If you've lost your mother, how old were you and how did you cope?

[Ember]

I think I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I feel far too young at 29 to be losing my mother.

 

[AnneR]

I lost my mother when I was 30. It was unexpected. I lost my father when I was 23. Losing my mother was harder and not just because it was unexpected. It felt like a lost my anchor. I think I cried every day as I drove to work for about 3 months. I remember picking up the phone to call her and then remembering she was not there.

Coping was really just taking it one day at a time, prayers and being okay with being sad when I needed to. My mother died in 1991 and I still have times when I miss her terribly.

 

[lvloopingbag]

I am sorry to hear of this. I was 33 and it stinks........Unfortunately, life has to go on, but you will never get completely over it. I still miss my mom terribly and it has been over 8 years now that she passed away....

 

[golfgal]

My mom passed away 3 weeks ago. She had been sick for a long time and we were not close. Mainly right now it is dealing with the mess of her estate-which isn't much at all-and dealing with her former employer to close out her pension, etc. and they have been nothing put impossible.

 

[MidgeD79]

I haven't lost my mother, but my daughter died at the age of 26 from a brain aneurysm and left behind a ds 3 and dd 10. We have coped by talking about their mom on a regular basis now, but it wasn't like that at first (she died 4/29/03). At first it was too painful, but now we talk about how she would like this singer or that movie. This summer at WDW I told the kids what rides she liked and what she didn't like. The ds lives with me and the dd lives with the paternal grandmother. On 9/23 she would have been 30 years old and I will take the kids to the cemetary to send off birthday balloons full of kisses. I want to make sure they never forget their mom.

 

[postage stamp]

My mom died about 6 months ago. It was, and is still hard. I still reach for the phone to call her. Every happy thing that happens is tainted by the fact that I can't share it with her.

I don't know "how" I'm coping other than I have to. I have two kids, a husband, and a disabled aunt who need me. Losing it isn't an option that I have right now.

 

[Meriweather]

I lost my mother when I was 30......she had been sick for 4 years, so it was peaceful and time for her.....but it was SOOO hard on me and my father. I am an only child and we were very close.
Lost my father 9 months later unexpectedly.
It was a bad year.
I still think of them often and miss talking to them. But there are the good memories too remember too.

 

[Feralpeg]

I lost my mother when I was 23. I lost my dad four years later. Mom was very unexpected. She died of an aneurysm. Dad had a bad heart an numerous heart attacks, so he was not as unexpected.

How did I cope? I did the only thing I could do. I carried on. At age 23, I found myself taking care of a house and four other people while working full time. My sister was there, but she wasn't interested in cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. So, I did it all for my two younger brothers and my dad. I had always been extremely close to my mom, so it was very hard. To this day, I miss her very much.

 

[Kim1964]

I lost my mother when I was 29 (Dad died when I was 22). It absolutely felt like I was too young for this to be happening. I hadn't had my kids yet so she never got the chance to be a grandmother, which was something she really wanted and I sometimes feel guilty that she never had that.

She died 15 years ago and I still miss her every day. That said, my life did go on. At the time it didn't feel like it possibly could, but time can work wonders. I just try to live in a way that would make both of my parents proud....I don't always succeed, but I try.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this, and my condolences to those of you who have experienced it.

 

[Rosered]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss.

I rarely ever post but this thread hits so close to home right now I felt I had to. I just last my dad last week, August 31. He lived in PR and I hadn't seen him in almost 3 years. His funeral was over there and tomorrow we will bury him here. It'll probably be the hardest day of my life so far. It may be irrational but I too feel like at 35 I'm too young to lose my dad although I know age has nothing to do with it and several of my friends have lost a parent when they were still little. My daughter is taking it very hard so I am trying to be strong for her and haven't really let all the emotions out yet. It does help me to comfort the kids in the family, it makes me feel like I'm doing something helpful. Talking about it helps too, my friends have been great, listening to me for hours. And I have a big family so we are trying our best to help each other through. And my DH has been incredible.

I know I will get through this and learn to live with the loss, OP you will too.

 

[DVC-Don]

I was 7. I don't really remember her at all. I'm 57 now.

 

[dumboiu]

I lost my dear Mum a little over a year ago. I am not sure what to say except that every day has had its hard times......wanting to talk to her, the disbelief she is gone, etc. I have probably shed tears each day and that will probably continue for a long time. She and I were extremely close. so it is not something one just gets over. I suspect things will never be the same. I miss her so much.

I also lost my Dad many years ago. I still think of him too. It is hard. Life goes by so quickly, it seems.

to you. May you find peace within yourself.

 

[Serena]

I was 30 or so and I didn't handle it well. Outwardly I coped but I would zone out for time periods and it scared me. I had two small girls and it was not a good situation.
I felt that I needed the world to sit still a minute to let me catch my breath. It didn't and I couldn't, for months. I was probably having anxiety attacks and considering we really weren't that close, it surprised me.
Anyway, life still goes on no matter what, just hold on and make a list of things you have to do each day. Try to plan for the future, having something to hold onto is important. And find someone you can talk to, to be honest with.
I didn't have that.

