I'm a little miffed

[monkey68]

I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding some time ago. I spent a lot of money for the bachelorette party, bridal shower, the dress, the shoes, the hair and makeup, not to mention the wedding gift as well. I introduced her to her husband. They wouldn't have even met if it wasn't for me. She also got married around the time I was studying for a really important exam, which I spent months preparing for, and I had to adjust my schedule to make space for the wedding, and all the events that I was required to go to leading up to the wedding. I had to go with her to find bridesmaid dresses because I was the only one in her party of a normal size that could fit into the sample dresses. We of course had to go on 4 seperate days for oh... about 5 hours at a time. This was in the middle of my classes, so I was already busy, didn't have that much free time as it was. Needless to say, I feel like I gave a lot money wise and time wise for her wedding. Heck, she got married 2 days before my birthday, and I didn't say anything when she wished her coworker, who's birthday was in 4 days, an early happy birthday in her wedding toast but not to me, because I figured in the excitement of it all, she probably just wrote it down but skipped over the line or something.

Now since the wedding, I have called her several times, she has not called me once. Today, I get the "thank you" card in the mail. I believe etiquette says you should hand write the cards, but she had a huge wedding. I understand that you can't hand write to everyone at the wedding. I got a standard, pre-printed card, she didn't even write my name or sign it. Just a blank card with the standard message inside of it. No "Dear monkey", no "Love always". I would imagine that at least for the people that you chose to stand up next to you on your wedding day deserve a thank you that's a little more personal.

So honestly, I feel fairly miffed about it. I figure after all that time and money, not to mention introducing them the least I should get is a hand written note actually acknowledging that they got my gifts!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I totally understand your feeling miffed. I think I would too.

And I don't care how big a wedding is, if someone takes the time and money to give a gift, they deserve a hand written note. It can be 2 sentences but all preprinted is worthless in my book.

 

[Minnie*J*]

I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding some time ago. I spent a lot of money for the bachelorette party, bridal shower, the dress, the shoes, the hair and makeup, not to mention the wedding gift as well. I introduced her to her husband. They wouldn't have even met if it wasn't for me. She also got married around the time I was studying for a really important exam, which I spent months preparing for, and I had to adjust my schedule to make space for the wedding, and all the events that I was required to go to leading up to the wedding. I had to go with her to find bridesmaid dresses because I was the only one in her party of a normal size that could fit into the sample dresses. We of course had to go on 4 seperate days for oh... about 5 hours at a time. This was in the middle of my classes, so I was already busy, didn't have that much free time as it was. Needless to say, I feel like I gave a lot money wise and time wise for her wedding. Heck, she got married 2 days before my birthday, and I didn't say anything when she wished her coworker, who's birthday was in 4 days, an early happy birthday in her wedding toast but not to me, because I figured in the excitement of it all, she probably just wrote it down but skipped over the line or something.

Now since the wedding, I have called her several times, she has not called me once. Today, I get the "thank you" card in the mail. I believe etiquette says you should hand write the cards, but she had a huge wedding. I understand that you can't hand write to everyone at the wedding. I got a standard, pre-printed card, she didn't even write my name or sign it. Just a blank card with the standard message inside of it. No "Dear monkey", no "Love always". I would imagine that at least for the people that you chose to stand up next to you on your wedding day deserve a thank you that's a little more personal.

So honestly, I feel fairly miffed about it. I figure after all that time and money, not to mention introducing them the least I should get is a hand written note actually acknowledging that they got my gifts!

Sorry you are feeling bad about it. Honestly I would be too. Maybe your friend is just overwhelmed with a bunch of new things going on in her life and is not intentionally trying to hurt you. I had a similar thing happen years ago. I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding and after she got married I never heard from her again. She had moved right after the wedding. I received a thank you with no return address. Oh, well.

 

[C.Ann]

I agree..

And as far as the other comment - about weddings being "too large" for handwritten thank you notes? That's baloney.. Bride can do half, groom can do half..

 

[java]

I would be miffed too! Preprinted is not the way to go with a thankyou. imho. But hey at least they sent a thankyou - the last 2 weddings I went to I never got a thank you. (And I gave $$) They didn't send them out - the "thanks to all for coming" they said at the wedding was their thank you I guess? I missed the baby shower.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Ughhh..I would feel so frustrated as well! Like all the other PP, I agree that ALL thank-you cards should be handwritten-NO EXCUSES!

