I'm all torn up about this...*UPDATED* pg. 3

[dis4harley]

nnm

 

[antbritt]

How sad that sometimes grownups think they have the right to make Children's lives more difficult because of thier own issues, problems, and selfishness.

I have no advice to offer only Prayers... Good Luck and HAng in there!! Your daughter is lucky to have such a great mom!!!

Mary

 

[bentley483]

I'm praying for you and your DD. As for your lawyer, well, let's just say I'm praying for her too! I don't think it is wrong to ask that your ex undergo drug testing before he is allowed visitation with your DD. As for the girlfriend, sending a child into the company of a known felon is just foolhardy! You might say that visitation needs to be supervised if she is going to be present.

Don't get discouraged. Keep on being the good parent that you sound like you are, but don't let anyone tell you not to ask the judge to do what is right. Maybe someone needs to remind that lawyer and the judge about the rash of deaths lately when children have been allowed back into unsafe homes. (I live in Georgia and they are prosecuting at least 3 that I know of here locally) When you get down, take a look at this thread and the list of Prayer Warriors you have at your disposal.

 

[nativetxn]

I can't offer advice, only {{{HUGS}}} and prayers that things turn out for the best for your daughter and for you.

Katholyn

 

[bizybea]

Thank you for the hugs and support. Tomorrow's the day. I'll post after and let you know how it all turned out.

 

[tiggersmom2]

to you, I hope everything turns out well.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Wow.

I rarely read through a whole thread but here I have. My god, I just can not belive that the courts are so dumb. Dumb. That is the best word I can come up with right now.

What sort of sick judge would think there is no problem sending a child to stay with a drug abusing father and his felon gf!?!? What sort of people are judges these days! It makes me sick. It makes me angry.

Your DD is 6 years old. She needs to be with loving family, and if that means cutting out coke using daddy, so be it. He is no longer "loving family".

I'm sorry, but once you commit a crime, IMO, you give up your rights. If you wanted your rights as a parent, you should have thought of that before doing coke. Drugs/Liquor is a CHOICE. He obviously could have chosen to be a good father. But instead he chose to become a druggie and shack up with some skanky woman who lost custody of her own daughter and was previously married to a convict. Wow.

And the courts are not even willing to TEST him for drugs!?!?

I'm furious right now. Really. I am so angry I am going outside to walk this off.

I truly hope the courts wise up and until then, my only advice to you is follow your instincts. Do not let her see him.

Your lawyer will fight for you. I hope she fights well. You'll be in my thoughts. Please keep us posted.

PS. I have a male friend who is going through a living hell right now trying to get his kids away from his psychotic ex. She frequently leaves them home alone (they are 10 and 6), forgets to take them to school, is on all kinds of drugs etc. This woman decided that to "get back at him" (as she once put it) for divorcing her, she'd accuse him of molestation and tell child services about it. Well, now, not only has my friend lost custody for now, but he is going to be in debt for the rest of his life because of the financial burden of the legal case against him. NOW I know no one but him knows for sure, but I'd be willing to give my life that he is innocent. This woman (his ex) made statements to the fact that she was going to do this and ruin him prior to doing so. Unfortunately, the judge will not allow that little fact to be brought up in court. Anyway, your exes GF sounds like this insane woman.

I'm just so mad. Grrrrrr.

 

[Microcell]

Do you have custody arranged? I would petition for full custody if you don't already have it. You may want to consult a different lawyer about your rights after the finalization of your divorce, since you don't have time before. At least it soulds like you have your former MIL on your side, right? Stay on good terms with her. She could be helpful. I hope this all works out, and maybe he will just do your DD a favor and drop out of her life altogether!

 

[Disney Doll]

Have you thought to consult with another lawyer??? The one you're using now doesn't sound to on the ball, if he/she has been told all that you are telling us here and he/she stil thinks that DH would be able to have visitation. I think that would be my first step.

I think my second step would be to go to DCF and speak to a supervisor, and keep going up the line until you spoke wit someone who could get this moving in your favor. If need be, threaten to go to the papers. DCF hates to have their name in the paper.

Don't sit back and let people tell you, against your better judgement and at the risk of your child, that you have no alternative.

