If you're invited to a dinner party at 6pm...

[sunlver]

Just because you can't fathom not being 100% ready to host 10 minutes before an invitation, if the responses here are any indication, most hosts/hostesses are still doing last minute prep at that time.

Being early is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine and from the looks of it, most people think it rude.

It is my belief that people who consistently try to arrive earlier than 5 minutes before the stated start time are just looking to "catch" their hosts unprepared and to subtly embarrass them. Must be a inferiority complex in the early birds that they have to make their host or hostess uncomfortable in order to feel good about themselves. They can pat themselves on the back that they are so superior because they are "always" prepared before a party. Not anybody here of course, but in real life.

I don't get it the thinking that if you are invited at 6:00 that 5:45 is ok. If the host or hostess wanted you at their house at 5:45, they would have put 5:45 on the invite.

So then why is ok to arrive at 6:15 or 6:30 if invite states 6PM
So it is ok to be late, but not early
If hostess wanted people to arrive late then early, then why not put dinner invite for 6:15 or 6:30??

 

[crashbb]

I ask what time they actually want me to show up - and show up then.

 

[Angelhalo]

Just because you can't fathom not being 100% ready to host 10 minutes before an invitation, if the responses here are any indication, most hosts/hostesses are still doing last minute prep at that time.

Being early is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine and from the looks of it, most people think it rude.

It is my belief that people who consistently try to arrive earlier than 5 minutes before the stated start time are just looking to "catch" their hosts unprepared and to subtly embarrass them. Must be a inferiority complex in the early birds that they have to make their host or hostess uncomfortable in order to feel good about themselves. They can pat themselves on the back that they are so superior because they are "always" prepared before a party. Not anybody here of course, but in real life.

I don't get it the thinking that if you are invited at 6:00 that 5:45 is ok. If the host or hostess wanted you at their house at 5:45, they would have put 5:45 on the invite.

That is the silliest thing I have ever heard.

IF I ever get to a dinner party early its just so I can offer my help to the hostess. I have never arrived early to a single event where the hostess was irritated. I only show up early if the host or hostess is a very very good friend or relative, and they are always openly grateful to have the help. I never pat myself on the back nor do I hope to embarass them.

If the host or hostess is more of an aquaintance then I just try to arrive on time at 6:00 because my biggest pet peeve is when people are late and the food is getting cold. If I invite someone to a dinner party and I tell them that it is at 6, then that means the food is ready at 6:00. Strolling in at 6:30 ruins all the work that I did that afternoon creating a lovely meal, by letting it get cold, soggy, etc.

 

[turkeymama]

Just because you can't fathom not being 100% ready to host 10 minutes before an invitation, if the responses here are any indication, most hosts/hostesses are still doing last minute prep at that time.

Being early is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine and from the looks of it, most people think it rude.

It is my belief that people who consistently try to arrive earlier than 5 minutes before the stated start time are just looking to "catch" their hosts unprepared and to subtly embarrass them. Must be a inferiority complex in the early birds that they have to make their host or hostess uncomfortable in order to feel good about themselves. They can pat themselves on the back that they are so superior because they are "always" prepared before a party. Not anybody here of course, but in real life.

I don't get it the thinking that if you are invited at 6:00 that 5:45 is ok. If the host or hostess wanted you at their house at 5:45, they would have put 5:45 on the invite.

Wow, really? I usually show up a few minutes early because I would hate to show up late. It never occurred to me that someone would think I was trying to embarrass them or that I felt superior. Maybe I'm just not fancy enough to have the proper dinner parties, so I wouldn't understand. You are entitled to your opinion, though.

 

[pearlieq]

If it's a true dinner party (a limited number of people eating a somewhat formal meal together) 6:05.

If it's a bigger, more casual gathering like a potluck, anywhere between 6:05 and 6:15.

Any later than that is rude and earlier is unthinkable.

 

[TheGoofster]

It's funny. I'm reading this while waiting for our guests to arrive.
We are having a children's activity tonight (a movie night) and have invited about a dozen kids.
We asked everyone to get here at 6:00 so we could start and finish before it's too late. It is now 6:50 and the first of the kids finally arrived. Most likely the rest will get here in the next hour or so.

So, to answer your question from an apparent Mexican point of view, I would say that if you're invited to a party at 6:00 that if you can make it before 7:00 you are doing pretty good.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yep, this is pretty much how we hold our parties. Also, most people would show up 6:15-6:30 if the start time were 6pm. I have never had a person show up before the given time. I'm wondering if the time that people generally show up to a party varies by region in the country. In our area of California some people even show up an hour later and it's not considered rude or impolite not to call and notify the hostess.

The way I see it is if I'm hosting a party and someone shows up an hour late than they missed out on the first hour of food, fun and cocktails. I have never been annoyed by this one bit.

