If your 9 y.o. snooped in their Christmas gifts - UPDATE post #96

[lecach]

On a Mom's board that I am a part of, another Mom posted that her 9 y.o. son was caught snooping in her room to look at his Christmas gifts. AND he lied about it. Her solution was to make him pack up all the gifts. Put them in the car. They all drove to the store. He had to explain to the clerk why they were returning them. And appologize for the waste of the clerks time putting the items back on the shelf. She made no mention of whether she had other gifts for him or if she was planning to go buy them back. I really think that she is going to stick to her guns.

Part of me is impressed that she followed through and taught him a lesson that he'll never forget. But the other part says that seems really extreme.

If you were put in the same position, what would YOU do?

 

[Echo queen]

I vote for follow through, it does seem a little extreme but if that was the penalty, so be it.

 

[Hannathy]

That is absolutely ridiculous!!!! Way to really start a rift between mom and son that may never heal. When he never talks to her as a teen I hope she remembers why. I also doubt the kid really believes in Santa so what is the big deal. He probably lied because he knew she would be unreasonable and go ballistic. I would have told mine I didn't like the lieing but who wouldn't in that case and then say well if you want to take all the surprise out of Christmas morning go ahead and I guess I may as well save on wrapping paper since you prefer to know ahead of time.

I bet just about everyone on these boards has found a Christmas present from someone at some point in their lives and I also bet very frew if anyone ran to that person and told them.

I hope she live a perfect life because she is expecting standards I don't know anyone who could live up to.

Plus it is just CRUEL, that poor little boy.

 

[ms_missy66]

I think that was a little harsh. What I would do if he snooped and saw all of his presents is stick to not getting him anything else as a surprise. He snooped, he saw, his surprise and delight on Christmas morning is ruined. I'm a big believer in natural consequences. Snooping, IMO, doesn't equal a disqualification for the gifts. As his mom, however, I'd find a better hiding spot for next year.

 

[terri01p]

Ah, I find this sad, what kid hasn't took a peak before ???? I know growing up, if I knew there were presents in a room, my curiousity would just get the better of me and I would run in and try to take a little peak, it never really spoilt things for me, most of the time I couldn't really see what was what anyways.
I think this is just a little sad, come on people these are just children...AHHH....SAD, trust me they grow up far to quickly and then they are gone and you will wish more than anything for them to be in there trying to take a peak, I know I do!

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

I think that is way overboard. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill...omg!
My question is if the mother is that crazy about this, then why didn't she just wrap all the gifts?

That is close to bullying imo. What's next, is he going to have to take food back to the store because he is imperfect in some other way.

my .02¢

 

[TinkerbellsTwinn]

I personally think that is WAY drastic. Kids are naturally curious, but granted he of course should have known not to open it AND the fact he lied about it. I see her point. BUT, I personally would have just taken the toy away. Told him I am upset at the fact he opened his present AND most of all dissapointed in the fact he lied. So I would have made him unwrap it completely, go to the store, but not to return it, I would have had him donate to Toys For Tots.

 

[bumbershoot]

I doubt my mom would have had us go with her to take them back, but "you peek you don't get it" was absolutely her rule.

And Santa had nothing to do with it; she didn't do the Santa thing with us. But she worked her butt of all year to make a nice xmas for us, and worked extra hard to do everything quietly since our rooms were right off the living room in a *tiny* house. The fun and surprise were *everything* to her and she wanted to make sure we kept our curiosity in check.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Please! You can't expect a 9 year old to not want to peek at his presents. You have to hide them really well or wrap them immediately. Sneaking around and snooping when he was specifically told not to does require some form of punishment. But taking away his presents is way too extreme!

 

[Leajess99]

I would have taken back the presents as well. The child LIED about the snooping so yes he should be punished. I would probably not make the child take them back but he would not be getting them. As for a teen not talking to the mother, I think that is a far reach as my teen who has been punished in the past still talks to me. Heck, he is being punished now and may have lost his big present for Christmas.
Teaching a child to be honest and respectful comes with many sacrifices and with having to be the punisher at times. I don't believe in letting my child walk all over me and it appears neither does the mother in this situation. I see too many kids that have walked over parents ending up in the juvenile justice system.

 

[CheshireSmile]

I would have taken back the presents as well. The child LIED about the snooping so yes he should be punished. I would probably not make the child take them back but he would not be getting them. As for a teen not talking to the mother, I think that is a far reach as my teen who has been punished in the past still talks to me. Heck, he is being punished now and may have lost his big present for Christmas.
Teaching a child to be honest and respectful comes with many sacrifices and with having to be the punisher at times. I don't believe in letting my child walk all over me and it appears neither does the mother in this situation. I see too many kids that have walked over parents ending up in the juvenile justice system.

