If you're going on a trip and invite others should they help with gas?

[lecach]

We're going to the mountains this weekend - about a 3 hour drive. DH, DS and I are going regardless. We invited SIL and BIL to go along. DH suggested they help with gas since the prices have gone up so much. SIL said that she didn't think they should have to help since we're going anyway. Besides the fact that they make quadruple what we do (which I probably shouldn't even mention), what is fair? We're not going to start a war over this. Just wondering. Other than the added weight of 2 additional people and luggage which makes a slight difference in gas usage, nothing else really changes.

Any advice?

 

[Jennifer S]

I always offer when not driving and so far the drivers have always taken it. Factor in tolls too. Not sure I would ask but the decent thing for them would be to offer. You know you could always tell them to drive themselves. I forgot how much luggage we have

 

[Jillpie]

I don't know, who's paying for lodging, and food? Are you sharing that cost? I say if they are decent people, they'll get out when you get to the gas station and hand over a 20.00. Thats the right thing to do, otherwise they're free loading. Doesn't matter that you invited them, its the right thing to do.

 

[Cantw8]

I think its kind of rude of them to not offer

 

[luvmy3]

If I invited someone to go on a trip with me, especially one that I was already going on, I would not ask them to help with the gas. If it was a trip you all set up, and made the reservations together, maybe I would discuss what everyone would be responsible for, cost wise. But if it was something I planned myself then no I would not ask or expect them to contribute to the gas money.

 

[Barbossa]

SIL said that she didn't think they should have to help since we're going anyway.

Wow, that's pretty nervy of your SIL. If my SIL said that to me, I'd make her provide her own transportation "since we're going anyway".

That said, I think it depends on your family situation. If they were family members who are always helpful and generous, then I wouldn't accept any contribution towards gas. My in-laws, for example, do so much for us that I wouldn't think of asking them to reimburse me for anything. Some of my other family members, on the other hand, are well known tightwads, they don't ride for free. Given what your SIL said, I'd make her walk.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I invited them, no. I think it is rude to ask. If it was planned together then you set expenses as you plan.

A 3hr trip? I wouldn't even bat an eye.

 

[pooh6890]

If you are going anyway, no I wouldn't ask. Besides, you asked them to go along and they didn't invite themselves. But, I think it's pretty rude of your SIL to have that kind of attitude. I always have to be careful who I vacation with, especially in my family. When I visit my sister in NC, I always pay for all the groceries when I am there. When they come to visit me in FL, I end up paying for all the groceries here too. So, I am very careful when planning. Another thing, I am taking my 72 year old friend to DW for the first time in November. I am staying at the BC. Now, should I expect her to pay 1/2 the room or just pay for it myself. We will be sharing the room, but I would be staying there anyway by myself........what would you all do?

 

[lecach]

OP here.

The discussion came up when SIL asked DH if we were still going due to the gas prices. We've planned this trip for months but SIL just committed to going last night. They are paying their own room and food and such. But asked DH to make the reservations.

When DH told me what she said about gas and that they weren't sure if they wanted/could have BIL take a half day off - I said "well, let them drive themselves".

They are a bit odd about money. Once they offered to keep DS for the weekend when he was an infant. Then asked for money for expenses. DH asked them exactly what expenses an infant who was on baby food that we provided would incur. They dropped the issue.

We would never dream of not offering them gas money if we were traveling with them. But that's just us.

 

[froglady]

If I invited someone to go on a trip with me, especially one that I was already going on, I would not ask them to help with the gas. If it was a trip you all set up, and made the reservations together, maybe I would discuss what everyone would be responsible for, cost wise. But if it was something I planned myself then no I would not ask or expect them to contribute to the gas money.

ITA If I invite someone to go somewhere with me, be it to dinner or on a trip, I expect to pay their way. (ie, souvenirs, extra snacks, etc) I would decline the offer of gas, but would accept them treating me to dinner or something similar.

Of course, I wouldn't invite someone to go on a long trip, or one that involves flying, but expecting them to pay for a 3 hour trip?
Even if you only get 10MPG, their share RT would be less than $40, and I doubt that it would cost you that much extra in gas to carry them, so more likely the extra weight would add another $10 - $15 RT. Is it really that big of an issue?

Now, if they expected you to also pay for food, etc once you arrive I would consider that rude.