LOL - clear across the country, so maybe a high COL thing? I have never, ever had anyone show up early, and I would be mortified to do so. I had a bbq a few weeks ago at 3, the first people arrived at 3:30, the latest at 4:15 - didn't bat an eye! I can't imagine going to a dinner party, and being shown to my seat at the table. About an hour into our bbq, DH suggested throwing on the food, and everyone looked at him like he had two heads, so he just made burgers and dogs for the kids.

Our friends have an annual NYE party, with kids, and we show up exactly on time - it's our running joke (as we are the first ones there - we started doing it when our twins were born, and we had the youngest children, and would be the first to leave).

 

[pearlieq]

It is my belief that people who consistently try to arrive earlier than 5 minutes before the stated start time are just looking to "catch" their hosts unprepared and to subtly embarrass them. Must be a inferiority complex in the early birds that they have to make their host or hostess uncomfortable in order to feel good about themselves. They can pat themselves on the back that they are so superior because they are "always" prepared before a party. Not anybody here of course, but in real life.

That may be taking things a bit far. Or, at least, I've never experienced it our would imagine such motives from people I choose to spend time with.

In my experience, the people who show up early to parties fall into 3 camps:

1.) The people who come early to "help". You really have to know someone well to do this. My mom does this and it drives me nuts. I don't want help and I certainly don't want pressure to entertain someone while I'm running around popping the appetizers in the oven and lighting the candles.

When I entertain, I feel like I'm putting on a show for the enjoyment of my guests. Having someone show up early and attempt to interfere feels no different to me than an audience member tromping up before a play and nosing around backstage.

However, other people welcome it and see it as thoughtful. It just depends on the person. I think cultural and generational differences contribute to a lot of the confusion around this one.

2.) Perfectly punctual people. They abhor lateness and would rather be a little early than risk being tardy. I can usually live with them because they know it's unacceptable to show up early and can usually restrain themselves to 5 minutes ahead. By 5 minutes ahead I'm usually ready enough.

3.) Socially awkward people. These are usually people who don't naturally "fit in" and maybe don't socialize a lot outside of their immediate family. They don't automatically feel at ease at a party. In this case, I think them showing up early usually indicates gratitude for having been included and an eagerness to do everything "right". I never get annoyed at these types--I think it's really sweet of them to care so much.

 

[Becky2005]

If the host or hostess is more of an aquaintance then I just try to arrive on time at 6:00 because my biggest pet peeve is when people are late and the food is getting cold. If I invite someone to a dinner party and I tell them that it is at 6, then that means the food is ready at 6:00. Strolling in at 6:30 ruins all the work that I did that afternoon creating a lovely meal, by letting it get cold, soggy, etc.

That's what I was thinking. I couldn't imagine strolling in at 6:30 for a 6:00 party unless I told them ahead of time & I would expect them to not wait for me, to go ahead and start at the time they planned to.

I'm wondering if it is regional? If the party is in the winter, you have to account for getting out of winter coats, etc... If I'm cooking, I'm planning on putting the meal out within 5 - 10 minutes after the time I told you to arrive.

Otherwise, for those of you that put the meal out an hour later, aren't you in the kitchen that hour finishing up the meal while your guests are there?

 

[redlight]

Between 6 and 6:15, though possibly as late as 6:30 depending on who the friend is.

 

[MoonFaerie]

Just because you can't fathom not being 100% ready to host 10 minutes before an invitation, if the responses here are any indication, most hosts/hostesses are still doing last minute prep at that time.

Being early is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine and from the looks of it, most people think it rude.

It is my belief that people who consistently try to arrive earlier than 5 minutes before the stated start time are just looking to "catch" their hosts unprepared and to subtly embarrass them. Must be a inferiority complex in the early birds that they have to make their host or hostess uncomfortable in order to feel good about themselves. They can pat themselves on the back that they are so superior because they are "always" prepared before a party. Not anybody here of course, but in real life.

I don't get it the thinking that if you are invited at 6:00 that 5:45 is ok. If the host or hostess wanted you at their house at 5:45, they would have put 5:45 on the invite.

I didn't say not being 100% ready, but I think not being DRESSED 10 mins before your event time is being exceptionally unprepared. Clearly YMMV.

And your belief? lol is all I have to say. I'm not trying to catch anyone unprepared. Seriously, I don't give a darn if the food's ready or the host(ess) is still vacuuming or whatever. All my years of school, esp the many of marching band, and now my career as a wedding photographer has very much instilled in me the "if you're on time, you're late" thing. Seeing wedding guests walking in AT THE SAME TIME as the bride - OMG, total unacceptable rudeness, IMO.

Also, you seem to conveniently ignored the part where I said it depended on the who/what/where. My preference is to be 10ish mins early, simply because I feel tardiness is disrespectful. If it's an event that doesn't have a rigid time line or the venue isn't open any early at all or the host(ess) isn't the on time = late type, then yeah, I'll show up later.


