I'm 43 and My Parents Still Try to Micromanage Me!

[Christine]

It never ends!

My parents are good people, but a bit of control freaks--especially my mom (I guess I come by it naturally). After spending most of my life watching them get uptight about everything, I have learned to relax a *little* bit and try to catch myself when I do it.

In most ways, I've turned into quite a respectable adult and manage quite well.

So, I decide to go to Disney World over Easter and I'm tasked with doing all the planning because my parents aren't good at it and are overwhelmed. I book this vacation home, which made my mom extremely nervous. I keep her posted about all the contact I had with the management company during the booking process. There was one day where the company was supposed to send me an e-mail with confirmation. It didn't come that day. My mom calls me at 8:00 p.m. the evening it was supposed to arrive:

Mom: Well did you get the confirmation?
Me: No, it didn't come
Mom: Very LONG silence.
Me: I'm not worried about it. The agent is very nice but she seems busy, I'm sure she'll get it to me tomorrow.
Mom: Well, oooookaaaayyyy...
Me: Bye.

5 minutes later, phone rings:
Mom: I think you should get on the internet and check your credit card to see if they charged it.
Me: Relax, it will be fine.
Mom: Well, oooookaaaayyyy.

And she was so uptight.

Then today, my dad just called me at work.

Dad: Did you get the new Epi-Pens for DS??
Me: I don't need new Epi-Pens, why would you ask that?
Dad: Oh, I didn't know you had some.
Me: Why wouldn't I have some. My son does have an ACTIVE peanut allergy. Do you think I just have them when I feel like it?
Dad: Oh, well, I just thought I'd check.

And then I yelled at him and asked him why he was worrying about MY problems!

Parents!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

My parents are not like that at all! They let me handle almost everything I could on my own, even from a pretty young age. They didn't pester me about the classes I took, the activities I joined, or my friends in high school or college. They didn't interfere in my marriage or with child-rearing.

They live a long ways away from me, and while they want to know how I am doing, and hope that I am happy, they leave the day-to-day to me. They have enough to worry about in their own lives (new marriage, demanding career) to worry about me. They know they did a good job preparing me to leave the nest.

Denae

 

[rie'smom]

Christine,I identify with you! I'm 49.
My parents are the same way.
Me: Mom,we're flying to Orlando tomorrow.

Mom: Make sure you get to the airport on time so that you don't miss your plane.

Me: OK,mom.
__________________________________

Mom: Where were you? You didn't answer your phone. I was about to call the hospital.

Me: I forgot my cell phone at home.

Mom: You should have told me you wouldn't be home.
_________________________________________
This is all the time. Where's the crazy smilie?

 

[apirateslifeforme]

My mother is like this...I'm 32 and recently divorced. She wanted me to move back home. No thanks, I really enjoy living alone. But since I live 2 towns away from her and my job...

Mum: It's going to snow. You should pack a bag and come stay with me for the night so you don't have to drive so far.
Me: It's not that bad. I don't mind the drive; I've got a big, heavy car and I stay on the state roads.
Mum: Well, I'm just saying...you wouldn't have to go so far and I'm here in this big house all by myself...

Then when I do visit, when I leave, she cleans out the refrigerator because she still buys me food. As if I'm not capable of going to the grocery store on my own and deciding what I want to eat and paying for it myself.

I just figure, "once a parent, always a parent."

 

[Christine]

My parents are not like that at all! They let me handle almost everything I could on my own, even from a pretty young age. They didn't pester me about the classes I took, the activities I joined, or my friends in high school or college. They didn't interfere in my marriage or with child-rearing.


Denae

The funny thing is, growing up, my mom was fairly "hands off". Like you, they had very little to do with what I was taking in school, I planned the whole college thing on my, and they never interfered with my friendships.

My mom still works (and hard), she is 63, and could run circles around me, but she no longer has a lot of outside interests, many of her friends have moved away, and I think she has just gotten more uptight in her older age. When I try to be loose and carefree, it makes her nervous.

 

[Frantasmic]

Wow, I thought it was just me. I mean it's OBVIOUS from your posting style that you just can't hack it as an adult, with all those responsibilities and such. I'm glad your parents are realizing what a danger to the world an irresponsible person such as yourself is.

Tell them thanks from me for keeping you in check.

 

[Heidict]

My father is like this also. I'm a 37 year old mother and wife and still he wants to know everything.

How are we doing financially? Did we get the oil changed in the cars? Did I pay membership dues for camp yet this year? Make sure you get that noise checked out with the heater. Did Angel grease the tracks in the garage yet?

Constant!!!!! Ugh. I just try to let it go in one ear and out the other but it's gets on my nerves so much. A couple of times I have had to tell him to back off.

 

[Christine]

Constant!!!!! Ugh. I just try to let it go in one ear and out the other but it's gets on my nerves so much. A couple of times I have had to tell him to back off.

Me too. I usually just humor them and move along. But today, as I am at work they dumped a HUGE amount of stuff on me that is painful, and I'm getting calls like the Epi-Pen one!