 

[FroggyinArk]

not much advise, a knowing prayer or two though,,, definartely,, dw and dd's "father" divorced when dd was 1 yr old,, he was an abusive alchoholic and druggie, he had partial custody, visitation etc,, but,, he also refused to meet dw half way to exchange,, he was in s la we in s ar, we later found out he was taking dd and still staying stoned all weeked, so we asked for supervised visitation,, he refused that idea because he was scared to let the officer know where he would be,, we found out later he already had several warrents out for arrest, and the cops were just waiting to find him , after avoiding dw and the child support for 6 yrs,, we mansaged to get judge to issue adoption orders and now she is legally mine,, well taken care of and her "father" has lost any chance to ever enjoy the love of being daddy thats all mine now, ( even from her older half sisters, on his side,,lol)


a praayer for you and your dd, wishing you the happiness and warmth of a carin gmale tht can fill the vacancy, and areminder that most addicts tend to rtake the addiction over family and everything. and ussually get themselves taken out of your lives on thier own

God Bless ya

 

[4nana]

Continued prayers from MD. for a good out come tomorrow.
May your guardian angel be with you and DD every step of the way.

Godspeed ^i^
~ Sandie

 

[bizybea]

Hi. Let me answer some questions/comments first:
Microcell and Disney Doll~ No, I have not consulted another lawyer. The lawyer I have now is from another town, I couldn't find counsel at the time of filing for divorce that I could afford in town, and she is doing this for me at a "moderate means" fee. Oftentimes I have felt that she is not putting forth the effort to protect my DD or go into a custody trial, especially when she made the comment that I could not keep my DD from her father. I asked her if that was true even if the environment was not a good one for her to be in. That's when she told me about potential supervised visitation, but temporary. I have already paid her fees and cannot afford another lawyer. This is why I feel discouraged. Now for the update...
Today was the final court date. Well, my ex has agreed to drug testing and counseling (he already has a date set up ~ kind of scares me, like, he knows he's going to get around it ~ and he's still using). If he passes the drug assesment and the counselor agrees that he is competent to have my DD for visitation, his first visitation will be on June 18, 2004. In the meantime, he has no visitation with her.
I could not get visitation without his girlfriend in the house. However, I did specify that my DD could not be left alone with his girlfriend and/or her daughter for any amount of time over 2 hours. He tried to get around that by asking if she were to undergo drug testing and counseling if I would relent, but I would not. Too much has happened in the past and I would keep her away from her completely if I could.
So much more went on, however, these are the important things concerning my DD. Now I have to pray that the signs show his drug abuse and that action will follow to keep my DD safe. Thank you for your prayers.
Beatriz

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I really still think you should just follow your instinct as a mother and not let these people near your DD. If he wants her so badly, make him fight for her.

 

[browneyes]

 

[jrydberg]

First, a little background on me... I'm a dad with primary custody of my 5 year old daughter. Bottom line, I did whatever I had to do to get primary custody. I've been through some of this (though certainly not to the degree you have).

Anyway, as for the legal end of things, in my experience, your lawyer is not giving you bad advice. Unfortunately it's not what you'd like to hear. More and more, courts are hesitant to grant full custody.

That said, I wouldn't dismiss the idea. Just be realistic about expecations. Drug use certainly qualifies as a very bad environment for a child to grow up in. But judges *really* don't want to make a decision as to whether a parent is competent or not. You've got to make it a slam dunk case. Document everything and have it independently verified if possible.

My only other bit of advice is keep a positive attitude. It can be VERY easy to convince yourself that nothing will work out and end up depressed. That won't do you or your daughter any good. There are things that can be done, but it won't be quick or easy.

Best wishes for you and your daughter.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

How sad for your baby I would suggest you make sure he gets a hair follicle drug test. It's much more difficult to just 'quit for a couple of days' and have it not show up. So, please request that.

 

[Pooh93]

I am sorry you and dd are going through all of this garbage. {{HUGS}} and I hope it turns out okay. Hang in there.

 

[jeleebeene]

You and your dd are in my prayers - I am just heartsick for you!!

I agree with a previous poster - get a hair follicle test, not a urine or blood test. Drugs stay in the hair follicle - and I am betting that he doesn't know that.

When I have had drug testing for jobs, they have done it by hair - and those were when I was working with children.

Keep us updated!!