I don't think snooping in his presents means the kid will grow up to be a juvenile delinquent. That too seems a bit of a stretch. I snooped in my presents when I was a kid, and my parents could tell by my reaction to it on Christmas morning that I wasn't surprised. Man I felt so horribly guilty and sad that I'd disappointed them by taking away the surprise that I never snooped again. Lesson learned, no harsh punishment (or any) needed.

 

[starsweeper]

I doubt my mom would have had us go with her to take them back, but "you peek you don't get it" was absolutely her rule.

And Santa had nothing to do with it; she didn't do the Santa thing with us. But she worked her butt of all year to make a nice xmas for us, and worked extra hard to do everything quietly since our rooms were right off the living room in a *tiny* house. The fun and surprise were *everything* to her and she wanted to make sure we kept our curiosity in check.

This is my thought as well. I love seeing the surprise on my kids' faces, so knowing they already knew what a gift would be takes the joy out of Christmas morning IMO. I think this mom went overboard, but I would be tempted to return and buy different gifts. We tell our kids to ask for several gifts, knowing they won't get everything, so we always have reserve items in case of peeking.

 

[Becky2005]

I think that was a little harsh. What I would do if he snooped and saw all of his presents is stick to not getting him anything else as a surprise. He snooped, he saw, his surprise and delight on Christmas morning is ruined. I'm a big believer in natural consequences. Snooping, IMO, doesn't equal a disqualification for the gifts. As his mom, however, I'd find a better hiding spot for next year.

I agree. I snooped one year...NEVER did it again, mostly because it was just a bummer on Christmas morning. My mom figured out I snooped AFTER I got my gifts (I actually only knew of 1, didn't look at all of them) because I apparently don't fake surprise very well.

I definitely think it was very harsh but not knowing the whole situation, maybe this is something he has done a million times before (not just with Christmas but say snooping for other things/telling lies before, etc...) and the mom had to bring out the heavy handed punishment.

 

[samshane]

I was wondering the same thing... if there was more to the story that we don't know about. Personally, I can be hard on my kids - but I thought this was extreme. My kids are pretty good on the whole - and the oldest 2 know NOT to go in my closet - I haven't even caught them trying to go in. I think they like the element of surprise more than I do. Everything is wrapped at this point anyway - they'd need to be good guessers

 

[squirrel]

I remember snooping around and finding the presents one year. It wasn't very fun knowing what you are getting. Never did it again.

My sister however, snooped a lot. I think it took her a few times of finding out what she was getting before she stopped.

It does seem a little harsh to me, but we don't know if the son lies a lot.

 

[*Toadstool*]

I think the lying part is what did it. I bet he thinks real hard before lying to his mother again. I do think it is harsh, but it will definitely get her point across.

 

[StephMK]

Wow, I think that is completely harsh and unreasonable. I feel respect is important also and don't let my kids get away with stuff but really, to return them all is just extreme. It wasn't as if he pulled out a ladder, climbed the roof and discovered a trap door that led to the gifts. They were in her room, assuming pretty easy to peek into. Yes, he needs to respect privacy but he's *9* and it's Christmas.

My kids' gifts are all in the back of the garage where they don't need to go. Hidden but not hard to find if they look. If they peek, then they are just out the surprise that morning. I hope they don't but if they do, it won't change my excitement to give the gifts to them.

I really hope she changes her mind so he has some gifts at Christmas. I cannot imagine as a mom not giving anything to my kids, no matter if they lied about snooping or not. For mine, I know I could threaten to return them and let them sweat it out til then and that would be plenty.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

My jaw dropped reading the mom's response -- IMHO, it's over the top. This year, both my kiddos found out about one present each -- both mistakes on my part. My 10yo found a packing slip and my 11yo was bringing me a printout that had info on it. (Duh, me!) I was really disappointed that the surprise is gone -- but they're *really* disappointed that they know already! I think they like the surprise, which keeps them from deliberately snooping. But if they *had* deliberately snooped...we'd probably have a discussion about privacy (mine) and then let the chips fall where they may. Like others have said, I think the kids realize it's kind of a bummer to have the surprise gone on Christmas morning.

Now, the *lying* I would have dealt with directly, and as a separate issue from the whole "surprise is gone" thing. But I would have handled it right then and there, not some long, drawn-out "lesson" where I jump through as many hoops as the mom did to punish her kid. And now what does she do, go buy other gifts? Or is the boy not getting anything at all for Christmas?

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

Okay, duh again. Just re-read the initial post about the mom's plans for other gifts. Sorry about that!

 

[mrtoffee]

This woman is a complete fruit loop, all kids snoop. Granted the lieing bit isn't good but the action she took is just plain mean