If you moved away from your family,how has it been?

[WonderfulDreamer2]

I was pushed out the door at 18. Okay, not literally, but I lived with my grandfather. I wanted to go to college at home and be around my family. He sent me to another state for (1) a better education and (2) in his words "so I know when I'm gone, you can take care of yourself". I never went back. I married, divorced and remarried and have lived all over the southeast thanks to DH's job. I love my family but I love my privacy and have never even considered moving back "home". My home now is with my husband. We get together with family and not just on holidays. After a good 24-48 hours, I'm ready for the peace and quiet my own home provides. Good luck with your decision.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

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It's kind of sad, really. I wanted my kids to grow up playing with their cousins, havign sleep-overs at Grammy's and getting to know where they came from. It's not working out that way, and my parents are not really getting to know my kids very well - phone calls and short visits don't fill the void.

Just wanted to say to you I lived around my family and that didn't happen.That was even sadder and was a large part of me wanting to move.

My kids would ask why can't they spend time with Grandma, aunt,& uncles...I used to say they "were busy"...they worked.
That excuse worked for a long time and my older dd "bought it", ignored it, etc. Then came my younger dd who is 9 now. She is a brighter bulb and piped in with the same complaints. Finally she said that they didn't care about her.
My older daughter agreed.
What do you say to that??? Their eyes were open.

It broke my heart and I had to accept that they didn't care as much as I wanted to believe. I told dh I have to move or I will go insane. So we relocated out of necessity for his job.

On a happy note we have rekindled relationships with other family and things are GREAT!

 

[kidshop]

We moved from Arizona to Virginia, when I was 26 and my dd was just one. My sister was furious and heartbroken that we were taking her niece away. My mom was sad but understanding.

I do wish my kids could spend more time with their cousins, and I do miss my siblings. It frustrates me that while they claim to miss me too, and are always encouraging me to visit, only my mom and one sister EVER comes to see me... and quite frankly, I have the least money and the most kids, so it would be much easier for them to come to me.

But I loved living in Virginia - just loved it! And I was really glad for the chance to see another part of the country. We are in Dallas now (husband is military) and I have found plenty of things to love about this place too. In fact, I can't imagine going back to live in my hometown.

I also agree that moving away made a huge difference (for the better) in our marriage.

My experience has been similar with a military spouse. We had no choice but to move, but overall I have LOVED it, I neither I nor dh would ever move back 'home'. It's nice to visit once a year, and our parents come to us a least twice a year each, and that's enough! Sometimes you need a 'buffer' zone.

 

[Sleepy]

Not to take this subject off course, but Sleepy, How do you like living in Italy?

It was a total culture shock at first, but after an adjustment period and learning to live without the luxuries of home, I find it not much different than America. (even in America, geography plays a big part in your experience....just think 1975). While I miss some things about America, I will miss the uniqueness of Italy even more when I move away because I know we will never have this opportunity again. As far as the houses.....oh yeah. I have never seen floorplans like these before. While the outside of the houses look like crap, the insides of many houses are absolutely gorgeous. My main bathroom is the size of a small bedroom in America. Thanks for asking.

 

[ZachnElli]

Well, we are in the process of moving back home. Waiting for another moving company to give me an estimate right now. We moved here a year and a half ago. I didn't want to move, but dh wanted to so he could take a job. So we did and I made the best of it, we planned to stay for the long haul. It is very nice here. But Dh lost that job in Nov. I had the house up for sale the next week and said we are going home. I love my family and we do/did see them often when living there. We are actually going to hopefully buy a house in my bil and sil's neighborhood (dh's brother) and once we get settled I will be babysitting my niece, my brother's youngest. And my parents are VERY active in my kids lives, going to their games, dance recitals, even swim lessons just to watch. My parents have always understood, but I'm already getting a new guilt trip from my mom because the neighborhood we are looking at is 30 minutes away, hey mom, I'm 20 hours away now! LOL!

