If your kids go to a private school, or other school of choice, what do you sacrifice

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Other than money, what are some of the sacrifices you've made, or would consider making to put your kid in the school you think is right for them?

I'm trying to figure out where DS will go to middle school next year. We're planning on moving, and where we move will play a role in where he goes, or maybe vice versa.

There are several private schools, but the logistics of transporting him there would me that either 1) We'd have to live in a neighborhood I'd rather not live in because the commute would be long, and we'd have to step down from a little house to a little apartment, 2) He'd have to be at school really long hours (because he couldn't ride the school bus home, and it would take me a long time to go get him) or 3) both of the above.

I really think the private school would serve him best. Not in a "he has special needs and needs a certain environment" way, but because I believe that the middle school years can be rocky and small class sizes, small school size, and integrated arts/sports/activities are really good things to have at this age. But the public school he'd go to otherwise has a decent reputation.

I'm not talking about money, because we're applying for financial aid. So, until I find out about that I can't judge what level of sacrifice that would entail.

So, tell me what you've done, and what sacrifices you think are reasonable.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Other than money, what are some of the sacrifices you've made, or would consider making to put your kid in the school you think is right for them?

I'm trying to figure out where DS will go to middle school next year. We're planning on moving, and where we move will play a role in where he goes, or maybe vice versa.

There are several private schools, but the logistics of transporting him there would me that either 1) We'd have to live in a neighborhood I'd rather not live in because the commute would be long, and we'd have to step down from a little house to a little apartment, 2) He'd have to be at school really long hours (because he couldn't ride the school bus home, and it would take me a long time to go get him) or 3) both of the above.

I really think the private school would serve him best. Not in a "he has special needs and needs a certain environment" way, but because I believe that the middle school years can be rocky and small class sizes, small school size, and integrated arts/sports/activities are really good things to have at this age. But the public school he'd go to otherwise has a decent reputation.

I'm not talking about money, because we're applying for financial aid. So, until I find out about that I can't judge what level of sacrifice that would entail.

So, tell me what you've done, and what sacrifices you think are reasonable.

My kids go to a charter school. I have to drive them every day as the local district does not provide busing.

We had to give up surround sound on DDs 504 plan as she is hard of hearing and the local district would not provide it. The charter school would have to purchase the unit at a cost of over $5000 and really could not do that. They make other concessions to help her as much as possible and it has worked well so far.

The school day is also much longer. They are in school from 9:00 am to 4:30 pm. It makes it much harder to schedule extracurricular classes as they do not get home until 7:00 pm most nights because of the extended day but we make it work.

But, in exchange they are getting a great education. Whereas the test scores in the city district start to drop after 5th grade this school with small classes, extra support and a commitment to each child has seen their scores continually rise - even after 5th grade. They are now looking to open a high school and be a K-12 school. We are keeping our fingers crossed.

Hope this helps some.

 

[clarabelle]

My kids go to an expensive (for this area) prep school.
I have made decisions that I have regretted -but this is not one of them.
They really love the school- most of their classes have 12-15 kids.
The atmosphere really suits us -we are kind of a nerdy/ academic type family.

Aside from the financial sacrifice we have not really had to do much.

There are other things my kids have had to give up -the chance to be in marching band, take home economics.. be in certain clubs and organizations that are not available in the small school.

No school bus -expensive lunches- having to buy books.
There are lots of good reasons to say no to private school.

But for us -the gains were worth it. They have very personal relationships with the staff. They never get lost in the crowd. They are pushed and challenged in way that has really developed them.

I think you are going about it the right way. They key is to PLAN for it. If I had known ahead of time that I was going to do private school I would have bought a smaller house! Make sure the commute is something you can live with.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[golfgal]

Don't automatically assume that middle school will be better in a private school mainly because EVERYONE will know if he does something stupid. If he doesn't fit in with the crowd, there is no other crowd to go to. We have done both private and public schools and there are pros and cons to both. We are lucky to live in an area were academically the public schools are as good as, if not better than, most of the private schools. We don't have expensive bus fees or expensive lunch fees or have to buy books in the public schools or private schools (the private schools get bused with the public schools so that is nice).

