If you were dating someone who has been divorced TWICE....

[torinsmom]

wouldn't you want to talk to those ex's to find out what happened? I have to laugh as my ex just got his second divorce finalized and he has another woman following him around, telling everyone and their mama about how great he is and how much she loves him. And, for course, what a b*&ch his other ex is to have done him wrong(he left her when she was 8 months preggo) Part of me wants to call her and tell her that's exactly how it was with me for the first year, and with his second wife as well, but that's not my place. If she would call me, I would tell her the truth. His second wife says she wishes she had called me before she married him.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I did date a man who was twice divorced. Thank goodness I had the good sense to not marry him. I was smart enough to know I was only hearing his side of the story. I never once talked to the ex's though.

TC

 

[torinsmom]

I guess its because "love is blind"? Or maybe he has her convinced we were just terrible to him His daughter is over a year old, and he has finally been MADE to pay child support for her. Did the same thing with our son, even denied he was his father at one point. Of course, when he gets them for 1-2 days a month, he posts a hundred pictures on his facebook page and everyone comments on what a good dad he is. DS15 says his dad should be on Survivor, because he would win, LOL(and no, I never talked bad about his dad in front of him; I let him figure it out himself)

 

[Disney Doll]

Someone being twice divorced would give me...pause.
One diviorce is one thing...we were young, we all make mistakes...yadda...yadda...yadda.

But then a 2nd divorce...I don't know, there's starting to become a common denominator there....

 

[Kimkimba]

I think my husband would disagree. He married someone who was divorced twice. We've been happily married almost 13 years now.

 

[Ember]

I've often thought this about my father. He's gone through three divorces and yet the ladies still seem flock to him. To be fair, he's a very charming man until you get to know him... His current soon-to-be-wife-#4 has two young-ish boys and I must admit the whole thing irritates me.

If you want to throw your own emotions into the ring, fine. But those two boys are going to be hurt. Look at the past of this man. He abandoned his daughter when she was 2. After adopting the son of his second wife, he abandoned him when he was 10. He's been through three wives... Really, at some point you have to come out and say that it's not them. It's him. Why any woman would trust such a man with her babies is beyond me. I can already tell you what will happen, and it's not going to be pretty.

Ah well. Some people just need to learn the hard way.

 

[Rora]

Anyone who has been divorced or been engaged unsuccessfully gives me cause to.. well, pause. I understand that lots of people are getting divorced and engagements are broken off frequently, but I'd certainly want to know what happend and why, from both perspectives, before I carried on.

However, that's not the way the world works, usually. *sigh*. Gotta live and learn.

 

[torinsmom]

I think my husband would disagree. He married someone who was divorced twice. We've been happily married almost 13 years now.

There are exceptions to every rule, right? Congratulations on your success!

I truly do hope this works out for my ex for my son's sake. DS has been through so many other women since his dad left 12 years ago, and it would be nice for him to count on a relationship being the same for a few years. The ex has been through 4 live in girlfriends, plus a few that didn't get to that point, and the second ex, and now this new one. I had hoped he had matured when he got married again, but as soon as there was stress(pregnancy), he was gone. That's kind of his pattern, it seems. Poor DS is learning how NOT to have a long term relationship.

 

[Evil Genius]

I'm divorced twice. I also openly tell them that my first husband was an idiot and that I married my second one way too soon.
I think it depends on the reasoning you get. If the person blames it all on the ex's then yeah it would raise some flags, but if the person takes 1/2 the blame or doesn't see the ex's as the anti-christ then it wouldn't bother me.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

I think there are always exceptions to the rules but on the whole (the rule if you will) when I hear that someone has been divorced, two, three times it certainly makes me pause and I definately start wondering about the common denominator. But that's just me.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I would never date a guy like that. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I'd assume either the guy was a total train wreck or had the absolute worst judgment ever and neither are qualities I find appealing because I don't want to be a part of someone else''s learning curve. Don't get me wrong, I get that some people have stuff going on and I can be sympathetic about it, but the OP asked the question "If you were dating"... not if you were friends with ect

If you really want to make her take a look at him through critical eyes I think you need to be as sweet as pie when you meet her, which will throw suspicion on him when he bad mouths you to her. After all, one of you has to be messed up, it it isn't you who else does that leave?

Nothing you do or say to any woman would every pry her off some guy she is convinced is her Prince Charming. Most woman believe in fairy tales and that it all went wrong before just because it wasn't 'meant to be'. I say save your breath and count your blessings that he's gone.

