving accident... It is so hard to come to grips with... Counselling is the best thing... And let her know you are there to listen to anything and everything she wants to talk about... God love her...

That's good advice. I had an old boyfriend that was killed in a car accident about 1 year after we had broken up. It was very sad and I can remember having some of the same thoughts as your DD....I should have been nicer...what if...but time does heal all wounds and I think I was more sad at losing someone I knew that was so young then I was sorry about the fact that we'd broken up.

Hopefully, she feel comfort soon and realize that her feelings right now are part of the shock and grief that she's feeling.

 

[Principessa]

My 16 year old daughter's ex boyfriend and his friend were killed in a car accident last night. The friend was driving too fast, lost control of the car and they hit a tree. I am just devastated, this boy was a great kid, Needless to say, my daughter is inconsolable as well.

Here is the problem. She ran into him at a pizza place a few days ago, and she didn't stop to speak to him. Now the guilt she feels is overwhelming. There is nothing I can say or do at this point to make her feel better. I have no idea of how to help her through this. I am really concerned about her.

If you have any spare prayers for the families of Scott and Jeff, I'm sure they would appreciate them

Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss.
My advice is just to let your daughter feel everything she is feeling. Don't tell her she shouldn't feel guilty or that everything will be alright - of course she shouldn't but she does feel that way and nothing is worse than feeling bad and having someone tell you you shouldn't. I don't know if I'm expressing myself very clearly...just let her talk about him, the accident, whatever she wants to talk about as much as she wants to talk. Let her go to the funeral. The whole process is important. I wish you lots of hugs from your family and friends and send prayers for you and the boys' families.

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

OMG of course prayers for everyone involved in this tragedy!!!

As a mom of 2 boys (12 and 13) and a middle school teacher, it is hard to know when to back off and when to wrap your arms around them and hold them tight.

Your daughter needs time to process her loss and realize that nothing she could have said or done (or not said or done) the last time she saw him would have changed the outcome. As much as we think we are powerful, we know that most things are out of our control. Love her, support her and let her grieve in her own way. Giving her too much time alone and too much space can sometimes lead to depression at her age, that is overwhelming. Offer comfort and let her know that you care. Don't push, don't smother, but don't leave her alone in her sorrow. Just show her you care.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Very sorry to hear that, Jill. My thoughts and prayers go out to her, their families and all thier friends. So sad.

 

[Serena]

Oh no. That's awful.

 

[Feralpeg]

That is so sad. I honestly believe that those that have passed can hear when we speak to them. Maybe having your DD talk to him now (or when she feels up to it) will help.

My DD lost to friends to a car accident last year. It is very hard. Just be there for her.

 

[nwdisgal]

I am so sorry for the families of those kids and for your daughter.

 

[MouseDogMom]

Prayers coming for all of you. Like Principessa said, let her talk, and talk, and talk. She's going to feel guilty, and nothing but time is going to change that. I feel so sorry for her and all of you. Good luck - just be there for her as long as she needs you.

My DD is 15, and I'm terrified of turning her loose in a car!

 

[raammartin]

to your DD. What a terrible thing to have to go through at her age.

 

[mommaU4]

That is terrible.
I think for teens when they hear about accidents happening due to reckless driving or driving too fast, they often don't think it will happen to them or anyone they know. And then if it does it's just devastating.
I am so sorry that she is having such a hard time and I agree that the best thing you can do for her is just be there when she needs to talk or cry. Good luck.

 

[Buckalew11]

Jill, my thoughts and prayers will be for Jeff and Scott's families and for you all, too. I can only imagine the guilt your DD is feeling about not speaking to him when she saw him. It was unfortunate timing and will probably make a huge impact on her future & seizing the moments and opportunities. God Bless her.

 

[Longsx3]

My 16 year old daughter's ex boyfriend and his friend were killed in a car accident last night. The friend was driving too fast, lost control of the car and they hit a tree. I am just devastated, this boy was a great kid, Needless to say, my daughter is inconsolable as well.

Here is the problem. She ran into him at a pizza place a few days ago, and she didn't stop to speak to him. Now the guilt she feels is overwhelming. There is nothing I can say or do at this point to make her feel better. I have no idea of how to help her through this. I am really concerned about her.

If you have any spare prayers for the families of Scott and Jeff, I'm sure they would appreciate them

My deepest sympathy to you and your daughter. Loosing a friend is very hard especially as a teenager.
We lost a classmate every year I was in High School, during Sept of my Senior Year I moved to Hawaii to live with my Brother, in November a classmate was kidnapped and murdered. Stephanie and I were not best friends but we were close, on my last day before I left for Hawaii I can remember her saying "please don't go" "stay" "It just won't be fun without you". Those words haunted me for a very long time. Living in Hawaii didn't work out in large part because of what was going on with Stephanie. By early December I was back home in Tampa just in time for Stephanie's memorial.

It may be hard but give your daughter time, space and understanding. Allow her to spend extra time with her friends if she wants, they can really make a difference.

 

[Kitty 34]

How sad. Many to your DD and to the families involved.

 

[MsDisney23]

Keeping everyone in my Prayer's, this is just so sad!