As far as sacrifices-we didn't have to make any. The private school our kids were in was very affordable and had a good relationship with the public schools so the kids were able to participate in all of the activities offered at the public schools.

We have since moved from the town where our kids were in private schools and now they are in the public schools because they are better schools. They have the same arrangements for activities, etc. but our new school district is one of the top in the country so why spend the money for the private schools??

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Something that I would think about in your situation is that it seems as though the education would be the same. You would just have smaller classes. I would really be concerned about your overall quality of life. Sure education is paramount but not if you are sacrificing everything else. A small apartment - although completely fine- compared to your own home, long hours for him at school- which will effect him regardless of how great the school is- and a longer commute. I personally would rather that our whole live quality was great rather than one aspect of it. YMMV.

 

[snookiedoodles]

A new car.........

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

OP - I know you said other than money but with private school comes a boat load of unexpected costs from books to sports, to extra clothes, uniforms, busing, driving, etc...

We gave up almost everything. DH and I hardly go out, we eat in 99% of the time, our only social activity involves a school function, we haven't had a new car since DD started kindergarten, didn't have a true vacation for 10 years, I haven't had a Christmas or birthday gift, etc...

Would I change it, NO, never, not in a million years. But your sacrafices will be based on money. Financial aid one year may be high, then lowered the next year. And by now you and your child "love" the school, so you have to re-budget once again.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We had considered private school and from a budget standpoint, our kids wouldn't be able to do much in the way of extra-curriculars.

For you, you wanted to know what besides money--given the time your son will be at school, he may not be able to extras aside from what the school offers. So perhaps when considering the school, investigate on whether they have after school activities that he would enjoy.

Another thing, the school we would have chosen has mandatory volunteer time (for parents!), you have to buy a ticket to this fundraising event or do that adds to your costs as well as to your time.

We opted against it b/c overal it was not the best choice for my family. I love my kids, do lots for them--but I can't sacrifice EVERYTHING for one thing if there is another option.

Just some other options to consider that may influence on where you will be able to live in relation to where you plan on sending him to school.

 

[abdmom]

I went through a similar decision process over the past 3 years. For 6th and 7th grades for ds and 4th and 5th for dd, they went to a private school. They got great educations. The commute was a killer though. School started at 8 am and finished at 3 p.m. We had to be out of the house at 7 a.m. and got back, at the earliest at 4 p.m. Some days, it was 6:30 pm. This did not give ds much time to do homework. He couldn't settle in until about 10:30 pm so, he didn't end up getting enough sleep.

The school was great, caring environment, high expectations, small class sizes. Unfortunately, ds couldn't meet the high expectations because of the time crunch and the lack of downtime.

Due to the economy, we moved over this summer. To a different country, somewhere north of the U.S. We now live half a block from the local public school. DS rolls out of bed at 8:15, actually eats breakfast and makes his way to school for a 8:40 start. He comes home for lunch for over an hour and then goes back. He gets home at 3:32. He has plenty of time to chill and do homework. He is not nearly so stressed. He gets plenty of sleep.

I'm a big proponent of private schools, having taught in them for several years. However, it has to work with the rest of your and your child's lives. Make sure that any sacrifices that you have to make will be worth it.

 

[JerseyJanice]

You've gotten some good info in this thread.

I just want to add that in private school where my son went, parents were required to do some volunteer work to help keep tuition down. One such requirement, for example, was each family had to serve as lunchroom monitor two times during each school year. That saved the school the costs of paying a second lunchroom aid.

There are books to buy, and there will probably be fundraisers that you'll have to participate in, but I did find the uniforms to be a cost savings overall. There's an initial investment, but I found clothes on the whole cost less since I didn't need to buy them for school, and his regular clothing didn't wear out as quickly since he wasn't wearing them all day.

Good luck in your decision.

 

[mnrose]

We moved back to Minnesota from CA because we wanted our children educated in the public school system, and CA just doesn't have a very good one in most areas. We moved when our children were in kindergarten, and selected a school district we thought was reasonably decent, only to discover that both our children are "highly gifted" and in need of an education beyond what our local district could offer . We learned of a fabulous public school alternative learning center about 40 miles from our home, and after much consideration, decided that it was the perfect place for our children (for example, my son is 9 and is already earning high school credits in math...without having to take classes with high school students). We applied (even though it's public, you still must go through an application process and qualify for the school), and they were both accepted.