And I am sorry.

 

[mackeysmom]

I lost my mom two and a half years ago - I was 37. It happened very quickly - less than three months from an evening of "not feeling well" to a heart attack to a pancreatic cancer diagnosis to her passing.

I had no choice but to remain strong and carry on. Although I am the "baby" of three sisters, all of the responsibility was put on me. I had to take care of the funeral/burial planning, I had to take on the immediate financial issues, the estate issues, and am now living in and trying to sell her house.

Two and a half years later and I still find myself angry some days, frustrated on others, and most days trying to keep the peace between my two sisters who don't really get along.

My only "words of wisdom" to the OP - grieve and cope your own way. Don't worry about what others think. I'm not a crier - and I think my stoic demeanor at the time made other people uncomfortable. But you know what - I really didn't give a d**n.

to the OP and all PP's.

-- Laura

 

[mickeyboat]

DH lost his mom 7 years ago, when he was 32. She was like a mother to me.

The hardest parts were that I could not imagine my life without her, that she was the one who held the family together, that she was the one who arranged holidays, and that DDs would never know their grandmother.

I am sorry for what you are going through.

 

[DawnCt1]

I remember when I was 9 years old, my grandmother died. I was very sad but I remember praying please let me be an old adult when my mother dies so I will be old enough to cope with it. I learned that no one is ever old enough to gracefully cope with it. My mom died when I was 44. The first three months were a blur. I hardly remember any of it. I couldn't mention her name without crying. After a while I could talk about her for 5 minutes without crying, and then 10 and so on. You will always miss her and want her with you, but that stabbing, broken heart feeling gives way to nice memories. You will always have something you need to tell her, so do it. Pretend she is there listening. She probably is. The stress of losing her triggered psoriasis 6 months later. The dermatologist said that some people are predisposed to it and a severe trauma or stress can be a trigger. She wouldn't have been happy with that. She would have said, "Why did you let yourself get so upset". I try to think of that.

 

[Briarmom]

I lost my Grandmother 6 months ago today. I know she wasn't my Mom, but she was. My mom was a single mom, so she had to work full time +++ to take care of me. I went to Grandma's house every day from 8 am until after dinner time. When I started school, she picked me up every day until I was about 8-9, and then she would trade off with my aunt or I would ride the bus home alone.

I lived for the summers with her at the lake. Sitting in the cabin playing cards or baking. She helped teach me how to waterski.

She was 71 when she died. So very young.

I'd like to say that I'm coping with it well, but I think I'm just coping. I cry a lot (sobbing right now) and have dreams about her all the time. A lot of them are nightmares.

I'm angry a lot, because she was such a good person, and you don't see much of that anymore. I'm angry because my kids won't get as many years as they should have with her. Soon they'll grow out of all the pajamas she sewed them and will forget walking in her garden in the summers.

To the OP and to all who've posted, I'm sorry for your losses.

Sorry I rambled. This 6 month anniversary (today of all days) has really hit me.

 

[Lucky4me]

I'm so sorry.
I lost my Mom when I was 25. She was my best friend. She spent as much time with my kids as I did and was the best Grandma in the world. My kids were 5,4 and 1 when she died. She was much too young to go and I was angry for a long time. My children are what got me through. I threw myself into raising them and wanted to be as good a Mom to them as she was to me.
It was so hard at first, but every year that passed it became easier. Now when I think about her, 23 years later, I can smile and laugh and I'm so thankful for the time we did have together.

 

[Robinrs]

My beloved mother died 9/5/02. She was my closest confidante and my best friend. Her mother died at 91 so I expected her to be with me forever...

She was diagnosed with cancer in August of 2002 after just being constipated. She was gone 3 weeks later.

I was 46 and I was NOT ready to lose her. I don't think I would've at any age. She was so much a part of my life and my son had only had her for 10 years. He STILL misses her and cries about her at 16yo.

My Dad died 6 months later.

It was hard but I have no guilt, not non said words and no regrets. I lost my son in 1986 and spent the rest of my parents' lives making sure they were taken care of. I bought them their retirement home and they both died there... in a hospital bed in the living room, 6 months apart.

They had been married 60 years.

I miss them terribly but I have amazing memories. My biggest honor is to be the same kind of mother to my child that my Mom was to me. I don't try to reinvent the wheel. She was perfect.

I know the pain. My two best friends both lost their Moms at 16. They both took care of them before they died so, like myself, they took solace in knowing that the time they spent with them was fruitful.

Have faith in that. The number of years are nothing compared to the quality of the love. My sister had my Mom for 59 years but spent most her life alienated from her. She was destroyed when she died because she couldn't make up for lost time. THAT is the hardest part.

 

[clgwli]

I was a Junior in Highschool. I didn't deal well with it at all. I had my family to take care of and keep me going. My friends were key at making sure I stayed on track as well. I wasn't great but I survived it without any major damage done to me (I became a hard partier when not in school) It has been very hard to go through all the "big things" in life without her.

I feel for anyone who loses a mom at a younger age. It is never easy but it is hard to me knowing she never got to meet the ones I love most in my life now