If you told your dh you had a fever of 103 would he show even a little concern

[kellyg403]

He would send me to bed...but nothing special. He isn't really a baby too much when he doesn't feel well and most of the time he just goes to his room and goes to bed. Since he feels that way I think he assumes everyone feels that way.

Now, my sons...I hope any future in laws have the patience of Job...

Kelly

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

My husband would be quite concerned if I had a 103 fever.

I thought it was instinctual to be helpful and caring of a loved one that is sick When anyone I love is sick, I would help them/care for them/make life easier until they were up to par. What kind of a person would not do just that?

I couldn't imagine being in a marriage where my spouse didn't care if I was feeling down. Worse yet, if they wanted me to do things for THEM while I was sick I could never be married to such a selfish person

To be honest, OP, I don't even know you and I am concerned. That is quite a high fever. Any idea what is going on?

I hope you are feeling better

 

[Jennasis]

Yes, my husband would be concerned. he would bend over backwards to care for me while I was ailing. I agree witht he poster above...I don't know why any woman (or man) would stay married to an uncaring lout who demonstrated any of the behaviors that have been described here.

My husband had shoulder surgery and has one functioning arm right now. I have been taking care of him (helping him shower and dress, massaging the arm, and doing all of the work around our farm). He STILL manages to cook, do the laundry and straighten the house with one arm AND when i came down with a wicked chest cold a week after his surgery he babied me and helped me out ...then promptly caught what I had!

A marriage is a partnership. I would accept nothing less (and neither would he) at all times. Sickness and in health you know.

 

[luvmy3]

At least I know I'm not alone
As far as the whining, no whining here, I'm down right mad. And yes I am peaches and cream especially when dh is sick and I don't think its too much to expect my dh to help me out when I am. I shouldn't have to tell or ask him to, he should just freakin' do it because thats the right thing to do.
Anyway I ended up getting up with the kids, still have my fever but not quite as high, and I'm very achy so I'm guessing it the flu. When he went to bed last night and asked me what time I needed the alarm set I pretty much knew I'd be on my own. He got up after I had everything done, to be the savior and take them out to the bus stop, he left from there probably so he didn't have to deal with the wrath.
I'll just be keeping in mind that pay back is a b!tch

 

[MushyMushy]

When my husband is sick, he just carries on and continues to work. If he's sick enough to stay home, he'll take his laptop to bed and work. He also wants to be left alone and not have me take care of him at all.

When I'm sick, he'll help me out for a little while, but he's not concerned. He just doesn't get worried about anything like that. A couple of years ago I asked him to take me to the ER for long-lasting strong abdominal pains (going on 12 hours of the pain!) and he was all "no worries." I was scared, and I'm not usually a big baby about illness.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Anyway I ended up getting up with the kids, still have my fever but not quite as high, and I'm very achy so I'm guessing it the flu. When he went to bed last night and asked me what time I needed the alarm set I pretty much knew I'd be on my own. He got up after I had everything done, to be the savior and take them out to the bus stop, he left from there probably so he didn't have to deal with the wrath.
I'll just be keeping in mind that pay back is a b!tch

How do you respect a man like that?

What kind of person can lounge in bed knowing that a loved one has the flu and is getting the children ready alone? My goodness, I don't know how anyone could lay in bed and let the spouse do all the "morning work" even when they aren't sick Lazy.

I couldn't even be thinking about pay back. No productive. I would be thinking of a way to make my marriage better. I could not wake up every day knowing I was married to such a selfish and uncaring person that did not respect me.

I am glad that your fever has decreased, but be careful. Do not run yourself into the ground. If you have the flu, you need to rest.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DH learned to take care of kids and me when I was on bedrest for 3 months. My oldest started Kindergarten that yr., and I missed out on all the preparations.

Now I don't recommend that as a solution but involving dad in the process of getting the kids off to school is certainly something they should know how to do.