 

[Jennasis]

Awww...I'd be miffed too. Hugs.

 

[C.Ann]

the "thanks to all for coming" they said at the wedding was their thank you I guess? I missed the baby shower.

 

[Joyciemc]

Unless a very good reason is given sometime very soon, I would be quite upset by this. Everyone is busy after they get married, but you can still have friends and treat them well!

 

[cabanafrau]

Very stinky thing to do.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Well, now you know what kind of "friend" she is. Live and learn!

 

[monkey68]

Well, now you know what kind of "friend" she is. Live and learn!

That is definitely very true. I went to a friend's wedding a couple months before this one as a guest, and I received a really nice thank you note from that couple. And I know she didn't just write the same thing for me as she did for everyone else, because she thanked me for driving to the wedding (they got married in Boston, I live in NY), and she thanked me for helping her get her dress fitted (she ordered it online and I measured her). That was really nice, I actually thanked her for her thank you. And they are even busier than these people with the pre-printed cards, she is also a 3rd year med student and on clinical rotations, he works 12 hours a day. And yet they were able to hand write their notes.

I'm glad other people are also saying they would be annoyed, I was almost afraid that people would be saying I'm in the wrong for expecting a handwritten note.

 

[Pakey]

I have never heard of sending out pre-printed, generic thank you cards. I hope that this isn't becoming the norm. OP, I'd be miffed too.

 

[redlight]

I would be miffed too, but I don't think it reflects on how she feels about you as a friend, but rather that she doesn't know proper manners.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I have never heard of sending out pre-printed, generic thank you cards. I hope that this isn't becoming the norm. OP, I'd be miffed too.

I've never heard of this either.

Even if they had a "huge wedding", that was their choice. I think everyone deserves a genuine thank-you, whether you invite 20 guests or 200 guests.

 

[oybolshoi]

I'd be upset too - her behavior is totally rude. And pre-printed thank yous are tacky ... the size of a wedding has nothing to do with it.

As someone else already said, the person who spent time and thought and money to pick out a gift deserves a sincere, personal thank you. Wedding etiquette actually allows at least 6 months for bridal thanks you to be sent out, so being busy isn't an excuse. I used to write mine out during my lunch break at work and I think it still took me about 3 months to get them all done.

She sounds like a very ungrateful, self-centered person.

 

[focusondisney]

I have never heard of sending out pre-printed, generic thank you cards. I hope that this isn't becoming the norm. OP, I'd be miffed too.

Well, unfortunately, I'm afraid some people think it is. In the last 3 years, I've had a niece & a nephew (different families) send the preprinted photo cards as wedding thank yous. The kind you might send as a Christmas card. They did not even sign their names. At least the niece addressed the envelope. The nephew's new MIL addresed theirs. And unfortunately, she is foreign born & apparently not totally familiar with US mail, many of the envelopes didn't even have the recipients last names, just "Mary & Tom"

I also recently attended the wedding of one of my husband's co-workers. He is the son of the company's owner. BIG wedding, probably 400 plus people. We recieved a thank you with in 3-4 weeks. Preprinted message:" We'll always remember June XX. We're glad you were able to share this day with us." Not even" Thank you for your gift"! You'll always remember the day... I would hope so.... it WAS your wedding! The envelopes were also preprinted.

This is so tacky if you ask me. I'm happy to say that my DD was married this summer & she hand wrote all her shower & wedding thank yous. she wrote them & DSIL helped address them.

 

[Silent1CB]

I would be miffed also.
Never heard of pre-printed wedding thank yous. That's tacky.

Out of curiosity, she's never called you back or she's never been the one to initiate a phone call. Are you saying you have not spoken with her since the wedding? Ouch!

 

[wilma-bride]

I'm not surprised you're miffed, I think I would be too. Sounds like a one-way relationship to me and certainly a friend that you do not need. Let's hope she doesn't come asking you for anything in the near future

Try not to let it get you down though

 

[Scurvy]

Very tacky. I don't blame you for being unhappy. I have to say I'd remember this sort of behavior if a friend treated me this way and then I got another invitation (housewarming, baby shower, etc.) from them. If they can't be bothered to write an actual thank you note or to spend any time on the friendship, I wouldn't be devoting any more time to them or buying them any more gifts!