I am wondering though, how do you people time your arrival exactly? The same 15 mile drive to my in-laws can take anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hours, depending on tourist traffic, which is only moderately predictable. Do you circle the block or drive slower or something?

 

[piglet too]

Well, I would first try to find out what time dinner was planned to be served. (If I invite someone over for dinner at 6pm, that means I plan on serving dinner within the half hour.) If it is a social event and the invite states 6pm, we would get there as close to 6pm as possible, with 5 minutes give or take time.

As for saying that it is rude to be a bit early, I think it is rude to not be ready for those guests who might be 15 minutes early. I always budget my time to have the house ready, and be showered and dressed, no later than 30 minutes before the event.

 

[Disney Doll]

6-610pm.
Unless DH is with me...then we will arrive at least 15 minutes late. He will be late to his own funeral. It is probably his most annoying trait.

 

[metime]

I tend to arrive early but not on purpose mostly because I call a half hour before and say "just letting you know we'll be there soon. Do you need me to pick anythign up on the way? I know I always need something last minute."

99% of the time they say they need one thing or another from the grocery store and they are so glad I asked, especially if it is a large dinner party. When I get there I also ask if I can help in any way because I know what it is like to scramble around last minute.


I tend to get there early if I am picking something up becuase they need it before the meal time. Also most occasions I know the host well and they would not be flustered or caught off gaurd by me being there.

 

[TiggerTails57]

I tend to arrive early......

99% of the time they say they need one thing or another from the grocery store.

Sure they are not stalling you?

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Depends...I'm 25, my friend and I don't really do "dinner parties," more "bring some food and come hang out" parties...and for those I'd show up 15-30 min. after the start. However, if I knew someone was serving dinner at a certain time, I would try to show up then.

I would NEVER show up early, though! We have close friends who do this, and it drives me crazy!!! I'm sure they would be happy to help us with last minute things, but if they come 15 minutes early I just want to be alone to finish getting things ready for everyone else. Having them around is just awkward and not helpful at all.

 

[ksjayhawks]

5:55 to 6:05

 

[NHdisneylover]

So then why is ok to arrive at 6:15 or 6:30 if invite states 6PM
So it is ok to be late, but not early
If hostess wanted people to arrive late then early, then why not put dinner invite for 6:15 or 6:30??

It's not. If the invite for a dinner party (not casual potluck with food out all night, etc.) says 6:00 you should arrive as close to 6:00 as possible. I would say up to 5 minutes early is okay becuase everyone's clocks can vary a bit. However if you realize you are earlier than that then please sit in your car, walk around the block or something. More than 5-10 minutes late (realizing that it can be very hard to truly judge traffic or parking at times) is rude also. Funny, most people can judge how to arrive at work or school every day at pretty much exactly when they are supposed to (neither early nor late), how is it so different to do so for an evening event

I am wondering though, how do you people time your arrival exactly? The same 15 mile drive to my in-laws can take anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hours, depending on tourist traffic, which is only moderately predictable. Do you circle the block or drive slower or something?

Circle the block, go for a brief walk. Sit in the car and read. Check out a local shop. . . If I am unfamiliar with the rea I may build myself a LOT of time to get there to be certain I will not be late. Sometimes I have a half hour or so to kill once I know exactly where the party is. I then go somewhere near by (not sitting parked in front of the hosue for more than 5 minutes either--also rude) and park (if I am in the car) and read, or go in a shop, or get a cup of coffee at the bakery ,etc. I do not expect the hosts to entertain me becuase I was not sure of how long it would take me to get to their place. Living where we do now, I will often take public transit places (and my guests often do as well). In that case, I do say in the invite to pelase come "as close to 6:00, on either side, as the tram lines allow" but I will still plan on getting their on the early side when I go places and then walking around or something until the appropriate time before I arrive unless I am told otehrwise.

 

[Crystal0608]

I give more bday/kids parties than dinner parties, but if I put 6pm, between 5:45-6:15 would be perfect. Any later than that and I think its rude since tardiness is a huge pet peeve of mine. At most parties I have or have been to and everyone is usually 15 min early or late. I have a set of relatives who are always 1 hr late, if the party is 1 1/2-2 hrs they missed most of it, including food. I don't get being late.

 

[wdwfan16]

Well, I would first try to find out what time dinner was planned to be served. (If I invite someone over for dinner at 6pm, that means I plan on serving dinner within the half hour.) If it is a social event and the invite states 6pm, we would get there as close to 6pm as possible, with 5 minutes give or take time.

As for saying that it is rude to be a bit early, I think it is rude to not be ready for those guests who might be 15 minutes early. I always budget my time to have the house ready, and be showered and dressed, no later than 30 minutes before the event.

ITA

I may need to put something into the oven at the last minute, but the house and the people should be ready.