 

[Mellie2162]

He'd show concern, but just for a bit. I'd be wanting him to take care of me (ie, talk to me, rub my back, bring me water if I need it, etc) and he'd expect me to go to bed and just sleep until I felt better.

Hey I would gladly take just going to bed and sleeping until I felt better any day. Once a few years back he got the flu and then 2 days later I got the flu from him. He still swears up and down that I got the flu from him on PURPOSE because I just cannot let him be sick alone. We both looked and felt like death. That week my kids stayed home from school and believe it or not my daughter who was about 12 at the time took care of us and my son for a few days until DH got to feeling better. He still thinks that I wont let him get sick alone. Thats some messed up thinking.

 

[luvmy3]

My DH learned to take care of kids and me when I was on bedrest for 3 months. My oldest started Kindergarten that yr., and I missed out on all the preparations.

Now I don't recommend that as a solution but involving dad in the process of getting the kids off to school is certainly something they should know how to do.

He definitely does. When my youngest was an infant he had colic and I was not up to taking care of the other 2 kids in the morning so dh did. I don't want to make him out to be some kind of disrespectful jerk because he isn't, I just think 10 years of being a SAHM has everyone taking me for granted.

 

[Took]

Well, this thread is good for my marriage, certainly, because (out of gratitude) I just went over and kissed DH! He's always good to me when I feel bad.

I hope you feel better, OP.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He definitely does. When my youngest was an infant he had colic and I was not up to taking care of the other 2 kids in the morning so dh did. I don't want to make him out to be some kind of disrespectful jerk because he isn't, I just think 10 years of being a SAHM has everyone taking me for granted.

Oh sure, I get that.

Are you 40+ yet? I find that I have more gumption and DH is more helpful.

 

[sunnyday123]

nope, not at all....and this is one of the many reasons I'm divorced! to me, ,that's just a total lack of respect or concern for someone that you love, with no thought to their well-being. It just screams, I don't care enough about you to bother myself.

I had two surgeries when I was married that my ex couldn't bother himself with taking me to, but he could take off to fish/hunt, and the last one he did take me ( only because my Mother went up one side of him and down the other) and then we had to stop and drop his truck off to be detailed, which caused me to be late.

At 24 weeks into my pregnancy I was in a car accident, which resulted in me going into early labor, so I was hospitalized overnight. He complained that I wanted him to stay, and went into great detail with the nurses about his bad back. He wanted them to check it out while he was there, could he have a separate room since the baby monitor was keeping him awake, and could they bring him a regular bed.

The nurse told him to, "Grow the bleep up and stop being so selfish." I swear I wanted to name my daughter after her!

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

DH has sprained his foot - he was sure he needed a foot replacement
DH has sprained his knee - he was sure it was cancer
DH gets a cold - cancer
DH gets an upset tummy - he's been poisoned (sometimes I'm tempted)

I have a c-section - DH says ...walk it off be a marine not really but this is typically how it goes in our house...

Oh my, that sounds exactly like my husband!

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

nope, not at all....and this is one of the many reasons I'm divorced! to me, ,that's just a total lack of respect or concern for someone that you love, with no thought to their well-being. It just screams, I don't care enough about you to bother myself.

I had two surgeries when I was married that my ex couldn't bother himself with taking me to, but he could take off to fish/hunt, and the last one he did take me ( only because my Mother went up one side of him and down the other) and then we had to stop and drop his truck off to be detailed, which caused me to be late.

At 24 weeks into my pregnancy I was in a car accident, which resulted in me going into early labor, so I was hospitalized overnight. He complained that I wanted him to stay, and went into great detail with the nurses about his bad back. He wanted them to check it out while he was there, could he have a separate room since the baby monitor was keeping him awake, and could they bring him a regular bed.

The nurse told him to, "Grow the bleep up and stop being so selfish." I swear I wanted to name my daughter after her!

Yeah, I think I'd be divorced, too, if my DH ever acted that way. How incredibly selfish.

