If you were dating someone who has been divorced TWICE....

[tasha99]

I'm divorced twice. I also openly tell them that my first husband was an idiot and that I married my second one way too soon.
I think it depends on the reasoning you get. If the person blames it all on the ex's then yeah it would raise some flags, but if the person takes 1/2 the blame or doesn't see the ex's as the anti-christ then it wouldn't bother me.

Me too--first was wayyy too young, second was right after due to a pregnancy. We stayed married for 14 years because I had it in my head that you should always be married if you have kids. Well, I finally wised up and realized it was damaging to both me and our children to stay in an abusive relationship.

Twice divorced wouldn't bother me at all, especially if the person in question was middle aged or older. However, I don't place a whole lot of value on marriage as an institution. I see marriage as paperwork that allows people to become complacent and lazy in their relationships at best, and prevents people from living the lives they want to live at worst. I never plan on marrying again, though I would "live in sin" forever with someone I loved.

 

[SaraJayne]

Me too--first was wayyy too young, second was right after due to a pregnancy. We stayed married for 14 years because I had it in my head that you should always be married if you have kids. Well, I finally wised up and realized it was damaging to both me and our children to stay in an abusive relationship.

Twice divorced wouldn't bother me at all, especially if the person in question was middle aged or older. However, I don't place a whole lot of value on marriage as an institution. I see marriage as paperwork that allows people to become complacent and lazy in their relationships at best, and prevents people from living the lives they want to live at worst. I never plan on marrying again, though I would "live in sin" forever with someone I loved.

That's really sad.

 

[pixiewings71]

I've been divorced twice and I've been with my current DBF longer then either marriage lasted. I think it's very close minded to judge someone on how many times they've been married, you just never know what happened in the past. My first H was abusive, very abusive, my 2nd H was stupid. Yes I married him so that made me stupid too. LOL Basically H #2 wanted to cheat and he wanted me to give him permission, not happening there buddy........there were other reasons but that was the last straw.

 

[tasha99]

That's really sad.

Maybe I exaggerated, but for me, it was a trap to stay in an abusive relationship long after I should have left. And I have to admit, of my married friends, many don't seem all that happy to me. I know many people who are together just because of finances and the "I do" who would never be together today otherwise.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

Hmmm...after my divorce and I was dating, I actually was more willing to date men that had been divorced than one that had never been married or at least, in a very long serious relationship. I surely wouldn't care to chit-chat about ex's and my life together, nor would I want to chat with my DH's ex either.....he was not an easy to live with in those days...LOL.

 

[livie1205]

I do not think I would date a man that had been divorced twice...my dh best friend has been divorced twice and engaged again then split! I dont get it...he really is a nice guy.He would never cheat on a women.
My dh is my 2nd husband, I would have never gotten a divorce but my ex was abusive and for that reason I went ahead with it.MY dh has a ex...they were 18 when they married, in the army and lonely.They did not really even like each other much (what she told me also) ...they should not have been married BUT then he would not have his son and we would not have met...I wouldnt change a thing.

 

[beattyfamily]

Doesn't always mean they are a bad person or that they have marriage issues etc....

My 52 year old sister just got married for the 3rd time and is very happy. I think she finally got it right and met her soulmate.

First marriage was a quickie, justice of the peace, due to pregnancy. She stayed with the father of her children for 15 years for the kids' sake. He was a violent, angry man.

It took a lot of courage for her to leave.

Second husband was a big mistake. Rebound. He 'seemed' normal but after the wedding, his true colors came through. She admits she went into that relationship/marriage too fast.

This time, she took her time and waited 3 years before she married him and made sure we all met him and gave her our seal of approval.

Anyway, as I said. Two divorces doesn't always mean the person has a problem with marriage or relationships.

But I admit if I were in the dating field, I'd take pause if I met someone divorced, once or twice, but that's just me.

 

[MosMom]

My dad was divorced twice. 1st marriage to my mother (my mother turned out to be an alcoholic abusive pyscho). 2nd marriage to my stepmother (my stepmother cheated on him with a dude from the internet).

He is now married to his childhood sweetheart. 15 years this year. I think this one will stick. 2 good solid people.

Not always the man's fault.

 

[MrsPete]

I don't think I'd be dating a twice-divorced person. That'd mean this person had twice made vows of loyalty to a person and broken them, twice had failed to overcome obstacles in the marriage. Once you could argue that the other person had failed to do his or her share, but twice opens you up to questions about the person's judgement. I just don't think I'd reach the question of whether to call the ex-spouse.

 

[torinsmom]

Of course it doesn't have to be the man's fault. The thread is entitled "If you were dating someone who has been divorced twice..." My specific case was a man, of course, because I am a woman.

I am just saying someone in this situation may want to investigate further. I know what my ex told his second wife, because we are now friends. What he told her was a complete lie, and from what she tells me, he is now telling others lies about why they split. He has even mentioned some of this to me when he picks up our son. He is a really good liar too, so I am sure he has said he was partly at fault too, while exaggerating the wives' parts. "She was cheating on me, and I begged her to stop for our daughter's sake. I asked her to go to counseling with me, and she just laughed, and kicked me out!" LOL, he introduced my DS to his new woman the weekend after she "kicked him out". BTW, she was 8 months pregnant.

I went to high school with the "new" woman, but I would never contact her. If she called me, I don't know if I'd tell her the truth or not. I would probably tell her she will see the real man eventually. I don't buy that he's changed his spots--he's just camouflaging them like he always does when he starts a relationship.

 

[MosMom]

My reply wasn't really toward the OP title. The thread seemed to just tilt a little toward bad men. I read and understood your OP.

 

[eliza61]

I probably wouldn't really need to call the previous Mrs. because all I would ever do is date him. No moving in, no marrying, nada.