Rather than drive 80 miles round trip, two times a day, we bought a second home near the new school. Our story is not unique among the students at this school. Only a small handful reside within the district boundaries, and the vast majority of parents drive some distance to have their children in the program. We even have a couple of students from neighboring states (South Dakota and Wisconsin), and one student whose family moved from Hong Kong (9000 miles!!!) to be in the program.

To us, it has been worth it. Your children only get one chance to get a good education. I wouldn't put myself in the poor house in order to educate my children, but I definitely believe it's worth sacrificing eating out, and more expensive vacations (which is what our second home means to us) in order to make sure they have every opportunity possible to get a great education.

 

[BellvilleDad]

OP - I know you said other than money but with private school comes a boat load of unexpected costs from books to sports, to extra clothes, uniforms, busing, driving, etc...

We gave up almost everything. DH and I hardly go out, we eat in 99% of the time, our only social activity involves a school function, we haven't had a new car since DD started kindergarten, didn't have a true vacation for 10 years, I haven't had a Christmas or birthday gift, etc...

This. We send our kids to a Christian academy. Luckily, we live two blocks away, and I work two miles away, so bussing isn't an issue. But money is the only difficulty for us. We live in an older house that's really too small for us, and we don't get to go to Disney as often as I'd like, but it's worth it to us.

 

[Green Tea]

If the school is not in your town, you give up the opportunity for the encounters with friends outside of school-at least fairly effortless encounters. My child attends a school in a different city. We made the commitment that we would drive on weekends or after school so the outside the school day things could happen. But it is tough. Athletic activities are a long drive even for home games.

 

[castleview]

Something that I would think about in your situation is that it seems as though the education would be the same. You would just have smaller classes. I would really be concerned about your overall quality of life. Sure education is paramount but not if you are sacrificing everything else. A small apartment - although completely fine- compared to your own home, long hours for him at school- which will effect him regardless of how great the school is- and a longer commute. I personally would rather that our whole live quality was great rather than one aspect of it. YMMV.

That's definitely something to consider. I know a few people who were able to put their children in public school systems that they worked in. I live in an area of CT where the public schools are good, but the schools 30 minutes closer to New York City are EXCEPTIONAL. While the education was superior, it didn't necessarily work out because the kids were exhausted from the commute and had no social interaction outside of school both in the towns they lived in and went to school in.

 

[minniebeth]

Well, even if you say money is not an issue, it somehow always seems to come back to finances somehow. Financial assistance is never guaranteed and once you start a child in a school, it is very hard to pull them out because of finances if they are having a good experience.
Most all private schools ask for financial support/donations etc. etc. etc. everytime you turn around. Donations for this that and everything. Even if tuition is not an issue, be prepared to be nickeled and dimed every which way. Not only to support the schools, sports and extra-curricular activites but for many of the service projects the school takes on and supports.

So finacially, we sacrifice a lot.

Sacrifices in other ways: DS goes to a private HS about 22/23 miles away that is in a downtown area of a city. We are fortunate he gets a bus, but we have to drive him 3 miles to the bus each way. When he stays for sports or after school for academic help, we need to pick him up through a lot of traffic and a heavily travelled highway. Many high schoolers can drive themselves to school but since we are not comfortable with this situation, that will not be likely for DS.
It is not easy to take him out for dr./dentist/orthodontist appointments during the day, he just misses too much class time and it is just too far to pick him up. We try to schedule appointments on days off, but that's not always easy.
Same situation with volunteering at the school...
As far as friends go, there are kids that come to the school from all over our area, so it is not easy for them to get together socially outside of school.
These are some of the obstacles, but the school is totally worth it in DS's eyes. We are happy he is having a great experience so far.