Still, on the less cynical side: One of my cousins, a beautiful normally smart woman, married a guy who had been divorced 3 times, making her #4. He was pretty well off but had 3 families of kids he was supporting. When they met in the late 80's she was recently divorced working as a school bus driver with 2 young kids. They have stayed married probably because, go figure, my cousin had a hidden talent as a saleswoman and started making lots of her own $$$ so her husband could goof off all day and play golf. I thought she was crazy when she married him but they're still together and she seems happy, and he helped her raise her kids to be successful, one's an Dr and the other is a clothes designer... who can say what will work or why. Sometimes things play out in the strangest ways.

 

[wdwmom2]

My exDH's first GF used to call me quite frequently. The stories he told her just didn't quite add up for her. She would tell them to me and have me scratching my head and thinking WTH!!!! He was quite a story twister!!!!

It got to the point that she would keep me on the phone for LONG periods of time, and it was getting old for me. Thank God they broke up and the phone calls ended.

He has been through MANY GF's, one in particular very nice. One part of me wanted them to get married because she would have made an EXCELLENT step-mother for our 2 DD's. The other part of me said "DON'T DO IT!!" because you would be marrying a most controlling individual that will make your life miserable!

 

[DMRick]

Never been divorced or married to someone divorced, but I know people divorced more than once. I think some men pick the same type of women, women they just don't get along with. If they don't change the type of women they date/marry, and start dating women that gel with them and their personalities, chances are it won't work.

And nope, I would never want to talk to the ex wife. No point, since she wouldn't be me.

 

[torinsmom]

Well, this particular man is not controlling, he is just a big baby. He wants what he wants when he wants it. SO, if he gets paid, he will go buy what he wants before paying his bills and then cry to someone about not having money for the bills. Of course, he NEEDED those cowboy boots he bought. When love is new, the gf gives in and gives him the money and he is all lovey dovey and just the best boyfriend you could ever have. Once the $ is gone(we had to file bankruptcy due to him running up credit cards, etc. and his other wife was almost at that point as well), he is not nearly as sweet. Maybe this will work out if a woman has infinite money and patience, but he isn't getting any younger or more attractive, and has been "trading down" each time LOL.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I was engaged to a guy who was divorced twice and lived with him for two years. I often wondered what his exes would have to say but having been someone who an ex did call the things she was saying seemed very petty and more like she was just trying to have him be alone for the rest of his life (not an ex of the guy I was engaged to, a previous boyfriend) or vent to someone. Anyways, I broke things off with the guy I was engaged to and living with (not over anything I think I could've been warned about just differences in life direction and differences in personality but we got along great). That was 5 years ago and I recently found out he's been married 2 times since (and is now divorced again at 32). I almost feel sorry for him. I think most people have to learn things on their own and everyone is different in every relationship. I've never had the same relationship twice (or have I been the same person in every relationship).

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I would say yes. If possible find out what happened.

I can't say more because the person who went thru the nightmare happening to her after she found out from the ex that the same thing happened to her might be joining the boards.

But trust me, a leopard doesn't change their spots.

 

[Pakey]

I was the third wife to my ex-husband. Our marriage lasted 7 years, he was a great guy but not a great husband. He and his 4th wife have been married 25 years now, have 2 wonderful sons.

Leopards can change their spots if they really want to.

 

[luvmy3]

No, I would never want to call the exes to see what happened, just like I would never think to call ex girlfriends either. Every relationship is different, and if it were totally the man's fault for the failed relationships, I'm sure I'd find out why all on my own. In all honestly, if I were to date someone who had been divorced 2 times already, I probably wouldn't be going into the relationship looking for marriage anyway, and I wouldn't hold multiple divorces against anyone who wanted to try dating again.

 

[bgirldeb]

But then a 2nd divorce...I don't know, there's starting to become a common denominator there....

definitely!!

 

[NikitaZee]

No - I wouldn't want to speak to the exes of a man I was dating, even if he'd been divorced twice. I don't know that I'd want to get into a relationship with a man who was twice divorced to begin with, but I wouldn't reach out to his previous wives if I did get involved.
I also wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of those phone calls. If my ex-husband's new girlfriend called me, I wouldn't want to get involved at all. The problems I had with him were our problems - who's to say that she'd have no problem with the things that irritated the heck out of me? Maybe what I saw as immaturity she'd see as appealing boyishness. I'd let her find out for herself. Best to stay out of it, IMO.