 

[eliza61]

If I invited someone to go on a trip with me, especially one that I was already going on, I would not ask them to help with the gas. If it was a trip you all set up, and made the reservations together, maybe I would discuss what everyone would be responsible for, cost wise. But if it was something I planned myself then no I would not ask or expect them to contribute to the gas money.

That's me.
Op, IMO If you invite some one on a trip and did not tell them to help with the gas before hand or make it understood that this is what you expect than they do not have to help. Sure it would be nice but I would not feel obligated. I'm that way on dates or home events. If I invite you out than unless I say otherwise I pick up the tab.

 

[NMAmy]

If I invited them, no. I think it is rude to ask. If it was planned together then you set expenses as you plan.

A 3hr trip? I wouldn't even bat an eye.

Same here. If I invite someone to go somewhere with me, I pay for the expenses and wouldn't dream of asking someone else to pay.

If someone who invited me along asked for gas money, I'd be mentally rolling my eyes but I wouldn't refuse. I would think twice before going somewhere with them again or perhaps come up with some reason not to come along. My thinking is that if they're going to want reimbursement for money for a trip they are making whether I'm there or not, maybe they're just inviting me along to subsidize the trip. Doesn't make me feel very wanted, KWIM?

 

[SC Minnie]

If we invited people on a trip by car I wouldn't expect them to pay for gas but I wouldn't be surprised if they offered or insisted. If they didn't offer on gas I could very well see them picking up the check at dinner or something like that. That is what we would do anyway.

 

[Barbossa]

They are a bit odd about money. Once they offered to keep DS for the weekend when he was an infant. Then asked for money for expenses.

They're probably so well off because they're so tight. I know a lot of folks like that.

 

[okeydokey]

I guess it would depend on how the offer was worded. It I said Why don't you come in our car, I wouldn't ask for gas $. If I said, We can ride together and share expenses, that's different. If it were me, however, and we were catching a ride with someone else, I would certainly give them gas money, or pay for dinner or something to reciprocate. The fact that they have refused is a bit much.

 

[tzolkin]

Well, I would never ask someone if I invited them. You're not really incuring any extra cost by driving them, but it is rude of them to not offer to contribute. I've never been far with someone else driving so I don't have much experience. I don't usually offer money explicitly for gas, but I always compensate in some way if someone else is doing the driving. For example, DD and I went to a theme park with a friend about an hour from her house, she drove but I paid for the parking. When I go out with my mom or sisters and one of them drives I will offer to buy lunch. They will often do the same if I drive, although I don't expect that they should. Now, if I was going on a cross-country road trip with some one I would expect that I should pay for half the gas.

 

[luvmy3]

OP here.

The discussion came up when SIL asked DH if we were still going due to the gas prices. We've planned this trip for months but SIL just committed to going last night. They are paying their own room and food and such. But asked DH to make the reservations.

OP, considering you offered to drive them I don't think you should ask them for gas money. Thats not to say that I don't think they should offer at least something to help pay for it though.

 

[Allison]

If I invited someone to go on a trip with me, especially one that I was already going on, I would not ask them to help with the gas. If it was a trip you all set up, and made the reservations together, maybe I would discuss what everyone would be responsible for, cost wise. But if it was something I planned myself then no I would not ask or expect them to contribute to the gas money.

I agree.

 

[golfgal]

OP here.



We would never dream of not offering them gas money if we were traveling with them. But that's just us.

Exactly, you would OFFER them money but ASKING for money is rude. If I took a long trip with someone I would most certainly offer to help pay for gas however if someone were riding with me I would NEVER ask for gas money and depending on their financial situation if they offered I would either reject or accept their offer.

We went on a 9 hour trip last fall and a friend and her son rode with us. We rented a van because we were thinking about buying one like it and wanted to see how it drove, etc. We refused money to help pay for that but she offered to pay for every other fill up and we did that.

 

[lecach]

Actually the conversations went like this:

Months ago:

"we are planning our annual mountain trip, let us know if you want to go along this time". It was a very casual conversation and offer.

Then yesterday:

SIL "so are you guys still going since gas is so high?" DH "yes we're still going, if you guys ride with us maybe you could help with gas". Very casual, and only mentioned when SIL brought up the cost of gas.

DH's family is very much into "paying your share". Every meal at SIL's or MIL's everyone is presented with what their share is. For example at Thanksgiving they'll say "okay, your share is $24.21". Down to the penny. So I guess that's why DH felt comfortable mentioning it. We're not going to insist, it was just a casual thing.