 

[Zurealsoon]

My sister moved 20 hours(drive) away when she graduated from college. Although she sent pics and visits every 2 years, I feel as if I really am a stranger to my teenage neices. They no longer want or can(college/jobs) do the visit any more, and this saddens me.

 

[Southern4sure]

Nope...
Moved in April...how do I feel???


We went back for Christmas and my mom said twice..."see what you are missing!" My sister said it once.

Now I showed great restraint and said nothing back.

Now my oldest dd is almost 15. I hosted parties, put my time out, helped my parents constantly, etc..
The only thing they wanted from me was to be able to help them and drop in when they felt like it.
They didn't come to my kids stuff or participate in our lives really. There were always busy.
They just "wanted" us there....

Now I love my family but I needed a break.....they wore me out.

I could have wrote this. I was always asked to do things and I did, but when I needed a babysitter...there was never anyone available and etc. My kids never spent the night at DH parents house until the week before we moved and DS #1 was 15 and DS#2 was 9 and they lived 5 minutes away. I heard through the grapevine MIL "raised her kids". I have their only grandchildren but that didn't matter, they saw then when they were ready in between their travels and social life. We left our entire family behind and I do miss them but the move has been such a wonderful thing for us. We do not regret moving. Sometimes it is hard to take that first big step but when you do you always wonder what took you so long.

Do what is right for your family. Your parents and etc. have basically lived their lives. If moving will give you a better quality of life then go for it.

 

[katerkat]

I was fine with it until I had Russ - now I HATE it! We're military, too, so we've moved a lot. We're currently on the other side of the country from our family. There's no one to help me when DH is deployed, our families are missing out on seeing their grandson/nephew, we get guilt trips when we plan vacations that don't involve going home to visit, when we do go home we get torn between all the people who want to see Russ...

That being said, one of the places we'd like to be stationed next is a 10-12 hour drive from our parents and I think that's perfect!

 

[bekkiz]

I'm so glad you posted this. We've been considering a move to the Northwest for about 9 months or so. We live in CA, and we will NEVER be able to buy a house here--and especially if we decide I should be a SAHM. WA is a much more affordible place, with a similar mindset and job market as where we live now. It's about 1.5 hour flight or so.

I'm telling my grandparents on Saturday, and I have a feeling they're going to be crushed. I did grow up with the whole sleep over w/ the cousins and lots of family dinners. However, my cousins are growing up and are off to college across the country, and I don't expect them to be having children any time soon (I'm the oldest). But it would be hard for them not be around my kids all the time...they'd be the first great-grandkids (who are still a couple years off, but got to think ahead!)

However, we have many friends in the PNW, so hopefully, we'd have a support system sort of already in place. I'm just trying to not worry about how the grandparents will take it

 

[mark&sue]

I think it depends really on how YOU feel about your family. My DH left Scotland before I met him to live in London. He does not have a relationship with his family to put it politely. He would love to move to Florida (but legally we cannot). I would not be happy to move from my parents and as another poster said and would be devasted if my only daughter was to move away from me one day!!!

My parents have always been there for me and care deeply for me and my family. I just feel I owe it them to be there for them when they get older. Not to mention how much I would miss them. DH does not understand and hates it here in London. However the jobs are here and we both have good ones so luckily it keeps him from nagging me too much about leaving. However he wants to move when we get older and try and retire early. I assume my parents would have passed on but by then I would not want to move and leave my daughter and any children she had. I am kind of hoping that our DVC will keep DH happy!!!!

I do often feel it is unsafe here and think we will be the target for Iran's bomb but that is another thread.

Good luck and I hope you make the right decision for you.



Susan

 

[dizagain]

Hi! We started out living 3 hours from both families and saw them at least once or twice a month. Then both families moved away - about 9 hours away each! We eventually moved to the same town as my in-laws and that was a wonderful 5 years - they were very active in DD's lives and it was wonderful for holidays as well as ordinary days. But, this year the in-laws moved and we did too...now we're 12 hours from everyone!!! It's hard - we got spoiled having them there. My mom has always always flown to see us 3 or 4 times a year so that helps. My in-laws aren't always good about that - they expect us to go to them, so this will be difficult.