 

[Pigeon]

My parents are the complete opposite. Once you moved out of their house, they stopped giving advice or asking to help. They love us, but in a from-another-galaxy sorta way.

 

[welovedisneyx4]

I am so glad to hear others my age have these problems as well!!!

DH and I get it from both sets of parents!!!

I love having them in our lives and helping w/ the kids and spending time w/ them, but sometimes...some of the things they come up w/!!

OP, I can relate to the Epi-pen problems as well. Since DS got diagnosed w/ diabetes in August last year, I get even more questions and advice w/ that!

I just sat listening to DMom last night for 5 minutes about how I need to talk to the nurse and guidence teacher at school b/c DS didn't behave at the PTA concert last night and how he doesn't always listen to us and won't do his homework, etc. I didn't bother to tell her I was already working on it, I will check w/ his teachers, etc., DH and I had a big talk w/ him about his behavior and gave him some punishment. (Nevermind the fact that he is a 6 year old boy!) Does she think I just am going to let him act like a little hellion and not do anything about it? She called me on the phone and pretty much went right into a tirade about what I needed to do. I even dropped the phone (by accident) and she never even knew, just kept right on talking. I finally had to say, "sorry mom, I've got to take the dog out now, was there anything you needed?"

I have tried talking and yelling, but nothing works. I just give up .

 

[Christine]

I am so glad to hear others my age have these problems as well!!!

DH and I get it from both sets of parents!!!

I love having them in our lives and helping w/ the kids and spending time w/ them, but sometimes...some of the things they come up w/!!

OP, I can relate to the Epi-pen problems as well. Since DS got diagnosed w/ diabetes in August last year, I get even more questions and advice w/ that!

I just sat listening to DMom last night for 5 minutes about how I need to talk to the nurse and guidence teacher at school b/c DS didn't behave at the PTA concert last night and how he doesn't always listen to us and won't do his homework, etc. I didn't bother to tell her I was already working on it, I will check w/ his teachers, etc., DH and I had a big talk w/ him about his behavior and gave him some punishment. (Nevermind the fact that he is a 6 year old boy!) Does she think I just am going to let him act like a little hellion and not do anything about it? She called me on the phone and pretty much went right into a tirade about what I needed to do. I even dropped the phone (by accident) and she never even knew, just kept right on talking. I finally had to say, "sorry mom, I've got to take the dog out now, was there anything you needed?"

I have tried talking and yelling, but nothing works. I just give up .

I feel your pain.

I'm glad to know that my parents aren't the only ones (and after reading this thread, they might be on the *mild* side).

In all seriousness, and I think I can speak for everyone who has commiserated with me. I *LOVE* my parents and am glad they are still around to bug me! I know there are many people that would give anything to have their parents around, so I sure hope I don't sound ungrateful. But some days, you know.....just sayin...

 

[welovedisneyx4]

In all seriousness, and I think I can speak for everyone who has commiserated with me. I *LOVE* my parents and am glad they are still around to bug me! I know there are many people that would give anything to have their parents around, so I sure hope I don't sound ungrateful. But some days, you know.....just sayin...

ITA!!

 

[shirleyb]

I think I can top this one. When we lived in Delaware (about 4 hrs from DH's parents) my FIL used to call us to remind us to put the garbage out because the next day was garbage day.

Um, ok, thanks, I never would have remembered.

 

[welovedisneyx4]

I think I can top this one. When we lived in Delaware (about 4 hrs from DH's parents) my FIL used to call us to remind us to put the garbage out because the next day was garbage day.

Um, ok, thanks, I never would have remembered.

Oh, that's a good one!!

FIL must be doing well if he remembers your trash day!

 

[willis37862]

My mother is like this...I'm 32 and recently divorced. She wanted me to move back home. No thanks, I really enjoy living alone. But since I live 2 towns away from her and my job...

Mum: It's going to snow. You should pack a bag and come stay with me for the night so you don't have to drive so far.
Me: It's not that bad. I don't mind the drive; I've got a big, heavy car and I stay on the state roads.
Mum: Well, I'm just saying...you wouldn't have to go so far and I'm here in this big house all by myself...

Then when I do visit, when I leave, she cleans out the refrigerator because she still buys me food. As if I'm not capable of going to the grocery store on my own and deciding what I want to eat and paying for it myself.

I just figure, "once a parent, always a parent."

My mom does the same thing ...but not just food , clothes and even bottles of soap and lotion and toothpaste that she thought I might like The thing is I have enough junk and I don't want to hurt her feelings but enough is enough sometimes.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Some of it I'm sure is just them continuing to be parents. My sisters get very irritated that our mom worries if there's any natural disaster that could somehow have included one of us. Our mom will call to see if my sister's house was damaged in a tropical story, we're doing ok after a big snowstorm, etc, etc. It doesn't bother me in the least when my mom calls to check on me and figure that she's just showing her concern.

My mom doesn't micro-manage our lives, though, which would drive me batty. I would have to put an end to constant questioning of me, my parenting, etc since that wouldn't go over too well with me.