You can weigh all the pros and cons all you want, and make a decision which you feel will be best for your family, but you truly won't know if it works for you until you do it. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It's ok to try something and not have it work.
Good luck with your decision! I wish you the best

 

[KatieG73]

We send our daughter to Private School here in the UK, I'm not sure how much private schooling costs in the US but here it can be very expensive. With extra classes and vacation clubs we pay out around the equivalent of $2300 per month - we are both in good jobs but are by no means wealthy so this means we sacrifice a few things i.e small house, small economical car, definatley no designer clothes ( I've become quite the bargain hunter), we very rarely go out for big nights out on the town. One thing I won't go without though is our vacation and if it means working harder to ensure we get that then we do it.

I do have to say it was absolutely the best decsion for us - to see our daughter blossom and grow in such a encouraging, safe and welcoming environment really is worth every penny.

I'd be dishonest though if I said I never imagined what else we could do with that money but only fleetingly...

 

[bigbabyblues]

Not all private schools have loads of extra costs, or maybe we're just lucky. Both of our boys go to private school. We don't have to do anything as far as volunteering (they welcome us, but it's not required). Their school has a dress code, but they don't wear uniforms. Tuition is the only thing we have to pay for, unless we use the after-school daycare.

DH drives a 14-year old car that has seen better days, and he drives a school bus for the public schools as a sub to help cover the tuition (in addition to his normal job, but he only works 3 or so days per week at that). We don't eat out much, but we didn't before they went to school.

On the plus side, the school is only about 2 miles from our home, and it's on my way to work, so transporation isn't a problem. We do have to pay for after-school care if we aren't able to pick them up on time, but they don't charge a lot; my boys stayed over an hour twice in a two-week period, and my cost was around $5.00 total. They can stay there until 5:30 if needed, and the before-school care (we don't use it) is free; they can arrive as early as 7:15. This is a plus for us, if they went to public school and rode the bus, there would be no one home when they got here. The daycare center close to the public school they would go to charges $15 per day per child to be dropped off before school, walked to school by the workers, and picked up again at the end of the day by the workers and kept until parents can pick them up.

One of the big reasons we chose private is the class size. The older one has 9 in his class, and the younger one has 13. They get plenty of individual attention and help when they need it.

I definitely agree with those who said to weigh out all the pros and cons, even if they seem small.

Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

We moved back to Minnesota from CA because we wanted our children educated in the public school system, and CA just doesn't have a very good one in most areas. We moved when our children were in kindergarten, and selected a school district we thought was reasonably decent, only to discover that both our children are "highly gifted" and in need of an education beyond what our local district could offer . We learned of a fabulous public school alternative learning center about 40 miles from our home, and after much consideration, decided that it was the perfect place for our children (for example, my son is 9 and is already earning high school credits in math...without having to take classes with high school students). We applied (even though it's public, you still must go through an application process and qualify for the school), and they were both accepted.

Rather than drive 80 miles round trip, two times a day, we bought a second home near the new school. Our story is not unique among the students at this school. Only a small handful reside within the district boundaries, and the vast majority of parents drive some distance to have their children in the program. We even have a couple of students from neighboring states (South Dakota and Wisconsin), and one student whose family moved from Hong Kong (9000 miles!!!) to be in the program.

To us, it has been worth it. Your children only get one chance to get a good education. I wouldn't put myself in the poor house in order to educate my children, but I definitely believe it's worth sacrificing eating out, and more expensive vacations (which is what our second home means to us) in order to make sure they have every opportunity possible to get a great education.

Where do your kids go to school? You can PM me if you don't want to post online.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks everyone!

I want to be clear, I'm not saying that there won't be a financial sacrifice, just that until I get the financial aid offer (if we get one at all) I can't really weigh that impact at all -- does that make sense. On the other hand, I do have enough info to decide that the "quality of life" impact in other ways (e.g. the size of the home we'd live in, the commute, the schedule) are such that private school isn't worth it, and back out of the admissions process.

I do think these schools would be better for DS. I think he'd learn more, and be happier there -- but I also see major downsides.

 

[MAKmom]

When we bought our house we figured in private school vs public into our monthly payments. We could of paid less for more house in some districts but I would want to send the girls to private school. We ended up in a smaller house in a great school district.

This year we traveled all over the county for Volleyball & saw the other middle schools for the first time. Our school looks like a palace compared to most of the other schools.