I am with "my" family, though, so that is most important. The four of us do just fine....sure I would love to have extended family around, but that isn't in the cards for us right now. I'm not sure I would give up an opportunity for my own family just to stay in town with my extended family...
Good Luck!

 

[Sleepy]

we get guilt trips when we plan vacations that don't involve going home to visit, when we do go home we get torn between all the people who want to see Russ...

That has always been a pet peeve of mine. Since when is it MY responsibility to give up MY vacation time for others to see us when they can't spent their vacation time to come see me? Also, about being torn between all those people who want to see me and my child........I tell them if I can spend the money and time to travel all that way to get to their area, it won't hurt them to get in their car to come see me wherever I happen to have my body planted during that time. It's a give and take situation and many times family members take take take with no consideration for the ones who have truly gone out of their way to accomodate.

 

[graygables]

When I moved nearly 11 years ago at the age of 30, with 2 children to marry my DH, I had to remind my mother that the Army sent them to GERMANY for 7 years, for pete's sake. She said, "But we didn't like our parents"...ummm, and your point is???

It was the best thing for us and I am SO glad DH insisted on my moving here rather than him move there. My mother is such a huge control freak/matriarch that I would be in the looney bin if we lived any closer.

Do not let them guilt you, they are the ones with the problems, not you. You have to do what is right for YOUR family (spouse/kids).

 

[Kahana-ri]

I moved from CA to RI when I was 23. At the time my mother bet me I would be back after six months. Going on eight years I am still in RI. I have no regrets.
Sure it was hard when I first moved here and away from my family and until I had my own type of family and friend network it was difficult. So many things keep me here though. For one we can afford to be here. We were able to buy a nice house, have good jobs, and wonderful friends. I still have friends and family back in CA, Northern area, who can barely afford to buy condos. Everyone works so hard for so little. Don't get me wrong, CA is beautiful state , but its so hard to get ahead if you are just starting out. It does make it hard now that my DH and I have our son. The CA family doesn't see him much, but we try to send as many pictures, videos, and web cam visits as possible. We usually try to fly out once a year.
I chose what was best for my immediate family. Sure we get guilt trips and at times I wish we were closer, but we are happy and comfortable staying where we are and that's all that matters.

 

[Jackie824]

I moved from the Chicago area to Va Beach, Va over 12 yrs ago and do not ever regret it. I lived in the same house all my life until I got married at the age of 28(yep you heard it right ). My husband was in the Navy and we got sent to Virginia. We have 3 kids now, and I do feel bad that my family doesnt get to see my kids grow up. But, I always knew I was not destined to live in the Chicago area all my life. I hate cold weather, hate snow...it was always such a depressing place to me.
So do I regret it, nope not one day. I just wish we saw more of the reletives but am very happy living here, and NEVER plan to move back to Illinois...

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I moved away for the first time in October of 2004 (I was 22 at the time) to Cincinnati, OH to be with my fiance who was in the Army and got stationed there. I hated it. I missed my family and I lived so far away I just couldn't go home for the weekend. I missed all of the beaches and places to go walk and places to go for a drive. I also went from living in a house to an apartment in the semi-ghetto and it was awful. Fast forward a year later, November 2005, fiance broke up with me and I moved back home and I'm so thankful he did. Now I'm so much happier. I have a better paying, nicer job, a great boyfriend, and I get to see my family every day. I will never live more than 4-5 hours away from my parents again because life is too short that I want every possible memory I can have while they are still alive. Ok, enough of my life story.

**Also, my extended family was exactly like that. Until my first cousin moved away with her husband to Florida. And then another cousin moved with his wife to D.C. And another moved to South Carolina. It was probably hard on the first ones who left but now it's not such a big deal for people to move away.