 

[DaParkers]

How do you respect a man like that?

What kind of person can lounge in bed knowing that a loved one has the flu and is getting the children ready alone? My goodness, I don't know how anyone could lay in bed and let the spouse do all the "morning work" even when they aren't sick Lazy.

I couldn't even be thinking about pay back. No productive. I would be thinking of a way to make my marriage better. I could not wake up every day knowing I was married to such a selfish and uncaring person that did not respect me.

I am glad that your fever has decreased, but be careful. Do not run yourself into the ground. If you have the flu, you need to rest.

n

 

[MerMom60_94]

My DH is an EMT so he would definitely take that temperature seriously and would show concern for me. The thing is, like one of the earlier posters, I would want him to rub my back, make me tea, do anything to make me feel better. He is the opposite. I think it's an oldest child / youngest child thing. I was the youngest and my mother used to be right there whenever I was sick. My DH was the oldest child and he just used to deal with it because his mom was busy with his younger brothers. I rarely get sick, but the last two of three times I was sick enough to go back to bed he was working a 24 hour shift anyway so there was nothing he could do for me. Really, though, he is good when I am sick and does what he can to make me feel better.

 

[Nancy]

The only sure fire way to get your husband to take care of things when you're sick is to tell him. If you wanted help in the morning saying "I'm really sick and you're going to have to get up with them" will do the trick.

When I don't feel good I just tell DH, "I'm sick and I'm going to bed" and I do it. No drama, no complaining. Once he said to me "what are we suppose to do for dinner?" and I told him, "you have fingers and a phone, use them" About an hour later he came upstairs and asked me if I wanted anything to eat because he just picked up pizza.


When my kids were very little he was up and out the door before I or the kids were up so back then I had no help when I wasn't feeling good..and I would never have expected him to take a day off to take care of them. But if I was sick on the weekend...yeah it was all him, I'm staying in bed.

 

[sbell111]

for anyone other than himself

I really want to go off on him but I don't have the energy and ther kids are sleeping peacefully dreaming of their first day of school tomorrow. Which I'm sure I'll have to get up to get them ready since he can't get sick. Yeah, like I can too

I have a couple of thoughts:

• To your 'He can't get sick, but you can' comment: You are already sick. You are not at risk of getting sick.
• To the issue of him not 'taking care of you' when you are sick, I think this often boils down to two different issues. First, this may simply highlight a difference in how each of you likes to be treated when you are sick. In our home, I like to be basically left alone to rest while my wife prefers lots of attention when she is sick. Therefore, she always bugs me with too much attention and I always peave her by not giving her enough. Second, there is the 'boy who cried wolf' syndrome. If a person is perceived to be especially whiney, they are unlikely to get adequate attention when they really need it. I'm not saying that either of these scenarios pertain to your situation, but it is something to consider.

 

[MusiqChic99]

Mine would be concerned and take over things for me.

I wouldn't ask for help though and he would have to beg me to help because that's just how I am. I tend to get migraines about twice a year and he always does his best to help out and keep my son occupied so he doesn't bother me while I rest.

A lot of men are like that though, they don't do well as being the "nurse".


One more thing... I got up to the go to the bathroom one night and passed out in the bathroom, when I "came through" I opened the door and he was standing outside pacing. He said he was about the break the door. I had been in there so long and he was concerned. When I told him I thought I had passed out he was dressed on the phone to my mother within minutes. It made me feel good to see him so concerned about me. I feel for you. I will never take my concerned DH for granted. Even when I think he worries about me too much!!!

 

[perdidobay]

I hope you feel better soon, and find a way to let your DH know you are feeling bad to the point you need help.

As for my DH, he would show concern if he knew I was feeling bad. I'm not sure if he knows how high a 103 temp is. However, I tend not to complain and just want to be left alone when I feel bad and he knows that.

Last December when I was sick and said to him "take me to the emergency room please" he knew I was REALLY sick since I don't like even going to the doctor unless I just have to go.